14 September 2012

Chapter 35 - Fifty Shades of Harlot Red



“I think you’re in need of intense therapy,” Anastasia states.

I’ve found her lying on the bed in her room, studying the screen of her MacBook intently, so I join her on the bed to see what she finds so interesting. Turns out she’s researching the symptoms of Multiple Personality Disorders. I’m her new pet project apparently. 

She describes me as a fucked up, mercurial, control freak, and I can’t really argue with that. If she lived to be a thousand years, I don't think she’d ever get to the bottom of my ‘difficult personality’. But it’s sweet of her to want to try.

Having briefed the new security team, I’ve left Taylor in charge to go through all the finer details with them. He’s under strict instructions that under no circumstances am I to be disturbed this afternoon, unless it’s something that really can’t wait until I’m available again. He understands – this used to be our standard protocol at weekends when I took my sub into my playroom. 

Life was much simpler back then. No crazy lady with a gun on the loose in those days. So I'm pretty sure he's quite happy that Ana and I are going to be safely ensconced in the bedroom, out of harm’s way for this afternoon at least - makes his job a hell of a lot easier.

I want to relax and spend the afternoon with Anastasia, because I have something I want to try with her. Something I’m hoping will show her that I'm really serious about wanting more. And I'm just hoping I can go through with my plan, that I’m strong enough to tolerate it.

“I think I'm in need of you. Here.” 



I hand her the Harlot Red lipstick that Taylor’s gotten for me. 
He knows better than to ask why I wanted it, but no doubt his imagination went into overdrive, especially as he’s aware I'm spending the afternoon locked away with Anastasia, even if it's not in my playroom. 

As he’s been in a relationship with Gail for some time now, I’m assuming he’s a normal red blooded male, although I’ve never yet caught him watching porn, as a lot of security guys do in the wee small hours to pass the time - Taylor is always the total professional, with his mind fully on the job. 

Perhaps he’s assuming I have a new lipstick fetish along with all my other weird kinky shit. It would be a pretty harmless kink in comparison to the rest I guess, but I’ve always preferred a more natural look for my women. Pale, innocent looking, young brunettes have always been your thing, Grey. Well, since Elena. No way could she ever have been described as innocent looking.

Ana stares at the lipstick in bewilderment. She doesn’t wear heavy duty lipstick like this, just occasionally a light lip gloss. I like her natural look. I like her natural, unspoiled beauty. Basically, I like everything about her.

“You want me to wear this?” she asks in disbelief, frowning at the color.

“No, Anastasia, not unless you want to. Not sure it’s your color.” Fuck, but that shade of red would look nice around your nipples though. Maybe we could try that sometime. It’d be great kinky fuckery play, and not painful in any way. Hell yeah. But back to the matter in hand, Grey.

I sit up on the bed and take my shirt off.

“I like your road map idea,” I explain. She looks at me blankly. “The no-go area.”

“Oh. I was kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“You want me to draw on you, with lipstick?”

“It washes off. Eventually.” Knowledge gained from past experience. Elena always wore that type of lipstick.

I can see Ana’s face light up as she works out what I'm offering. I’m going to educate her, show her where she can touch me. She smiles. She likes the plan. I like making her smile like that. Reminds me of the photographer boy’s picture.

“What about something more permanent like a Sharpie?” she jokes. I think it’s just a joke anyway.

“I could get a tattoo,” I offer. But this really is just a joke. My brother might have a tattoo, but it’s never really been my thing. I think he only had his done, because his girlfriend at the time was really into them and persuaded him to have a Celtic design done on his back that supposedly represented a special meaning about their relationship – one that, typically for Elliot, barely lasted a couple of weeks.

My parents don't approve of tattoos, especially Mom, who quotes all sorts of health risks that they can pose. Tramp stamps, she calls them, and Mia was always absolutely forbidden to get one, or to have any piercings. 

So naturally, the first thing Mia did as soon as she was old enough, was to get her belly button pierced.  It got badly infected and was really sore and painful, so she ended up having to have the bar surgically removed. Mia lost interest in being rebellious after that. 

 Elliot didn’t tell Mom about his tattoo for ages, not until we were all going on vacation together and he knew she’d see it. She was distinctly unimpressed with him, but was reassured that at least it was somewhere that didn’t show most of the time.

“No to the tattoo!” Ana seems horrified. Guess she’s not into tattoos – so she’s with Mom on this one.

“Lipstick, then.” I grin. “Come, sit on me.”

Ana clambers over and sits astride me.

“Lean against my legs.” I’ve got my knees bent up. Ana is practically bouncing with excitement as she quickly complies.

“You seem – enthusiastic for this.”

“I'm always eager for information, Mr. Grey, and it means you’ll relax, because I’ll know where the boundaries lie.”

This is going to be a novel experience. Another first for us.  I just hope I can hold my nerve. I’ve never confronted this particular demon in this way before, and part of me wonders if I'm completely mad to be doing this. But it’s too late. I can’t back out now, not seeing how keen Ana is.

What would Flynn make of this? I’ve acted impulsively today, so I've not discussed it with him, but I think he’d tell me that if I want my relationship with Ana to progress, I'm going to have to find a way to let her touch me, as clearly this is very important to her. As she pointed out earlier, I’d hate it if I couldn’t touch her.  

One step at a time, that’s what he’s always telling me. This is the first step. Let Ana know the exact boundaries of my forbidden zone.

But I have to feel in control. I need Ana to carefully follow my precise instructions, or this isn’t going to work and I’ll end up freaking out. Then we’ll be back to square one, worse off than before.

“Open the lipstick,” I order her. “Give me your hand.” She gives me the wrong one. “The one with the lipstick.” Why would I want the other one? I roll my eyes at her.

“Are you rolling your eyes at me?”

“Yep.”

“That’s very rude, Mr. Grey. I know some people who get positively violent at eye rolling.”

“Do you now?” Provides a damn fine excuse for a spanking.
She gives me her hand with the lipstick, and I sit up so we’re nose to nose. I need to have total control of her hand and where it goes.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

I take a deep breath. I try my hardest to shut off the memories that always resurface the instant I sense anyone near those areas of my body where the crack whore's pimp… 

Fuck, this is hard. I close my eyes. I don't want to remember the searing, excruciating pain he inflicted on me, time after time, the feeling of total and utter helplessness I experienced, because there was nothing, nothing at all that I could do to stop him, and there was no one to help me, no matter how much I begged and pleaded. 

Well, there was, but she was either in a drug induced stupor, or beaten senseless – I didn’t always know the difference.

But one thing I did know. He was always totally and utterly in control. He’d decide how much pain he was going to give me. He’d decide when it was time to finally stop, because he’d gotten bored of torturing a pathetic, sniveling little boy.

Until the next time.

And I never knew when that would be, so I lived in terror of hearing his footsteps approaching, the door opening, and him seeking me out, because there was nowhere for me to hide from him, however hard I tried. And believe me, I tried really hard to make myself invisible. But I always failed. He always found me.

So, ever since I escaped from that living hell, part of my coping mechanism has been to avoid all potential memory triggers, by not allowing anyone to touch me where he did. Being touched there equates to extreme pain and torture in my mind.  

Even worse, it makes me feel out of control.

So that's the other major component of my coping mechanism. Being in total and utter control of every aspect of my life. 

Everything. Totally. Controlled.

Also, I always keep myself very fit and strong, so that no one can physically overpower me. This is not a problem, because I relish hard physical exercise.  I enjoy pushing myself to the limit of what I can do, whether it’s running, weight lifting or kick boxing. It also helps to dispel frustration and excess energy, especially of the sexual kind.

So I’ve found that if I take all these measures, the memories don't surface so often. They still emerge now and again in my nightmares, usually when some aspect of my life feels out of control.  I fucking hate feeling that way. That’s why I go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid being in that situation. In control, always. That’s the Christian Grey way.

Until now, these coping mechanisms have worked well enough for me. Inevitably, it has meant keeping just about everyone literally at arm’s length, even my family, although I am more relaxed with Mia, because as my baby sister, I guess she never posed any kind of threat to me.

I eventually allowed Elena to figure out how to touch me in a way I found acceptable - because I desperately wanted the sexual experiences she was offering me. It was a very powerful incentive for a teenage boy with a very high sex drive. 

But even Elena had to stick to the set boundaries, which she did, so in time I relaxed with her. After our affair finished, having set agreed limits and rules with an obedient submissive worked perfectly adequately to serve my demanding sexual needs. 

Tightly bound up, not allowed to look at me without permission, taking them in my preferred position of fucking hard from behind - I was always in complete control of my sub. Life was running smoothly and according to plan.

Until I met Anastasia. She has turned my carefully controlled world upside down. And much to my immense surprise, because of her, I’ve found I like my world being upside down.

 So this is why I'm sitting here with her on my lap, about to let her draw stupid fucking lipstick boundaries on my body.
I know I have to do this for her if I want us to have any kind of future together. 

So now she’s right up close to me, nose to nose, and I take a deep breath to inhale her scent. Her wonderful natural smell always calms me, and it doesn’t fail now.

I guide her hand with the lipstick up to the curve of my shoulder.



“Press down.” I guide her hand down, drawing the line of red lipstick from the top of my shoulder, around my arm socket, then down the side of my chest. I stop at the bottom of my ribcage, then direct her hand across my stomach.

I slowly exhale, and then take another deep breath. I’m using every ounce of self-control not to react as I normally would, to push her away and throw her off me. We continue up the other side of my body, and I let her hand go, so she can mirror the line on the other side. I have to show I trust her, but I can feel the sweat beading on my forehead from the effort.

“There, done,” she whispers tenderly. There is such compassion shining in her eyes, because she can see what this is costing me. But there’s no point stopping now and leaving the job half undone. We must continue and go the whole way.

“No, you’re not.”  I trace a line with my finger around the base of my neck, and she dutifully continues the lipstick line.

“Now my back,” I whisper hoarsely. I’m hanging on to my control by a bare thread here, as she moves off my lap so that I can turn round for her. It’s even worse when I can’t see what she’s doing.

“Follow the line from my chest, all the way round to the other side.”

Once again, she wordlessly complies, seeming to understand that I can’t talk, because I have to concentrate all my energy on just getting through this. But I hear her sharp intake of breath as she sees the scars on my back close up, and I sense her emotional response. But she wisely makes no comment. It would be far too difficult for either of us to vocalize our feelings and thoughts during this intensely personal moment we’re sharing.

“Around your neck, too?”  she quietly murmurs.

I just nod, and she draws another line joining the first around the base of my neck beneath my hair.

“Finished,” she whispers, and I finally let myself relax in sheer relief. It’s done. One part of my fuckedupness now clearly marked out for her to see. I turn back round to face her.

“Those are the boundaries.”

“I can live with those,” she whispers huskily. “Right now I want to launch myself at you.”

So she’s not put off. She still wants me – I can see that in her wonderful eyes. They never lie to me. My wonderful sweet girl has not run out of the door screaming at the weirdness of all this.

So I smile my best seductive smile, and hold my hands up in surrender to her.

“Well, Miss Steele, I’m all yours.” For you, sweet Anastasia, it was worth it. Fortune favors the brave. So now I’d really like to fuck you. Please.  

Ana squeals and throws herself into my arms, knocking me flat. I catch her and twist her so she’s beneath me on the bed.

“Now, about that rain check.”

~~~

Our love making has a desperation about it. I think Ana wants to show how much she appreciates the effort I’ve made by letting her road map me. I want to show her that it means the world to me that she can accept a broken, fucked up man like me. She is so incredible and amazing.  I want her to know that every part of me now belongs to her. I am hers. She is mine.

I don't want any barriers to stop me worshipping her body. I want to feel her, all of her. Once I’ve discarded her T shirt and bra, I set to work on adoring her breasts, caressing and teasing them with my fingers and my mouth until she cries out. I want to hear her responding to my touch, to know she’s feeling what I'm feeling.

This is going to be quick, it’s going to be fast and furious. I slip my hand inside her jeans, then inside her panties, to check how ready she is for me. She’s fucking soaking. She wants me, she really wants me, just as I want her. That’s what I needed to know. That’s how I know we’re okay. We are so good together, always. 

When I slip my finger inside her, she responds instantly by pushing her hips up, trying to get me into her deeper still.

“I want you,” she whispers urgently. We feel the same.

I sit up and pull her jeans and panties off. Then I get the condom packet out of my pocket, and throw it over to her to undo, while I remove my jeans and boxers. I look into her eyes the whole time, seeing my intense desire reflected in hers. We feel the same.  She reaches up to slowly roll the condom onto my length. Then I grab her and roll onto my back, taking her with me.

“You. On top. I want to see you.”

I’ve got her straddling me now, so I help ease her down onto my aching cock. I close my eyes as I flex my hips to get deeper into her. I want to possess her totally. Fuck, that feels good. She feels tight and hot and wet around me as I thrust right in.  So fucking good. She’s totally filled by me and I'm totally surrounded by her. We couldn’t fit together more perfectly if we’d been purposely engineered by the Almighty himself.

But old habits die hard - I still feel the need to take hold of her hands. We’ve made a good start today, but it’s going to take some time for me to really let go of my deep rooted issues for good. One step at a time – Flynn.

“You feel so good,” I whisper.

She rides me, working herself up and down on my length as I watch her. This is so erotic, watching her use me to pleasure herself, seeing the look on her face, as she bites her lip and softly moans.

 But I still want more. So now I let go of her hands and grab her hips.  She holds onto my arms to balance. Safe area. I thrust into her hard, really hard and deep, making her cry out. Take all of me, baby. It’s all for you.

“That’s right, baby, feel me.”

Ana throws her head back as I continue to drive into her. We move together, her movements matching mine, as we start really building and climbing together. It’s good, so fucking good this way.  I love watching her reactions, and her uncontained sensual pleasure. We’re very close now.

“My Ana.”  You are mine, you belong only to me.

“Yes, always.”  Always, yes.

We fly over the edge together.

“Oh, baby,” I groan loudly as I come, while Ana calls out in a totally unrestrained and joyous way as she orgasms. 

The new security team will have little doubt about what's going on in here. In my experience, those guys have almost supernatural hearing. Requirement of the job. 

Then we’re collapsed together in a heap on the bed, trying to catch our breath. She’s lying on my chest, but she keeps still, so I can just about tolerate it. Having her on me this way means I can stroke her hair and caress her silky back, so I like it.

“You are so beautiful.”

She lifts her head to give me a very skeptical look. She doesn't believe me. I sit up and hold her tightly, so we’re nose to nose again.

“You. Are. Beautiful.”

“And you’re amazingly sweet sometimes.” She gently kisses me. 

She thinks I’m saying it just to be nice to her - she really doesn’t get it does she? No vanity, no false modesty, she genuinely doesn’t see herself as beautiful. What on earth has led to this low self-esteem, this lack of confidence about her looks, when she is so fucking beautiful that I can’t take my eyes off her? She is totally mesmerizing.

I lift her off me as I ease out of her. She winces – I hope she’s not sore. I hope I'm not being too demanding with her, but I just can’t help how much I want her, all the time. And she wants me too.

“You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?” I kiss her gently as she flushes in her discomfort at my compliment. “All those boys pursuing you – that isn’t enough of a clue?”

“Boys? What boys?” Are you blind, woman? So many of them drooling over you and you haven’t even noticed?

“You want the list? The photographer, he’s crazy about you, that boy in the hardware store, your roommate’s older brother. Your boss.”

Just thinking about all these guys wanting her makes me rage with jealousy, and yet she is totally unaware and naïve about the effect she has on the opposite sex. 

This makes her vulnerable. She doesn’t understand that they all get an instant hard on just looking at her, and would love to get into her panties if she gave them the slightest encouragement. She just doesn’t get how a guy’s brain works in that way. 

But being a guy, I get it only too well. She thinks they all just want to be her friend. Yeah right. But I know better; I know exactly what they’re thinking and I know they all want to fuck her. So I have to protect her.

“Oh Christian, that’s just not true.”

“Trust me. They want you. They want what’s mine.” And no fucking way am I ever going to allow that to happen. You are mine. I protect what is mine.

I pull her closer to me, and she reaches up to run her fingers through my hair. Her expression tells me she’s still skeptical.

“Mine,” I state as I possessively tighten my grip around her.

“Yes, yours,” she smiles. She might be naïve about men, but I know I can trust her totally. That is a good feeling to have. 

Because of my stalkerism, I've learnt that she’s always honest with me. I also know that she wouldn’t cheat - it's just not in her nature, it's not who she is. I just have to protect her from all the other fuckers waiting in line to seize their chance with her.

But if I thought letting Ana road map me would be sufficient to quell her insatiable curiosity, and her need to touch me, I was wrong.

“The line is still intact. I want to go exploring,” she murmurs as she traces the mark on my shoulder. I can’t help myself; I react instinctively by tensing up.

“The apartment?” I try to distract her, knowing it’s futile. But it reminds me that I haven’t actually shown her round the entire apartment yet. I’ll have to get round to it.

It’s clear that she is just dying to touch me. Can I do this? I want to let her, to please her, but will it prove too much for me to handle?

“What would that entail exactly, Miss Steele?” Forewarned is forearmed.

She softly runs her fingertips down my face.  I like her soft touch here. I find it calming.

“I just want to touch you everywhere I’m allowed.”

As her finger passes my mouth, I grab it with my teeth to gently bite her while I'm thinking if I can do this for her.

“Ow.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay.”  

I can do this. As I release her finger, I focus my mind so I can do as she wants. I guess I should be glad that she wants to know more about me, to touch and feel me. So I figure I have to let her.

But first I need to get sorted out, get rid of the rubber I’ve still got on my dick. I shift her over so I can remove it and drop the disgusting thing on the floor.

“I hate those things. I’ve a good mind to call Dr. Greene around to give you a shot.” Just testing the waters – I’ve already got the Doc provisionally lined up to call in tomorrow, but I can always cancel if Ana blows a fuse at the idea. 

“You think the top ob-gyn in Seattle is going to come running?” Oh yes, baby, for another obscene fee and donation to her charity of choice, Dr. Greene is prepared to make another house call.

“I can be very persuasive,” I murmur.

As Ana hasn’t blown a fuse, I think we’re good to go ahead with the doctor calling in tomorrow. Time to get something better than condoms sorted, something more permanent. But I think it’s best to quit while I'm ahead, so I quickly change the subject.

“Franco’s done a great job on your hair. I like these layers.”

“Stop changing the subject.”  No fooling her, is there? Ana thinks I'm trying to avoid letting her touch me. Well, she’s partly correct.

I shift her so she’s straddling me again, resting on my propped up knees. I lean back on my arms, and prepare myself for the worst.

“Touch away.”  Shit, I feel really uncomfortable and uneasy about this, but I know I have to let her do it.

She keeps eye contact with me, as she traces the line of lipstick across my abdomen. She’s staying within the boundary, but I still can’t help flinching at how close she is to my forbidden zone.

“I don't have to,” she whispers, frowning with worried concern.  Her sweet, caring tenderness makes me more determined to carry on.

“No, it’s fine. Just takes some… readjustment on my part. No one’s touched me for a long time,” I try to explain.

“Mrs. Robinson?”

I nod.“I don't want to talk about her. It will sour your good mood.”

“I can handle it.”

“No, you can’t, Ana. You see red whenever I mention her. My past is my past. It’s a fact.  I can’t change it. I'm lucky that you don't have one. Because it would drive me crazy if you did.”

I’d have to go and beat the living shit out of any other man who’d… I can’t even let myself think about it. It just makes me see red too. So I guess I can’t really blame Ana for how she feels about Elena – but what can I do? Like I told her – I can’t change the past.

“Drive you crazy? More than you are already?” She smiles at me.

“Crazy for you,” I whisper.

“Shall I call Dr. Flynn?”

“I don't think that will be necessary.” He already knows how crazy I am.

She shifts back and I drop my legs down. She puts her hand back on my stomach and slowly, lightly moves her fingers across my skin. I can’t help it – I tense up again.

“I like touching you,” she murmurs, as she starts moving her hand down to an area I'm much more comfortable about her touching. Oh yes, I’m up for this sort of attention in an instant. Literally. 

And so the rest of the afternoon passes very satisfactorily indeed. 

Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with how things have gone this afternoon. Anastasia is familiar with my boundaries. She was so incredibly sensitive and understanding in how she handled this, so now I can hopefully be more relaxed with her.  As I keep discovering over and over again, she really is one amazing young woman.

And later on, after we've both showered and I walk in on her getting ready for the masked ball, I'm reminded all over again that she is an incredibly beautiful woman, and that I am a truly lucky man.


I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 

151 comments:

  1. Thank you sooo much for the chapt! It was amazing as always. I LOVED this part and I love reading from Christians POV I think this is one of my
    Most favorite parts and you captured it eautifully! I love it even more from yours and his POV. Thank you! You are simply amazif!!

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    1. Thanks Samantha - glad you enjoyed it.

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    2. PLEASE....Keep the chapters coming....I love how you write from Christian's view point....Can not wait for the next installment of the masked ball!!!!!!!

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  2. WOW!! Another awesome chapter. You never disappoint. Loved this part in the book and it was great getting it from Christian's point of view. I just love your writing and always look forward to the next chapter. Thank you again and as always, I'm soooooooo looking forward to the next one. Laters, baby.

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    1. Hi Martha - yes it's a great part of the story isn't it? Good to know you enjoyed reading the chapter.

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  3. Incredible chapter once again! I love getting Christian's viewpoint. Looking forward to the next one, sir. Laters!!

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  4. Miranda( Cape Town, SA)September 14, 2012 at 7:35 PM

    Thank you...this just hit the spot and made my day a whole lot better!

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    1. Hi Miranda - reading a favorite story always cheers me up too!

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  5. omg an other fab chapter , its nice 2 kow what he was feel.n when ana put the lippy on him , but not so nice what he went throw with the pimp , but happy end,ns soon but a long away away as we kow but lov cpov well done xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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    1. Hi Debbie - we're delving into Christian's horrid start in life, and it doesn't always make for pretty reading, does it?

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  6. Brilliant as ever could picture Christians nervousness at being touché beautifully written love scene was as much sweet as erotic you blow my mind every time thank you your proof reading sub heather xxxxx

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  7. After a hard week at work this was a delight to come home to. As usual your writing is outstanding and you have an excellent insight into Christian's mind. Well done with another brilliant chapter but the next one is the one I am really looking forward to. Thank you

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  8. SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been waiting for this part I think it has to be one of my faves!!!

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  9. Another amazing Chapter!!!! Thank you for writing this, I love reading it. Looking forward to the next chapter as always.

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  10. Great chapter! I enjoyed Christian's humor, and his insight into himself. I guess with all the years of therapy, he had no choice but to learn some truths intellectually. But, it is great to see him actually want to change now, all because of Ana. Another super job! Thanks!

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  11. Steamy sex on a Friday afternoon, is just what the doctor ordered! It's 100 degs in So. Cal, but that's not what's making me HOT!

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    1. Ha ha FriskyJo. Steamy sex whatever the climate eh?

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  12. You have absolutely made my weekend as I could wait for you to give me Christian's POV on this road map, touching, boundaries thing. This whole touching thing I find quite intriguing and had never heard of this sort of phobia before I read FSoG and probably what keeps me coming back to re-read parts of the Trilogy, trying to understand the psychology, control, abuse, coping mechanism. Something that we take for granted is something that is just harrowing for others. I guess that since its such a taboo for him and it is explored in such a way in FSoG, it just seems so much more intimate, more so than I have ever thought possible. Lots more good stuff coming up and I am waiting with baited breath.

    Bethann

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    1. Hi Bethann. Yes, I had to put myself in Christian's mind to try and work out exactly why he couldn't bear to be touched, and to me the absolute worst thing about his early life was not so much the actual pain (horrendous as that was), but the fact that he was helpless to prevent it from happening time after time - he had no escape, no control over the torture. I think that very probably would make you a control freak when you were an adult wouldn't it?

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    2. I still stand behind my theory that part of Christian's appeal is his 'brokeness'. Yes, he's, rich, beauiful, smart, talented....yada, yada, yada......but women have a nuturing element in our make-up (which comes in handy as mothers) that wants to care for and have empathy men, in particular. Christian has so much wrong with him, it is only natural that Ana would be drawn to want to care for him and see him as a good man. Its not his money or high profile that attracted or keeps her there.

      I also think that, while Christian does come with '757 size load of baggage' as Ana tells him somewhere later in book 2, but I think that the fact that he has never allowed anyone in his confined barriers probably magnifies his baggage and issues. By his own admission, his nightmares stop when she is there, the whole touching thing is overcome, his relationships with his family are different -- and while all of these things are probably dependent on the other, his issues are certainly less crippling after he meets Ana.

      Bethann

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  13. Excellent writing. You did a great job with the details regarding the boundaries and Christian's feelings. Based on your ending I sense the plot boiling in your mind for the masquerade ball. I hope I am right. Come on Baby, give it up for us. Do the masquerade ball justice! Can't wait. X.

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  14. Incredibly sweet chapter.. You sure know how to tease.. Here I thought we were getting the masquerade ball in here to.. Eekkkkk, gota wait longer now.. Love it!!

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  15. Great chapter i love logging on to find a new one imjust going to be lost for the next week or so until i get my next fix thankyou for spending time doing this for us its fab x thankyou and please please plsase carry on cant waitxx

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  16. I'm checking all the time for new chapters, so thank u for doin it from cpov, love this so much xx

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  17. You've got me hook, line, and sinker ;) I so look forward to each and every chapter. Thank you for the work and time you put into your writing and your patience with us begging...LOL!

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  18. You have me hooked . Can't wait. want to know what Chrisian was thinking about when Flynn bid against him for the first dance With Ana . Love your worked just found this last week and hope you can take us to the end !!!!

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  19. YEAH!!You made my weekend!! I was only hoping you'd make it a bit farther in the story with this chapter - but you are keeping me hooked!!

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  20. omg this was great now you have me really really waiting for more what a wonderful was of showing Christian thoughts as always great job

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  21. Absolutely, without a doubt, this was a a magnificent chapter! I loved how Christian has come to realize that he actually loves having his world flipped upside down by Ana, and that they do feel exactly the same for each other. Not to mention that they are a "perfect" fit for each other ;D Thank you so much for getting us another chapter, it is the perfect start to my weekend! I also wanted to mention that the pictures you put in this chapter are so hot! Have you seen all the pictures that Ian did for that photo-shoot? Holy crud they are just so yummy that it just makes me shake my head because I can't come up with the right words to describe how gorgeous he is in them. I'm sure you get my drift, lol! The picture of the guy getting the lipstick drawn on was perfect to. I actually shouted out loud because I was so excited! Thanks again Sweetie!

    XOXO,
    Ang

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    1. Hi Ang. Hope things are on the up for you now. Yes, I saw some new lovely photos of Ian, and you will most likely be seeing a few more on the blog in the not too distant future - I'm always on the lookout for new ones to use, so let me know if you find some good ones.Ian is so photogenic, isn't he?

      And yes, and thanks to my facebook friend Sarah for the lippy picture too.

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  22. Yet again another amazing Chapter!!!! Thank you for writing CPOV. I cannot wait for the next chapter I love the ball and can't wait to read Christian's pov. I don't want to wait a week...sniff sniff. You are so into Mr. Fifty's mind, love it, love it!!!

    Deb

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  23. Fantastic chapter again!! REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER one of my favourites!! Can't wait to see it from Christians pov.

    Zoe

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  24. Hot! Now I need to find my man and draw on him!! Wonderful chapter! Hope you are not getting bored, as we all appreciate your time and effort! You are fantastic! Ow the little silver balls are coming up! Yeah!

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  25. Beautiful! Thank you! This is such a wonderful distraction for me. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Brain Cancer 4 weeks ago. And he is young. No warning at all. No headaches, blurry vision-nothing. So these posts are extremely diverting and helpful. Thank you and please keep them coming. I hope to read your own novel one day. You are so talented.

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    1. LOVE IT! I am truly amazed at how in Christian's head you are. I am thoroughly into these chapters. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to give us more of Christian. You are a great writer and I can't wait to read your own work - but please, please, please finish this first! Love ya!

      Mel - NJ

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    2. Linda - sorry to hear about your husband. I will keep him in my prayers. sorry about the earlier post - didn't mean to post it there!

      Mel - NJ

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    3. Linda - I am so sorry to hear about your husband's devastating diagnosis. It must be so terribly difficult for you at the moment.
      I have always found reading to be a great way of escaping from real life in the past, and more recently writing has provided perfect escapism from some harsh realities in life - but nothing on the scale of what you are facing.
      So, if reading my blog makes things more bearable for you for just a few minutes, it is all worthwhile for me. You, along with all the other followers who say the blog has brightened their day for a little while, inspire me to carry on.
      My prayers are with you.

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    4. Hi Linda,
      I am so sorry! I will say my prayer for you and your family when I go to church today.
      Kim

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    5. Linda....wondered how you are and your family?

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  26. Great chapter .. Thank you!... Cannot wait for the next few they are my favourite parts of the books x

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  27. Another great chapter, thank you so much!!! I wish we could get the chapters back to back but i understand that great things take time :) Excited for the next chapter and patiently waiting, thanks again!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jenny - The only way that would have happened would be for me to finish writing the whole thing before posting the chapters - and lord alone knows how long that would take!

      So think of it like a weekly TV series maybe, with the complete run available at the end!

      Delete
    2. Touche! That's a great point hahaha, well again i understand great things take time and i don't mind waitning. Thank you so much for giving us an escape to indulge in, your work is wonderful :)

      Delete
  28. Another fantastic chapter! It gets better and better! Can not wait to read more. It is like an addiction.

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  29. love love love it!! till the next one....

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  30. 2 chapters this week!!! You are spoiling us :)

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  31. AMAZING¡¡¡¡ Was waiting for this part wowww really love it Christian Pov is just incredible.... all what he is describing his feelings when Ana is touching it just amazing..... Cant wait for the next one cause the masked ball is one of the best part of the book.. thanks for your writing¡¡¡¡

    Best regards,

    from México :D

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  32. Amazing chapter:) I thought it was going to be the ball chapter this time... Looking forward to the next chapter even more now!!!:)

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  33. As always it was an amazing read!! What a way to start the weekend! Waiting patiently for the next!! You are one talented writer!! Thank you Thank you!

    Your Devoted Reader,
    Lisa x

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  34. I love it, this chapter kept me glued. Well written. Waiting for the next chapter. I feel work will go well tongiht, maybe slightly horney but I will have something to think about during down times.

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  35. I am absolutely loving all these chapters from Christians POV. Please keep them coming.

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  36. Love this chapter...Love how Christian is opening up to Anna, I can feel the love between them while im reading. Great job like always...Thank you!!! Liz...:-)

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  37. Loved It! Those tender moments between Ana and Christian is what I love most. You can feel the love that they have for each other even though Christian has not declared it so yet. I loved being in his head for this and how he mentally handled Ana touching him, even just on the boundary. Thanks again, again, and again for your wonderful writing!!! :D Brooke

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    1. Hi Brooke. I love writing about his developing love, even if Christian is still in denial about it at this point. Of course he is beginning to realise that so many things just might be possible with Ana, and it's not too long until he finally faces up to his feelings.

      Great fun to write and I'm glad you're enjoying it.

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  38. Great chapter I love the way he is letting her in. He is lowering that wall to let her in and it's amazing. Thank you for another work of art.

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  39. Another great chapter!! I love how you have explained Christian's feelings during that horrific time as a little boy and how he tried soooo hard not to relive it during the lipstick mapping. Great job as always.. Thank you again for your post. Love, love.

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  40. Loved it Christian has so much feeling inside that is why his POV is so interesting. Thank you so much for another great chapter.

    CP

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  41. soooooo beautiful, lovely, full of love & trust..... awesome! thank you for all your hard work!!! looking forward to the next chapter at the ball!!!!! laters!

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  42. Wow what a terrific chapter! Trust, trust and more trust. Hey who wouldn't want to put lipstick on any part of a hunk like Christian Grey! Can't wait for the masked ball! Or the next chapter!

    Nan :D

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  43. Amazing, can't wait for the next chapter, I want to see the ball in Mr. Grey's POV.

    ~Annalee

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  44. I was having the worst day and this chapter made it SO much better!!!! Thank you it was just what Dr. Flynn would have ordered

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    1. Thank you - that's what reading a story should do imo - make you feel better, so I'm glad this did:)

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  45. Hi Jane,
    What a wonderful chapter........
    Nearly at 770,000 and growing...........and bet they all can't wait for the next chapter.......
    Can't for your next installement.......Especially the Masked Ball..........
    Thank you........

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  46. Oh thank you for another amazing chapter. I love your writing so much. Christian thoughts when doing the road map was perfect. I really enjoy the parts where you get to do your own writing, like the insights into his childhood. You must be very passionate about writing to keep producing such brilliant chapters x

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  47. Great chapter!! Loved it..!
    Ur an amazing writer ..wish the Author of FSOG can read this blog and see the great job ur doing..!!
    When are u publishing your book if u haven't already had one published and we don't know!! I would definitely buy ur book!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Miriam. Writing my own book is certainly on the agenda, but I think I would be lynched if I didn't complete Fifty Shades first!

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    2. Hi Miriam. No I haven't published a book yet, I've just written other genres of fanfiction up till now. But once Fifty Shades is done, I'll be concentrating on my own original work.

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  48. omg i luv it luv christian his a sweetie keep the good work up cant wait 4 the next chapter plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

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  49. Great chapter, as always! I really love the lipstick scene and you did justice to it! Great job. I'm SO excited - we're getting close to the "yes, I do" scene when he tells her he loves her! I love that scene so much and I think that from Christian's POV it would be even more emotional, can't wait!

    Greetings from Israel,
    Tal.

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  50. Thank you for my birthday treat! Loved it!

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    1. Many Happy Returns! Hope you had a great day :)

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  51. another breathtaking chapter ! brightened up the rather dull week I had ready for the weekend. keep up the good work, cant wait for the charity party :) x

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  52. Amazing again never ever disappoint, reading his thoughts feeling on why he has no go areas so touching, it's getting closer to the scene I'm waiting for reading what is going through his mind when he is in sub mode after Layla incident you are truly bringing Christians thoughts and feelings alive thankyou :) x mel

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  53. What a breath of fresh air just what i needed on a sat morning, totally excellant writing cant wait till the next chapter, champing at the bit here.......roll on next week!!!

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  54. Oh, fifty. Love your POV. I get so excited when I see an update from your bog! Such a great chapter. One of the best stories!

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  55. Oh so wonderful! Thank you so much!!!Staslkerism??? Is it really a real word? Somewhere in oxford dictionary? It's funny through. I always thought this lipstick part was so important to Christian. You did great. The most exiting part of book two coming up next :the masquerade ball. We are all so exited! Christian declared his love to Ana to the whole world to see. Oh how sweet!! We hope for the VERY LONG CHAPTER.Please???? I know we are greedy.
    Kim
    P.S: I just dropped my niece off to Logan airport. She is on her way back to Seattle. I just about to do that myself. Wanting to see you, Mr Grey. But I settled for rushing home to see your blog. When you have your own book sighing sites. We'll meet then.

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    1. An 'ism' can be applied to anything as far as I'm concerned!

      The next chapter will indeed be a nice long one, that's for sure:)

      Until we meet, Kim. I am coming over to the States later in the year, but alas not to Seattle, and not for a book signing :(

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    2. Boston on your list? I would love to meet you and your family. Dinner on me??? Please???
      Kim

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    3. Ah Kim, wrong side of the States. We're California bound this time. Maybe Boston next time - it's a great city and we haven't been for ages. Hubby is airline staff, so we come over to the States quite often as we love it so much :)Oh for the days when it was $2 =£1. Made shopping such fun.

      Thanks for the invite though :)

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  56. I love this how Christian feels about the road map. Can't wait for the ball
    Keep up the good work loving it
    Sarah

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  57. I've just discovered your blog and think its fantastic!! Your a brilliant writer and have captured Christians POV perfectly! I cant imagine his story any differerently. This should be published. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!!xxx

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  58. You are doing such a wonderful job of taking us inside Christian's head. He has so many issues but we know that love will help him find a way to heal. Like everyone else I'm looking forward to reading your own book one day.

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  59. Amazing chapter! You write very similar to E L James, leaving us hanging and wanting more!!!!

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  60. Lovely work as always, Sare xxx

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  61. Thank you so much for another well done chapter. And no, your wriing is not similar to E.L James's, it i way better!!! Keep up with the work! ;)

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  62. Great chapter. Sexy and sweet and romantic all at once. Another great glimpse into Christian's mind! Loved it!

    Krystyne

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  63. You're such a talent! Now I understand Christian so much more with regards his no touching zone. I also just love his sense of humor. Thank you again for another fabulous chapter.

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  64. I'm listening to Sammy Kershaw's "She don't know she's beautiful" while I read this a third time. Thinking of playing "Baby's got her Blue Jeans on" for the Pool scene ;)

    Country playlist for Christian ;D

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    1. Great tracks Stephanie. Maybe 'Behind Closed Doors' for the playroom chapters!

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    2. yesss... Charlie Rich "And She makes me glad that I'm a man"

      Christian Grey in cowboy boots and chaps.. now that is an image.

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    3. Could have had Achy Breaky heart for the break up! On a Country and Western roll now!

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    4. Josh Turner "Your Man" would be good for Christian's childhood bedroom ;D "Can't believe how much it turns me on, Just to be your man."

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    5. Josh Turner certainly has a great voice.
      Last one from me - the classic 'Stand By Your Man' Tammy Wynette, which includes the lines:

      'You'll have bad times
      And he'll have good times
      Doin things that you don't understand
      But if you love him
      You'll forgive him
      Even though he's hard to understand

      Pretty perfect eh?

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    6. yes!! a playlist for both Christian and Ana.. a conversation if you will.

      I'm glad I'm odd ;)

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  65. These are great chapters. Whenever I read one, I can hardly wait until you come out with the next one. They are great coming from Christians POV and show so much emotion. I nearly cry when I actually visualize him.

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  66. Linda, i'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

    Dear Author, I found this blog earlier today and I'm hooked. I've been reading continuously for the last 3 1/2 hours! This is bloody fantatstic!

    The ONLY novel other than FSoG in which i wish they'd written the Hero's view point was Pride & Prejudice. Mind you Christian Grey is not the affluently raised country 18 century gentleman like Darcy and as the author infamoulsly said he does have "747 load of baggage".It is no easy task to wite about his thoughts and how his mind works, fucked up as they're. And You're giving that to us on a silver platter

    Wonderful & please post more.



    with Love from India.

    Christina J

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    Replies
    1. Hi Christina - P & P is very much a favourite of mine, and I think there are some similarities between Darcy and Christian - both are dark, brooding men, used to getting their own way, who fall in love against their will. And who knows, Darcy may well have been a secret Dominant, even if Jane Austin never wrote about that!

      Delete
    2. You know i just about saved my head for making the above comment in one of the P&P fan fction sites. Thank God! I'm not the only one who thimks that Darcy could be a closet Dom too.

      Love to hear from you again and love you more for this novella.

      So, when is the next post? he he

      Big Thank you!

      Christina J

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    3. I suppose if you think about it, in Darcy's times a woman was the property of a man, and only men could vote. She wasn't supposed to be clever or have an opinion of her own, and she had to promise to obey her husband when they got married. It was considered perfectly acceptable for a man to beat his wife to keep her in her place. So like it or not, a woman was a submissive in any case.But it was Elizabeth'e quirky, non conformist character that caught Darcy's attention, just as Ana's defiance catches Christian's. I'm willing to bet ELJ is a huge Darcy fan.

      Delete
    4. "Implacable resentment is a Shade in a character". Your reply reminded me of this infamous quote from P&P.

      Indeed, That makes two of us dear Author.

      Can't wait for your next post!

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  67. Its rose, what a great chapter elly enjoyed it' uput every thing into detail and i love it, can not waitfor the next one' the ball will be a great ione to read, thans sir xxx

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  68. I really enjoyed it can't wait for the next one!!!!

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  69. WOW! You really get up in Christian's head don't you!?! Or is it he who gets up in yours? ;o)
    This is such a fantastic treat for all of us, to see this book from your/his perspective. I'm completely enthralled, thank you Thank You THANK YOU!
    Oh & btw GREAT pics this chapter HOT HOT HOT!!!
    Loving ALL of it. You're a gem for doing this for all us needy, greedy, hungry for 'more' 50 Shades fans xox
    (Aussie) Jenni

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  70. A great chapter keep up with a fab job in written more chapter you should be so proud of yourself in keeping the fifty shades fans hooked thank you from Mandy

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  71. i am so chasing the dawn with you ... i am truly devoted to your written words x.X.x

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  72. Another absolutely wonderful chapter! You have done such a GREAT job at capturing Christian's character!! Thank you again soo very much for writing!! Looking forward to the next!!

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  73. Looking so forward to more you are amazing it's as if james is in your head with the characterization of Christian. I,m loving this work. till the next chapter I will be ansy iwnthe waiting. Tess

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  74. Haven't reviewed in forever. Wanted to pop in and say I am still reading and loving your CPOV. Can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi JCP. Nice of you to check in. Glad you're still on board with the blog :)

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  75. Absolutely amazing... I love the work you have done and it is the perfect fix for my "50 addiction". I can't wait for your story to continue. Thank you! Jo

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  76. GREAT chapter. I've been off for a few weeks due to a devasting break-up. Had to pick myself up and learn to move on. This is exactly what I needed your blog. Looking forward to many more chapters. I've even going back and starting from Chapter 1, I'm sure your writing is the perfect cure for a broken heart. Thank you for the pick me up. Have a wonderful day. Hugs and Later Baby :-) Joanne T, FL

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    Replies
    1. Hi Joanne. So sorry to hear about your broken heart, and I hope things improve for you over time.
      Like you, I've always found reading to be the perfect balm for all sorts of problems, because it provides escapism from stupid real life.
      More recently, writing has also given me the perfect way to escape some inevitable life issues, for a short while anyhow.
      So I'm glad reading my blog helped cheer you up a little bit. Makes it all worth while :)



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  77. Hey Jane,

    You have reached 800,000 and growing..........
    We can't get enough of your version of this story...
    Please keep going!!!!

    Can't wait for the next chapter.......
    Thank you for writing it....
    Take Care
    Jen

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, I thought you were writing another blog as well..... and the person writing is called Jane......
      No more calling you Jane.....
      Can't wait for your next chapters....

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    2. Jane writes Taylor's blog and is also the author of The Education of Sebastian and The Education of Caroline. She is the other blog I follow regularly. Amazing writer, like yourself. Sometimes, her blog follows yours so well, that you would think the two of you are collaborating. It's quite fascinating. She writes amazing One-Shots. too.

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  78. OMG?! I am soo addicted to these blogs!! When will the next one be out?? I'm anxious for more! Til then, I'll reread the chapters again... Amazing work... keep it up =)

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    1. The next chapter will be up just as soon as I've written it! It's going to be a very long chapter, so hopefully will be worth the wait.

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    2. Can't wait.... I love love love how you bring Christians version to life.

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  79. Can't wait for more...Thank you for doing this.

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  80. At first I was more intrigued to read it of how one can picture himself in the opposite character, knowing that everyone reading this have read 50 shades trilogy. But I must say now I am always looking forward in reading more of your chapters as they are very well written. Good job and keep it up :-)

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  81. Im confused. I thought this blog was coming after the end o fifty shades freed? Is it not? Is it the whole sort in Christians view?

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    Replies
    1. Yes the blog does pick up from the end of Fifty Shades Freed. At the top of the page on the left side you will see months click o June I believe and you will find the first chapter. I have been following for a couple of months now and am totally engrossed. Hope you enjoy it too.

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    2. It is, at the end of FSF there are 2 chapters from Christian's POV, so this blog is the continuation of that.

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  82. i sooooooo love how you create each chapter ! so brilliant ! cant wait for the next one :)

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  83. This blog is brilliant! Please, keep writing. Looking forward for more.
    Maria

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  84. Plz update soon...love it!!!...:)

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  85. please continue with this :D Hope you go into detail about the wedding and book 3 :D

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  86. Give me more please...i need more. ..it's just irresistable..like...chocolate

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  87. Ooooh I got a song for you to add to Christians playlist.. 'KISS ME' by Ed Sheeran.
    I love love love this song & I can't help but think of Christian & Ana every time I listen to it!!!
    (Aussie) Jenni :o)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jenni. Great track - I'll ask Tiffany to add it :)

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  88. hi hope you are writing loads cannot wait for the next wonderful chapter . have you listened to kelly clakeson dark side it is christian and ana all the way. hope you are keeping well laters baby lol xx


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    Replies
    1. Hi Mandy. I agree about Kelly Clarkson, and it's on the playlist as number 88 :)

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  89. I am do in love with your writing!! I am waiting patiently for the next chapter! Thank you so much for writing your CPOV and for sharing it with us!

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  90. Omg, where is the next chapter! i am dying here! Lol, I stayed up till 3 am last night reading all the chapters! I love them

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  91. OMG, going through withdrawal..pleeeease hurry up, just shoot the next update straight into my veins!!....Lillian

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  92. Oh no, i have only got one chapter left to read!!!!! Please please keep them coming!!! They are all so amazing, you have an amazing talent!!! I can't get enough!!! Keep up the good work! I would love to see what EL James opinion on them would be, i bet she would be very pleased with what you have written and how you have portrayed CPOV!!!! :) xxxxxxxxx

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  93. WOW so amazing, you are one talented writer, i love how you are portraying CPOV, please keep them coming as quickly as possible, i understand you also have a life, but i need them to keep coming, I can't get enough of Christian. I would love to know what EL James herself would think of all you have written, i think she would be very happy and impressed with all you have done so far!!!

    DON'T STOP whatever you do! I only have chapter 36 to go and i don't want to read it yet, because then i will have to wait too long for the next one! :(

    XXXXXXXXX

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  94. I really don't think the original author would be able to top this POV. It coincides with the original events PERFECTLY! and its much more literary sound than the original authors writing technique. :)
    - Mel

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  95. this chapter as made me laugh out loud, please please write a book of your own i promise i will buy and read it over and over again.

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  96. You are awesome! I love your cpov I'm glad I still have lots of chapters to read I'm addicted to your writing! Every night I read a chapter or two and all your comments.

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  97. Gets ne evetine i cry when she can touch Him.You sho . write the chapie where he has no boundaries after they find leila.

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  98. I was waiting for the "road map" chapter. And you didn't disappoint. It was touching when I read it from the book and it was more so from CPOV. Awesome!

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  99. Poor Christian my heart bleeds for him.

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Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.