10 May 2013

Chapter 61 - Knocked Up


If I thought our lives would settle back  down once Ray had recovered enough after his accident to be moved up to the Northwest hospital here in Seattle, I was wrong.

Frankly, his accident couldn’t have happened at a worse time. Ana’s message to call her back urgently reached me just as Ros and I were about to go into a critical meeting with the Taiwanese ship yard owners. I couldn’t pull out of the meeting at that late stage, not after all the months of delicate negotiations we’d been through, and not when it was so crucial for the future of my shipyard here as well.

But the funny thing was, because I was so keen to get the matter settled quickly so I could head off to support Ana in her hour of need, I was pretty brusque, so I think the Taiwanese guys thought I was getting cold feet.  Upshot was they ended up being really amenable, and sold me the shipyard for less than I'd been prepared to pay. I’ll still need to go to Taiwan to finalize all the details in the near future, but I have to say it worked out pretty well, all things considered.

Ray lying injured in hospital cast a huge shadow over Ana’s birthday, when I’d really been looking forward to spoiling my wife on her first birthday that we'd shared. But with some hastily made arrangements, in the end I think she still had a great time, mostly because Ray was over the worst by then.

She seemed to like the charm bracelet I got her, which I was pleased about, because I’d spent a lot of time thinking of charms to remind her of all our special firsts together. 

By her very excited reaction, at least I know she definitely liked the R8 - I think she’d forgotten all about asking me to get her a white one. 

But I think her best present was having our families and friends around her for a surprise party, for which Andrea helped to organize and coordinate all the flights and arrangements.


So I thought we were over the worst of things. That’s why I’m mystified when I get just a one word reply to the email I send Ana once she’s returned to work, checking that everything is okay and arranging to pick her up at six.

She tells me she’s just busy when I email her back again to check,  but I know her lack of witty banter is a sure sign that all is not well, whatever she says. 

Is she still worrying about Ray? I check with my mom in case there have been any developments I wasn’t aware of, but she assures me that all things considered he’s doing really well,  and there’s no reason why he shouldn’t make a full recovery from his injuries. Mom is very fond of Ray, and I know she’s been keeping a close eye on his progress, so I'm confident that nothing has been missed with him.

When we pick Ana up after work, I can instantly see by her face that something is definitely bothering her. She admits she hasn’t eaten either, which makes me angry. She claims she’s just missed me and is worried about Ray – at least I can put her mind at rest, having spoken to Mom earlier. And if she’s saying she’s missed me, perhaps now is a good time to ask her if she’ll come out to Taiwan, but she turns me down flat, as I knew she would, saying she can't take any more time off work.

It’s obvious when we call in to visit Ray in the hospital that he’s much better, but after a short chat about fishing and the Mariners, he tires quickly, so we leave him to get some rest. But I can see that Ana is still preoccupied, and I hate that she is not confiding in me.

The final straw comes when Ana just picks at her food in the way I hate when we have our dinner that night.

“Damn it! Ana, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

She looks at me with those big blue eyes of hers, but remains perplexingly quiet. It can't be Ray, because she saw for herself how well he’s progressing. Is it something at work, maybe?

“Please. You’re driving me crazy.”

She swallows and then takes a deep breath, obviously steeling herself to break some bad news.

“I’m pregnant.”

Fuck! Did she just say she’s pregnant?

“What?”

 “I’m pregnant,” she quietly repeats.

No, that can't be right, we made certain contraception was all taken care of…. didn’t we?

“How?”

She just looks at me as she blushes. Wait a minute, she must have been due her next Depo shot. Don’t tell me she fucking well forgot about it?

“Your shot?” I snarl.

She just stares at me.

“Did you forget your shot?”

By her lack of denial, that’s clearly the case. How much simpler could it be for her? She couldn’t remember to take the pill every day,  that’s why I organized for her to get the shot instead, but now it turns out she can’t even remember to get something that important taken care of every few weeks.

“You have one thing, one thing to remember. Shit! I don’t fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid?”

Pregnant. A baby. How could she let this happen? I feel my control slipping as the enormity of what she’s just told me begins to sink in. This is going to change everything. Her carelessness has ruined everything, and there’s fuck all I can do about it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, as she looks down at her fingers.

“Sorry? Fuck!”

She knows she’s fucked up big time, so sorry is not going to cut it.

“I know the timing’s not very good.”

“Not very good! We’ve known each other five fucking minutes. I wanted to show you the fucking world and now… Fuck. Diapers and vomit and shit!”

I close my eyes and try to keep a hold on my temper, but it’s a vain struggle. I thought she felt just the same as me, that any thoughts of a family were way, way in the future. So if it was just as important to her not to get pregnant, I just don’t understand how she could have let this happen, unless…

“Did you forget? Tell me. Or did you do this on purpose?”

“No,” she whispers, but I can tell she’s being evasive.

For fucks sake, it must have been in her diary, and she even has an assistant who runs that for her now, so how the fuck could she have just forgotten something so critical when she’s supposedly an intelligent woman?

“I thought we’d agreed on this!”

“I know. We had. I'm sorry,” she mumbles.

“This is why. This is why I like control. So shit like this doesn’t come along and fuck everything up.”

“Christian, please don’t shout at me,” she whispers as she starts crying. Normally I hate to see her cry, but right now it just adds to my anger.

“Don’t start with the waterworks now. Fuck. You think I'm ready to be a father?”

“I know neither one of us is ready for this, but I think you’ll make a wonderful father. We’ll figure it out.”

“How the fuck do you know! Tell me how!”

Fifty shades of fucked-up-ness does not make good father material. This much I know. So I can't do this. It’s not within my capabilities. How could Ana do this to me? I’ll only make the child as fucked up as I am. It’s genetic. The crack whore fucked me up. I’ll fuck any child of mine up. Ana had no right putting me in this position. 

I can’t deal with her stupid platitudes right now. I have to get out of here.

“Oh fuck this!”

I grab my jacket on my way out, no idea where I'm headed. 

All I know is I have to get away.

~ ~ ~

How can everything have changed in such a short time? Nothing will ever be the same again. This is something I can't make go away. Ana never mentioned the possibility of aborting the baby. And even if she did agree to have a termination, which I just know she wouldn’t, the fact of this unwanted pregnancy would still be there, lingering and festering between us.

You want to kill the baby, Grey? Is that what you wish the crack whore had done with you? Disposed of you, got rid of you, because you were an unplanned inconvenience? Maybe it would have been for the best if you had never been born, that’s the truth of the matter.

Just as I’ve finally found love, finally found someone to share my life with, it’s taken away from me. We’ve had some really great weekends soaring and sailing together recently, but that’ll all have to stop now. 

I don’t want to share Ana. She will love the baby more than she loves me. I want her all to myself. Now I'm going to be left out. I'm going to be the outsider looking in again. I had such a great future planned for us, and now it’s been snatched away, gone forever. Is this my punishment? I knew things were too good.

I was only just starting to learn how to be a decent human being, which is all thanks to Ana of course, but I've still got a long way to go so there’s no way I can  cope with this. What the hell do I know about being a good father? I’m nothing like the decent man my adoptive father is, and I don’t even have the faintest idea who my biological father might have been. He never stuck around long enough to know of my existence. I just can't do this whole father thing.

Why, why, why the fuck did Ana have to mess up like this? The amount of sex we have, obviously we had to have some reliable contraceptive sorted. She knew that. How hard is it to get a simple shot done on time? And now our sex life will be over, of course, and it’ll never get back to how it was. Everyone knows babies put a stop to all that.

I’m fucking pissed with myself too, that I didn’t keep track of when her shot was due, that I left something this important solely to her. I should have ignored any protests about being too controlling, I should have taken her to the doctor myself, she’s just proved she needs me to keep control. 

But it’s too late now.

When I did my research before Ana had the first shot, I remember reading that women often have trouble getting pregnant even after the shot’s run out, so how the hell did Ana manage to get pregnant so quickly? We must have been really unlucky.

My cell buzzes. It’s Taylor.

“Mr. Grey. Can you apprise me of your current whereabouts? I understood you were to remain in the apartment all evening, and I have not been made aware of any changes to your schedule.”

I sigh. I know Taylor is just doing his job, but right now I don’t appreciate being none too subtly lectured by him because I’ve gone out without telling him. So I didn’t think to call by his office on my way out. That’d be because I was too busy getting the hell out of there before I totally lost it with my wife. 

Why? Because she’d just announced she’s fucking well knocked up. That’s why, Jason. Deal with it. I’m a big boy now, and I’m allowed out on my own. Maybe Ana has spoken to him and confided in him, although I doubt it. More likely Gail has tipped him off that I've gone AWOL after overhearing us in the kitchen.

“I’m on my way to see Doctor Flynn. It’s an unscheduled appointment,” I bark. So fuck off and leave me alone.

“I see, sir,” he says with undisguised relief in his voice. So he does know I’ve flipped after Ana’s disclosure. Thanks for that, Gail.  So he’s happy that I'm off to see someone who can deal with his crazy fucked up boss. “I’ll come and pick you up after your appointment.”

“That won't be necessary. I've no idea how long I’ll be. I’ll make my own way back.”

“Mr. Grey, I would really prefer….”

I terminate the call, not interested in whatever he was going to say.

All the while I've been trying to get my head around this shit, I’ve been walking towards Flynn’s office, not really thinking my actions through. It’s getting late. Although he often holds consultations in the evening, as I reach his office I see that it’s closed.

Fuck. He’s not there.

I try calling him and reach his voicemail. Apparently, he’s at his son’s parents' evening at school. If I leave a message, he’ll get back to me as soon as he can.

Fuck.  

But in reality, I know he can't turn the clock back and make this go away. I can't keep running to Flynn for magical answers, because it’s not as if he can change what’s happened, is it? He can't explain why Ana was so irresponsible and stupid. And he certainly can't turn me into father of the year material, however brilliant he is.

Everything is totally screwed up. What’s the point of being successful and wealthy if you still end up being stuck with an unplanned pregnancy, just like the crack whore? How fucking ironic. 

I thought I’d taken every possible precaution to ensure I'd never end up in this situation. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me. Even Elliot’s never got someone knocked up. But thanks to Ana messing up, here we are with a baby on the way, barely a fucking month after getting married.

I just continue walking now, unable to return home, not knowing where I’m headed. 

Just walking. And walking.

Whether by design, or whether by accident, I find myself outside the Bravern Centre, where Elena works. And by chance, she’s just locking up to leave.

“Christian! What on earth are you doing here? Is everything alright?” she frowns as she stares at me.

“Oh everything is just peachy. Couldn’t be better,” I smile sarcastically, as I run my hands through my hair in frustration at my situation.

“I’ve been hoping to get a chance to talk to you, ever since your birthday party, and you look as if you could do with a drink. Why don’t you join me, just for old times’ sake?”

I look at Elena. She’s her usual elegant, well groomed self, and somehow in this tangled nightmare of emotions I'm experiencing, she seems like an oasis of calm and reason. 

I need to get my head together somehow, and I can't walk the streets all night. I decide it would be pretty good to just talk with her, like we used to.

“Okay. Let’s head to The Hideout. It’s usually pretty quiet in there,” I suggest.

This quiet secluded little bar is just a couple of blocks away,  and so we’re soon sat at a table sharing a bottle of wine.

“Christian, the first thing I want to do is apologize for the way I behaved the last time I saw you at your birthday party. I realize now I was way out of line. I guess I've been so used to helping you organize all your previous subs that I found it hard to step back  with Anastasia.”

“Anastasia’s never been my sub, Elena.”

“Of course, I know that.”

We wouldn’t be in the current mess if she was, I can't help thinking to myself.

“And I'm really sorry that your mom overheard things, and ended up getting involved. Naturally she doesn't know anything about the scene, about how helpful it was for a young man with exacting needs like yours, so I can understand why she was upset.”

“Yeah, I really wish she hadn't gotten involved. I hate upsetting her, because she doesn’t deserve it. I tried to get her to understand that back then you didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, but she refused to accept that. And now I gather she’s frozen you out.”

“Oh yes, Grace has certainly done that most effectively,” Elena smiles ruefully. “Neither your mom nor any of her circle of friends will have anything to do with me now, which is such a shame. She’s been a good friend to me over the years and I miss her. But I can understand, because she had no idea of your predilections in the way that I did, so from where she stands I guess it does look bad,” Elena sighs, as she takes a large sip of her wine.

“Have Mom’s actions affected trade at the salon?”

Since I signed the paperwork handing everything over to Elena, I no longer have any indication of how her business is performing.

“Initially yes, we did experience a drop in bookings. However, since I launched a new campaign targeting some of the more exclusive fitness centers, we’ve managed to attract new clientele. And that has more than offset her detrimental effect.”

“I'm pleased to hear it. Doing well in these difficult times is not an easy task.”

“So, married life. How’s that working out for you, Christian?”

“I'm not going to lie – I'm finding it challenging at times. But I have no regrets. Marrying Anastasia is the best thing I ever did.”

I realize I still mean this, despite tonight’s shocking and unwelcome news. I just wish Ana wasn’t fucking well pregnant. I just wish I could turn the clock back. I just wish we could put things back to the way they were, because right now I have no idea how the fuck we’re going to get through this.

“Challenging? In what way?” Elena probes, obviously noticing the way my mood has suddenly blackened again. She catches the barman’s eye and orders a second bottle of wine.

There is no way I'm discussing the whole pregnancy issue with Elena, because regardless of her apology, I suspect she would imply that Ana got herself pregnant on purpose, and despite the accusation I hurled at her in the heat of the moment,  I know she wouldn’t do that.

What I do know is that my wife can be careless and disorganized. 

A little voice in my head reminds me that in her defense she’s had a lot to deal with recently, with a kidnap attempt from that sick bastard Hyde - Barney is still digging to find sufficient intel to ensure we have a watertight case against him - and then she had to deal with her stepfather lying comatose in hospital. 

But I'm still too angry to listen to that voice of reason.

Ensuring she didn’t get pregnant was too important for her to have forgotten about, or at least she should have let me know that we needed to use condoms again until she had a chance to get her contraception sorted.  

“Oh, you know. My need to control. Ana’s need to defy me. Nothing new,” I reply evasively.

“So you’re settling in to your new way of life just fine? Coping with the whole domestic scene?”

“Yep.”

I take a large gulp of wine to help me swallow the lie.

“I gather you’ve bought a big house overlooking Puget Sound. A proper family home. Is that your plan for the future? Is having a family on the cards?”

“Yes. I don’t know what kind of a father I’ll make, but Ana wants kids, so…” I try and smile.

I'd vaguely thought that maybe in a few years I might have been healed enough to be able to cope with a baby, but it was so far in the future I really hadn't given it much thought. I never dreamt in a million years that I’d have to confront it right now, barely a month after getting married. I fucking hate surprises being sprung on me, and surprises don’t come much bigger than a fucking unplanned pregnancy.

“And what Ana wants, Ana gets, hmm? Christian the daddy, the happy family guy?” Elena asks as she raises her eyebrows. “Forgive me if I seem a little skeptical about your apparent conversion, but this just doesn't sound like the Christian I’ve known so well for so many years. I’ve always understood your true needs, and I still do. So I’m always here if you need a discreet outlet…”

She leans over the table and puts her hand on my shoulder, as she looks into my eyes.

I instantly recoil in total shock and horror. I don’t want her touching me. It’s just wrong. Only Ana can touch me like that. I realize Elena is making a pass at me, thinking I still need the sick shit she taught me. She’s thinking that if I'm not getting it from Ana, then she can give it to me instead.

Elena jumps back in her seat at my obvious rejection of her advance, because I'm unable to conceal the look of total revulsion on my face.

“I’m married, Elena, and I love my wife. I would never cheat on her. Whatever there was between you and me, it was certainly never love and it was certainly over a very long time ago.  I love Anastasia. She gives me everything I need and more.”

“I… I’m sorry, Christian, you misunderstood. I just meant that I’ll always be here as your friend, if you need someone to talk to, that’s all. I’ve got Isaac, and my business to keep me occupied. I never meant… I just miss our friendship. But of course now that you’re married, I understand that your future is with Anastasia. I just wish it wasn’t so awkward between all of us since your party. I wish we could start over again and be friends.”

“I think we both know that’s not possible. You just have to accept that and move on, and I think the best way for that to happen is for us not to meet up again. Tonight was a mistake. It won't happen again. So this is goodbye, Elena.”

Elena stares at me, and I think those are tears I can see in her eyes. 

The ice queen can cry?

“Very well, if that’s what you want, Christian, then yes, this is goodbye. I wish you and Anastasia every happiness in the future.”

We both stand as she prepares to leave, and for a second she hesitates. She’s always kissed me goodbye on the cheek, but with my body language still hostile, she sensibly doesn’t risk another rejection.

“Take care of yourself, Christian,” she whispers. 

And then she’s gone, and I know this time the door has finally closed on that chapter. 

 Elena is out of my life forever.

~ ~ ~

What the fuck am I going to do? I can't face going home to Ana yet, so I order a bottle of bourbon to continue drowning my sorrows, as I sit alone in the corner of the bar. I used to drink a lot to numb the pain, but I haven’t resorted to that in years.

I ignore my cell when it vibrates. It’s no doubt Taylor, checking up where I've gotten to. He can go to hell. If I want to stay out drinking, I fucking well will. He’s not my fucking baby sitter. It certainly won’t be Ana calling and begging me to come home, will it?

Well, what did you expect, Grey? Didn’t exactly cover yourself in glory earlier, did you? No wonder she was nervous about telling you she was pregnant, when she knew you’d go fucking batshit crazy. Hell, she’s only just turned twenty two, only just finished college, so it must have been a hell of a shock to her too, but she managed to keep it together, didn’t she? This just proves that you don’t deserve her.

A baby.

Junior. A mix of me and Ana.

Christ, I hope he takes after his mother rather than me.

Nature or nurture. How would I have turned out if I hadn't had a birth mother like the crack whore? We’ll never know, but would I have still turned into an adolescent who so willingly and eagerly adopted a BDSM lifestyle to become a submissive for a woman like Elena?

Could my son turn out like me? I remember Ana once asked how I would feel about a son of mine being seduced by someone like Elena. 

My child being seduced at the age of fifteen, being whipped and cruelly punished to bring him into line? No, that’s just sick. Suddenly I can see things through Ana’s eyes, my mom’s eyes, and I know I’d want to kill anyone who touched my son like that.

 Junior’s lucky of course. He’ll have Ana for his mom, and despite how young she is, I just know she will be a great mom, because of all the love she carries inside her. That’s why she never mentioned having a termination, even though it would have probably been far easier for her if she had just quietly made the inconvenience go away, knowing that I’d freak and be unable to cope. She put the baby before me, didn’t she?

As I drink my way through the bottle of bourbon, my befuddled brain tries to work out when this baby was conceived.  I guess it must have been at least a couple of weeks back for it to be detectable. But that was when the shot was only just due, so is it possible the shot ran out early? Was it faulty in some way? 

Perhaps I can sue Doctor Greene, or the manufacturer, or the hospital, anybody. Someone has to be to blame for this mess. I've been blaming Ana, but maybe there are other factors. But the further I get down the bottle, the less coherently I can think.

Just before one in the morning the bar is closing, and the manager tells me I have to leave. As I start arguing that I don’t fucking well want to leave, I feel myself being firmly manhandled out of the bar. 

Taylor. 

He marches me over to the Audi that’s just outside, and then maneuvers me into the back of the car before I have a chance to protest.  

“Easy does it, Mr. Grey,” he calmly says as he leans in to strap me in. 

What-the-fuck-are-you-doing-here,” I slur.

“Just seeing you safely home, sir.”

I start chuckling to myself. Of course. Taylor’s tracked my cell phone to locate me. 

The stalker is himself stalked. I’m guessing he’s just been sat outside watching me from a distance, knowing the easiest option is to let me quietly drink myself into oblivion, then he can pour me into the back of the car to ferry me home. No doubt he would have stepped in if he’d seen me getting into trouble or fighting, but that didn’t happen tonight. I was too busy drowning my sorrows.

After that I don’t remember anything until I wake up in the morning with a pounding headache and feeling like total crap. I’m still in my clothes from last night, but my shoes, socks, tie and belt have been removed. Ana? Or Taylor? 

I really can't be sure, but I think I remember Ana being here in a satin nightdress maybe? But whoever it was who partially undressed me last night, right now I'm all alone in our bedroom. 

So where is Ana?

~~~

I’m frantic with worry. I’ve searched the whole apartment. The staff have searched the whole apartment. I've rung her, and I've left messages. I've even swallowed my pride and rung Kate, thinking Ana might have sought solace with her best friend.

Nothing.

Ana’s not here, she’s not at Kate’s and she’s not answering her cell.

But there’s no sign of her leaving the apartment on the CCTV footage, and her phone is tracked here to the apartment. It’s a total mystery because Ana seems to have somehow disappeared off the face of the earth.

And I know why. As soon as I saw those messages on my cell this morning, I knew that bad as things were between us, they had just gotten a whole lot worse.

*It was good to see you. I understand now.
Don’t fret. You’ll make a wonderful father.*

That was from Elena.

*WOULD YOU LIKE MRS. LINCOLN TO JOIN US WHEN WE EVENTUALLY DISCUSS THIS TEXT SHE SENT TO YOU? IT WILL SAVE YOU RUNNING TO HER AFTERWARD. YOUR WIFE*

And that was from Ana.

Elena’s text looks a whole lot worse than it really is, and I try to be angry that Ana’s been snooping on my cell while I was passed out in a drunken stupor, but truth is I know I would have done exactly the same if I’d been her.

And I see Ana did text me and ask where I was last night, but of course I ignored it and didn’t reply. And then she finds out I was with Elena. The way Ana feels about Elena, I know that would have made her totally fucking mad.

I don’t know what to do. She’s left because of my appalling behavior. We have to find her, because I have to talk to her and find a way for us to get through this.

I gather Taylor, Sawyer, Ryan, and Gail together to issue instructions. 

I haven’t elaborated on why my wife has chosen to disappear, but by the look on their faces, they all know. They think I'm a total shit for treating my pregnant wife the way I did. I think I'm a total shit for treating my pregnant wife the way I did.

“Gail, you stay here in case Mrs. Grey shows up. Perhaps there was a fault with the cameras and she did leave, so Taylor, I want you check if she headed to SIP’s offices and spent the night there, while I….”

Suddenly Ana appears at the entrance, looking pale and tired, and wrapped in a large duvet. Everyone just gapes at her. I’m so relieved to see her here, that she's safe, that she hasn’t walked out on me. But where the fuck has she been hiding herself? Has she been taking concealment lessons from Leila or something? How the hell could we all have missed her?

“Sawyer, I’ll be ready to leave in about twenty minutes,” she states calmly. He just nods, totally bemused at her appearance, as we all are.

“Would you like some breakfast, Mrs. Grey?” Gale asks.

Ana shakes her head.

“I'm not hungry, thank you.”

She didn’t eat properly yesterday, and now she’s refusing breakfast too?

“Where were you?” I ask her quietly.

Suddenly all the staff hastily scatter and disappear from view. The shit has just hit the fan. They know this is going to get messy. But at least now we can begin talking.

But it seems Ana has other ideas as she ignores me and marches off to our bedroom, and then locks herself in the bathroom before I can get to her.

She won't let me in. Instead she tells me to go away and refuses to open the door, so I have no option but to wait outside. At least I know she is safe and that she has to come out eventually, so I just have to be patient. I still can't figure out where the hell she was though.

Finally she comes out wrapped in a towel and with her wet hair wrapped turban style. She still doesn’t speak to me as she strides past and goes into the walk-in closet to get some clothes.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“Perceptive, aren’t you?” she murmurs coldly as she selects her purple dress, along with her thigh high stiletto boots, and then waits for me to move out of her way. 

So this is Ana when she’s really mad. It’s a whole new side to her that I haven’t really seen before.

I watch fascinated as she heads over to her chest of drawers and then lets her towel drop. Fuck, she looks so sexy naked, but she continues to ignore me.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why do you think?” She shimmies into some black lacy panties. “Go ask your Mrs. Robinson. I'm sure she’ll have an explanation for you.”

Here we go. This is all about Elena, of course.

“Ana, I've told you before, she’s not my…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Christian.” She waves her hand in the air dismissively. “The time for talking was yesterday, but instead you decided to rant and get drunk with the woman who abused you for years. Give her a call. I am sure she’ll be more than willing to listen to you now.”

Ana has found the matching lacy black bra which she pulls on and fastens. She looks hot.

It’s hard for me to argue with her stinging accusations, because they are at least partly true.  I did rant and get drunk. But under the circumstances, who could blame me? Anyhow, I figure attack is the best form of defense.

“Why were you snooping on me?”

She has the grace to flush, but she still bites back.

“That’s not the point, Christian. Fact is, the going gets tough and you run to her.”

“It wasn’t like that.” 

I ran, but I wasn’t running to Elena. Not really. I just ended up at her salon. Pure coincidence. I think.

“I’m not interested.”

Sweet Jesus, now she’s putting on black lacy top stockings. She’s doing this on purpose, showing off her great body, but keeping her distance, to taunt and punish me.


“Where were you?” I’m turning this back on her to divert the attention away from Elena, but I do need to know where she was. She couldn’t have just vanished into thin air.

But she ignores me as she bends over to towel dry her hair. In her black lace underwear and stockings. Of course I get a hard-on, as she knows I will.

“Answer me.”

My wife is so fucking infuriating. She’s angry with me about a stupid text that means nothing, when she’s messed up and got herself pregnant. There is no comparison.

She continues to ignore me, and  switches on the hairdryer to block me out. She quickly finger dries her hair into a wild look. It looks great on her. She looks like some kind of a sexy wildcat standing there all angry in her underwear and with her hair wild as well.

“Where were you?”

“What do you care?”

“Ana, stop this. Now.”

She just rudely shrugs at me, and I’ve had enough of this. I move across the room, needing to make contact with her.

She whirls round and steps back.

“Don’t touch me,” she hisses vehemently.

I'm shocked by her reaction, and remain frozen to the spot.

“Where were you?” Let’s get back to that.

“I wasn’t out getting drunk with my ex. Did you sleep with her?”

How can she even think that?

What? No!” Does she not know me at all? I would never do that, I couldn’t. “You think I’d cheat on you?

“You did,” she snarls. “By taking our very private life and spilling your spineless guts to that woman.”

“Spineless. That’s what you think?”

She has a point, Grey. You did run out on her because  you couldn’t  face up to the fact that you’re going to be a father.

“Christian, I saw the text. That’s what I know.”

“That text was not meant for you,” I growl. I wish Elena hadn't sent that fucking stupid message for Ana to find and misinterpret. Trust her to leave one last parting shot to screw things up for me.

“Well, fact is I saw it when your cell fell out of your jacket while I was undressing you, because you were too drunk to undress yourself. Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt me by going to see that woman?”

All I was thinking about last night was how I was feeling. I never stopped to think how Ana would feel if she knew who I was with. At the time, it had just seemed like a good idea to talk to an old friend, that’s all. But now Ana is taking it really badly because of how much she loathes Elena.

“Do you remember last night when you came home? Remember what you said?” she quizzes me.

So we did actually talk? I have no recollection whatsoever about any conversation we had last night. What the fuck did I say?

“Well, you were right. I do choose this defenseless baby over you. That’s what any loving parent does. That’s what your mother should have done for you. And I'm sorry that she didn’t – because we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if she had. But you're an adult now – you need to grow up and smell the fucking coffee and stop behaving like a petulant adolescent. You may not be happy about this baby. I'm not ecstatic, given the timing and your less-than-lukewarm reception to this new life, this flesh of your flesh. But you can either do this with me, or I’ll do it on my own. The decision is yours. While you wallow in your pit of self-pity and self loathing, I'm going to work. And when I return, I’ll be moving my belongings to the room upstairs.”

No! That’s sounds almost as if she’s leaving me. It’s the first step, isn’t it? She knows how much I hate sleeping on my own.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to finish getting dressed.”

“Is this what you want?”

 Or is she maybe just lashing out to hurt me?

“I don’t know what I want any more.”  She concentrates very hard as she looks in the mirror to moisturize her face.

“You don’t want me?”

“I'm still here aren’t I?” she snaps as she starts putting on her mascara.

“You’ve thought about leaving?” Please God, no.

“When one’s husband prefers the company of his ex-mistress, it’s usually not a good sign,” she says, her voice dripping with disdain.
Now she puts the boots on, so she’s standing there in her underwear and thigh high stiletto boots. I can’t take my eyes off her.

“I know what you're doing here,” I murmur. She thinks we are going to work this out in bed. Well, I have no objection to using some sexpertise to try and work out a solution.

“Do you?” I sense her weakening, but as I step forward, she takes a step back and holds up her hand. “Don’t even think about it, Grey,” she whispers coldly.

“You're my wife.” She’s never refused me, and she’s not going to start now, surely?

“I'm the pregnant woman you abandoned yesterday, and if you touch me I will scream the place down.”

“You’d scream?”

“Bloody murder.”

“No one would hear you,” I murmur. I had the bedroom soundproofed while we were away. Ana just thought it was a normal refurb, but I didn't want the staff to be able to hear us when we moved our kinky fuckery from the playroom to the bedroom.

“Are you trying to frighten me?”

That’s a horrid accusation.

“That wasn’t my intention. I had a drink with someone I used to be close to. We cleared the air. I am not going to see her again.”

“You sought her out?”

“Not at first. I tried to see Flynn. But I found myself at the salon.”

“And you expect me to believe you're not going to see her again? What about the next time I step across some imaginary line? This is the same argument we have over and over again. Like we’re on some Ixion’s wheel. If I fuck up again, are you going to run back to her?”


“I am not going to see her again. She finally understands how I feel.”

Elena saw the look of revulsion on my face when she touched me. She certainly gets it now, even if she didn’t before.

“What does that mean?”

Problem is I can't spell it out to Ana without making things sound a whole lot worse.

“Why can you talk to her and not to me?”

“I was mad at you. Like I am now.”

“You don’t say! Well I am mad at you right now. Mad at you for being so cold and callous yesterday when I needed you. Mad at you for saying I got knocked up deliberately, when I didn't. Mad at you for betraying me.”

Her words hit home because I know they are true. When we got married, I promised to look after her and support her, in good times and bad. So I know I’ve let her down. But why can't Ana admit that she is at fault too? She has let me down by being so careless. How has this impasse between us become all my fault now?

I can tell that Ana is highly emotional as she falters and nearly breaks down. But her anger fuels her to continue her tirade.

“I should have kept better track of my shots. But I didn't do it on purpose. This pregnancy is a shock to me too. It could be the shot failed.”

I just glare at her. That’s not what I’d call an apology or an admission of fault.

“You really fucked up yesterday. I’ve had a lot to deal with over the last few weeks.”

“You really fucked up three or four weeks ago. Or whenever you forgot your shot.”

 I manage to keep on top of numerous multi-million dollar deals, and mergers and acquisitions all at the same time, but she can't  even remember one simple but crucial appointment.

“Well God forbid I should be perfect like you!”

“This is quite a performance, Mrs. Grey.”

“Well, I'm glad that even knocked up I'm entertaining.”

“I need a shower.”

“And I've provided enough of a floor show.”

“It’s a mighty fine floor show.” I still want to hold her, to have a calming fix of her scent and try to pretend that all is well, just for a minute. But as I step towards her, she steps back again.

“Don’t.”

“I hate that you won't let me touch you.”

“Ironic huh?”

“We haven’t resolved much, have we?”

“I’d say not. Except that I'm moving out of this bedroom.”

No! I don’t want to sleep on my own without her. I never want to go back to that.

I still don’t get how this ended up being all about me seeing Elena when Ana is the one who’s fucked up. It doesn't seem right or fair to me.

“She doesn't mean anything to me.”

“Except when you need her.”

“I don’t need her. I need you.”

“You didn't yesterday. That woman is a hard limit for me, Christian.”

“She’s out of my life.”

“I wish I could believe you.”

“For fuck’s sake, Ana.”

“Please let me get dressed.”

Ana is so blinded by her hatred of Elena that she is not going to calm down enough for us to talk. And I'm feeling like shit thanks to being so hungover. There is no point in going through this over and over. I sigh in frustration. Time to call a halt to our fruitless discussions.

“I’ll see you this evening.”

And then I head for the shower. By the time I get out, Ana has left for work.

So now we are left in limbo, in a terrible ugly impasse. 

And what really frightens me is that I can't see any way out of it.

 Ana’s pregnant. She’s chosen the baby over me. It’s the end of things as they were because there’s no going back. 

And I have no idea where we go from here.

II don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


132 comments:

  1. ohhhhh sweeeet!!!!!!!!!!!! Nicely done.

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  2. Worth the wait...looking forward to the next chapter!

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  3. As always, spectacular.

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  4. Thank you, well worth the wait. Helen x

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  5. for those of us that have read it now, I find it interesting that we were refreshing our screens nearly "forcing" the chapter to pop up! I still haven't seen your FB post nor my e-mail notification! You Rock CG!

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    1. In order for the blog email notification to work, the chapter has to be posted at least half an hour (I set it for an hour to be on the safe side) before the set time slot for the notification - took me months to get this all worked out as some of you may recall. And I don't usually post to FB until I've seen the email notification has definitely gone out, otherwise people worry that they haven't got theirs. That's why I've often posted in the early morning UK time, so that this all happens before people get up.
      These are some of the joys of blogger - why it can't be more like fanfiction where the email just goes out when you post a new chapter I don't know. It's been a steep learning curve, that's for sure!

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    2. oh I get it. no worries. I was at work (no one around) refreshing my screen every 15 minutes. You had us all on our toes. It was SO worth it. There were so many poignant sentences, and I LOVE the last paragraph.

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  6. what an insightful chapter into Christian,or for that matter,most of the men's mind..
    You write so well.
    definitely looking forward to your original book.

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  7. That answered a lot of questions that I had regarding Christian and the pregnancy. I would love some insight after things are settled between Ana and Christian of course, as to how Christian handled the pregnancy. Ms. James skipped over that only briefly touching on the delivery at the end.
    Very well written, I have so enjoyed your interpretation of this book. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you for doing this.

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  8. loved it! thanks!

    - madel

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  9. literally screamed when i saw it was posted! a big fan of your writing! cant wait for your book

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  10. OMG...! ITS HERE, I´VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS THE WHOLE WEEK ;)

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  11. as always even though i know the outcome i was sat on the edge of my seat begging christian not to see that woman to go home work it out, you write amazingly from christians pov and really look forward to reading the last chapters thankyou so much x

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  12. Wow, worth the wait. Great job

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  13. loved it so cant wait for the next chapter.

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  14. I loved the chapter, its my favorite part from the book and I´m really pleased with your worked, I cried reading this chapter, you really nailed it, LOVE YOU <3

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  15. Another chapter I loved!!! You are amazing darlin' Don't ever stop. Cannot wait for the next. As again, there are no words other than how fantastic you are and capture everything beautifully. You get better and better every chapter <3 Have a wonderful weekend!! <3

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    1. Thanks, Sam. I was nervous about this chapter as I know how important it is to everyone, so I'm glad you liked it :)

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  16. IT'S POSTED!!! I can finally breathe again. Loved this and now I can hardly wait for the next one. FYI....I read the entire thing while I'm waiting for the next chapters.....lol. My kids have learned how to cook and clean since I found ur blog (they've become self-sustaining).......hahahahaha

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    1. Hahahahahaha, just loved your comment.

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    2. Hahahahaha!! That's awesome! Although my son learned how to do laundry while I was reading the books, but he's 15, I figured it was time, lol!

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    3. So Trish, when your kids head off to university, and they're perfectly able to look after themselves, it'll all thanks to your devotion to reading my blog :)

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  17. this is a great chapter. <3 i cant wait to read the next one with Jack. that one should be great!! thanks again for these<3

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  18. great chapter cant wait for the next one. do you think you take as long as you did with this one for the next one? if so that cool.

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    1. I don't want to give a fixed time scale for when I think the next chapter will be ready, because I don't want to let folk down if I need to take longer. Just trust that I want to do my very best with it.

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  19. Awesome Job, great chapter. Angry, pregnant Ana; Befuddled, insecure Christian: who's the doormat now. Nice treatment of the pregnancy scene. Love the repartee. So, an Ixion wheel? Cool visual. A tortuous waterwheel. Won't be able to forget that! Every chapter is worth the wait no matter how long it takes and the next one is going to be just as stupendous. On pins and needles (sounds like an easier torture than that wheel) until then. Thank for sharing your talent.

    Nan :D

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the chapter Nan - The Ixion wheel came from ELJ, so I can't take the credit for that, only the addition of the visual image.

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  20. as always, you never disappoint. this is just as good as reading it the first time. hope to get an updatae soon!

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  21. This has been well worth the wait!!!!!!! I can't stop smiling :)

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  22. Bloody brilliant well worth waiting for I don't want your perception of christins pov to end I'm gonna be gutted love your work your proof reading sub heather xxxxxx

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  23. This part of the original story killed me! Ver well done post soon!

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  24. Thank you!!! I loved it and like everyone else got so excited when I realized it was posted. I can't wait for your book to be published.

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  25. So so so good! Really loved this chapter you did a great job! I love this part of the book and you did a fantastic job with Christina's pov. I'm really looking forward to how you'll interpret Christian's pov when he discovers Ana needs rescuing from Hyde and she's not leaving him. Love your writing, love your blogs, and I appreciate the time it must take to write them. Thank you! ChristinaG3

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  26. anxious waiting since the next chapter. Greetings from Spain

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  27. TOTALLY WORTH THE WAIT!!!!!! Love this chapter. Kind of sad that its almost over....

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  28. What an AMAZING chapter!! This is one of my favourite parts in book 3 and you have totally done it justice x

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  29. I discovered your blog by accident a couple of weeks ago and I just can't get enough of this couple, especially now that I now understand why Mr. Grey is so messed up internally. In the future chapters I would love it if you could write into more detail how Anastasia discovered where Ella, Christian's mom was buried, and of course, how she got him to go to her grave and most importantly, what his thoughts and emotions were on this touchy matter.

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    1. Well, I'm hoping at some point to write a chapter where Grace gives him the box containing the very few things that Ella left behind, and that will lead to further developments. Won't be an easy chapter to write though, I think I'll need a big box of tissues to hand!

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    2. i read this point in grace's blog ... so it would be really making some views when christian realise he relly loved his birth mother ... and this will help him develop some more... well you thought it really nice... 'bout grace collected his belongings as a child ...

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    3. @avanti asmita, so there's a blog with Grace's point of view? Interesting, may i have the link to that? Would love to read it as well.

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    4. http://christiangreymomstory.blogspot.in/2012/06/chapter-1.html

      THIS IS THE BLOG WITH GRACE'S POINT OF VIEW .....

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    5. I'll definitely need the tissues when you write Grace's Blog about giving Christian his items from Ella. That's going to be such an emotional journey for both of them. Should we send boxes and boxes of tissues for you to use as you write it?

      I love all your blogs from Grace's POV and am anxious to see how you interpret this gift she will give her son. It's such a bittersweet moment, especially since Christian is soon to become a father. I've wondered how the hell Anastasia ever convinced him to visit Ella's grave and hope you give us some insight into that too.

      Thank you once again for a brilliant chapter. Please keep us posted about your new book. I'm excited to read it as soon as it's available. I love the name you've chosen!

      TX Teacher/Huge fan aka Linda
      Best. Chapter. Ever. A+ ;)

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  30. Can't wait for next chapter...when do you think it will be finished and up...I'm excited to read Christians reaction to ana getting hurt

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  31. This is simply fantastic!! Definitely worth the wait. I can't wait to read about when they rescue Ana from Hyde…every chapter is spot on.

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  32. This is perfect! Im so excited for the rest! Are you going to write a little on Ted's birth from his POV?

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    1. Yes, I am really looking forward to writing how Christian feels about his new born son.

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  33. again, absolutely brilliant

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  34. Another amazing chapter and definitely worth the wait!! I can't wait until the next chapter and it would be awesome if you could go further into her pregnancy, but no matter what I know it will be great!!

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  35. Pure Brilliance at it's best, can't wait to read the next chapter, but so sad that's it's going to end :( ahhh well will have your book to look forward to now :D Well done!

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  36. OH MY ROB ! This is a very enjoyable chapter, even without lemon into. You are doing a great job at writing, thank you so much.

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    1. Hi Evelyne-raconte. I'm glad you left a comment. Could I ask you to get in touch with me via email @ christiangrey50shades@gmail.com ? Thanks :)

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  37. OMG. Loved this chapter. Can hardly wait for the next one. Awesome as always.

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  38. thank you so much! Loved this chapter. You captured the hurt, confusion, anger of Christian really well! Can't wait for your next chapter :D

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  39. Yay can't wait for the final chapters!!

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  40. Wow!! i think ill need some tissue next time. love the new chapter. Cant wait for till you upload the new one!!

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  41. OMG this chapter was so heartbreaking it gets to me everytime i cant wait for the next chapter thankyou once again you made my week

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  42. Great chapter... Well worth the wait!

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  43. Wow, what a chapter. It was more than I could imagine. You rock and I am soooo looking forward to your own book in the near future.

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  44. You know it is mother's day here in Mexico and I have to admit that this chapter has been the best gift ever!!! hehehe... I love every bit of it!!! as always it was worth the wait In fact this was such an emontional that you got me looking for tissues!! unbelievable...thank you thank you thank you!!!! You have made my day happier :)

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    1. Happy Mother's day! Glad you enjoyed the chapter.

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  45. Loved the editorial decision to not try to recreate Ana and Christian's conversation with his POV when he gets home from the bar. He's drunk off his ass and doesn't remember! (In fact I often wondered if he even remembers his conversation with Elena clearly....) Also fine with the decision to move quickly through the Ray subplot (even though I love the Ray character)

    Looking forward to the next chapter which is got to be a starkly different chain of events from his POV. Will you be doing a Dr. Grace chapter or two now that you've reached the climatic scenes? She needs to straighten Christian out on a few things :) As always, thank you so much for this!

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    1. Well, Christian hadn't started on the Bourbon when he was with Elena, so he wasn't that drunk at that point I guess. I love Ray too, but I'm glad you were happy that I moved through that pretty sharply as I didn't feel it brought much to the story overall.There haven't been too many howls of protest so far, so I'm guessing most folk are OK with it.

      I will be updating Grace's pov at some point, but I'll be concentrating on Christian's pov for now :)

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    2. you are too funny...."howls of protest"...who could be disappointed...I mean really....you are just doing this out of the goodness of your heart. BTW. happy Mother's Day to you....I hope you do something for yourself this weekend and NOT JUST US!

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  46. I don't like Christian's reaction and behaviour in this chapter. But I know it's a set up for the end. He is so damn selfish and damaged, and as usual you wrote it brilliantly.

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    1. Christian reacts like a very selfish immature adolescent/lost child in this chapter, which I get, and my heart goes out to him. But at least it means there is so much room for him to develop, and that makes for a good story :)

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  47. What can I say? I felt so many emotions. Anger at Christian for treating Ana that way, anger that he went to see the evil troll. Anger that Elena made a pass at him! I am wrestling with coincidence that he wound up at the salon! You have done an absolutely superb job writing this piece, I think it is your best work, what do you think? I agree with one of your other comments in that you should delve into Ana's finding out where Ella was buried I think that would be good read and you are so talented, that your view would be great. Thanks again for another installment.

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    1. I was nervous about this chapter because I knew I had to do it justice, but luckily it just seemed to flow,so I really enjoyed writing it. Everyone's reaction seems to be positive, so I can heave a big sigh of relief. I just have to pull it out of the bag for the next chapter now.

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  48. Really good as always, was glad when I saw the email that this had been posted. Thanks so much, looking forward to the next :)

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  49. OMG....I love this chapter...I can't wait until the next chapter and your book....love it!!!!!

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  50. This was the chapter I have been waiting for and you haven't disappointed me..... Loved it, now I cant wait till Ana goes to the bank, wow thanks again for a great chapter Chez xx

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  51. Absolutely loved this chaper, really cant wait for your own book, along with another chapter.....take your time and i know you dont want to be boring and write about everyhing, but i would love to know what he was thinking when he sees hide get shot and runs to her, in the ambulance and him yelling at them etc or the call to his mum to meet at hospital......dont miss it please as your in my fav scenes now and like everyone we need to know, keep up the brillant work Lex from Oz

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    1. I agree it's important for all the small details to be included for the next chapter, so that's why it may take me a while to write, and make sure I do it justice.

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    2. Excellent news, and thank you for taking time to read my comment, i really am a fan and look forward to anything you write, i hope i can ge your material soon, also take your time wih it, but i am starting to go through withdrawals already haha

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  52. Thanks. I love reading ur blogs.

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  53. to write the whole novel with a differnt perspective ,... and acually more descriptive than what was originally writtten ... no offence for ELJ... she has done a good job ... but urs it even BETTER ....

    so far so good............. its actually better then the real work... the Fifty shades Triology...... and worth of waiting.,.... but plsssssss do complete it fastly... i m not a PATIENT person ... hahahaha....

    really looking forward to ur original writtings ....

    ALL THE BEST....

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  54. i mean whatever i said .... and i truly loved ur thorough work... but pls will u post ur original novel in the blogs ... i m dying to read those ....:)

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  55. As Christian would say, "Thank fuck" that the Elena part has had closure. I am looking forward to reading about how you interpret the Hyde incident and our beloved Fifty at Ana's bedside. Love, love.

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  56. hi my name is Shannon and i was wondering if once you finished this blog could you try writing a blog on what Christian was like when he was a sub for Elena i was only wondering because i think you would be the best person to write it because you have already been in his mind frame please think about it
    thanks
    p.s your the best writer ever love this so much

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    1. yup... !!!

      agreed with shannon ... actually ... i would like to read all the parts of christian's life ... what he felt and thought... as the original triology is not so descriptive ... so it will be really a big hit to know what was his real childhood and adolescent life was like .... looking forward to it...

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    2. that would be so cool it would also help us understand why he didn't wont to talk when he was first adopted by grace :)

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  57. Your perspective is Mind-Blowing!!! Christian is truly acting like a lost and confused teenager, and this is a turning point in his growth (yes, life is unfair---deal with it")!! I love how you talk about his own birth being unplanned and how even Elliot managed to escape unplanned pregnancy....As others have mentioned, we are approaching one of my fave parts of the book.....I always felt Christian would have had to get to the gun before Jack and then would wrestle with holding a gun over him and really contain his feels of wanting to kill him....and then in the hospital when everyone initially gathers------can't wait for Christian's POV........you do such a fantastic job of "being him"!

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  58. VERY NICE!!! Thanks for your hard work!! I know you're very busy & this is very time consuming, that's why I appreciate it/you so much!! Thanks & keep up the great work!

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  59. I'm really glad you clarified the situation when Christian told Ana that no one would hear her if she screamed in their bedroom. I never understood that. either that or I completely missed the explanation before.

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  60. What a fantastic job you did with this chapter. It all comes down to these chapters. As happy as I am to be reading this chapter, it means that it will soon come to an end. At least we'll have your own book to keep us company. Great job. Thank you.

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  61. Thanks for another great chapter and insight into our beloved Christian. For a while there, I was swept into how much love he was feeling and that he was growing as a person. Then, whammo! Ana's pregnant and he's lost the one thing that he cherishes most - control. His stalker tendencies and desire to take care of what's his is all about control, and then it's gone and he doesn't have any coping mechanisms to handle it. Fascinating that he recognizes that he wants to be the center of her universe and feels a baby is going to push him aside. His self-loathing is never far from the surface, is it? Love your work!!

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  62. Fantastic chapter! Can't wait for the next one!!

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  63. loved the chapter :), just wish the book was not coming to a end :(

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  64. It's crazy how much of an asshole Christian is when you read this from Ana's perspective. I still think he acts like an asshole here but we now get to see why. Reading about his fear of having a kid at a much more descriptive length gives a lot of clarity. It was so sad when he says that he'll be an outsider looking in again :( His fear is palpable. Oh and thanks again for another great chapter! : ) -Rachel

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  65. Amazing insight into Christian's character in this chapter. I still think he was a total asshole, but I love that he actually didn't share anything with Elena. It bothered me to no end that he called Ana, "stupid," when I read the original books, and it still bothers me here. Just plain mean. And yet... still loveable. :-)

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  66. OMG....LOVED IT!

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  67. I've really enjoyed your writing. Thank you. It's great to see things from Christian' s perspective. I have a couple questions: In darker', why didn't you write about Christian when he dropped to his knees as submissive to Ana? To know what went on in his head throughout that was something I thought would be great insight into him & possibly aspects of him when he was a sub for Elena. Second- why are you writing so few chapters for 'Freed' than the other two books? So many pivotal things happened in the book that are either being left out or barely skimmed over. So many things that could use Christian's viewpoint on to understand him more. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad you've taken on this creative endeavor & have enjoyed it. I'm just curious about the things in my questions.

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    1. Hi there - I think if you read chapter 46 'Submit a Proposal', you'll see I did cover when Christian dropped to his knees to become a sub to Ana.

      I have explained previously that I would not cover every tiny detail of 'Freed', preferring instead to concentrate on areas that were not covered so much from Christian's pov, more filling in of the gaps to try and bring something new.

      I feel it gets boring to just recount line for line chapters that ELJ covered so well, and I personally felt some of Freed was padding and didn't bring much to the story eg Ray's accident. So I'm sorry if you don't like this decision, but I have to write what flows for me.

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  68. I loved this chapter. He treated her so badly but he does redeem himself - eventually. I didn't like him meeting Elena but the way you wrote it makes a lot of sense. It needed to happen. He needed to see their relationship for what it was and what she was really like. He needed the fire in his belly when thinking about it happening to his own son - you totally nailed this. I love the way to you have written Freed. I thought the original just sort of rolled along and only got exciting when the pregnancy came along. Keep up the good work and I am so looking forward to reading your own novel.

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  69. I remember this chapter from the book. I agreed with Christian. How could she forget the shot? Nothing could be simpler. I have no tolerance for women who get pregnant "by accident". But he was sooooo wrong too. I love how you wrote his feelings. Everything made sense.

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  70. I love this blog this is what I been waiting for ,so I am wondering if you thinking of making a book so I can buy it cause I would hate it when I won't be able to read again thank you for doing this

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    1. Liss 2013.
      If you read the comments on the last chapter you will see there was much talk of what will happen when this blog comes to an end. It will continue to be accessible and a possible pdf version.

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  71. OMG I needed my Fifty Shades fix...and this was just what the doctor ordered, I loved it and can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

    ~Annalee

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  72. Nicely done, very good chapter. Cant wait til the next one!

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  73. great ghapter! i can´t belive it is so close to the end. Do you have in mind how many chapters more are you going to write? I loved this chapter because there were a lot of things that were missing in the book, a lot of christian´s feelings and fears, and the chat with Elena, I loved it! You can´t imagine how great it is to open our mail and know that there is another chapter waitting for us to read, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Congrats from south america. A.

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    1. Well, I'm not 100% sure how many more chapters. But...probably another two, maybe three for Christian, one or two more for Grace, and then an alternate storyline version that I have drafted and I'm thinking could either be a decent length one shot, or might be broken down into two or three chapters. Oh, and maybe one or two other one shots...

      I can't be certain until I actually finish writing each of them though :)

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    2. ok thanks, it´s good to know we have a cople of months more to read your blog!! :) A.

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  74. Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! I really enjoyed this reading this chapter: Christian's panic and fear about becoming an outsider in Ana's life and being overwhelmed at the thought of fatherhood responsibilities, comes across really well.

    Thanks and cheers,
    Michelle

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  75. I love that you write this blog! It's amazing!! Hope you go into more detail about ana's pregnancy and birth of their first child then the book does. I really felt they left alot out when it came to the birth of teddy. I think it would be great if we could see from christians POV about the birth of his son and how he felt as a father when they bring home there son. Hope you write about instead. Thanks for keepin me up on my fifty shades fix :)

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  76. WOW!! Well worth the wait! Really enjoyed it, loved it in fact! Thanks! Can't wait until the next chapter!
    Rock on!

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  77. I am so glad I found your blog, I absolutely love your writing. I was excited to see this chapter up,eager to see how Christian reacted to the news of Ana expecting. I am patiently wait for the next one but sad that its coming to an end. Keep up the good work.

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  78. I LUV this chapter plzzzz hurry with the next I am addicted to ur blogs

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  79. para cuando estaria programado el siguiente capitulo me e
    vuelto una adicta gracias por escribir este blog

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  80. Wow! I am really looking forward to how Christian deals with what comes next. I am particularly looking forward to how he deals with Ana's injuries and ultimately the scene I am really hoping you cover is his reaction to her lifficult delivery. I think we got a tasste in the epilogue but I think that the opportunity for emotional distress is hard to resist. I think that you are doing a marvelous job and that you must have a will of iron to have kept going through all three books. Well done! :)

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  81. Hi Sir.....
    I wish you had put some of Ana and Christian in about the money at the bank would have liked to hear more of
    what you thought Christian was thinking or even the Bank President.
    I do hope for more from you.....
    Thank you for your comments also.
    Patti in TX

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    1. I think you've got a bit ahead of things, Patti, I haven't posted that chapter yet.

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  82. Very beautiful!!
    Congratulations!
    Paty
    Brazil

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  83. WOW, what a chapter! Would love to read about how the second pregnancy came about (although knowing Mr. Grey, this was probably a planned one). Anyhow, wouldn't hurt to know what his sentiment was when he found out Phoebe Grey was on the way :)
    Greetings from Mexico

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  84. Best chapter ever!

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  85. I have to say I went through all 3 books in less than 3 weeks and I loved it. Yet it left me wanting more. So I started my own attempt at what "more" would look like for me. It's just the beginning but hopefully there is still much more to come. Stay tuned at: http://fiftyshadesbetter.blogspot.com/2013/05/chapter-one.html

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  86. I am enjoying it all however the waiting is soooooooooooo hard!

    Keep us wanting more and more......

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  87. Just wanna thank you for this... I get over excited everytime a new chapter is out... It always brighten up my day...
    While reading FSOG i always wondered how Christians mind works and u answered my curiosity perfectly... Always so eagered to read ur next chapter... Do u write any of ur own books... I would love to read some of ur original work... Thanks again... -Sophea (longbeach,ca)

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  88. WOW!!!!!! Amazing........SPOT ON..........as usual..............this is just such a great read...thank you for all your hard work as a devoted reader, I cannot imagine you not doing this FSOG-CPOV.....totally amazing.....until the next chapter......I sit back & wait..............

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  89. OMG that was AMAZING!!!! I sooo had to read the last few paragraphs over again, and wanted to cry. Can't wait for the next chapter :)

    Annie

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  90. OMG.....I NEVER GET ENOUGH READ 50 SHADES IS AMAZING WHAT YOU DO, CHRISTIAN GREY POINT OF VIEW... I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, ME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS HERE IN BRAZIL ENJOY YOUR BLOG SO MUCH CONGRATULATIONS... AND I THINK IAN SOMERHALDER IS BORN TO CHRISTIAN GREY I HAPPY THAT YOU PUT IAN´S PICUTRES IN YOUR BLOG..

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  91. wow! i just started reading yesterday...and it was sooo good that viola! i finished it already. it's obvious u have great writing skills. I Love it! can't wait for more! :)

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  92. It was great to read where he went and how he spent that time away from Ana.I totally understand how they both feel but my sympathy lies with Ana,she is shocked to find out she's pregnant and Christian walking out just made things worse.Great chapter as always x

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  93. WHEN ARE U GOING TO UPDATE AGAIN ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS NOW???????........

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  94. I am dying here Fifty when is the next chapter coming, I'm going through withdrawals

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  95. Seriously...it's been two weeks and nothing! I cannot wait much longer for an update because this is awesome.I keep checking everyday and repeatedly visiting daily just incase of an update and still nothing :(

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    1. OK Folks - obviously you don't follow my Facebook page, because I've informed everyone on there that chapter 62 will be posted on the morning of Saturday 25 May (UK time):)

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  96. Your portrayal of Christian in this part of the books fits perfectly with EL James story. Now we are able to connect the dots as to why Christian acted the way he did --- he didn't have the maturity to deal with Ana's shocking pregnancy news. I was so angry with him in "Freed" -- I couldn't understand how he could treat Ana so badly. But now I can see where his adolescent mind-set took him. Thank you for your insights into Christian's character and your writing talent! Happy Thanksgiving!

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    1. Thanks, glad you enjoyed seeing the other side of the story. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving :)

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  97. A perfect way to unwind from a tiring day at work by reading you blog. This was awesome, I couldn't stop reading until the end of the chapter.

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Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.