The First Trimester.
I’m
working from home so I can be with Ana, and make sure she takes time to fully
recover from Hyde’s attack. I wouldn’t be able to relax or concentrate at the
office because I’d just be worrying about her all the time.
Nearly losing Ana, fearing she was dead when I saw her lying on the ground, has put things into perspective for me. I want to spend time with my wife, and I can run my business from home, for a while anyhow. Ros proved herself yet again by the way she took over and flew out to handle the shipyard deal in my place. She can keep things ticking over for now.
Nearly losing Ana, fearing she was dead when I saw her lying on the ground, has put things into perspective for me. I want to spend time with my wife, and I can run my business from home, for a while anyhow. Ros proved herself yet again by the way she took over and flew out to handle the shipyard deal in my place. She can keep things ticking over for now.
While
we’re both off work, we go out to visit our new home and see what Elliot’s crew
have been up to. Although there’s still a lot to do, Ana and I both love what’s
been achieved so far, and it’s fun planning out where we’re going to put things
like the paintings we bought on our honeymoon.
The house just has this wonderful atmosphere that’s going to make it a perfect family home. Is that why I was so drawn to it? Did I secretly harbor a yearning for a family of my own? I don’t think so, but I'm trying my hardest to feel comfortable with the whole becoming a parent thing. Ana’s told me she won't let me be a shitty father, so that helps. All I know is I'm determined that our child will never have to experience any kind of hardship or deprivation of the kind that I suffered. This much I can do for our child.
The house just has this wonderful atmosphere that’s going to make it a perfect family home. Is that why I was so drawn to it? Did I secretly harbor a yearning for a family of my own? I don’t think so, but I'm trying my hardest to feel comfortable with the whole becoming a parent thing. Ana’s told me she won't let me be a shitty father, so that helps. All I know is I'm determined that our child will never have to experience any kind of hardship or deprivation of the kind that I suffered. This much I can do for our child.
I feel much calmer now I've finally told Ana everything there is to know
about my affair with Elena. It’s as if a dead weight I didn't even know I was carrying
has been lifted from my shoulders. I
haven’t heard from Elena or had any contact with her since that last encounter,
and I don’t want any reminders of that whole traumatic period between Ana and
me. As far as I'm concerned, the door is shut on that part of my life now and
will never be opened again. If only you
didn’t have the memories to haunt you, Grey. Can you really shut all of those
out?
While
we’re at the house, Ana shows me an ultrasound picture she has of Blip, and I
guess that’s when it starts to sink in that there really is a baby growing
inside her. As I stare at the grainy black
and white image, I understand where she got the name Blip from. That’s what the
baby looks like. A little kidney shaped
blip. Our child.
It’s
when we’re out in the meadow having our picnic that I get the call I’ve been
waiting for from Welch. He confirms our suspicions about who posted Hyde’s bail
were correct. Just as my gut instinct told me, it’s someone from my murky past
- Linc, Elena’s ex husband.
He’s the fucker who’s been playing around with the safety of my family, still after revenge because of my affair with Elena. Well, he’s about to find out the hard way that it never pays to underestimate Christian Grey. I always knew this day would come, and I’m going to take great pleasure in putting into action the plan I've had in my back pocket for some time, just waiting for the right moment to implement it.
He’s the fucker who’s been playing around with the safety of my family, still after revenge because of my affair with Elena. Well, he’s about to find out the hard way that it never pays to underestimate Christian Grey. I always knew this day would come, and I’m going to take great pleasure in putting into action the plan I've had in my back pocket for some time, just waiting for the right moment to implement it.
I
call Ros. Once she’s confirmed how much stock we’ve quietly accumulated over
the years in Lincoln Timber, I instruct her to go for the kill.
“Consolidate
the shares into GEH, then fire the board.”
“The
entire board?” Ros queries in disbelief.
“Except the CEO.”
“But
Christian, that’ll totally destroy the company.”
“I
don’t give a fuck.”
“You
sure you want to go down this road? There’ll be no going back once it’s done.”
“I
hear you, but just do it.”
“Okay,
Christian. You’re the boss.”
“Thank
you.”
“My
pleasure.”
“Keep
me informed.”
That’s
what I like about Ros. Straight to the point, and now she’s sure I know what
I’m doing, she’ll get straight onto it.
Ana is staring at me, looking kind of scared. I guess I forgot where I was and my CEO persona returned.
In charge. In total command. Totally confident and sure of myself. That's how I acted. Shit, but it felt good.
In charge. In total command. Totally confident and sure of myself. That's how I acted. Shit, but it felt good.
Ana
is shocked when I explain what’s going on, about Linc posting Hyde’s bail.
“What
did you just do?”
“I
fucked him over.” Big time.
“Um… that
seems a little impulsive,” she murmurs.
“I'm
an in-the-moment kind of guy.”
So
that she understands Linc’s motives, I explain how he viciously beat Elena when
he learned about our affair all those years ago, but how she refused to press
charges against him, so he got away with it.
I loathe the man for his cowardly actions in beating a woman badly enough to hospitalize her, and he loathes me for emasculating him by giving Elena what he wasn’t able to. Linc always swore he’d get even with me and obviously subscribes to the ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’ ideology. But what he failed to take into account is that I'm a step ahead of him and my revenge dish will be served from the fucking freezer.
I loathe the man for his cowardly actions in beating a woman badly enough to hospitalize her, and he loathes me for emasculating him by giving Elena what he wasn’t able to. Linc always swore he’d get even with me and obviously subscribes to the ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’ ideology. But what he failed to take into account is that I'm a step ahead of him and my revenge dish will be served from the fucking freezer.
But
what makes this even sweeter is that we’ll make good money out of the deal. Grey, you are such a fucking ace at this.
Ana’s
big blue eyes are still staring at me.
“I
will do anything to keep you safe. Keep my family safe. Keep this little one
safe.” I spread my hand out over her belly protectively.
Mine. My child. My wife.
Mine. My child. My wife.
And
as always when we touch, the chemistry between us kicks in. It’s been so long
since we made love, we’re both desperate for that intimate connection. She
pulls me to her and tangles her fingers in my hair as she starts kissing me,
and I'm lost as we consume each other in a frenzy of need.
Ana
fumbles, trying to unbutton my shirt in her eagerness to get to me, and I want
her, really want her, right here, right now, out in the meadow. But we can't. She’s
been badly hurt and it’s too soon.
But
Ana refuses to take no for an answer.
“I
want you. Please, I need you.” She’s
literally begging me. We both need this re-connection. Perhaps we can find a way
if I'm really careful, because this is how we mend and heal things between us.
We need to come together in both body and soul. So I finally succumb.
We might be out in the open, but I quickly assess that it’s sufficiently private and no one can see us. We can do this.
We might be out in the open, but I quickly assess that it’s sufficiently private and no one can see us. We can do this.
As
I undo her blouse, I can tell that pregnancy is already changing her body.
Ana’s breasts are fuller and her nipples even more sensitive than usual. I like.
But
as I suck and kiss and tease those sensitive nipples of hers, she is so aroused
that she forgets about her bruised ribs until she cries out in pain.
“Ana!
This is what I'm talking about. Your lack of self preservation. I don’t want to
hurt you.”
“No…
don’t stop. Please,” she begs me again. I
want her so much, but am I being insensitive and uncaring in wanting to carry
on making love? Or am I giving her what she needs? I choose to believe the
latter.
“Here.”
I move to pull Ana on top of me. Now there shouldn’t be any weight or pressure on her ribs
to cause her pain. And she looks hot with her short skirt hitched right up so I
can see her legs in those sexy thigh high stockings. This is better, and works
for both of us. I guess that’s what I'm going to have to do as she gets further
along in her pregnancy - adapt. We can still have fun. I like a challenge. This
is what I do - come up with solutions to problems.
I
sit up so I can play with her beautiful breasts, teasing her nipples until she
is clawing at my clothes to get to me.
“Hey,
there’s no rush. Take it slow. I want to
savor you,” I murmur.
At
this rate it’ll all be over in about thirty seconds, and that’s not how I want
to do things.
“Christian,
it’s been so long,” Ana pants.
“Slow.”
It’s a command. I'm in control. “Slow.” I kiss the corners of her mouth. “Slow
baby. Let’s take this slow.”
Ana
calms as we kiss, understanding that the release will be all the sweeter for
slowing the pace.
She
pushes me onto my back and teases me as she trails kisses down my neck,
over my throat, and down to gently kiss my scars. I force myself to relax, but
realize I don’t find it hard any more. I love her touching me now.
And
so I let her ride me. I fucking love being buried in her soft, sweet hotness deep
like this. This is what we do. We make love to each other.
~~~
A
beneficial side effect of her pregnancy is that Ana has such a great appetite that it’s a joy to watch her eat. As long as she has regular meals, she
doesn't get morning sickness, so I'm adamant she mustn’t skip meals, even when I
reluctantly give in to her insistence on returning to work.
Although I'd be more than happy for her to give up her job and stay at home where I know she’d be safer, I'm also very proud of how well she’s doing in her role at SIP, so I'm torn.
Although I'd be more than happy for her to give up her job and stay at home where I know she’d be safer, I'm also very proud of how well she’s doing in her role at SIP, so I'm torn.
Ana’s
a very intelligent girl who worked really hard to get through college, and she’s
told me what she’s doing now is her dream job, so I guess I have to accept that
if it makes her happy, then I'm happy. Ana was never going to settle for being
a vacuous social butterfly draped on my arm was she?
Also, what my mom said about Ana being able to work from home a lot of the time makes sense, so I think that will be a good compromise that we can both live with. I’ve already said I’ll hand over Grey Publishing for her to run in a year, so now I’ll help organize things to suit her new circumstances and do whatever it takes to make things work.
Also, what my mom said about Ana being able to work from home a lot of the time makes sense, so I think that will be a good compromise that we can both live with. I’ve already said I’ll hand over Grey Publishing for her to run in a year, so now I’ll help organize things to suit her new circumstances and do whatever it takes to make things work.
That’s
the beauty of owning the company - you call the shots, and I'm glad I'm in a
position to be able to do this for her. No question, it’ll be all down to her
talents and skills at spotting potential new talented authors that will make
Grey Publishing a success or not, however much I try to help her out. But I
have every confidence in my wife’s abilities.
Gail makes her a packed lunch to take to the
office every day, and part of Sawyer’s duties now include checking that my wife
has remembered to take it with her. He is also under orders to coordinate with her
PA, Hannah, and report back to me if she fails to take her lunch break. But so
far I think she’s been so hungry that she hasn’t needed any kind of a reminder
to eat. Her body’s doing that for her.
Sawyer
has remained as Ana’s main CPO despite the whole Hyde debacle. She pleaded with
me not to sack him, pointing out that she deliberately misled him, and I
realize that short of locking Ana up, he wouldn’t have been able to prevent
what happened. As Ana seems okay with Sawyer, and good, trustworthy CPOs are
not easy to come by, he’s kept his job, along with Ryan and Reynolds.
I
also haven’t forgotten how cut up he was as he waited at the hospital for news
about Ana when she was unconscious, so I’m guessing that just like Taylor, the
guy wouldn’t hesitate to lay down his life for my wife and unborn child in the
line of duty. You can't ask for more than that from your security detail.
Gail is excelling herself in providing nutritious meals for Ana, although she seemed offended when I
handed her instructions about exactly what foods should not be given to my
wife, such as mayonnaise that contains raw eggs, or certain types of cheese. I heard her muttering something about knowing her job, being a
professional and how she wouldn’t dream of giving Mrs. Grey anything
inappropriate.
Ana
doesn't appreciate the total ban on alcohol I’ve imposed on her.
“For
goodness sake, Christian. Even your mom said it was okay for me to have an
occasional drink,” Ana argues as she rolls her eyes. I haven’t
forgotten how Mom let her have some champagne when they came round after Ana
got back from the hospital, but that was just a few sips.
“Why
take the chance? There are plenty of other more suitable beverages for a woman
in your condition. It’s not just you now is it? You have to think about what’s
best for the baby, Ana.”
I’m
already worried because from what I’ve worked out, I suspect Ana may have been
in the very early stages of pregnancy when she went out drinking with Kate to the
Zig Zag bar. We’ll have a better idea of exactly when this baby was conceived
once she’s had her next ultrasound scan with Dr. Greene at around the twelve week
stage.
Unlike most women, Ana doesn’t have her last period date to work from, because a common side effect of the Depo shot is that periods often stop, so we just assumed that was the case with Ana.
Unlike most women, Ana doesn’t have her last period date to work from, because a common side effect of the Depo shot is that periods often stop, so we just assumed that was the case with Ana.
I
wanted her to have a scan sooner, in fact I even considered buying our own portable
ultrasound equipment for regular checks, until Ana showed me some reports stating
that although sonograms are considered very low risk, medical guidelines
caution against unnecessary exposure to ultra sound.
“Women
have been having babies since the beginning of time, Christian. Being pregnant
is the most natural thing in the world, so just try to relax. I’m young and fit
and not in any kind of high risk group, so both Dr. Greene and your mom have
agreed there is no need for me to have anything over and above the normal routine
checks.”
Ana
and my mom meet up for lunch most weeks now, and sometimes it feels almost as if
they’re ganging up against me, but I don’t really mind. I'm glad Ana feels she can turn to Mom and
confide in her, and that they’re becoming really close. But despite Ana’s
protestations, I know that now more than ever it’s important that I monitor her
diet and well-being, pretty much in line with the original rules that I used to
impose on my subs.
I
may have been dragged kicking and screaming very unwillingly into this whole
pregnancy experience to start with, but now I'm determined to take my
responsibilities seriously. And I can’t deny that I fucking love
having the perfect excuse to impose some control.
You still fantasize about 24/7 Total Power Exchange, don't you Grey?
You still fantasize about 24/7 Total Power Exchange, don't you Grey?
In
these early weeks, Ana’s pregnancy doesn’t show yet, and until we've been given
the all clear with the ultrasound that everything's okay, only close family and
staff classified as ‘need to know’ are aware that Ana is pregnant.
So far, by some miracle the press haven’t got hold of the news, because no doubt they would be hounding us even more than they already do. But as Taylor and Sawyer are extremely protective of Ana these days, way beyond the call of duty, I think it unlikely any nosy reporter would get near her.
It’s the ultra powerful camera zoom lenses that make it so hard to maintain our privacy, and we were incredibly lucky that no pictures emerged of Ana following her topless indiscretion on the beach in the South of France. I don't know how I would have handled the whole world being able to ogle my wife’s fantastic tits. My private property. For my eyes only.
So far, by some miracle the press haven’t got hold of the news, because no doubt they would be hounding us even more than they already do. But as Taylor and Sawyer are extremely protective of Ana these days, way beyond the call of duty, I think it unlikely any nosy reporter would get near her.
It’s the ultra powerful camera zoom lenses that make it so hard to maintain our privacy, and we were incredibly lucky that no pictures emerged of Ana following her topless indiscretion on the beach in the South of France. I don't know how I would have handled the whole world being able to ogle my wife’s fantastic tits. My private property. For my eyes only.
I’ve
ordered Ros to investigate branching out into acquiring a foothold in the media
industry, knowing it’s always easier to take control from within should there
be another incident that needed to be handled, and I’ve also spent some time
strengthening my links with Kate’s father, Edward Kavanagh the media mogul. I
wouldn’t hesitate to call in favors and pull whatever strings were required if
the situation arose. It’s not what you
know, it’s who you know.
Claude
Bastille falls into the ‘need to know’ group.
“Hey
man, that’s really cool,” he grins when I inform him about Ana’s
pregnancy. “Congratulations, Grey.”
“I’m
happy for you to continue as my wife’s personal trainer, as long as you feel
confident you have the expertise to tailor her fitness regime to take account
of her condition.”
“Sure
I do. All the celebs rely on their personal trainers to snap back into shape as
soon as possible after the birth, so I'm fully qualified to continue coaching Mrs Grey throughout her pregnancy.”
I
think it essential Ana continues to exercise sensibly, primarily for her
health, but also because I'd really like her to get her sexy figure back after
she’s had the baby. Ana’s also pretty keen on getting her figure back quickly - she’s got the incentive of being Kate’s matron of honor when she and
Elliot get married next June.
Being
her best friend, Ana wanted to tell Kate about the baby anyway, but we had to take
her into our confidence early on when she started making wedding
plans for around the time the baby’s due, sometime in mid May. Luckily once
they knew, Kate and Elliot were happy to push the date of their wedding back to June.
Elliot
wasn’t as surprised as I expected when I told him about the baby.
“Way
to go, bro,” Elliot grinned as he clapped me on the back. “Daddy Christian.
Someone to pass your whole Grey empire on to.”
I
hadn't really thought about that. A son that I could train up to take over from
me one day? But as Ana pointed out, Blip could turn out to be a daughter. Maybe
she would be up to the challenge? Ros is certainly more of a man than most men,
although she is a pretty unique female.
All I know is this pregnancy just makes
it even more important to secure the future for my family. I can't afford to be
complacent.
~~~
Ana
lays on the bed and grips my hand as I
sit on a chair next to her, both of us turned to watch the screen. The
sonographer puts cold gel on her belly, then starts moving the transducer across
her while Dr. Greene watches the screen intently.
And
there it is.
Our
baby.
I
can see Blip’s heart beating. I can see Blip moving around. Blip is real. Ana
looks over at me as I sit there blinking and swallowing hard. She smiles and
squeezes my hand, because she understands how emotional I feel to finally see our
baby. Seeing that first sonogram picture was what brought home to me the fact
that this baby was real, but that picture was done at such an early stage that
Blip was just… well, a blip.
Now I can see that Blip is a real human being.
I wish
they could tell us what sex the baby is, but Dr. Greene has advised against
trying to see at this early stage, because it’s hard to tell accurately. She
says they should be able to tell at the next scan. Ana says she doesn’t want
to know what we’re having, that it would spoil the surprise, but I disagree. I
really want to know, so I'm hoping I can talk her round by then.
"Does
everything look alright?" Ana asks anxiously.
"Everything
looks fine so far Mrs. Grey– just one baby, that's the first thing to
confirm," she reassures us. "Crown Rump length is 5.8cm, which puts
the date of conception as 23rd August. Does that sound about right to
you?" Dr. Greene asks.
"Yeah,
I guess so," Ana murmurs.
I’ve tried to work out when it must have
happened but we normally have so much sex, and conceiving a baby was the last
thing on our minds, so it’s hard. Now with this information I can look back at
my diary to figure it out. I think that was around the time that Ana cut my
hair for me, wasn’t it?
"Heart
looks normal, heart beat is around 130 per minute, well within the normal range,"
the sonographer continues. "Biparetal diameter and femur length also
consistent with dates and in normal range. That's the head size and leg length."
The doctor nods her approval.
“Everything looks perfectly normal and as it
should be at this stage. Your estimated due date is 15th May, Mrs. Grey.”
She gets some pictures printed out for us to
take away.
“When
you're ready, come through to my office, and I'll clarify any queries you have.”
Dr. Greene disappears while Ana wipes off the gooey gel and
gets dressed.
I
help her down from the bed, and give her
a little hug before we go through to Dr. Greene’s office. Despite my mom’s assurances
that she was sure everything would be okay, after everything Ana’s been through
I couldn’t help being worried, so I'm glad everything seems normal.
"So,
all good news so far. We've also had the blood test results through, and those
results combined with the scan give no indication of any chromosomal
abnormalities," Dr. Greene smiles. " I see no need for any of the more invasive tests at this stage,
especially as they carry some risks.”
Ana
reaches over to squeeze my hand.
“See?
I told you everything would be okay,” she smiles.
So, that's one trimester down, two to go.
~~~
The Second Trimester.
“What! What's the matter?" I’m suddenly wide awake as I glance at the clock and see it’s three in the morning. Ana’s just woken me.
“What! What's the matter?" I’m suddenly wide awake as I glance at the clock and see it’s three in the morning. Ana’s just woken me.
"Nothing’s
wrong. I just wanted you to feel this," Ana says, reaching for my
hand.
She
places it on the warm soft skin of her swollen belly. I feel something. A
movement. A little thump against my hand.
“Is
that… ?” I ask incredulously.
“Yeah.
That’s Blip saying ‘Hi Daddy’. Cool, huh?” I can tell Ana’s grinning at me even
in the dark. “Sorry to wake you, but Blip doesn’t know it’s the middle of the
night, and I didn't want you to miss out again.”
“Wow.
It feels amazing. Weird, but totally amazing. Does it hurt at all?”
"No,
they’re just gentle little kicks. Pretty incredible though, hmm?"
Ana’s
told me she’s felt the baby move several times now but it’s never when I've
been around. Knowing how I've struggled to get used to the idea of being a
father, she’s really trying to involve me to help me bond with the baby. She’s eighteen weeks pregnant, already nearly
half way along, but I'm not renowned for being a patient man, and it still seems
so long to wait until we get to see our little Blip.
Naturally
I’ve been reading up about how the baby is developing week by week to bring myself
up to speed. I don’t see why Ana felt the need to roll her eyes at me yesterday, when I told her she needs to sleep on her side not her back. I’d just read how
her enlarged uterus can compress a major vein, which leads to decreased blood supply
to the heart, and this could make her feel faint and dizzy. Obviously she needs
to be aware of this, because I don’t want her passing out and hurting herself.
So
she can cut the snarky attitude. I’m just trying to look after her - isn’t that
what I'm supposed to do?
~~~
I
get my way about finding out about the sex of the baby.
When I told
Ana it was the only thing I wanted for Christmas, she finally gave way and
agreed we should try and find out at the ultrasound she was booked in for just
after the holiday.
“Okay,
we can find out, seeing as it’s so important to you. But don’t forget the
sonographer may not be able to tell anyway, if Blip isn’t feeling very
cooperative. It all depends on which way the baby’s laying,” she warns, as we
lie in bed looking out at the view from our window over The Sound.
Elliot
pulled out all the stops to get everything completed in time for us to move
into our new house just before Christmas. We’ll still stay over at Escala
sometimes, especially as that’s where our playroom is.
I haven’t had anything similar installed in our new home. It would have been really awkward seeing as I’d have had to discuss it with my brother, and anyway it just seems right somehow to keep it separate from our new family home.
I haven’t had anything similar installed in our new home. It would have been really awkward seeing as I’d have had to discuss it with my brother, and anyway it just seems right somehow to keep it separate from our new family home.
I'm
hoping Escala can be where we escape to get some private adult time to
ourselves sometimes. Mom and Dad have already said they can't wait to come
and babysit for us anytime we want, and I can't deny it’s good to know we can still
go sailing or soaring once Ana’s recovered from the birth.
We’ve had one of the guest suites in our new house designated as my parents' room so they can stay over in our totally secure place whenever necessary. Naturally, I've had every possible state of the art security feature that Welch and Taylor recommended we have installed already.
We’ve had one of the guest suites in our new house designated as my parents' room so they can stay over in our totally secure place whenever necessary. Naturally, I've had every possible state of the art security feature that Welch and Taylor recommended we have installed already.
Jason
and Gail have planned a small, quiet Christmas wedding so they can move in
together in the new staff quarters I've had built for them. I had them designed especially so that he can
have his daughter Sophie come and stay with him. We have a large enough
security team in place now to allow him to take time off on a more regular
basis, so he should get to see her more often. We’ve agreed that Sawyer will
step up and head the team when Taylor is off, which means one of them will
be around at all times.
There’s
still some decorating to finish in the last few guest bedrooms for the new
house - and the nursery of course.
That’s another reason why it makes sense to find out whether we’re having a boy
or a girl, so that we can decorate the nursery appropriately. That’s what I've told Ana anyhow, but
basically I just want to know the sex of the baby, and the suspense is fucking
killing me.
I
admit I go completely over the top for our first Christmas together, but why
the fuck shouldn’t I? I think the Christmas tree I order is a match for the one
the President has for The White House.
Ana
also has a much smaller tree that she insists we decorate together, which
brings back memories of the first Christmas I spent with Mom and Dad after I
was adopted. I’d never seen anything as pretty as that Christmas tree. I
watched Elliot help them decorate it, but I was too scared to join in. Scared it would mean being touched, because someone would have to lift me up to reach the
branches like they did with Elliot. So I just watched from the sidelines, which
became the norm for me.
I'm
glad Ana’s helping us to make new precious memories together to wipe out some
of the more painful ones. Our child will never experience the kind of fear I
did. Blip won’t ever be scared in the way that I was.
Over
the years I’ve always dutifully joined in Mom and Dad’s holiday celebrations,
but always still felt like an outsider looking in, however hard my family tried
to make me feel part of everything. I guess I never really got the point of it
all before. But I do now, and all I want is to make Ana happy, because that’s
what makes me happy.
We’re
going to see Ana’s mom for New Year, but Ray comes to stay with us for the Christmas
holiday, and my mom includes him in all the family festivities. We’ve told him
that one of the bedrooms in our new house is purely for his exclusive use, and
that he can come and stay whenever he wants, for as long as he wants.
Truth is, with all the inevitable security arrangements that go with our lifestyle, it makes more sense for him to come and visit us rather than us go to him. Knowing Ray, I'm sure he’s worked this out for himself, because I know how much he worries about his daughter’s safety, just like me.
Ana’s told me it’s also on the agenda for Ray and me to take a fishing trip to Aspen, and I'm cool with that. His quiet, solid presence makes him one of the few people whose company I can stand for more than a short period.
Truth is, with all the inevitable security arrangements that go with our lifestyle, it makes more sense for him to come and visit us rather than us go to him. Knowing Ray, I'm sure he’s worked this out for himself, because I know how much he worries about his daughter’s safety, just like me.
Ana’s told me it’s also on the agenda for Ray and me to take a fishing trip to Aspen, and I'm cool with that. His quiet, solid presence makes him one of the few people whose company I can stand for more than a short period.
~~~
We
both feel nervous about the very detailed level 2 ultrasound for Blip. It takes
nearly an hour, as every part of our baby’s anatomy is carefully scrutinized
and then thankfully declared normal.
After
confirming with us that we want to know what sex Blip is, the sonographer sets
out to check. But as we all stare at the
screen, it turns out there’s no absolutely no doubt about what we’re having. It’s
blatantly obvious. You don’t need to be
an expert to see that we’re definitely having a boy, because the evidence stands
out very clearly. Like father, like son.
So
now we know. Code blue not code pink.
Grey
& Son Enterprises. This I like.
~~~
Pregnancy
suits Ana. I didn't think she could look more beautiful than she already did,
but she’s literally blooming as her pregnancy progresses - her hair is glossy
and shiny and her skin is glowing.
I
feel so proud when we go out anywhere together, to one of the fund raisers for
example. As I walk in with my beautiful wife on my arm, she’s not only wearing
my wedding ring, she’s also pregnant with my child. I fucking love this. I love
flaunting my wife’s pregnant figure to the world, because this is the ultimate
proof that she is mine. That’s my
baby she’s carrying. No one else’s. Mine.
I'm
surprised to discover that some business men who’ve previously been reluctant
to engage with me suddenly seem to thaw. Ros tells me the word is that I’m seen
in a different light these days. Rather than being a cold hearted bastard that they
don’t trust, when they see me with my beautiful, sweet, pregnant young wife
whom I clearly adore, they look on me more favorably.
Now I'm someone they could potentially do business with, because I'm about to join their club. The Family Man club. So that’s an unexpected benefit that I never foresaw, and another reason to have Ana by my side as much as possible.
Now I'm someone they could potentially do business with, because I'm about to join their club. The Family Man club. So that’s an unexpected benefit that I never foresaw, and another reason to have Ana by my side as much as possible.
Ana
has a very neat bump - from the back you wouldn’t even know she was pregnant.
And a totally unexpected side effect of her pregnancy is that her libido has
shot through the roof. She wants sex even more than usual - well, I'm sure as hell
not complaining.
Apparently this is due to all the extra hormones floating round her system, and the increased blood supply to her more sensitive areas.
As an added bonus, she has really intense orgasms that feel incredibly good for me too. Win/win situation here. Who knew?
Apparently this is due to all the extra hormones floating round her system, and the increased blood supply to her more sensitive areas.
As an added bonus, she has really intense orgasms that feel incredibly good for me too. Win/win situation here. Who knew?
I’m
thinking I should make the most of this because it can't last, not when she
gets really big and uncomfortable near the end, can it? I'm already having to
be inventive to come up with positions for us to make love where I won't be worried
that I'm hurting her or the baby, but I don’t mind because it’s fun, and I enjoy
the challenge.
To
be on the safe side, I've trawled the internet and read everything I can find
on the subject of sex during pregnancy. It all confirms that as long as Ana is
fit and well and willing, there is no reason for us to cut back on our love
making. So we’re not.
And as Ana insists that sex helps her to sleep better afterwards, you could even argue that it’s a necessity.
And as Ana insists that sex helps her to sleep better afterwards, you could even argue that it’s a necessity.
~~~
The Third Trimester.
“How
about the name Theodore for Blip, after your grandfather. I think it’s a really
classy, unusual name,” Ana suggests. We’re lying in bed one Sunday
morning. I have my hand on her belly, and
I can feel Blip kicking very strongly now.
“Theodore
Grey. That has a nice ring to it. And my grandfather would be really stoked.”
“We
could call him Ted or Teddy for short.”
“I
like that.”
“And
he could use Theodore when he’s a big powerful megalomaniac like his father,”
she kisses my cheek.
“How
about using your stepdad’s name for his middle name? Got to keep both sides
of the family happy, haven’t we?”
“Theodore
Raymond Grey. T.R.G. Yep, that all works. Unlike my initials before I married
you, Mr. Grey.”
“
Anastasia Rose Steele. A.R.S. Well, you do have a rather delectable arse, Mrs.
Grey.”
And
somehow my hands end up exploring that exquisite part of my wife’s anatomy.
~~~
As
the birth of the baby approaches, I'm getting more worried and nervous about D
Day, as Taylor refers to the day of delivery.
He’d love nothing better than to have a military type of action plan organized right down to the very last detail, and so he agrees with me that it would be preferable for Ana to have an elective caesarian. That way we can set the date and be sure that everything is in place, with all the best doctors on hand to take care of Ana and the baby.
I fucking hate the uncertainty and risk of just waiting around for nature take its course. An elective caesarian makes far more sense.
He’d love nothing better than to have a military type of action plan organized right down to the very last detail, and so he agrees with me that it would be preferable for Ana to have an elective caesarian. That way we can set the date and be sure that everything is in place, with all the best doctors on hand to take care of Ana and the baby.
I fucking hate the uncertainty and risk of just waiting around for nature take its course. An elective caesarian makes far more sense.
But
as this is Ana we’re dealing with, she has her own very strong views, and she
is having none of it.
“I’m
having a natural birth. End of, Christian. There is no medical reason for me to
have a caesarian, and this matter is not up for discussion,” she stubbornly
insists.
“But
Ana, you’ll be in so much pain when it really isn’t necessary,” I point out.
I'm really not sure how I'm going to cope with seeing her in agony.
“Dr.
Greene and your mom both agree with me that it’s far better to give birth
naturally if you can, and I'm certainly not one of those ‘too posh to push’
women. As I keep telling you, having a baby is the most natural thing in the
world. So stop making such a fuss about it.”
As
she refuses to budge on the subject there is frustratingly little I can do
about it.
But
I do get my way on other matters. Like when Ana can't decide which baby
stroller and transportation system she likes best. The solution is simple. I
just order one of every design on her short list, in each of the colors she’s
ticked.
“Christian!
That’s ridiculous,” she protests when she finds out.
“Why?
It makes perfect sense, because we can keep one at each of our homes, one at my
parents and so on. It’ll be much easier and more practical in the long run.”
She
just rolls her eyes at me and leaves the room. But I notice she doesn't send any
of them back when they arrive.
~~~
“How come you’re working
from home again, Christian?”Ana eyes
me suspiciously. There’s still two weeks to go until her due date, but babies
can come early, although Ana seems certain that our baby will come on his due
date and not before.
“As this is your son we’re
talking about, Christian, I'm sure he'll come on the appointed day, as arranged.
Punctual and organized, just like his father.”
But I can't relax unless
I know that she’s okay, so I want to be with her to see for myself. That’s why I'm
working from home.
“And why are you
following me around rather than working in your study?” she glares at me.
Ana’s still cross
because of yesterday’s false alarm. Although she is now officially on maternity
leave, she’d called into SIP’s offices to hand in some paperwork. As we have people
who could have done that for her, it
was entirely unnecessary and I suspect just an excuse to get out.
I’ve insisted that if
she goes anywhere now, she is escorted at all times by a three man security
detail. This means that should any kind of an emergency situation develop,
there’ll be one CPO to drive, one to monitor her condition, and one to handle
communications. I’ve also insisted that all members of the security team
undergo training in basic childbirth assistance. God forbid it should ever come
to that, but I want every eventuality prepared for.
Ana thinks I'm being far
too overprotective, but when I argued that I'm doing it to protect
the baby as much as her, she reluctantly gave way.
What she didn't know was
that the security team were under orders that if there was the slightest
indication that she’d gone into labor, they were to let me know immediately and
head straight for the hospital, ignoring any protests from my wife.
Yesterday Sawyer saw her
rubbing her back, so he inquired if she was okay, and when she admitted she had
backache he followed protocol and headed straight to the hospital instead of
home, knowing that backache can be an early indication of the onset of labor.
When I got his Code D alert, I dropped everything and rushed to the hospital, but in this
instance it wasn’t the onset of labor, it was just simple backache.
Ana was furious because she thought it made her look silly to turn up at the hospital like that, but I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thought. Sawyer did the right thing, because it’s better to be safe than sorry, and at least it provided good practice as a dry run for the actual D Day. At the debrief afterwards, we came up with a solution to the parking issue Sawyer encountered - just block the fucker in if they’d parked in the spot we’d designated.
Ana was furious because she thought it made her look silly to turn up at the hospital like that, but I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thought. Sawyer did the right thing, because it’s better to be safe than sorry, and at least it provided good practice as a dry run for the actual D Day. At the debrief afterwards, we came up with a solution to the parking issue Sawyer encountered - just block the fucker in if they’d parked in the spot we’d designated.
In any case, to calm Ana
down that evening, after a relaxing bath I gave her a nice soothing massage. I know
I have to be extra patient with her, because her hormones are all over the
place, her bump is enormous, and Blip is pressing on her bladder making her
want to pee all the time and interrupting her sleep. She’s entitled to be ratty and irritable with
me and I just have to suck it up.
~~~
Because I'm on edge, I’m
only lightly dozing when Ana calmly wakes me up first thing in the morning to tell me that
it’s time. Her contractions have started and our son has decided it’s time to
make an appearance on his exact due date.
It’s D Day.
It’s D Day.
I let Taylor know, and all
our carefully made plans swing into action. I try not to let my nerves show as
Taylor drives us to the hospital in record time, where Dr. Greene is on standby
to meet us and usher us through.
I see her frown as she
examines Ana.
“This is quite a big
baby you’ve got here Mrs. Grey. We’re going to have to monitor you very
carefully.”
All along she’s been
concerned about the size of the baby because of Ana’s small frame, and that’s why
she would have agreed to perform an elective C-section.
“It’s not too late to
change your mind, Ana. Please, at least think about opting for a C-section,” I
plead.
“Don’t start Christian.
You know I want to do this myself. I want to push him out naturally, the way
he’s meant to be born.”
But as the hours tick by
and there seems to be very little progress, Dr. Greene gives her a Pitocin
drip to try and speed things up.
I can see Ana wilting as
she gets tired from the contractions, and the drug doesn't seem to have any
positive effect.
“Mrs. Grey, I think
maybe it’s time to reconsider the options and opt for a C-section. You’re still
nowhere near fully dilated, and my concern is that by the time you are, you’ll
be too exhausted to push anyway.”
“Please, Ana. Listen to
the doctor. She knows what she’s talking about. For the love of God, see reason
and have a C-section,” I beg her.
I hate being so helpless to do anything for her. Each time she has a contraction she grips my hand so hard it really hurts, but I know it’s nothing compared to what she is going through.
I hate being so helpless to do anything for her. Each time she has a contraction she grips my hand so hard it really hurts, but I know it’s nothing compared to what she is going through.
“No. I can do this. I'm
not giving up yet,” Ana insists. She looks pale and tired but that stubborn
streak of hers is keeping her going.
After another hour I see
nervous looks being exchanged between the medical staff as they check the
readout from Blip’s monitor.
“Mrs. Grey, you’ve been
in labor for fifteen hours now. Your contractions have slowed in spite of the
Pitocin. We need to do a C-section - the baby is in distress.”
At last. About fucking
time Dr. Greene showed some authority to get Ana to agree, because the tone
of her voice leaves little doubt that
this is serious, and I feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as fear
washes through me. Ana has to see reason now.
“Mrs. Grey, please.
C-section,” Dr. Greene insists.
“Please, Ana,” I plead.
“Can I sleep then?” Ana
whispers.
“Yes, baby, yes.” I kiss
her forehead. It’s obvious she’s totally exhausted and barely able to string
her words together.
“I want to see Lil’
Blip,” she murmurs.
“You will,” I promise. God willing.
“Okay,” she agrees.
Now she’s finally given
her consent, all hell suddenly breaks loose as Dr. Greene starts barking out
instructions, and orders Ana be moved to the OR.
Shit.
From her immediate urgent reaction, this must be really serious, so I know
there's more to this than she’s letting on in front of Ana.
As they start moving at
speed to get Ana into theater, she grabs my arm.
“Mr. Grey, you’ll need
to change into scrubs.”
She stares hard at me. “Now Mr. Grey.”
I squeeze Ana’s hand,
not wanting to let her go, but knowing I have to.
Once we’re in the
changing room, I face the doctor.
“What’s going on?”
“Your wife’s blood
pressure has suddenly dropped, and the baby is in distress.”
“Which means?”
“We can't be sure, but it
could indicate that the placenta has become detached and she could be
hemorrhaging internally. If that is the case, we have to act fast to save them
both. She could bleed out within minutes.”
“We could lose them
both? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes, Mr. Grey, right
now that is a strong possibility. So let’s get on with things shall we?”
Despite all the best
laid plans, despite all my wealth being able to buy the best possible medical
care there is, both Ana and the
baby could die in the next few minutes.
As I change into the
blue scrubs I'm handed, I'm so scared that it feels as if cold ice is running
through my veins instead of warm blood. But I can't go to pieces. I have to be strong for Ana. We will get
through this. She has to be alright. Our baby has to survive. I can’t even let
myself begin to think about the alternatives.
I hurry to be with Ana. They’ve
already set up a screen across her chest and are preparing to operate.
“I'm frightened,” she
whispers, as she grips my hand.
“No, baby, no. I'm here.
Don’t be frightened. Not my strong Ana.”
I try to cover up my
fear, but it must still show in my eyes.
“What is it?” Ana wants
to know.
I can't tell her I'm
scared we’re going to lose the baby, scared that I'm going to lose her.
“What?” I try to fob her
off.
“What’s wrong?” Ana
persists.
“Nothing’s wrong.
Everything’s fine. Baby, you’re just exhausted.”
I want to scream at them
to get on with it and save my wife and my son, but I have to just stand by and
watch as Dr. Greene checks Ana is fully numbed up before she makes a start.
“I love you, “ Ana
whispers, her blue eyes huge with fear.
“Oh Ana. I love you too,
so much.” Please don’t let these be the
last words I ever say to her. Please
God. Please let them live.
I look over the screen.
Dr. Greene hasn’t wasted any time in making her incision. It’s fascinating and
horrifying in equal measures to see her reach inside Ana’s belly to pull our
baby out.
He’s blue and bloody and
covered in the white vernix I’ve read about, but I see he has a shock of dark
hair. And as he starts crying loudly in protest at being yanked out into the
world so abruptly, it’s the most wonderful sound I've ever heard in my entire
life. He’s okay.
Dr. Greene seems calm
and is smiling at me, so I take it she hasn’t found any serious hemorrhaging.
“You have a boy, Mrs.
Grey,” she announces, as she hands the baby over to Dr. Carter, the specialist
Neonatologist my mom recommended.
“Check his Apgar.”
I watch anxiously as he
carries out his assessment.
“Apgar is nine.”
I heave a huge sigh of relief.
I know from all my research that a score of nine is pretty much as good as you
get, and means our son is fine and healthy.
“Can I see him?” Ana’s
shaky voice calls out.
Dr. Carter smiles and
nods at me as he wraps the baby up in a blue sheet. I go over and take our child in
my arms for the first time. He’s perfect and tiny and helpless and looks
shocked at his speedy entrance into the world.
My son.
I feel this incredible, huge
rush of overwhelming love for him sweep through me, and I know instantly that I
would do anything, anything to
protect this child. How could I ever have doubted that I would love him?
I carry him over to Ana.
“Here’s your son, Mrs.
Grey.” I'm so choked up with all these immensely powerful feelings that I can
hardly get the words out.
I carefully place him in
her arms.
“Our son,” she whispers as
she stares at his face. “He’s beautiful.”
Tears are streaming down her face.
Tears are streaming down her face.
“He is.”
I gently kiss our
beautiful boy’s head beneath all that dark hair of his. He’s fallen asleep now
and looks perfect.
“Thank you Ana,” I
whisper.
Thank
you for the gift of this precious new life.
~~~
Ana is sleeping now
after all the trauma. She is totally exhausted and has been given some strong
pain relief which has knocked her out.
So I sit and hold our
son, who is also fast asleep. He’s been cleaned up, and is a nice healthy pink
color now. All is well. I snuggle him against my chest and it’s the most wonderful
feeling in the world. I was worried I might have problems holding him close to me,
but I don’t, not in the slightest, because it feels so right and natural to hold him against my chest, and I've already discovered that he has his own
gorgeous unique baby smell.
“I'm so sorry, son. Forgive
me for not wanting you in the beginning. Your mother always knew she wanted
you, but I didn't understand and it took me a little longer to get used to the
idea. I’ll make it up to you though. I promise I’ll try my hardest to be the
kind of father you deserve, and I’ll always look after you. I’ll never let
anyone hurt you, ever,” I vow, as I slip my finger in his tiny curled up little
hand.
He’s so perfect in every way that I can't stop looking at him. His tiny perfect toes have tiny perfect nails. He’s warm and soft like his mother. Then he yawns and stretches before settling back to sleep again, and it is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
He’s so perfect in every way that I can't stop looking at him. His tiny perfect toes have tiny perfect nails. He’s warm and soft like his mother. Then he yawns and stretches before settling back to sleep again, and it is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
He’s completely helpless
and defenseless. He has to rely totally on his mother and me to look after him.
He needs us to always be there for him.
And we will. Always.
And we will. Always.
~~~
Epilogue ~ Two years later
I love being a father.
I was so worried that I
wouldn’t cope, but I've found that being a father is the best thing, in a way
that I could never have imagined.
Although Teddy is very demanding and incredibly hard work, I love spending as much time with him as I possibly can. As he’s growing up, I find it fascinating seeing the world through his eyes, and maybe that’s why I don’t get impatient with him, which I think has surprised Ana almost as much as it’s surprised me.
Although Teddy is very demanding and incredibly hard work, I love spending as much time with him as I possibly can. As he’s growing up, I find it fascinating seeing the world through his eyes, and maybe that’s why I don’t get impatient with him, which I think has surprised Ana almost as much as it’s surprised me.
Although he has his
mother’s beautiful blue eyes, apart from that our little boy is just like me in
every other way, right down to having a hot temper and the same unruly copper
hair that does its own thing.
My dominant genes have created a mini me, but Ana knows exactly how to handle him, just as she’s learned to handle me. Everyone agrees that Teddy is his father’s son, no question.
My dominant genes have created a mini me, but Ana knows exactly how to handle him, just as she’s learned to handle me. Everyone agrees that Teddy is his father’s son, no question.
But my son is nothing
like the little boy I was. Teddy is the little boy I could have been if I had
had a mother as wonderful as Ana when I was his age. She is amazing with him,
and seeing how loving and caring and awesomely calm she is with him makes me
love her even more than I already did.
Ana’s a fun Mommy who
plays lots of silly games with our boy, and hearing them laughing and giggling
together is the best sound in the entire world. I was scared because I thought
a baby would come between us, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Our son has strengthened the bond between us, because we’re totally united in our love for this child we’ve created, both utterly determined to do our best for him to ensure his health and happiness.
Our son has strengthened the bond between us, because we’re totally united in our love for this child we’ve created, both utterly determined to do our best for him to ensure his health and happiness.
Having a child has made me a far less
selfish person, because I have to put his needs before my own when it comes to
his mother’s attention, but I find this comes naturally because of how much I
love him. I’ve discovered that there are no limits to how much love you can
give when you’re a parent. Love is not a quantifiable resource, because it’s endless
when it comes to your children.
Ana didn't want Teddy to
be an only child, so we agreed not to leave it too long before having another
baby. She fell pregnant the first month we started trying, so I guess we’ll
have to be careful in future as it seems we have no problems conceiving babies.
But now an unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t really faze me because I know how wonderful babies are, and how quickly they grow up. It doesn’t seem possible that Teddy is nearly two already. I've gotten him a wooden train set for his birthday, and I've had Barney convert two of the little engines to run on solar power, like the little helicopter Ana gave me not long after we met, which is still on my desk at work.
I’m determined that my kids will be brought up to be environmentally aware and responsible, so you can't start teaching about renewable energy resources too early in my opinion.
But now an unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t really faze me because I know how wonderful babies are, and how quickly they grow up. It doesn’t seem possible that Teddy is nearly two already. I've gotten him a wooden train set for his birthday, and I've had Barney convert two of the little engines to run on solar power, like the little helicopter Ana gave me not long after we met, which is still on my desk at work.
I’m determined that my kids will be brought up to be environmentally aware and responsible, so you can't start teaching about renewable energy resources too early in my opinion.
We love spending time together outside in our meadow. For Ana, I think it’s somewhere she feels she can
relax away from the ever present security scrutiny we live with. Of course
there are cameras monitoring the entire area, but they are very discrete out
here.
I will never change; I have to know where my family is at all times, and
that they are safe. Hyde may have been found guilty and locked away, but you
never know what other sick fuckers might have planned.
Take Elena’s ex husband for example. Linc is a broken man, thanks to me, so he’d have a motive to come after me again. That’s why Welch has him under permanent surveillance.
Take Elena’s ex husband for example. Linc is a broken man, thanks to me, so he’d have a motive to come after me again. That’s why Welch has him under permanent surveillance.
We’ve only had contact
with Elena once, and that was by accident. She somehow managed to slip under my
mom’s radar and got herself invited to a charity function that we were attending when Ana was about seven and a half months pregnant with Teddy. I
froze when I saw Elena’s unmistakable presence across the room, and pulled Ana
to one side, just as her eyes fixed on her too.
“I’ll understand if you’d rather we left, Ana,” I offered, not
wanting her to get upset.
Ana stared hard across
the room at her enemy for a minute, before straightening her shoulders determinedly.
“No. Why should we be
forced to leave and run away just because she’s
here? You’ve explained to me how she got her claws into you, so I know exactly
what kind of a vile person she is. I may not trust her, but I trust you completely, Christian. You've told
me it’s over between you, that it's all in the past, and I believe you. So
she’s nobody to us, is she?”
“Are you sure about
this? I don’t want you getting upset or stressed, not in your condition,” I
worried, secretly fuming that all our security screening had not picked up on the
fact that Elena would be attending this function. How had she evaded detection?
Maybe she’d come as someone’s anonymous plus one?
“I'm sure, Christian. You have
a speech to make, and I don’t see why you should let down this worthwhile
children’s charity, just because that woman doesn’t know when she’s not
welcome.”
So we carried on as
normal, with Ana totally blanking Elena when we walked in, just as if she
wasn’t there. I didn't attempt to make any kind of contact, and thank God she
wasn’t seated anywhere near us. I think she must have been right at the back
somewhere, because I couldn’t even see her when I stood up to make my speech.
To be on the safe side, I ordered Taylor to make sure the security team prevented Elena gaining any kind of access to us. It made for an uncomfortable evening though, and we left as soon as we could.
To be on the safe side, I ordered Taylor to make sure the security team prevented Elena gaining any kind of access to us. It made for an uncomfortable evening though, and we left as soon as we could.
Maybe the fact that we’d
actually been in the same room made Elena believe that things were back to
normal. It’s the only explanation I
could come up with as to why she saw fit to send a present for Teddy soon after
he was born.
The first I knew about
it was when I noticed what appeared to be some kind of a blue baby outfit cut
up into very small pieces in the trash, along with a ripped up card.
“It was from her,” Ana explained when she saw my
puzzled look. “And I'm not having anything she’s
touched contaminating our son. Or anybody else’s son. So I disposed of it.”
“Okay,” I said slowly,
treading very carefully. Ana was very hormonal as her breast milk had just come
in, and I thought she was quite likely to burst into tears if I didn't handle
this situation tactfully.”We could have just sent it back, then Elena would
have gotten the message.”
“No. That’d just be
giving the bitch the attention that she clearly still craves from you. My way
is best,” Ana glared, challenging me to disagree. “Although I suppose you could
still send it back to her in its current state if you really want. I think
she’d definitely get the message then, don’t you?”
I couldn’t help smiling
as I looked at the shredded pieces of Elena’s unwelcome gift. It
looked as if Ana had really taken out her frustration on it. So be it.
“No, you’re right, baby.
Let’s not waste any more of our time even talking about her.”
~~~
“Let’s find Mommy. She’s
hiding in the grass.”
Teddy loves playing hide
and seek. And he loves being tickled and being thrown up in the air and swung
round. All the things that I couldn’t enjoy as a child, he loves, and it makes
me very happy to hear him shrieking with laughter as we play together.
Ana loves it too,
because I hear her giggling, giving the game away that she’s nearby.
“Mommy!”
Ted is impatient to find
her. Just like me, he doesn’t like being kept waiting.
“Teddy!” Ana calls out,
to give him a clue where to find her.
“Mommy!” Ted screams as he finds her and launches himself at her.
Of course he doesn't understand that he needs to be careful because Mommy is six months pregnant with his baby sister, but Ana doesn’t seem to mind as she showers him with hugs and kisses.
Of course he doesn't understand that he needs to be careful because Mommy is six months pregnant with his baby sister, but Ana doesn’t seem to mind as she showers him with hugs and kisses.
Our
little boy is never short of affection from either of us. Once again I'm
surprised by how easily this came to me, considering how hard I used to find
this kind of thing. But our baby boy smells divine, and is always so gorgeous
to hold and cuddle and kiss that I find him totally irresistible, just like his
mother.
We all sit in the grass
together for a while, and as Ted sits on my lap, I give him my cell to play with to
keep him quiet for a few minutes. Luckily Ros and Andrea are used to their
calls being intercepted by my son these days.
Ever since he was a tiny
baby, I've regularly had Ana bring him into my office. It’s somewhere I want
him to be totally familiar with, because my gut instinct already tells me that
he’s going to be following in my footsteps to run GEH one day.
We’re just so alike and on the same wavelength that I can't see how he can turn out any other way, but Ana says I mustn't try and force him into being anything he doesn’t want to be, and I know she’s right. But in any case I like seeing them both at the office, they bring the place to life.
We’re just so alike and on the same wavelength that I can't see how he can turn out any other way, but Ana says I mustn't try and force him into being anything he doesn’t want to be, and I know she’s right. But in any case I like seeing them both at the office, they bring the place to life.
“Of course you realize
it makes you even sexier to other women, carrying round a cute little baby,”
Ana told me one time after she’d brought Teddy into the office.
“What do you mean?” I’d
asked innocently. I know it’s very shallow, but I'm perfectly aware of the effect
my looks have on women, and I don’t deny that I’ve used it to my advantage
countless times in the past. But she was saying that our baby made me more
attractive?
“She’s right,
Christian,” Ros had piped up in agreement. “Practically every woman in the
building swoons even more than usual when they see you walking round with
young Theodore here.”
Well I didn't give a
fuck about any of that. I just like having my son with me in my working
environment as well as at home. He helps me to focus on what’s important for my
family, for their future. I think I'm
going to find it an even greater challenge having a girl, but I guess I'm just
going to have to adapt and get used to it.
We’ve been discussing
names for our daughter. Ana suggested calling her Ella. I
don’t deny it’s a very pretty name, but there is no way I can taint my daughter by having such a strong association with my birth mother, despite having made huge
steps to come to terms with my past.
With Flynn’s full
approval, both Mom and Ana have been pushing me to confront my issues, now that
I'm a parent and have some insight into how difficult it must have been for my
birth mother to manage on her own with me. Perhaps now I do finally get why she
didn't give me up for adoption when I was born, because if she experienced that
same immense rush of overpowering love that I did, then I guess she wouldn’t have
been able to let her baby go.
But I'm still trying to
get my head around how she could have let me be so badly abused, when I know I would
never let anyone so much as lay a finger on my son. Ana has tried to get me to
see that she was a very ill, disturbed and vulnerable young woman who had an
addictive nature, which turned her into a drug user as a means of escaping from her problems. She’d ended up in
a terrible place, a place where she’d lost control of her life, and lost the ability to protect me as she should have done. At least Ana and I agree that she was a
really shitty mother.
Despite this, Ana insists
that it isn’t a sign of weakness to admit that I loved her, because it’s a
natural instinct for any little boy to love his mother, so I didn't have any
choice in the matter. But the crack whore made me feel so worthless. I
always believed that my own mother found me unlovable, because surely if she had loved
me even just a little, she would have striven harder to protect and care for me,
instead of sitting back and letting all that bad shit happen to me, while she
just watched from her drug induced stupor.
I could only finally
admit out loud that I had loved her when Ana tracked down the grave where my destitute and penniless birth
mother had been buried, the cost of which I discovered had been covered by my
parents, because they’d felt it only fitting to ensure my birth mother had a
proper final resting place. They’d found out that otherwise her body would have been left
where it was in the morgue, until such time as either a local church could
raise enough funds to help out, or the state could be persuaded to fund the
costs.
I broke down in tears when we found the plot and I saw her grave stone, because it was about the saddest thing I think I’d ever seen.
I broke down in tears when we found the plot and I saw her grave stone, because it was about the saddest thing I think I’d ever seen.
Ella Maxwell.
Born September 21st 1964
Died September 21st 1987
Mother of Christian.
May Your Soul Rest In Peace.
So the crack whore had died on her 23rd
birthday, probably because she’d treated herself to an extra dose of drugs to
celebrate.
I hadn't known any of
this.
I ordered her headstone
to be cleaned and restored out of a sense of duty, thinking it was the least
her only son could do as a token of respect, even if I still wasn’t sure she
deserved that respect. Ana has tried to get me to see that she couldn’t help
her addictive nature, and that I have to learn to forgive her and let go of the
anger that I’ve always held in, because it just isn’t healthy for me.
I'm working on it.
There’s a whole lot more
shit still to come out, because Mom has told me she has a box that contains the last few possessions
that belonged to my birth mother, including her diary. Will this give any clues
as to the identity of my birth father? Do I even want to know after all this
time? Mom hasn’t read the diary because she didn't think it was proper. She says
only Ella’s son has that right, but I haven’t felt ready to deal with it yet.
As Flynn always says, one
step at a time.
I don’t want to wallow
in the past when the present and future are what really count right now with my
family. That’s all I really want to think about. Ana, Ted and the new baby that
I’m thinking of suggesting we name Phoebe. If Ana likes it, hopefully it’ll stop
her going on about calling our daughter Ella.
I wouldn’t do that to my daughter, I wouldn’t name her after a crack whore. I don’t use that term out loud so much these days because Ana hates it, but there’s no escaping that’s what she was. A drug addict who funded her addiction by prostituting herself. Not a great role model for my daughter to aspire to. Phoebe Grace would be a perfect name, or I wouldn't mind Phoebe Carla instead if Ana preferred. But not Ella.
I wouldn’t do that to my daughter, I wouldn’t name her after a crack whore. I don’t use that term out loud so much these days because Ana hates it, but there’s no escaping that’s what she was. A drug addict who funded her addiction by prostituting herself. Not a great role model for my daughter to aspire to. Phoebe Grace would be a perfect name, or I wouldn't mind Phoebe Carla instead if Ana preferred. But not Ella.
Ana is far more relaxed
and laid back with Teddy, and says I worry too much, but I can't help it. She
seems to be able to tell instinctively when he cries whether he’s really hurt
or not, but I never take any chances and go to him straight away.
So when I hear him
crying after Taylor’s daughter Sophie has taken him for a walk, I'm on my feet
in seconds to find them. Ana just follows up behind smiling, as I discover the
cause of Ted’s anguish is a dropped popsicle. When you’re only two, I guess
that is a major tragedy. Ana manages to quickly distract him and stop his
tears, as she always does somehow.
“You're so good with
him,” I smile at her.
“This little one?” She
ruffles his hair in the same way she likes to ruffle mine. “It’s only because I
have the measure of you Grey men,” she smirks at me. So true.
“Yes, you do, Mrs.
Grey,” I laugh back.
And so we make our way
back to the house in search of Mrs. Taylor, as Gail is now, to find a
replacement popsicle for Teddy. We swing him between us as we walk along which
he loves, as Sophie skips ahead of us.
Taylor is quite the family man himself these days as he and Gail have settled into their married quarters. Keeping them both happy and contented hopefully means they’ll never leave us, because they are both indispensable and irreplaceable.
Taylor is quite the family man himself these days as he and Gail have settled into their married quarters. Keeping them both happy and contented hopefully means they’ll never leave us, because they are both indispensable and irreplaceable.
~~~
I love reading bedtime
stories to Teddy, and I always try my hardest to be back in time to read to him
whenever I can. I’ve wanted to be there for as many of his milestone moments as
I possibly can.
Taylor’s gotten used to it now, but when Teddy was only a few weeks old, I ordered him to get me back to our house as fast as he could. He thought something must be wrong until I explained that Ana had rung to tell me Teddy had just smiled for the first time, and I wanted to see this for myself before he went back to sleep. I don’t care if Taylor thought I was going soft in the head. You don’t ever get moments like that back do you? And with how fast Ted has grown up already, I know I was right.
Taylor’s gotten used to it now, but when Teddy was only a few weeks old, I ordered him to get me back to our house as fast as he could. He thought something must be wrong until I explained that Ana had rung to tell me Teddy had just smiled for the first time, and I wanted to see this for myself before he went back to sleep. I don’t care if Taylor thought I was going soft in the head. You don’t ever get moments like that back do you? And with how fast Ted has grown up already, I know I was right.
It’s his second birthday
tomorrow, and we’re having a family party. The train set is all ready for him,
although Ana says he’ll be bored with it after two minutes. That’s okay,
because then Elliot and I can play with it. His daughter Ava is only two months
old, so he hasn’t got to play with any of the good stuff yet.
Ana and I gaze up at the
beautiful view as the sun sinks behind the Olympic Peninsula, and I pull her
into my arms.
“It’s quite a view,” she
murmurs.
“It is,” I gaze at her
when she turns round to look at me. I kiss her soft lips. “It’s a beautiful
view. My favorite.”
“It’s home.”
I grin and kiss her
again. “I love you, Mrs. Grey.”
“I love you too,
Christian. Always.”
THE END
Author’s Notes.
So that’s the final
chapter of ‘Meet Fifty Shades’. It’s taken just over a year to reach
the end of the story, and I hope you’ll agree that it’s been quite a
journey. The thoughts of Christian Grey have dominated my life in a way that I
could never have envisaged when I started out.
Both Christian and Grace's blogs will continue to remain open and free for everyone to read, advert free. I have also produced PDF versions that can be downloaded - use the tab at the top of the blog.
As I say at the end of each and every chapter, I've written this fanfiction story for fun and not for profit, but I am suggesting that you might like to make a small donation to a charity of your choice in return for receiving these free PDF versions.
As I say at the end of each and every chapter, I've written this fanfiction story for fun and not for profit, but I am suggesting that you might like to make a small donation to a charity of your choice in return for receiving these free PDF versions.
So, what next?
Read Grace's Story - Fifty Shades retold through the eye's of Christian's mother: http://christiangreymomstory.blogspot.co.uk/
Read Grace's Story - Fifty Shades retold through the eye's of Christian's mother: http://christiangreymomstory.blogspot.co.uk/
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information on my original books: http://www.gegriffin.com/
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My thanks go to each and every one of you for being such fantastic loyal readers.
My thanks go to each and every one of you for being such fantastic loyal readers.
It wouldn't have been
the same without you.
I don’t own any of
the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James.
I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the
Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or
reproduced in any way without permission.