Chapter 57 - Bursting Bubbles

“Christian. Long time no see. Great to have you back. So tell me, how was the honeymoon?”  

John Flynn ushers me in to sit in my usual place on his dark green leather couch, while he sits opposite with his notepad at the ready. It’s kind of comforting to be back in our usual routine, after everything that has happened over the past few weeks - I have a lot to talk over with him.  

“We had a wonderful time. The best. Oh, and we brought this back from England for you, seeing as Rhian tells me you always insist it’s so much better than American chocolate.” 

I take out of my pocket a large bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate and place it on the table - I happen to know he has a very sweet tooth.

 “How very thoughtful of you,” John laughs. “Are you trying to sweeten me up?”  

“Wasn’t my intention, but I don’t suppose it would hurt,” I shrug.

 “So, no doubt there will have been some issues that have presented over the course of the last three weeks, Christian. Adapting to married life presents quite a challenge to most couples, even when they have been living together for several years, and you…”  

“Yeah, yeah, I know, we didn’t exactly hang around. I’ve had all this shit from my dad, the ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’ crap,” I mutter. “But like I told him – why wait when you know it’s right?”
  

“And has your father now accepted your decision not to put in place any kind of a prenuptial agreement?”  

I’d talked this over with John in the session we’d had right after my birthday party, when I told him about the shocking episode between Ana, Elena and Mom. I think he felt somewhat vindicated that Elena had shown her true colors as far as he was concerned, because we’ve always disagreed over our opinion of her.  

“He’s had to, because there was no way I’d do that to Ana. Tell her that I’ll love her forever, that everything I have is hers, but then get her to sign on the dotted line just in case I don’t actually mean any of it? Without Ana, everything material I have would be worthless, so what’s the point? Anyway, I think Mom has probably forbidden him to raise the subject again. She saw how it affected Ana’s confidence, even if Dad never gave that a thought before he opened his big mouth in front of her. He couldn’t resist getting back at me because he was sore after discovering my secret affair with Elena.”  

“As we discussed previously, your father was just being protective towards you, but I agree that it was unfortunate the matter wasn’t settled privately between you and your father without impacting in such a way on Ana’s confidence, because I don’t think for one minute he really sees her as any kind of a fortune hunter. But as I advised then, it’s not useful to brood over something that was brought up in the heat of the moment under stressful circumstances. Hopefully, in time, your father will win back Ana’s trust – he’s a decent man, Christian. Parents are only human and don’t always get things right, and they must have been very hurt and shocked to have discovered your deception over so many years regarding your affair with Elena,” he points out.

 “Yeah, I feel bad about that, and I wish they hadn't found out, but I can't change the past, can I?”

 “How do you feel now that the affair is out in the open with them?” John probes.  

“Well, they still don’t know the whole truth about it do they? It worries me that they are a step nearer, which I really don’t like. But I didn’t come here today to talk about that – it’s history and there’s nothing more to be done about it,” I insist.  

“Very well, Christian, but before we move on to other topics, just one final question. I take it you have now severed all links with Elena?” I nod my head in confirmation. “So how does that feel, after all these years of her being your sole confidante and directing your behavior in your personal life? Do you miss her input at all? Do you regret losing her friendship?”

 “No, most of the time, I don’t miss her input at all. Now I have Ana, I have no need of her guidance. I feel kind of sad at losing an old friend after so many years, but after the way she treated Ana…? No, I have no regrets at all.”  

“So now that you are happily in a very loving relationship, which Elena always insisted was completely impossible for you, can you perhaps accept that her influence over you for so many years was not the force for good that you were always so adamant it was? That perhaps she manipulated you for her own benefit rather than yours?”

John leans forward in his chair to study me intently.   

“You want me to admit that I’ve been wrong about Elena all along? Maybe, I guess, but all I can say is that at the time it didn’t seem that way, and I don’t think it’s as black and white as you’re making out. You can't really judge, because you weren’t there when I was the  angry and disturbed teenager that Elena dealt with, were you?” 

“Fair point I suppose, Christian,” he reluctantly concedes. “But can I ask, has Elena now accepted that you have moved on in your life with Ana? Has she tried to re-establish contact with you at all?”  

“She sent a wedding gift to my office but I sent it back unopened. No way would Ana want anything from her in our home.”  

“Which Elena would be only too aware of, and no doubt why she sent it to your office, wouldn’t you agree? So it seems that she still hasn’t given up on her relationship with you. I only bring this up as a warning to you, Christian, because I worry that you still have a blind spot where she is concerned. Someone as manipulative as Elena has been towards you over such a protracted period of time is unlikely to give up without a fight.”

 “Okay, I get what you’re saying, I suppose. But I sent her present back, didn’t I?”  

“Yes, but did you tell Ana about it? Or did you keep it secret from her so that she wouldn’t get upset? Either way, Elena would know that sending a gift could not possibly achieve anything positive between you and Ana, so why do you think she did it?”  

I look back at John as I consider his question for a minute, and work out what he’s getting at.  

“To make mischief, I guess. At the time, I just thought it was her way of trying to say sorry, but when you explain it like that…”

 Flynn always has this way of cutting through all the shit so I can see things more clearly, and he never hesitates to tell me how it really is.  He is one of the few people I am unable to intimidate or control, which I suppose is why I value him as much as I do. 

Even so I find it hard to accept that I have any kind of a blind spot, when I pride myself on being able to size people up accurately – that instinct is what I rely on so often in my business deals, and it rarely lets me down. 

But just like my mom, and just like Ana, John is adamant that Elena has been manipulating me all along. It’s a hard pill to swallow.

  “Okay, can we get on to what I really need to talk to you about rather than rehashing all this old shit?” I ask him testily, as I fidget impatiently in my chair.  

“Of course. What has you feeling so anxious Christian?” he asks, obviously having noticed my agitation.  

“Several things, John, but the worst is …. I hurt Ana while we were on our honeymoon. I mean I actually caused her physical harm. I fucking hurt the love of my life, John. What the fuck is wrong with me? Now I'm worried I don’t have myself as under control as I thought. I mean, virtually straight after I promised to cherish and protect her, I go and….”

 “Whoa, hold on there. Calm down and let’s start at the beginning. Tell me everything that led up to this incident,” John urges me as he raises his hand to stop me speaking.  

I take a deep breath as I collect myself.  

“When we were on the beach in the South of France, Ana asked how I would feel if she sunbathed topless, and I told her unequivocally that it was totally unacceptable behavior for my wife. Her body is for my eyes only, not for any other man to see. So she was in no doubt whatsoever about how I felt and yet she went right ahead and took her top off while I was swimming, so the whole fucking beach got to see her practically naked, including all of the security team.
For Christ’s sake, John, I overheard the French security guys whispering how Mme. Grey had the best tits on the beach, so I know they got a good look. And it was only sheer luck the paparazzi didn’t get a shot of her, because if they had, practically the whole fucking world would have gotten to see my wife naked. Ana said it was a mistake, that she’d turned over in her sleep, but if she hadn't taken her top off in the first place it couldn't have happened, could it?”  

“I see. So how did you react to Ana’s indiscretion?”  

“I was really fucking mad and wanted to punish her right away, but I managed to resist the urge and stay calm. I thought it through, and came up with the idea of punishing her by totally controlling her pleasure while we had rough sex. So I blindfolded her, and used two pairs of harsh metal handcuffs to restrain her, meaning she couldn’t see anything or move at all. Thing is, with what I had in mind, I knew she’d find it impossible not to struggle against the cuffs, and I knew they’d cut into her. I even made her drink plenty, knowing a full bladder would make her orgasm even more intense, and her punishment therefore that much harder to deal with.”  

John raises his eyebrows. A new one on you, John? You could maybe pick up a few tips here, because whatever else I may be, I really am a genius when it comes to sex.  

“Was this rough sexual episode fully consensual? Did Ana willingly let you restrain her in this way?” he queries.  

“Yes, but she had no idea what she was agreeing to, did she?” 

“She had a safe word, though?” 

“Yes, of course.”  

“But she didn’t use it?”

 “No, and afterwards she said the sex was great and her orgasm mind-blowing, but…”  

“But? What is the issue here?”  

“I was so fucking mad with her that while we were having sex I gave in to a sudden urge to cover her breasts with hickeys so she wouldn’t be tempted to expose herself again, which made her fucking mad with me when she saw them afterwards. But at least I know hickeys don’t actually hurt. 
What was far worse, what has got me so wound up, is the fact that the cruel unpadded metal handcuffs left these really ugly, nasty, red welts and bruises on her wrists and ankles where they bit into her delicate skin. 
And afterwards, every time I saw them, I felt so fucking guilty that I had inflicted this damage on my wife, when I’d only just vowed to protect her and look after her. She said they didn’t hurt, but they must have done, right? 
What kind of a husband does that make me? I never used to feel guilty when I caned a sub and saw the red marks on them; in fact I used to be proud of my handiwork.  But every time I saw those vile marks on Ana, I felt so remorseful, and yet at the time I’d been so sure she deserved to be punished, and I can't deny I enjoyed carrying it out. 
But then I felt so ashamed and confused, I just wanted to cover the marks up to hide them and make them go away. The whole experience has made me doubt myself, and wonder if Elena has been right about me all along; that I can't do without the hard shit because I am a sadist and always will be. 
It is in my nature to enjoy inflicting pain, even on my precious wife whom I love more than life itself.”  

I exhale loudly as I run my fingers through my hair now I've got this off my chest, and wait for John’s take.  

“Christian, you might be married, but you mustn’t forget that your relationship with Ana is still very new and that you both still have a lot to learn about each other. Possibly she needs to learn to be a little more sensitive to areas of her behavior that you feel very strongly about and will really upset you, and work out for herself whether it is really worth causing you so much anguish just by being careless or thoughtless. 
And I think you are already well on the way to working out that you don’t like living with the physical evidence of giving Ana this kind of punishment. 
You are both learning about dealing with the consequences of your actions. If you truly were a sadist, as you insist on labeling yourself, seeing the marks on Ana wouldn’t have worried you in the least, so I think we can rule out that theory of yours. 
It’s just a lingering doubt left by Elena’s malevolent influence, which is going to take some time to dissipate, after so many years of it being constantly drip fed to brainwash you.  I’m actually delighted by how you’ve reacted to your behavior, because it shows how far you’ve already come in such a short time.”  

“Really? Is that how you see it? It’s a good sign?” I'm relieved that John doesn’t seem to think I'm still an evil pervert. 

“Yes, these changes in your behavior won't happen overnight, but this response of yours in feeling such disquiet and remorse is another positive step along the way, and as I keep telling you…”  

“One small step at a time. Yeah, I know,” I sigh.

 “So what else did you want to discuss? You said there were several things?”  

“Something happened today when we both went back to work. See, I love that Ana is now Mrs. Grey, because it means the whole world knows that she is mine. And I thought she loved being Mrs. Grey, that she was proud to be my wife and take my name.”

 “Yes, I can understand how you would like that,” John smiles.

 “So why the fuck do I only find out today that apparently Ana’s decided not to change her name or use her married title at work? The first I knew about it was when the email I sent to Ana Grey first thing this morning bounced back. She’d not even mentioned this intention of hers to keep her single name, or discussed it the whole time we were away on our honeymoon, despite the fact that she had ample opportunity.”  

Barney has ensured all SIP systems have been fully upgraded while we’ve been away and now comply fully with GEH security standards, so I didn’t worry about using my cell when I emailed Ana soon after I got to work this morning to tell her I was thinking about her. I could not believe my eyes when it bounced back. 

I immediately had Barney check it out, and was fucking furious when he told me it was because Mrs. Grey hadn't updated her name on the SIP systems.  

By the time I did get in contact with Ana and found out it was intentional and not an oversight on her part, she casually said we should talk about it later, and that she was just going into a meeting. 

So I had to fucking wait to sort things out, and I really didn’t appreciate having to wait. I managed to resist the temptation to go over and haul her out of the meeting, because I had some really important security matters to organize in view of the information Barney found on Hyde’s hard drive.  

Welch has analyzed it and from what was there, he thinks all my family could be potential targets, so I’ve ordered round the clock security for all of them, much to their dismay. 

Luckily the panic room Welch recommended has already been installed in Taylor’s office, as it turns out Hyde had also been researching details of all the general security measures at Escala, indicating he knows where I live and could potentially be planning to try and gain access. 

I guess it’s not surprising that I'm feeling tense now that our honeymoon bubble has been well and truly burst, especially after the car pursuit as well. I’m sure Hyde must also somehow be involved in that, although we don’t have any hard evidence as yet.

 “And what would you say is the most likely reason for Ana’s reluctance to discuss with you her wish not to use her married name at work, Christian?”  

“I’m worried she’s already having doubts; that despite what she says, the way I acted in punishing and hurting her is making her regret marrying me,” I say quietly, as I confess my darkest fear. “I knew it was too much to ask of her, taking on a man like me, and I’m all too aware that I could still lose her.”  

“Christian, you are overreacting here. Many women prefer to keep their unmarried name in the workplace, as a way of separating their personal and professional lives. I think it most likely that Ana felt reluctant to discuss the issue of her not using her married name with you because she feared you would react negatively – as indeed you have - and so felt intimidated. 
However, I think she will have quickly realized that letting you find out her intentions the way you did, was not exactly the best way for her to handle things. This is exactly what I have just been telling you – learning the best way to deal with issues like this in your relationship is a steep learning curve for both of you. So, how did you handle the matter with Ana?”  

“I went over to see her as soon as I got word she was out of her meeting.”   

That’s one of the prime duties of her security detail – Mr. Grey is to be apprised of Mrs. Grey’s precise location at all times. Of course Jerry Roach came scurrying down to meet me the second he got wind of my arrival, and insisted on escorting me to Ana’s office, no doubt panicking that something must be wrong for me to have made an impromptu visit.   

“I see. And did you calmly and rationally ask Ana to explain her reasons for wishing to keep her unmarried name at her work place?” John asks as he raises his eyebrows at me questioningly.

 “Yes, I think I did, actually. I didn’t shout or holler in any way.  I just told her that I thought some of my assets needed re-branding. She got what I meant.”  

John winces and shakes his head.  

“Christian! I can't imagine Ana took well to being referred to as an asset.”

“No, you’re right about that. She got pretty angry about the whole thing, tried to tell me it was nothing to do with me, but how can she say that? We’re married; she’s my wife. Grey is her surname now, not Steele. She has to use it, that’s the whole point, because it tells everyone that she is mine.”

 “Having the same name isn’t what makes her yours, Christian. The love that you share is what binds you to each other,” John tries to explain.  

“Yes, but I need her to be mine in every possible way. Taking my name is a very important and visible way to prove this, because I want her world to start and end with me. I've never had anyone like her in my life before, and I want her to be as totally consumed with me in every way as I am with her.”  

“So how did Ana respond?”  

“She said that what she’s doing now is her dream job, but that she wants to be judged on her own merit and not because she’s the wife of the man who owns the company. Look, I admit I’ve told her I’d rather she didn’t go out to work – it’s not as if we need the money is it? But Ana insists she wants to work or she’ll feel suffocated, and I'm trying to respect that, despite the fact that with all the security issues at the moment it would be a hell of a lot easier if she stayed at home. But my gut feeling is that she will be very good at her job and part of me feels proud and wants to encourage her, which is why I was happy when SIP suggested she got promoted to caretake Hyde’s job as the cheapest stop gap until I took the company over. 
But Ana hadn't worked that out until I spelt it out to her, and then she hated the fact that basically she only got her job as a consequence of my actions. But the truth is it gave her a chance to shine – which she really has.”  

“So your simple discussion about her name evolved into another matter by the sound of things?”

“I guess so. I went on to tell her I’d decided that SIP was going to become Grey Publishing, and that as a wedding gift, I would give it to her to run in a year’s time. I thought this was the best way to show how committed to her I am, and how much faith I have in her abilities – she’s a very bright girl. So having told her all this, I asked her then if I should be renaming the company Steele Publishing.” Of course that was never going to happen, was it, Grey?  

“So you’ve gone from wanting her to stay at home, to giving her a publishing company to run. I'm guessing Ana was rather shell shocked at this point?”  

“Yeah, I guess, but at least I got her to agree to change her name at work,” I grin at him smugly.  

“You basically railroaded her to get your own way, didn’t you, Christian?” John states wryly.  

“Works for me. It’s how I operate. I just don’t get why Ana wasn’t going to change her name at work until I intervened.”

 “My guess is that maybe Ana, as a free minded, independent young woman, wanted to have one part of her life that wasn’t under your control, where you couldn’t railroad or influence everything around her. But you just couldn’t stand back and let it go, could you, Christian? You really need to learn to loosen your vice-like grip on her in at least some areas or you run the risk that Ana will start really resenting you and kicking back,” John sighs, as he writes something on his notepad. Probably that you are the most extreme control freak he’s ever dealt with, Grey.

 “But that’s what I mean when I say I want her world to begin and end with me. Ana is everything to me. I want to give her everything. I want to know about every part of her life. I want to understand everything about her, which brings me to another quandary I faced while we were away.”  

“Go on.”

 “You know I told you how Ana found the box of intimate photos that Leila took out of my safe? The ones of my subs that I kept for insurance purposes?”  

“Yes, I recall that incident.”  

“Well, I know Ana was shocked by them, that she looked on them as my private porn collection. Truthfully I’d forgotten I still had them, and I certainly didn’t need them anymore. So I destroyed them, not wanting anything that served as a reminder of how I used to objectify women.”  

“So why are we discussing them now?”  

“When we were on our honeymoon, Ana bought me a present. It was a camera, and I think she was maybe suggesting I should take those kinds of intimate pictures of her. So what I want is your opinion about whether you think Ana still worries she can't do everything for me that my subs used to. Was she suggesting I take porn pictures of her to compete with them in some way? Does she think I still need to objectify women?”  

“Did you try just asking Ana straight out what her intention was with her gift?”  

“I tried, but she clammed up on me, and then I got so confused I wasn’t sure what to say for fear of unsettling her and making her feel bad.”  

“So, did you actually use the camera?”

“Yeah, I took loads of pictures of her, but mostly when she didn’t realize. Like when she was sleeping, because she always looks so beautiful then. I didn’t take any porn type of pictures of her, because I don’t feel the need. But is that what she was expecting me to do? So is she feeling disappointed that I didn’t?”  

“I wouldn’t worry too much about what her original intentions or motives were. You’ve used her present to take special pictures of her that will give you great pleasure, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it? They may not be pornographic, but pictures of someone sleeping are still incredibly intimate and personal. I would suggest you pick out your particular favorites, then show her and tell her how much you like them, to build up her self confidence.”  

“Okay, I'm happy to go with that. So, one last thing – I wanted to ask how Leila is doing now.”  

John shifts to sit back in his chair, as he rubs his chin contemplatively before speaking.   

“She’s making good progress, according to Doctor Phillips in New Haven. Leila reconciling with her parents in Connecticut, has proved to be hugely beneficial in her recovery. And enrolling her in art school in Hamden will give her new purpose and direction to focus on. It should help her to learn to control her unhealthy obsessive personality – I referred Leila to a female psychiatrist rather than another male doctor when it became apparent she was transferring her fixation from you to me.”  

“So she’s still got some issues to deal with by the sound of things?” I’d had no idea Leila had such complex issues when she’d been my sub, but then I never really delved too deeply into any of their personal lives.

“It’s not uncommon for obsessive personalities to misinterpret their true feelings. They fail to realize that what they see as undying love is actually a medical condition. It’s no secret that romantic fantasies and sexual attraction can often be so intense that a person’s judgment is clouded. Some believe that they are fighting for “the one”, suffering from unrequited love or desperately trying to work on their relationship, while in reality they are struggling with the demons of their own mind. But I'm confident that with continued support, Leila will get there in the end.”  

“Fine, John. Thanks for all your help with this, and please keep me updated with Leila’s progress.”  

“Of course. And I take it you are still happy to finance all her treatment and also her art course?”  

“Absolutely. It’s the least I can do for her.”

 “So, is that it for today?”  

“I think it is John.”

 ~~~

Ana is in a foul mood after work, even snapping at the security detail, much to their surprise. They are fast learning, as I did pretty soon after I first met my future wife, that although Ana may look small, meek and submissive, appearances can be very deceptive because she is anything but.

 I thought we’d got things sorted in her office when she’d agreed to change her name but she tells me that she didn’t like the way I handled the fact that she disagreed with me. However, after talking things through, we manage to retune ourselves to get back into sync again before Gia Matteo turns up to discuss the plans for our new home. Flynn would be so proud of you, Grey. Another small step. Pat on the back time.

Sometimes you have to deal with people you don’t like because they happen to be the best at their job, and a case in point is Gia Matteo. 

She’s undoubtedly a brilliant architect, but she’s also the type of woman I dislike intensely – an aggressive sexual predator. During my previous dealings with her regarding my place in Aspen, Elliot relished the way she openly flaunted her tits and ass at him and they ended up being fuck buddies for a while. 

So maybe it’s a good thing Elliot can be in little doubt this time round that Miss Katherine Kavanagh would not stand for him messing around with another woman. I think Kate would totally crush his balls, and I also think she’d give Ms. Matteo a proper bitch slapping for good measure, were she to get even the slightest hint that he’d rekindled their brief affair. I may not be Kate’s biggest fan, but I think she is a good influence in taming Elliot’s man-whoring ways.  

When Gia arrives, it’s apparent that Ana’s clearly got the measure of her as a man-eater, and she senses my unquiet at the way the woman keeps invading my personal space and touching me. I'm amused to see that Ana has made sure she looks stunning and sexy to meet the challenge she feels Gia sets. Baby, there is no contest. You win hands down every time.  

 After being told by Flynn in our session today that I need to try and resist my urge to control every aspect of Ana’s life, I decide to follow his advice and hand control over to her for all the final decisions regarding our new house. Naturally I have opinions and preferences, but basically I just want her to be happy in our future home, and so I'm thrilled she is taking such a positive interest in it, when I’ve had such difficulty in getting her to feel comfortable about sharing my wealth.

 Whatever Ana wants, she can have, and I’ll go along with it. I know I'm not really taking much of a risk, because she has innate good taste, even if she doesn’t realize it. Like the pictures of the peppers that we bought on our honeymoon – she instinctively picked out the most interesting and appropriate pictures without hesitation. 

I realized she had a good eye for art the very first time she came to my office, when she noticed my collection of thirty six small Trouton paintings. Her comment as she admired them  ‘Raising the ordinary to extraordinary” was exactly how I would have described them myself.

So when Taylor interrupts our meeting to call me away, I spell it out to Gia.

 “Mrs. Grey is in charge of this project. She has absolute carte blanche. Whatever she wants, it’s hers. I completely trust her instincts. She’s very shrewd.” So don’t mess with my wife, okay? She’s the boss lady.  

Taylor’s update is not what I wanted to hear. He informs me they haven’t been able to locate Hyde from any of the intel Barney downloaded from his hard drive. He hasn’t been at his apartment for weeks, apparently. Shit. 

I just want him caught now we have evidence implicating him in both the sabotage of Charlie Tango and the arson attack at Grey House. Hyde sure is one devious, slippery fucker, and I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about how closely he worked with Ana for a while. Taylor reports Welch will continue to search for new leads, which is all they can do for now. So fucking frustrating.

 When I rejoin Ana, it’s blatantly obvious that somehow my wife has put Gia very firmly in her place. Instead of calling us Christian and Ana as she had been, we are now Mr. and Mrs. Grey. I am very impressed and actually proud that Ana has shown her steely backbone and refused to be intimidated by this obnoxious but talented woman.  It seems the Grey influence is rubbing off to bring out her more confident and assertive side, and I couldn’t be more delighted. That’s exactly how my wife should feel as she takes her place by my side in the world.  

And by my side is where I wish she could be when I make plans to go to New York a couple of days later for a critical meeting that can’t be put off,  but Ana insists she can't take more time off work. As I'm trying to prove that I am taking her career seriously, I reluctantly have to accept she won't be coming with me. 

But I know I won't sleep well without her, because I never do now. I need to have my beloved wife next to me in bed, so she will be the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning.  

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission.