07 April 2013

Chapter 58 - Cocktailgate

I sit in the chair by the bed and watch my wife sleeping peacefully, apparently without a care in the world. I notice that for some reason she’s on my side of our bed, wearing one of my T shirts instead of a silk nightgown.

I swirl the whisky round in the glass tumbler before taking another slug.

As always when she sleeps, Anastasia looks beautiful, and sweet, and innocent.

Looks can be very deceiving.

If you had asked me before tonight, the one thing I would've been certain of was that my Ana was always honest with me. My Ana was not deceitful. My Ana was not a liar. If Ana gave me her word, I was sure she would keep it.

So, although she was not my obedient submissive, and although she refused to promise to obey me in our wedding vows, at least I believed that if she gave me her word about something as important as not going out drinking with Katherine fucking Kavanagh while there was a fucking madman on the loose, she would have fucking well kept her word.

If I hadn't trusted this was the case, I would never have left Ana behind on this trip. I couldn’t put off going to New York, not when we were so critically close to closing the crucial deal with the Taiwanese shipyard owners that Ros and I have been working on for months. 

But I would have insisted that Ana had to come with me, so I would know where she was at all times, that she was safe, whatever objections she’d have raised about not wanting to leave her job when we had only just come back from our honeymoon. Why was she so worried about her fucking job anyway? I was hardly going to let them fire her was I?

Now I’m fucking pissed with myself for being so weak with her about her job, relenting about her working just to keep her happy, but in doing so putting her at risk. What the fuck had I been thinking? It’s no good organizing a security detail to guard her round the clock, if she’s then going to split the team up by acting like an errant teenager, rebelliously staying out gossiping and drinking four strawberry mojitos one after the other.

Neither was there any point in the effort I had gone to in shielding her from all the worrying implications of what was on Hyde’s computer if Elliot couldn’t be more discrete.  But he had to go blabbing about every little detail to his fucking interfering big-mouthed girlfriend Katherine fucking Kavanagh. 

My brother really needs to exert more control over that female, or she is going to walk all over him and completely emasculate him. I shall certainly be having words with him first chance I get.

Luke Sawyer reported that it was Miss Kavanagh who persuaded Mrs. Grey to go to the stupid fucking Zig Zag Café, and that although Belinda Prescott reminded Mrs. Grey of Mr. Grey’s instructions, Mrs. Grey insisted that as Mr. Grey wasn’t there, Mrs. Grey was going to this stupid fucking café.

This act of defiance was undoubtedly due to Kate’s influence. Seeing as Kate was aware of the increased security measures I’d ordered, did she not have the slightest concern for her friend’s safety? Did it not occur to her that they were taking a risk in going against my instructions? How could she not comprehend that I put these measures in place for a very good reason?

Okay, so I’d gone against Taylor’s advice in not apprising my wife of all the facts regarding the security implications of the information Barney discovered on Hyde’s computer about my family. 

Taylor had been of the opinion that Ana would be more likely to be cooperative with all the security measures if she knew the potential scale of the risk. Fuck that, I'd told him in no uncertain terms. I was not having my wife worried unnecessarily just to make the job of the security team easier. They would just have to work round the situation to comply with my instructions. That's their fucking job, it’s what I pay them to do, and with Prescott, the female CPO now in situ, there is no reason why my wife can't be escorted at all times, 
wherever  she goes. So she doesn’t  need to know all the gory details, and sometimes ignorance is bliss. I do all the worrying for her, so she doesn’t  need to. That’s my job.

While she was at this bar, not only did she neglect to ring me to let me know she'd changed her plans, Ana didn’t even extend me the courtesy of picking up my calls or responding to my text, no doubt because she knew that I would be furious that she'd gone back on her word to me. It seems my wife has no problem in ignoring my express wishes, but is apparently unable to stand up to Kate’s corrupting influence in persuading her to go out drinking.

From what I gleaned from Sawyer, Ana seemed upset that Kate knew more about the Hyde situation than she did. Surely she can appreciate that there was no need for her to be concerned, because it is her husband's responsibility to worry about these things, not hers. Fuck Kate for stirring things up like this.

When  I received Sawyer’s report apprising me of Mrs. Grey’s change of plans for the evening, fortuitously I’d already made sure I’d spoken to everyone of importance at the New York event I was attending. 

When I was unable to speak to Ana, and when Sawyer updated me with the fact that Mrs. Grey had not even stuck to her promise to have just one drink before returning to Escala, I was enraged even further.

I  knew with the extreme level of frustration and anger surging through me, there was no chance of me getting any kind of a decent night’s sleep in my New York apartment. I fucking hated the fact that I had no control over events in Seattle, despite all the plans I had put in place.

So I ordered Taylor to organize our six hour flight back to Seattle as soon as possible, rather than hang about needlessly until the following day – my private jet is always on standby ready to leave at a moment’s notice in any case.

At least then I knew I would be back in the morning to wrench back control, and deal with the fact that Anastasia had gone back on her word to me, a matter I considered so vital that I couldn’t let it go unremarked upon or unpunished in some way.

However, I ordered Taylor not to let anyone know of our imminent return, because that would spoil the element of surprise – I like to keep everyone on their toes.  Just before we took off at around a quarter to one in the morning, I sent Ana an email warning her of my displeasure and that I would see her tomorrow, but I didn’t elaborate about exactly when that would be. Now she could worry all night about how pissed I was with her.

Theoretically, it should have been possible to sleep on the flight back, but of course I couldn’t, nor could I settle to use the time constructively to get any work done. It was so fucking frustrating, and all that kept popping into my head were images of me punishing Ana. The cane has always been my instrument of choice, but I’ve gotten rid of  them now. However, it's always possible to improvise, and I have a very creative imagination.

Taylor eyed me warily for most of the flight. To his credit, he never even hinted at any kind of 'I told you so', which must have been going through his mind. He’d tried to warn me that Mrs. Grey might not take kindly to being kept in the dark about the increased security measures, and I’d overruled him. I guess I have to remember he has gotten to know my wife’s stubborn and defiant personality quite well over the course of these last few months.

“So tell me again, what exactly did my wife say to Prescott, when she tried to remind her of my orders?” I asked him as I sat brooding, trying to get my head around Ana’s betrayal.

The security detail must have been caught on the back foot, because I’d told them that Mrs. Grey and Miss Kavanagh would be  going straight back to Escala. I was  furious that this made me look like a fucking dick who couldn’t keep his wife under control, because first chance she got, practically the minute I left town, she’d countermanded my instructions. I was also mad because the team wouldn't have had a chance to make any kind of a security sweep of the club before she arrived, thereby increasing the risk to her safety even further.

“I believe she replied that you weren’t there, and firmly repeated her instruction to be taken to The Zig Zag Cafe in a tone that brooked no argument, sir. Sawyer and Prescott felt they had no option but to comply with Mrs. Grey’s wishes, as the only alternative would have been to physically restrain her, which they are only authorized to do when there is a clear and present danger to her safety, and at this time there was not. Therefore, the most secure option was to escort her to this club and keep her under close protection.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get they felt they had no other option,” I practically snarled at him. But part of me wished they had just picked her up, thrown her in the back of the car, and made her return to Escala.

“Mr. Grey, I appreciate this isn’t really a good time to bring this up, but I need to apprise you of the fact that your sister is also being less than cooperative with regard to her CPO,” Taylor said quietly, obviously deciding that he might as well put all the shit out there. “Miss Grey keeps telling Wainwright to  ‘just piss off and leave her alone’, and that he has no right to follow her. He reported to me that Miss Grey made some totally false allegations about him being a pervert, because he followed her into a store when she wanted to buy some lingerie, but I can assure you that Wainwright was just following instructions and doing his job, sir.”

“What is it with all these fucking defiant women?” I bellowed, as I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.  All I was trying to do was protect them against this sick bastard Hyde who was still on the loose, because who knew what he was capable of? 

We now had evidence that implicated him in both the sabotage of Charlie Tango and the arson attack at Grey House, so until he was caught and locked away, the threat was a very real one indeed. The thought of any harm coming to my baby sister because Hyde wanted revenge on me made me sick to my stomach, so why couldn’t Mia just accept the measures that, with the agreement of my father, I’d put in place for the safety of all my family?

“Tell Wainwright that he must continue to carry out his duties regardless of any resistance or uncooperative behavior he encounters from Miss Grey. It’s just a fucking shame that women CPOs are so hard to recruit, because my sister might possibly be more receptive to being accompanied by another female.”

I was also well aware of the fact that because Wainwright was not particularly good looking, that might also have been a contributory factor in Mia’s dislike of the man. However, knowing my sister’s character, I hadn't felt it a good idea to have someone that she might have been attracted to, and be tempted to start flirting with.

“I agree, sir. We were extremely lucky to get Belinda Prescott to agree to relocate from Georgia to Seattle for Mrs. Grey’s security detail. There are very few female operatives of her caliber, with her background, that are available. That’s why they can pretty much name their price.”

I’d had no problem in agreeing a very generous package to tempt Ms. Prescott to join our security team. As far as I was concerned, it'd been worth every penny for my peace of mind, knowing that Ana could now be escorted wherever she went. Fat lot of good that was if my wife could not obey just a simple request to spend her evening socializing with her friend at our apartment, rather than in a far riskier public place.

During that long flight back, all that kept running through my mind was that I really, really wanted to give my wife a severe punishment beating. I wanted to beat the shit out of her actually, which confused me when I’d thought I wouldn’t be feeling that way again. 

Ana’s insolent behavior was causing all my old ugly inclinations to resurface. She had betrayed me. How fucking dare she go back on her word to me after I put my trust in her? I would have sworn she wouldn’t do that, so how had I got it so wrong? 

Was my love for her affecting my judgment, was I losing my logic and rationale? I just kept turning it over and over in my head, stoking up the raging fire of anger that kept exploding within me.


As I’m just finishing my second tumbler of whisky, Anastasia suddenly wakes. It’s around six in the morning.

I watch as she struggles to regain her senses, no doubt hindered by the large amount of alcohol she foolishly consumed last night. I hope she has a really unpleasant hangover to serve as a reminder. I’d like to give her my own special reminder as well, but I'm struggling to overcome the virtually overwhelming desire to punish her, against the fact that I've vowed never to do that to her again.

She left me last time I beat her. Whatever has happened, I don’t ever want her to leave me again. My overpowering, overwhelming, all consuming love for her is why I'm trying to protect her, and why it is so fucking frustrating that she refuses to let me.

I have all these conflicting feelings surging through me and I'm struggling, really struggling to keep a lid on my feelings, especially in view of what transpired when we finally landed in Seattle.

All hell broke loose the second we touched down, and re-established contact with the security team. Both my cell and Taylor’s had numerous urgent missed calls and messages, including one for me from my wife.

“Hi. It’s me. Please don’t be mad. We’ve had an incident at the apartment. But it’s under control, so don’t worry. No one is hurt. Call me.”

An incident? What kind of a fucking incident? Ana’s voice  sounded pretty shaky in the voice-mail, so what the fuck had been going on?

Taylor immediately contacted Sawyer, and we both listened on speaker phone. Sawyer first assured us that Mrs. Grey was safe, then calmly informed us that fucking Hyde got into the apartment last night - that is Ryan let him in to trap him, when he realized that was who the supposed delivery man he could see on CCTV was, his suspicions having been aroused because this guy was wearing heavy gloves despite it being a warm August night. 

After a violent struggle, Ryan overpowered him and knocked him out. Hyde was now in hospital under police guard, but wasn’t thought to be seriously hurt.

It was a brave decision on Ryan's part to let Hyde in considering he’d been left on his own, shorthanded because the other two officers were still out protecting Ana. Brave or foolhardy, I'm still in two minds about that. Maybe had he known that Hyde was armed, he might have thought twice. That madman had a fucking gun. Hyde was in our home, with a fucking loaded gun for fucks sake.

“What about Gail?” Taylor and I both asked virtually simultaneously.

“Ryan had a choice to make. Spend the couple of minutes he had before Hyde arrived in the service lift to call for back up, or make sure Mrs. Jones was safely secured in the panic room. He correctly prioritized  the safety of Mrs. Jones. She was out of harm’s way in the panic room for the entire incident.”

“Thank fuck for that,” growled Taylor. “Although I’d argue the wisdom of letting him in at all. Ryan took one hell of a risk.”

“He had to make a split second decision. Seeing as we’ve had no intel at all regarding Hyde’s whereabouts up to now, he felt it was too good an opportunity to miss to finally apprehend the fucker. He was confident he could handle him.”

Confident? Perhaps overconfident, I'm still trying to decide, because he’d only just managed to contain the fucker before Sawyer arrived back at the apartment with Ana. What would have happened if Ryan hadn't managed to overpower Hyde? What if Hyde had shot him and Sawyer had walked in blind and unprepared?  Was Hyde’s intention to kill Ana or kidnap her? I can’t bear to contemplate either option, but I suspect he most likely wanted to kidnap her, and then do all kinds of unspeakably disgusting things to her while he held her to ransom.

But thank Christ Ryan did manage to overpower Hyde, and I can't argue it’s good to know the fucker has finally been apprehended. It’s just a shame the police had to be involved, but I reluctantly concede that in reality, there was very little option to do otherwise.

As she wakes up, I can see that at first Ana is surprised to see me, and then wary. So she fucking well ought to be.

“Hi,” she whispers.

I don’t trust myself to speak to her or kiss her at all, because the anger is burning so strongly within me, that I need to keep a very, very tight rein on myself. 

“You’re still mad,” Ana works out.

No shit. That doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling.

“Mad. No, Ana. I am way, way beyond mad.”

I am torn. Torn because I can hardly bear to speak to her after the way she’s behaved, and yet I want to take her in my arms and hold her tight, and breathe in her wonderful scent.

I listen as she kind of apologizes, but as she admits she doesn't actually mean it, what’s the point of her spouting meaningless words?

My wife tells me that she doesn’t want me to be mad at her – maybe she should have thought of that before, when she was out sipping her fourth strawberry mojito, mindlessly gossiping with Kate, while forcing the security detail to be spread too thinly.  She wasn’t so worried about how mad I would be then was she?

“Don’t be so cold,” she pleads.

Cold? I wish I did feel cold, because it sure as hell would be better than this burning, all consuming rage I'm trying to quell. I'm trying to resist the urge to drag my wife straight to the playroom, forcefully restrain her, and beat the living daylights out of her, before fucking her so hard that she wouldn’t be able to walk for a week. Then she’d sure as hell not be so fucking defiant and unrepentant. 

The only thing holding me back is the memory of how it felt when she walked out on me before when I beat her, and that was a mild punishment compared to anything I’d give her now if I let myself go. 

So I have to keep myself at a distance – it’s the only way I can cope right now, but it’s killing me.

Then Ana completely disarms me by suddenly coming over and crawling onto my lap and curling herself up against me. Part of me wants to push her away, because I'm still so angry with her, but I can't manage it. The urge to have a fix of her scent to calm me down is far too strong and irresistible, so I indulge myself as I bury my nose in her wonderful hair, and wrap my arms around her soft body.

“Oh, Mrs. Grey. What am I going to do with you?” I sigh, as I kiss the top of her head, feeling slightly more relaxed. Despite everything, my Ana is here in my arms and safe.


Ana can't be feeling too guilty about her actions, because she goes back to sleep like a baby after we've spoken a little more.

She tells me she’s angry with me too. I don’t even want to go there right now, I don’t dare start that conversation the way I’m feeling.

 I leave her to sleep, because Taylor and I need an urgent debrief with Ryan and Sawyer , especially now the police are involved. We need to agree exactly how much of our own private investigations and intel we're willing to share with the cops.

The fact that we've undoubtedly broken countless privacy laws will need to be smoothed over in some way, but I know the police envy us our freedom to snoop as we wish with our state of the art technology.

 The investigating detective’s attitude will influence how much of our intel we'll share to ensure that a conviction can be secured against Hyde. So far, Ryan and Sawyer have given the detectives who’d attended in the early hours only the bare minimum of information.

As Ryan points out, the fact that Hyde was apprehended armed and inside my property confirms his hostile intentions. There’s no question we could prove he had entered under false pretences with a fake identity. Had Ryan knocked him out in a public area, it might have been more complicated, and Hyde potentially could have argued about it being a case of mistaken identity.  

Once we’ve agreed our tactics, I head off to revert to my tried and tested method of dealing  with unresolved tension, sexual or otherwise. I put myself through a punishing workout in the gym, and then go for a run. As things stand right now, I don’t even feel able to confide in Flynn, until I get myself under better control.

When I return, I check in on Ana, feeling compelled to take her a fresh orange juice to get some fluids and vitamin C into her, knowing that she'll be dehydrated after her drinking session. She's awake and looks much more refreshed this time round. But I still don’t feel like talking to her, so I head off to the shower.

Ana follows me in there, obviously assuming that we’ll make love, I’ll forgive her and everything will be fine and dandy between us again. She just doesn’t get how fucking furious I still am with her. However easily seduced part of my anatomy is to her advances, I just can't do this, because if I let myself go, I know that feeling as I do right now, I'm perfectly capable of hurting her, and I mean really hurting her, so I don’t dare let the flood gates open. I can't trust myself.


I can't do this, and I really don’t want to discuss all the issues with Ana here in the shower, so although she tells me I'm overreacting, I leave her to it. I head to my office to make some calls, and I'm on the phone to Welch when Ana appears in the doorway. I shake my head at her – I don’t want her here, listening in to this conversation, so she wanders away again.

She’s still going to work, and although I don’t want her to, there isn’t really any security reason why she can't, and to be honest I think some distance between us might be good right now.

Later that day, I have an uncomfortable session with Detective Clark, as we play cat and mouse around any possible legal infringements regarding my teams' actions in monitoring Hyde up till now. Clark tells me that the cops have found worrying equipment in the van that Hyde arrived in.

A mattress, enough horse tranquilizer to take down a dozen horses, along with a garbled note addressed to me that makes no sense.  Kidnapping  Ana was most definitely his intention. I feel physically sick at the thought of him taking my wife.

Detective Clark and I discuss the fact that Hyde has convictions in Detroit. I was born and adopted in Detroit. It seems logical to assume there must be a link here somewhere, and I make a mental note to get Welch to prioritize this strand of his investigations straight away, rather than leave it to the cops.

Clark wants Ana to go to the police station to give her statement. Really? I ask if he saw the paparazzi hoards outside the apartment on his way in, so does he honestly expect her to have to fight her way over to the station, when it would be far easier for him to call into her office?

I'm not too worried about what Ana will say to him, knowing she's ignorant of a lot of the uglier details, so I don’t insist that I need to be present when he interviews her, as this hopefully gives him the impression that we have nothing to cover up. We finally agree that he will call by her office at three that afternoon. I email Ana to advise her, and all she emails back is okay. I think she's finally realized she can’t joke me out of my anger this time.

But clearly she has had time to reflect and think things through, because a while later she emails me, asking what time I decided to come back to Seattle. She’s worked out I came back before I knew about Hyde, even though I don’t actually admit it.

And then she lets rip about why she’s pissed with me.

- Because I never tell her anything.

- Because I'm like a boy crying wolf. 

- Because she thought they would be safe.

Because Kate knew more than she did.

- Because treating her like a child guarantees she’ll act like one.

As usual she is forthright in her email. I reply that we'll discuss her issues later, but that I am still fucking pissed too.

Issues indeed. She thinks she has fucking issues. What about all my fucking issues that she's brazenly ignored? Oh, I’ll show her all about issues.

I brood about where to take this, how to react. I need to deal with this, resolve my anger in some way. Ana needs to understand how frustrated she makes me feel. And that’s the key to the solution I come up with. Frustration. 

I won't let myself resort to physically beating her. Instead I’ll take her into the playroom, restrain her on my wooden cross, and then use my tried and tested techniques for bringing a disobedient sub to heel. 

I'll be using a very powerful wand vibrator, to show Anastasia what a fucking expert I am at edging, tease and denial, erotic sexual denial, orgasm denial, call it what you will. It will undeniably be a very frustrating experience that I am going to take great pleasure in subjecting my errant wife to.


Fuck, fuck, fuck. What have I just done?

I’ve never had anyone safe word on me before, but that’s what’s just happened.

“Red. Red. Red,” Ana cried out, and now she’s sobbing uncontrollably.

It’s like a powerful slap reverberating through me, the shock waves recalling me instantly from the cruel pleasure I was taking in making Ana suffer extreme frustration over and over again, to exact my revenge on her.

I release her from her restraints as fast as I can, and then we sit on the bed together. I cradle her while she sobs inconsolably, and I know I’ve pushed her way, way too far. I’ve allowed my rage to consume my sense of balance in dealing with her, and it is unforgivable of me.

What the fuck have I done? I was so determined to bring her into line, because she won’t do as she’s told. But this? Is this what I wanted to achieve?

“You have to stop doing this. For a start, you only end up feeling shittier about yourself,” she sobs.

As usual, Ana has got to the nub of the matter. When I do these things, when I find ways to punish her when she disobeys me, at the time I'm so sure it’s going to make me feel better. 

But I'm learning that it never does, not when I see the consequences of my actions. Actions always have consequences. This is what Flynn has been trying to get me to see, but I've been in such a red haze of rage and madness that I lost sight of it.

“You said on the Fair Lady that you hadn't married a submissive,” she reminds me.

“I know, I know.”

“Well, stop treating me like one. I'm sorry I didn’t call you. I won't be so selfish again. I know you worry about me.”

I think that is probably the biggest concession I'm going to get from Ana. She has at least acknowledged that she was selfish. She doesn’t see her actions as any kind of a betrayal, or that she lied to me. She simply says she changed her mind, that women do these things. She decided she wanted to have fun with her girlfriend, so that was what she did.

“I never promised to obey you, Christian,” she adds.

“I know.”

“Deal with it please. For both our sakes. And I will try to be more considerate of your… controlling tendencies.”

“I’ll try.”

She tells me she doesn’t need protecting, that she can handle whatever it is I'm keeping from her.

“I've had your stalker ex-sub pull a gun on me, your pedophile ex-lover harass me – and don’t look at me like that. Your mother feels the same way about her.”

“You’ve talked to my mother about Elena?” I’m horrified.

“Yes, Grace and I talked about her,” she calmly confirms. “She’s very upset. Blames herself.”

“I can't believe you spoke to my mother. Shit!”

I knew Ana met up with my mom for lunch, but she never mentioned that they spoke about Elena. I thought we’d managed to bury all that under the carpet, never to be spoken about again.

“I didn’t go into any specifics.”

“I should hope not. Mom doesn't need all the gory details. Christ, Ana. My dad too?”

“No!” Ana replies vehemently. Ever since the prenup disagreement, I know she's felt uncomfortable with Dad, so I'm not surprised she hasn't had any kind of a chat with him. Thank fuck for that.

Ana still wants to know more about the information we have on Jack, so I reluctantly open up and tell her what we have – she’ll probably only get it from Kate anyway if I don’t. I tell her about the possible Detroit connection because that's where I was born, and we end up discussing some of my childhood, even though I insist all that shit is in the past and done with. 

But Ana knows better than that. She knows that each and every one of my Fifty Shades began when I was that abused little boy that my parents saved from a living hell in Detroit.


“Don’t you get it, Elliot? Kate was totally irresponsible in persuading Ana to go out for cocktails at that stupid fucking Zig Zag Café, instead of going back to Escala as Ana had agreed with me.”

I’ve phoned my brother to try and get him to bring Kate into line.

“I guess Kate  just assumed you were being your usual controlling and overprotective self with Ana, and didn’t see any harm in them having a girl's evening out together. Apparently, you don’t like Ana going out without you while you’re around, so Kate figured while you were away on business was a perfect opportunity for them to catch up. And they had your security team with them, it wasn’t as if they sneaked off on their own.”

Laid back as always, that’s my brother. But Elliot needs to understand that life isn’t always one big joke.

“Yes, but that tied up two of the security detail all evening. Both of them having to sit and watch the girls gossiping and drinking stupid fucking cocktails, leaving the apartment understaffed and vulnerable. I don’t see why Kate felt the need for them to go to some tacky bar instead of going back home with Ana.”

“It’s called getting out and having fun, Christian. You should try it sometime,” he jokes.

“Elliot, I don’t call it fun when there was a madman on the loose with the possible intention of  kidnapping members of my family. And Kate was very well aware of this, as you felt it necessary to blab all the details about the increased security to her, and then Kate used this knowledge to manipulate Ana into going against my instructions. I'd chosen not to enlighten her about any of this, because I preferred to shield her from all that shit, but Kate made that out to be a bad thing.”

“Well maybe she has a point, Christian. Of course I told Kate what was going on – we talk about everything, I don’t hold anything back. And anyway, Kate had seen for herself the extra security measures, so I wasn’t going to lie when she asked me about them. Maybe if Ana had been more aware of what was going on, she wouldn’t have been so easily persuaded to rebel against your decree. You do overreact with all this security business, bro.”

“What you fail to understand, indeed what everyone fails to understand, is that I was not overreacting. It turns out that fucker Hyde had set himself up with a false identity in order to gain access to  my apartment, having somehow discovered that I was out of town. He was armed when he was apprehended in my apartment. Worse still, the police discovered a mattress and drugs and other equipment in the van he used that proves he planned to kidnap Ana and do God knows what to her.”

“Shit!  I had no idea he was that sick. That’s pretty shocking…” Elliot gasps. Finally I seem to be getting through to him.
“Exactly. Now do you comprehend how serious the situation was? Kate keeping Ana out just to spite me, by proving I can't control them, put her supposed best friend at great risk. It also left the apartment vulnerable, because two thirds of my staff were out babysitting the girls at that stupid fucking cocktail bar. The one remaining officer only just managed to contain Hyde before Ana walked back in with Sawyer. She could have walked right into the arms of a kidnapper, just because Kate decided she knew best, and that they should go out for cocktails. Now do you get why I'm pissed with her?”

“Yeah, I guess I do, Christian. The fucker actually  had drugs ready to…?”

“So the police tell me.”

“How’s Ana taken all this? She must have been pretty shaken up I'm guessing.”

“It’s been a pretty rough time,” I tell him briefly, not wanting to elaborate about the terrible confrontation Ana and I have just been through, or the horrifying nightmare I endured last night, no doubt brought on by the whole situation. At least we seem to be coming out the other side of things now.

“Look, I meant it about getting out and having some fun to help get over all this. Ana’s still so young, she’d only just finished college when she married you, hadn't she?”

“Yes,” I agree reluctantly.

“And I bet she gets bored to tears with all those endless stuffed shirt functions you drag her to. What you both need is a weekend away from all the stress here. Why don’t you take her to your place in Aspen? It's a year round resort, not just for skiing, so it doesn't matter that it's August. You’ve never really made use of it, despite having that huge refurb done. I think your wife is entitled to see your property, isn’t  she?”

“I don’t know, I've got a couple of deals at very critical stages,” I argue.  But I can't deny that part of me finds it a very appealing idea.

“Fuck work, Christian. That’s what you have staff for. And if you still insist on working, you'll have your cell phone and your laptop with you. Plus I'm sure Mrs. Bentley would love to have you visit, because she must sit there twiddling her thumbs most of the time.”

“Maybe you’re right. I’ll think about it. But for now, I just want to say that I get that you and Kate are totally into each other, but you need to take a firm stance with that woman, or she’ll always wear the pants in your relationship. Is that really what you want? She’s a very strong willed and tenacious young woman.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’ve got her under control. I just let her think she’s wearing the pants, but in reality I know I can get her to do anything I want. She’s just so different from any other girl I’ve ever known.”

“Yeah, and you’ve known more than your fair share, haven’t you?” I point out sardonically.

“Can't deny that’s true, so that’s why I know it’s special with Kate. I'm ready to settle down with her, and actually, I'm  planning to propose to her first chance I get. I want to marry Kate.”

“Really? You’re sure about this?” I ask incredulously.

“Yep. I've sown all my wild oats, and I'm crazy about her, so why not? After all, married life seems to suit you, little bro.”

“If you're sure that’s what you want, then I guess I have to offer you my congratulations.”

Shit. Kate is going to be my sister in law? Well then,  I guess I'm going to have to try to get along with her. To her credit, she's never breathed a word to Elliot about her discovery of the contract she found in my jacket pocket, or what the implications of it were.

“Well, I haven’t asked her yet, and I really don’t know if she’ll say yes. She might think it’s too soon, or that she doesn’t want to get married, shit like that. I don’t know, I've tried dropping hints and asking subtle questions, but now she wants to know why I'm acting weird.”

“Women. They are a complete mystery at times. Definitely from another planet. Look, here’s a thought. Why don’t we organize a family trip to Aspen? Do you think Mia would be up for it?”

“If you ask Ethan along, I’m sure she would,” Elliot snickers.

“She does seem pretty smitten with him, doesn’t she? Ana assures me he’s a decent guy,” I ponder.

“Yeah, he’s a top dude, and I'm not saying that just because he’s Kate’s brother. Mia could do a lot worse than Ethan, but he seems to be dragging his heels for some reason. Kate reckons it’s because he’s not convinced that Mia isn’t just being swept along. He thinks her feelings might not be real, that she’s being influenced because it’s all just so neat and convenient, with him being her brother and Ana’s friend.”

“Ethan will soon learn that no one can influence our baby sister to do anything against her will,” I chuckle. “So what do you think? We could all fly to Colorado in my private jet. Are you up for it?”

“Yeah, and seeing as it’s really nice and romantic there, maybe I could propose to Kate over the weekend. I think I know the type of ring she’d like, and they have the best jewelers there, don’t they?”

“They sure do, Elliot,” I confirm. No question, Aspen caters for the very high end market. I'm sure he could find her a suitable ring there.

“I only intend to do this once in my life, so I want to do it properly. You know, get down on one knee and ask her to marry me. Ana told Kate that’s what you did, right?”

“Yes, I did,” I say proudly, a big grin on my face at the memory. “The full hearts and flowers experience.  As you say, if you are going to propose, you should do things properly, Elliot.”

“Let’s do it then. Let’s go to Aspen for the weekend,” Elliot laughs.

“Okay, I’ll get Taylor straight onto making all the necessary arrangements.  But I’d like to make it a surprise for Ana, so do you think you can manage to persuade your future fiancée to keep her mouth shut about it?” I ask him wryly.

“Leave it with me. I told you, despite what you all think, I wear the pants in our relationship,” he insists.

“Whatever. I'll email you the details,” I smile as I hang up. 

Clearly my brother is delusional, but I guess that’s what love does to a man.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. You did it again! Very well written chapter. It's getting closer to my favorite part of the book. Can't wait to read your own book. Looking forward to details. Welcome back.

  2. Welcome Back!!!! You have truly been missed but with the Easter holiday and your family loss, time can get away from us all. Hopefully your mini hiatus was well enjoyed, if not quite derserving. Great to see your new chapter tonight (from the U.S. here.)

  3. boy have you been missed. and as usual, you've outdone yrself again. you never cease to amaze me. and the best is yet to come. I see I'm not the only fool from across the pond that gets up in the middle of the night. But who can resist you, Christian Grey? Kudos on yet another wonderful chapter.

  4. Amazing. Loved it. U write so well.

  5. First, welcome back & I certainly hope that all went as well as to be expected with what you had to endure!!!! We all said many prayers for you and your family. So might I add, Welcome Back, you were so, so Missed!" I look forward to the remaining Chapters you will write for CPOV!!! As always, I will anxiously await them as they are produced!!!! Thank you so much for being a determined, reliable and great burst of excitement for us followers!!!!!! :+) You are so loved!!!
    Now for my review on Chapter 58, as I see it!!!!!
    I am never shocked when I read your take on CPOV!!!! That's because you are always "spot on!" When I read your Chapters, it takes me back to when I actually read the book(s).....without a doubt!!!! I love you take on Christian's thought process because it makes so much sense!! It's like you never miss a beat as the story was written and it makes us readers believe that you are indeed, Christian's mind!!! It's totally fantastic and such a reward to us, your followers!!!
    I just love, love your writing skills and always know that when you post a new Chapter, I know I'm in for one hell of a ride....all good of course. It amazes me that when you put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard, you totally succeed in keeping me your #1 fan :+)
    Thank you again for such excellence!!!! Until the next Chapter....... I anxiously await the exciting read that I know will follow.........

    1. Hi Diana.
      It's good to be back :)Glad to know you are still enjoying my writing.

  6. Oh thank goodness! Ive been waiting for this for 100 yeArs! Greetings from Philippines!

  7. So good to have you back. I love the way you fill in the gaps. Of course Elliot had spoken to CG about his intentions. I love being inside his head. Thank you so much for finding the time and energy to write this at what must be a really difficult time for you. X
    Mrs P

  8. Thanks for the great chapter can't wait for the next one.

  9. love it! been checking to see new chapters except I was out with family since friday! now I've had my FSOG fix. Thanks!

  10. great chapter but happened with the haircut of my beloved 50's looking forward .....

    because the wait was worth it. melissa

    1. Hi there. As I've explained to another reader, I've always said that for the third book I would be dipping into various scenes rather than blindly covering everything. However, Christian sometimes refers back to various events, so maybe sometimes things will come up when you least expect them!

    2. I have not complained about really anything, because you continue to nurture my "fixation" delightfully, but I will agree with this last comment, because I was really hoping we would get more of a take on the Haircut scene, too, where he wants to be cherished. This was after Gia's visit, which was completely skipped over. I know you don't want to rehash everything word for word from the book, I understand that. And you are correct, that you do have a way of going back with CG's personality. Thanks again for your writing.

  11. Fantastic! It was definately worth the wait. Can't wait for more.

  12. YES!! Set my alarm so I could read this tonight (3:00am US) Hahaha. I recently stumbled into your blog after reading the books over a long weekend, and let me tell you (as I'm sure everyone else has) that you've done such an amazing job. I liked the books, but they left me wanting so much more! I enjoyed the story line and loved most of the characters, but I found myself rolling my eyes more than a few times at the setup, dialog, and choice of words. Not only have you managed to get rid of the sometimes dragging prose, but you have hit the nail on the head with filling in all of the Christian gaps for us. Welcome back and keep up the great work! I can't wait to read about Christian's fishing trip with Ethan and the rest of Aspen! --Alex

    1. Thanks Alex. Yes, the fishing scene with Ethan is a perfect example of a scene I can fill in, so I'm looking forward to that. And the conversation with Mr Bentley out in the garden when Christian is swishing a cane but Ana can't hear what is being said:)

    2. Oh my goodness! I had forgotten about that part, very important! Looking forward to it...


    3. Yes, Ethan better hide the sharp fishing lures and filet knife as Christian reads him the riot act regarding Ana and Mia!! ;)

  13. another great read as always :)
    Bronny :)

  14. So good to have you back, I hope all went as well as to be expected with what you had to endure during the past few weeks.
    Thanks for the great chapter can't wait for the next one. Cheers from Australia and God Bless :)

  15. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! It had been all that i expected and more :) Glad you're back and i'll be wainting as ever for the next chapter... Welcome back!!!

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. I love your writing very much. This is the best fanfic I've ever read. BUT recently your writing has disappointed me since you updated for book 3. I think you wrote it sloppily. All the conversations and process in the book are cursory and go off the deep end. I am dying to know what Christine's motive is for in his every action, and I'm curios that what was thinking when he said and did something to Ana. For example, their conversations after Ana using safe word, they having sex after Christine's nightmare. There could have been many details and soliloquy but you deleted those scenes and you descrbe those scenes in haste. I just can't belive we got the Aspen scene so early. Book 1 has 29 chapters and book 2 has 22, and I wonder how many chapters would book 3 have? Maybe only 10?

    Sorry to be so harsh, but it's because I'm still your fan.

    1. I've been waiting for someone to say this! I always said that for the third book, I would only dip into sections of it. I believe it would be incredibly boring both for me and for at least some readers if I just blindly regurgitated word for word every conversation and every sex scene, but from Christian's pov rather than Ana's. I'm more interested in covering the scenes that are only referred to - for example Ana works out that Christian knew that Elliot was going to propose, so I filled in that scene.
      I did toy with not covering the third book at all, but this is the compromise I decided on.
      So I am very sorry if you are disappointed, but I have to write what flows for me, and it is mind blowingly boring to copy out pages and pages of the original book just to tweak it!
      But I do appreciate your honesty and time taken to comment.

    2. I think ur writing is amazin . It dosent matter how many chapters. So pleasef u decided even to write is pov . Keep up the good work christian xxxxxxx

    3. Honestly, I feel like what is being captured from book three on the blog is only what is perfectly necessary. And that is great! When I was done with Chapter 58 I also felt a tinge of disappointment when I saw that the aftermath of Ana using the safe word was only skimmed through, as I felt that was such a turning point for CG. So, I decided to go back and read that chapter of Fifty Shades Freed again and much to my surprise EL James had so much dialogue between them and insight into Christian's thoughts that I believe it would have been unnecessary (and just painful) to rehash that long scene LINE BY LINE on the blog. Good looking out, author! --ALEX

    4. Alex...I guess I need to read that part again, even though I've read it several times, and it is with great detail, as you say. I should just keep my mouth shut and let the author do her own thing. :)

    5. I can sympathise with this person because the end of the book from Christians POV is close. However I think your decision was correct because your writing is at it's best when you have free rein to use your imagination rather than rehash the orginal. I have enjoyed the scenes with Dr Flynn and when they broke up. When I read the book I did wonder why Christian said that he was starting to question his own judgement, but your blog explains why. There has been much criticism about the writing of trilogy, much of it valid. So I cannot understand why we are all so facinated by it, but we are. I describe it as 'Pride and Prejudice' in 21st century.

  18. welcome back. I hope you and your family are well. Thanks for another great chapter. I know you don't want to re-write the books, but I do miss it when you use their dialog from the books...for example when he lands and calls her, and when she gets home and he finally opens up to her a little bit. Then after his nightmare at the piano he tells her about it....this was one of my favorite parts of the book, and I just missed the little things that showed how much he truly loves her and doesn't only want to control her.

  19. What a fantastic chapter thank you! I think that you are doing a great job and I don't want you to rewrite the books word for word. I would reread the books if that were true. You go into such great detail about parts of Christens thinking that often made me wonder...I CAN'T wait for the Aspen trip!!!! Thanks again!!!

  20. Welcome I missed you, another great chapter, I so love reading Christians side especially after this incident, please keep up the fantastic writing cant wait till the next chapter
    Chez xx

  21. Welcome back. You give us a great chapter, as always. Your decision to write that way is yours and suits me very well. Thank you for sharing.

  22. Thank you once again for for your wonderful writing and creativity.

  23. Hello, and welcome back. I trust all is well with you and your family. Thank you for providing a nice long chapter for us. Your writing is so well thought out and neat, no sloppy sentences. You really conveyed Christian's inner most feelings to me. One can really appreciate his frustration through his POV, rather than from Ana's. I think that Kate wanted Ana to defy Christian, Sawyer (I love him, I picture Ben Affleck) and Prescott (the pic of her is spot on)more than she wanted to have drinks at that Cafe. Wait until Ana is lying comatose in the hospital, she really regret her actions and beg for Christian's forgiveness. Love ya, Carol

    1. Yes, I've always thought that maybe Kate is almost jealous of Christian, as up until Ana met him, Kate had been free to boss Ana around. There is also a personality clash no question,but I always felt that Kate was rather selfish at times.
      Ben Affleck for Sawyer - mmm, yummy, but I think Christian might have an issue with such a good looking guy being one of Ana's CPO's, as we all know how jealous he gets!

    2. How about Jeremy Renner then... he got totally the look on Bourne Legacy don´t you think???:)

    3. Good suggestion - I've added Jeremy Renner to my Pinterest page as a possible Luke Sawyer :)

  24. Thank you for sharing, I have missed your writing. These chapters you have done for us to read has prolonged my fifty shades reading. I am a huge fan of the books, but what you have done is amazing, I love your work. Thank you. Sammy :)

  25. I was SO excited to see there was a new chapter! Welcome back! We missed you! Keep up the excellent writing. I look forward to the next chapter.

  26. I hope your trip was enjoyable. It's good to get away once in awhile. I'm glad you're back and as always this chapter is A-1! Not to mention the visual parade. Awesome! Love the picture of Prescott. Who is that, if I may ask? And 'The Red Room' is a cool photo, too. I've never been to Aspen but I think I might try it now! Okay, not that I've read your story work won't seem like a pain in the ass. Thanks again. Glad for your return.

    Nan :D

    1. Hi Nan. Prescott is just a random picture I came across that seemed to fit the description to me, so I'm afraid I have no idea who she is!

    2. Another one that would be a good Prescott....Regina King.

    3. I've added Regina King to my pinterest page, so thanks for that suggestion :)

  27. Was very excited to wake up to this in my inbox, another Homerun!!!
    So glad to have you back, please know your writing is truly missed.
    Loved how you combined a few chapters together but didnt miss a beat.
    So looking forward to Aspen and Ana meeting the Sub Club, LOL

  28. Hi I have only commented once or twice but felt I had to in relation to some criticism you have received. I love the way you write it from Christian's POV. It would be so boring if you were just replaying the books the way E L James wrote them. I know there are other blogs that have done this and you just feel you are re-reading the books but not finding out much more than you know already. We want to know what he is thinking/what he thought. I am so glad you are not writing it word for word in accordance with the books. Keep doing what you are doing your interpretation of his thinking is brilliant. You have still kept him a naughty boy - great.

    1. Thanks for your understanding. It's hard to please everyone I guess, so I just write what flows for me.I do this for purely pleasure, so to sit there with gritted teeth writing something I find boring seems totally pointless to me. I guess in the beginning I didn't have so much confidence to branch out on my own, so I followed the original chapters more closely, and maybe that's what some folk still expect. We all have our favorite parts of the books, so whatever I didn't cover was always going to upset someone. I warn you all now, I don't plan to cover Ray's accident in any great detail because I personally found it rather long winded and drawn out.

    2. Thank goodness for your comments re: Ray. Even though I've read the books about 4 times, this is an area I was bored with and didn't bother re-visiting. Totally addicted to this series, have never heard of fan fiction before reading FSOG. Feeling like an addict, and so happy to have read all your chapters, within a very short time, and now need to wait like everyone else.
      I do hope you will also take us into the future 2014, of CPOV.
      I hope your fans can help with what do we do next when this is all over?
      Ps; I'd wish you wrote a little more about Ana & Graces' conversation about Elena (which I was expecting when they were in the car together going to see the grandma- Graces blog)

    3. Grace and Ana are going to discuss it over a bonding lunch together I think. I did consider bringing the Elena subject up in the car journey to Grandma's house, but felt it might stir up unhappy memories too close to the wedding. I think the topic deserves quite detailed discussion, so watch out for it on Grace's blog :)

    4. Sounds great, any comments re 2014?? Not that there's a lot to be learnt but I think we'd love to know Christians thoughts being happily married and a father.
      And being new to this, tell me are you posting as you complete a chapter, or do you have it all written and upload as you please?

    5. I wish I did have it all written! I upload as I complete each chapter. As for into the future - I definitely want to write my take on how Christian takes to having a new born baby son :)

    6. It would be wonderful to hear Christian POV about his new born son..........Please keep writing especially about Teddy...........

  29. I wonder why doesn't anybody acknowledge the fact that Ana could have been fucked up by Hyde if she actually obeys Christian's order of going directly to Escala

    1. Ana tells CG that if she had gone back early from the bar, that is exactly what most likely would have happened....but CG doesn't see it that way. my take.

    2. If Ana had gone back to the apartment, there would have been three security officers present, and they may well have acted differently anyway I guess. I still think Ryan took a risk in letting Hyde in, but it makes for a good dramatic story :)

    3. Whenever Ana and Christian have a dispute E L James always made sure that neither is completely in the right or wrong - and out of each row their relationship gets stronger.

    4. Well...if you think there's a panic room for this cases.... you wouldn't think that Hyde would have got his way...anyway. Since I read the books, i was on CG point all the way....but then....that's just me :P

  30. Hello! I'm new to your story, and thank god I found it. You are extermely talented. I hope you carry on after book3. At the moment there's to many cheating stories on fan fic. I don't believe they would cheat on each other. I'm really looking forward vtonthe next chapters. Oh and your the only author that has got ana and Christian spot on from the original book. So well done.

    1. This is the only true story that makes sense to read. Who wants to read about them cheating. you can get enough of that in real life...I don't need it in my fantasies.

    2. I couldn't agree more, Nancy. Real life sucks a lot of the time, so escapism rules :)

  31. Hi, I'm Kelly, I was born in Bogota Combia, I discovered your blog by a fan page on Facebook and spectacular personal opinion I think the point of view of Christian Grey, and has captured much more than the original trilogy, every time you publish a new chapter I think the love for each one of the characters grows, take the opportunity to dart greetings and hope you are well after your calamity family, thank you for making this adventure even better and exciting, a very special greeting.

  32. welcome back, i missed your story and as usual this chapter was great! Love how you're able to write christian's point of view!

  33. You are very talented. I'm so glad I found your story.i hope you continue writing after the original book finished off. At the moment there are too many cheating stories on fan fic. I don't think that they would cheat on each other. Also would love to know what Christian was thinking in aspen when that guy touched ana. I'm really looking forward to your next chapters. Thank you. Autumn

    1. I'm a romantic. I don't like cheating stories either, only misunderstandings that eventually get resolved to make the relationship stronger. That's why everyone loves the Christian/Ana story so much - it's a really romantic story where they both make mistakes and learn from each other:)

  34. Welcome back! Thanks for another great chapter! I am REALLY looking forward to the next chapter with the trip to Aspen. My favorite part of your writing are the scenes involving conversations that are not given word for word in the trilogy. As I read through those conversations, it's like a lightbulb goes off and it all makes sense. :) You have an amazing imagination and a knack for detail!!! THANK YOU for spending so much time writing Christian's POV... I'm not much of a writer, but I can appreciate how much effort goes into writing a story like this. Thanks again!

  35. I just found your blog and i already read what you've written. I love your writing style and how you can put yourself in Christians mind.
    I Look forward to more Great chapters;)
    Greetings from Germany

  36. Chicago says Hi. So in a nutshell - everybody's totally cool with you making editorial choices about which plot points to cover/not cover, as long as you take pains to thoroughly cover those pieces which we individually deem to be our favorites :).

    As others had said I was initially expecting more to the safe-word scene, mostly because I wanted to hear what was in Christian's head during that whole episode. One the one hand, it was premeditated, and yet Christian said he got "lost in the moment" and was shocked when Ana safe-worded? But when I went back and re-read the original, I don't think there is more you could have added there, because there was more than enough Christian POV represented within that chapter's dialog. So I think you struck the right balance, although Christian's pretty messed up about this whole episode and maybe another session with Flynn is in order to go over these events.

    Perhaps what some are reacting too is getting less of Christian's inner monologue (i.e when Ana said X Christian's reaction was Y, and when Christian said X he really meant Y) which is fun because it is in the moment. But that can be tedious too, if that's all you're getting and especially if the dialog speaks for itself. You appear to have shifted to telling the story as narration, in so doing the narrator is giving their POV after the fact. But I like that too, because I think then you get more of the narrator's rationalization (perhaps delusional) of the events. So when your narrator is Fifty that can be a whole lot of crazy fun!

    Other comments in no particular order 1)I'm glad you covered Christian's POV on the security team being split up because frankly I was with Ana on that whole thing when reading the original. Wasn't it lucky that she wasn't there when Hyde broke in? But now reading your take on it, I think maybe Christian was right and Ana was being childish. 2)Security as an issue itself always bugged me in Book 3. Seems to me in the month that transpired between books 2 and 3 that there would have been some eye opening for Ana as to what life was going to be like married to such a wealthy man. Wouldn't there have been a sit-down with Ana, Taylor and Christian on this topic? The fact that so much of Book 3 hinges on the bungling of this issue by both Ana and Christian is one of the reasons I think Book 3 is the weakest of the 3 3)One quibble on timing - Christian and Elliot would had this conversation pretty darn early on Saturday morning in order for the Aspen trip to get arranged. 4) Half hoping that Christian would have tried to talk Elliot out of marrying Kate (obviously failing) and finally 5)Ditto with Ethan. Can't imagine Elliot and Christian as protective brothers are cool with this guy. Maybe Christian will find out more when they go fishing in Aspen

    Wow didn't mean for this to be so long - thanks so much for all that you do.

    1. of your numbered items....I was also confused about #3. Although Christian tells Ana that he arranged this trip over the evening hours, when he wasn't in bed with hers, so they could avoid the press and pavaazzi the next day.

    2. In the book Christian emailed Elliot and Mia about three in the morning, so he would have had to have had the conversation with Elliot very early on Saturday morning, before Ana woke. Timeline is tight, but not impossible I guess.

    3. yes, Mary, you are absolutely correct.....can you imagine someone calling you at 3AM to go to Aspen the next morning....I would think they were crazy...but I don't live in a billion dollar world...where things can happen in a matter of a few hours.

      I have to think about things before they just "happen". I have a new brother in law that seems to have unlimited funds and will give "anything" to my "sister in law". It's quite puzzling to me. I work, pay my bills, and plan out things. I don't have a money tree in my backyard. My sister in law EXPECTS things now, with money. It's interesting...I hate her now. She doesn't "respect" money...she just has it....and she takes it for granted...new house, new everything....but I wouldn't want her husband for anything! I'll take mine, and little money!

    4. I remember from the book that Christian arranged this trip because Ana complained she did not get to spend any time with he friends, hence the Cafe event with Kate. When she boarded the plane, she was surprised to see the usual friendship crew there!!

  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

  38. 1st I am so glad u are back... 2nd Sorry about ur lost.... I just want u toknow I like the fact you have not copied word for word from the book also like how u have written out his pov. U have the power to make me imagen and see exactly what's going on just like w the original story. Is ur new book a continuation of ur other books? Also ur other books how many are they in the serie?

    1. My book that I'm nearing completion on - Starr Crossed - is a completely original story, written in the same erotic romance genre as my blog writing. I'm planning on two books at the moment.I'm hoping it will be available as an ebook at the end of June/ beginning of July.

    2. I love the title of your book!!! Can't wait to read it. You must be the best multi-tasker (not sure that's a word lol) on the planet to do these chapters, deal with tragedy in your family and complete a book of your own at the same time. WOW!

      Another awesome chapter!

      TX Teacher/Huge fan

  39. Me gusto mucho, que bueno que por fin volvió
    Mis mejores deseos

  40. Fabulous fabulous fabulous, thank you so much for a brilliant chapter after you difficult time xxx

  41. I think that more on Christian's feelings about and during the Red Room/safeword incident would be an interesting discussion w/Flynn. Also, during the fight Ana and Christian had the morning after he went to see Elena, Ana says she'd "scream the place down" if Christian took another step toward her, Christian said "No one would hear you" and then she thought of how it reminded her of a morning in Aspen...I never knew what she was referring to. Something E.L. left out maybe?

    1. Karen. you are spot on. I never understood what she was referring to there, either?

    2. I'm guessing it was a reference to when Christian gets Ana to play rough and struggle in bed so he can restrain her. He could never act out that fantasy before, because no one else could touch him. He easily overcomes her resistance.

    3. I thought maybe it was that too. I guess it was the "are you trying to frighten me?" and the way she thought to herself No,No,No referring again to the morning in Aspen during that fight that made me think perhaps, but hopefully something involving the bamboo piece that she saw Christian swinging through the air and measuring with him arm in Aspen. Was thinking Ana might have tried it to be brave again or maybe even Christian took a few bites to get him back in line after what he did in the Red Room to Ana. My mind goes to all kinds of "fill in the blank thoughts" with different parts of the book. Thank God you have done such a brilliant job, I might have not gotten much sleep pondering...LOL.

    4. I am very excited to hear your version of what he is thinking when after they have their morning in Aspen, when she says "Mrs. Robinson could touch you", and he says "that was different" and he admits "bad I think"... I am waiting for his thoughts on this...it was a very big admission for him. So to say the least....I am so looking forward to the next chapter.

  42. Welcome back, and again tis was another great Chapter and look forward to the next. Thanks again for writing.

  43. So glad to have you back, my fridays have been nothing to write home about! Thank you for yet another chapter and continuing to write for us : ) Great chapter, I cant wait for Aspen p.s. love to picture Mia getting pissed about security lol

  44. Wow! I could feel the rage. Very scary, you captured it well. I could almost imagine the burning stare.

    Sorry for your loss. I am glad you are back. Looking forward to your ebook. :)

  45. Welcome Back!!! we miss you and well an amazing chapter as usually

    cant wait for the next one!!

    thanks for give us a nicee reading love what you do!! really capture CG point of view.

    Greeetings from Mexico!! :)


  46. update update update soon plz....love the writting plz dont stop!!!...LOVE IT!!

  47. i love this. please update asap. When do you think yu'll be able to finish the entire book?
    LOVEEEEE YOUR WRITING! i have recommended his to ALL my friends

  48. Welcome back. Thank you for your time and effort to bring us this story. As usual you do not disappoint. I am so excited about your book coming out this summer. I know I will be purchasing it. Thanks again?

  49. OMG I love it can't wait for the next chapter

  50. Muito bem vindo...saudades senti sua falta poxa praticamente todos o dias eu conferia o blog e quando eu fiquei sem consultar apenas por 2 dias voce postou, mais amei e aguardo anciosa o proximo...num demora muito não para postar....amo sua escrita, voce não decepciona nunca.... amei amei amei... E amei saber sobre o livro, não vejo a hora de poder compra-lo,
    Um abraço

    1. quando mais ou menos o proximo capitulo!!!bjs anciosa!!!

  51. hi from south america, so glad you´re back, seemed so long! Hope you´re OK. I just wanted to say 2 things: 1) I was kind of shocked by the violent thoughts that christian had towards ana when he was angry, and how he wanted to hurt her in a very phisical way. I thought after the honeymoon that was a solved issue for him, i know he wanted to punish her, but i didn´t thought he wanted to hurt her phisically. I was confused. 2)I don´t see christian cursing this much, he is always fucking this and fucking that, and I wonder if he really thinks like that beeing such a controlled man. (I read the books in spanish, so maybe i`m wrong and originally he uses a lot that language). Said that, I enjoy a lot reading your blog and i´m looking forward the next chapter. Thanks. A.

    1. Hi there. I think Christian is more sweary than usual in this chapter because he is in such a terrible rage - he's flown back from NY because he's so angry with Ana, only to find that the situation is even worse than he expected. And ELJ writes that he admits he wants to beat the shit out of Ana, because that was always his way with coping with his anger and frustration, so he regresses for a short while. But although he manages to get his violent urges back under control, he is then incredibly cruel to Ana by repeatedly subjecting her to orgasm denial, which he desperately regrets when she safewords on him. So it's all a huge learning curve for him - and for Ana too.
      That's my take on things anyhow!

    2. You should definitely read them in english... I think a lot gets lost in translation :). Took me a little while, though it was totally worth it, beside you get to practice your english hehehe, I tell you now, Christian is a sweary boy anyway :P... perhaps you should ask his staff heheheh

    3. yeah, maybe you are right. Any way, I always enjoy very much your writting and wait every friday for a new chapter. Thank you.

  52. In response to the comment on Christian's behavior, yes, every time he tries his dominant punishments Ana responds honestly when she doesn't like it, he tries to turn a 180 and make it up to her and learns each time, that he loves her too much to do these things, more of what makes this a great love story

  53. Finally! I had to pleasure of reading this chapter. Been really busy. Amazing as always darlin'. I simply love Christian's POV and the interactions between Taylor, Elliot, everyone. You capture what we all want to know perfectly.
    only TINY problem I had was using the word "beat" you should use something else when referencing that. It sounds bad. But other than that it was amazing and I cannot wait for Aspen and what comes next :-D <3
    Amazing doll. Glad you are back and hope all is well, hugs <3

    1. I agree about the word 'beat' but ELJ used in the original, so I went with it too.
      Chapter ten - "I want to punish you," he whispers. "Really beat the shit out of you," he adds.
      Chapter eleven "Yes. I knew what you said was an empty, idle threat. I know you're not going to beat the shit out of me.
      Hit, beat, whip, thrash - none of them are very nice are they?

  54. welcome back, never commented before because i just couldn't stop reading. So, im glad you are writing again. Its amazing.

  55. I just want to tell you I am really enjoying the blog chapter. My sister in law turned me on to the site this last Saturday night and I am already caught up with all the chapters. I was the same way with the books. Started on a Friday ending on a Sunday morning. This has been driving my husband crazy because I just could not move away from the screen to finish reading them all. This has been an amazing storyline to begin with but your whole new take from Christian's point of view has been remarkable!!!! I know in the books there were lots of voided areas and so far you have out did yourself to fill them in. I am looking forward to the next chapter and how you handle Christian's outlook on Ana's attack... While I was reading I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind the whole time. I was unsatisfied with some of the blanks that could have been filled in with the books. Don't get me wrong I have already read all 3 books 20 times but I believe your portrayal of how Christian is feeling is dead on with how I thought he would be thinking, feeling, and acting. I am looking forward to the next chapter and I truly hope it is soon because I am waiting in suspense.

    1. Sheila...I have one question...what took you so long to find this blog? At least you had the benefit of not having to WAIT each week of several weeks to read each chapter. now you know what you've been missing...ayah!

    2. Well I have been so wrapped up in the novels themselves plus of course day to day life slowed me down alot. :) I will be re- reading the chapters again very soon... I have become addicted to them as much as I am addicted to the novels themselves. I do now know that E.L. is planning the continuation with the series by adding Christian's perspective and laying down an outline of how he is why he is..Watched the interview with E.L. yesterday on Youtube and it was posted about three weeks ago...I try to stay updated with all that goes on with this blog and with E.L. as well but kind of gets hard to do with work and all. I will be keeping up from now on. :)

    3. Sheila...I just found this comment of yours. what is the YouTube video you are talking about, becuase I can't find it.

    4. sheila...I was trying to find you on FB. there are several of "you". where are you from?

  56. this is awesome :D love it xx. when is the next chapter? can't wait!

  57. You are an excellent writer, this blog is wonderful and I love I'm dying to read the whole thing, I said everything I wanted to know since I read the original but I'm desperate to know what you thought CG when Ana told him of the bb and when I Elena and everything happening until after Ana's in a coma, for me is the most exciting scene in the entire book 3.

  58. Will there be another chapter on Friday?

  59. I'm new to reading this, but when will the next chapter be posted?

    1. She normally posts on Fridays, but since this chapter was posted on Sunday, not sure when the next one will be. Whenever it is, trust, it will be good.

  60. Ola comparando os 2 o livro e o blog, porque voce num falou mais da parte em que voce alimentou antes da sala de jogos!!! ela estava vendada, acho que voce teria mais detalhes sobre o jantar emocionante!!!!emocionante!!!

  61. Just got your comment on Facebook about new chapter...can't wait

    1. Not all of us have facebook accounts - what did the comment say?

  62. I love this. I congratulate the author following Christian's himself. And I wish Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel to play Christian and Anastasia.

  63. He can only see things from his point of view.

    I loved that he fixated on the FOUR strawberry mojitos and hoped she was suffering with a hangover. I also loved his inner struggle about wanting to beat the shit out of her.

    He is so panicked that something will happen to her, that he thinks the only way it won't is if she obeys his every order. Funny thing his, his fears are not irrational.

    I also loved that he advised Elliot to keep Kate in line.

  64. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. You really put the reader inside Christian's mind, making me understand the elements of his extreme reaction to Ana's going back on her word not to go out. Christian still has that adolescent, one-sided reaction to events that don't go the way he wants, especially when it comes to Ana. The part of him that still believes that he can control her is alive and well.....but at least the suffering he went through when she left him is alive and well, too. It restrains him from actually physically punishing Ana...but he still doesn't have normal strategies to deal with her behavior.

    Bravo for describing all of this. You have unbelievable insight into Christian and have truthfully filled in the blanks of Christian's POV. In EL James chapter, she alludes to Ana's fears for Christian's extreme rage in all of this because she eventually safe-words him, and you have expressed this rage so perfectly. Thanks for telling this story.

  65. I'm pretty sure, if they can help it, neither kate or Elliot would be wearing pants half the time. ;)


Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.