Chapter 38 - The Revelation

The burning warmth of the Armagnac certainly hits the spot. It’s just what we both need to help us unwind after the last few hours.

For now, we’re Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, safe and secure in the Cascade Suite at The Fairmont Olympic. Anastasia as my wife. That’s an intriguing thought. Mr. and Mrs. Grey?

I tried my best to answer Ana’s questions on the drive here. I'm frustrated to learn she’s still worried that she’s not enough for me. What more can I do to convince her that she’s everything I need and more? I guess it’s going to take time. 

I just hope she doesn't figure out the true depths of my depravity, because I know she’d run a mile if she ever did.  So I can’t tell her, because I can't risk going through last weekend again – ever.

And what is it with my family gossiping about me? Or being prompted to gossip by Ana, more like, with that inquisitive mind of hers. Apparently my Dad told her about me not speaking for the first couple of years after they adopted me. I'm still not what you would describe as verbose, am I?

And then Mia telling Ana how I used to get into brawls when I was younger – she paints a great picture of me. Trouble is, that brawler is still there, just lurking under the surface, never far away.  That’s why I've always been thankful that Elena took me in hand when I was that out of control teenager, and gave me another way to cope and let off steam. 

I can't imagine how I would have turned out otherwise. I’d  probably have gone the same way as my birth mother, and overdosed on crack cocaine.  But now, I have any addictive personality traits I might have inherited from the crack whore well under control, thanks to the iron clad self-discipline Elena instilled in me.

But why is Elena making out I ran to her for a shoulder to cry on last weekend, when the truth is I only spoke to her on the phone for a few minutes when she rang me? Flynn has described her as manipulative, but why would she be – what does she stand to gain? There’s nothing more than friendship between us, there hasn't been for years, as I keep trying to explain to Ana.

So here we are. Anastasia is still by my side, despite everything.

“You never cease to amaze me, Anastasia. After a day like today – or yesterday, rather – you’re not whining or running off into the hills screaming. I am in awe of you. You’re very strong.”

“You’re a very good reason to stay. I told you, Christian, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what you've done. You know how I feel about you.”

I know she’s told me she loves me, but I still find that so incredibly hard to believe. Ana is young and impressionable.  She doesn't really know what she’s talking about. She knows a lot more about love than you ever will, Grey.

Thankfully, she changes the subject.

“Where are you going to hang Jose's portraits of me?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Circumstances. His show’s not over yet, so I don't have to decide straight away.”

Ana narrows her eyes, as she cocks her head and looks at me curiously.

“You can look as sternly as you like, Mrs. Taylor. I’m saying nothing.” Mrs. Grey would sound better.

I’m probably going to hang my favorite portrait– the one of her smiling – in my office, but the others – well, it all depends. My realtor contacts have heard whispers of a property overlooking the bay coming up for sale shortly, and they tell me it’s in a prime location with great views, although the house itself is run down and old fashioned.  

If it’s as good as they say, I’m thinking I’ll go ahead and buy it, then probably knock the old place down and have Elliot build me a modern, environmentally sound place instead. 

I’m thinking this place could maybe serve as my weekend residence, and I’d just live at Escala during the week when I'm working. And I'm thinking maybe Ana might like to help me choose the style of the redevelopment. I'm thinking she might like to stay there with me too. So I'm thinking I could hang José’s pictures in that house. But at the moment, there’s nothing definite and it could all come to nothing. So I'm thinking it’s best not to say anything yet.

 Lots of thinking going on.

But right now, despite it being the early hours of the morning, Ana’s decided to carry on where she left off earlier, to resume her seduction of me. Oh yeah, baby!

“I want to kiss you here,” she whispers, as she runs her finger across my belly from hip to hip, once she’s helped me take my top off.

“I’m not stopping you,” I whisper back. Feel free.

So Anastasia leads me over to sit on the edge of the four poster bed. 
 It’s a long time since I let a woman take the lead. Not since Elena, in fact. Ever since I worked out my true Dominant nature, I've always taken the lead and never looked back. Until now.

Up to now, it’s always been me who's set the sexual agenda between us, but tonight Ana seems more confident, and I think rather than trying to exert control over me, she’s trying to show how much she wants me.  It feels very strange to stand back and just let it happen, but I find I like it. Especially when Ana confidently strips off, so I can gaze freely on her gorgeous, naked body. I liked her new pretty lacy underwear, but I like what’s underneath even better.

“You are Aphrodite, Anastasia.” 

She has a wonderful body. She is perfect, just perfect. And she’s mine. I am one very lucky man.

She comes over to clasp my face in her hands and kisses me, and I can't hold back any longer. I grab her hips to pull her onto the bed and pin her under me. I kiss her deeply as our tongues entwine together, while I greedily explore her curves with my hands, savoring her soft silky skin as I work my way up to her breasts.

As I tease her and play with her nipples, she groans and tilts her pelvis to rub herself against the erection that is straining in my jeans. I flex my hips to rub against her harder, the seam of my fly hitting her sensitive spot, making her groan at the friction.  

Shit, this is what teenagers do when they’re making out isn't it? I guess I skipped that stage and went straight into full-on BDSM sex with Elena, but this is kind of fun going back to basics. So we carry on rubbing against each other, enjoying the buildup of tension it’s creating.

As we carry on kissing,  her hands wander over me and end up inside my jeans, as she tries to get hold of my erection.

“You’re going to unman me, Ana,” I groan, as I kneel up to take my jeans and boxers off, handing her the condom packet. “You want me, baby, and I sure as hell want you. You know what to do.”

She confidently unrolls the condom over my length, as I enjoy her touch on me.  I like confident Ana. I've taught her well.

So now I tenderly rub noses with her, as I slowly, really slowly, enter her. No quick, hard fuck this time. Tonight, everything is the opposite of how I've always done things. As I slide deep inside, I can feel her silky walls tightly gripping me, as she stretches to accommodate my whole length. When you fuck hard and fast, you miss a lot of these more subtle sensations, so now I want to take my time, to savor them. 

I’m not fucking her, I’m making love to her. 

Slow, sweet, gentle love. There is no hurry. Love.

She holds onto my arms and moans – it’s as good for her as it is for me. She isn't doing this just to serve my needs. We are equal partners taking our pleasure together. She tilts her chin up so I can nuzzle her soft neck, and drink in her unique scent. I slowly ease back, and then slowly slide in again.  It feels so fucking amazing, so fucking good. All our cares melt away as we lose ourselves in each other.

“You make me forget everything. You are the best therapy,” I whisper.

“Please, Christian – faster,” she murmurs, as she tilts her hips up to encourage me, enticingly biting her bottom lip as she does.

“Oh no, baby. I need this slow.”  

I want to feel every little bit of her body taking in every last bit of me. I want to enjoy every second of the pleasure I’m taking in her body, just as I want her to enjoy every slow stroke that I'm sharing with her.

Now it’s my turn to gently bite that lower lip of hers, and she moans loudly as I slowly stroke into her again. She feels so wonderfully tight and yet so velvety soft, like a purpose made glove fitting snugly around my cock. 

It’s heaven, paradise, but it feels so incredibly good that inevitably I can't hold back much longer; I have to speed up the rhythm, as we start building and climbing towards our ultimate goal. 

It doesn't take long before she screams out, as she falls over the edge to her climax, and I follow almost immediately as I call out her name. Ana, always my Ana.

Afterwards, I lie contently with my head on her soft belly, as she gently toys with my hair. She seems to like playing with my hair, and I like it too. But only Ana. I've never let anyone else do that before. It’s a perfect moment that I wish could last forever. The afterglow of sweet love making. Love. There’s that word again.

“I will never get enough of you. Don't leave me,” I murmur, as I kiss her soft belly. I wouldn't survive again. I’d be a totally broken man.

“I’m not going anywhere, Christian, and I seem to remember that I wanted to kiss your belly,” she points out sleepily.

“Nothing stopping you now, baby,” I grin against her sweet skin.

“I don't think I can move I’m so tired.”

I’m wearing her out. She needs to get some sleep, so reluctantly I shift to lie next to her and pull the covers up over us.

“Sleep now, baby,” I instruct, as I gaze down at her lovely face. 

Then I kiss her hair and wrap my arms around her, before I drift off into a sound sleep. 

I always do when I sleep with Anastasia, because she is my talisman against my night terrors.

~~~

I wake feeling refreshed at around eight in the morning – very late for me. Anastasia is still fast asleep, and remembering how she really isn't a morning person, especially after such a disturbed and late night, I let her sleep in. I just can't help watching her as she sleeps though.

She murmurs as I brush a stray lock of hair away from her face, but I can't make out any words this time.  I find it totally fascinating that she talks in her sleep. It’s like having a secret window into the inner workings of her mind, as she unconsciously lets unguarded thoughts slip out.

I could watch her all day, but there are things I need to get sorted, and it’s fortuitous she sleeps while I do so.  There will be fewer awkward questions this way.

Leaving her in the bedroom, I find my cell and call Taylor.

“Any update re the intruder?”

“We've swept the whole apartment again. No further sightings,” he reports.

“Any clue at all as to how she got in yet?” 

This is the key to preventing another intrusion. I won’t rest easy until we figure out how she’s got in.

“We've got a couple of lines of inquiry to follow up. I’ll keep you informed of any developments, sir.”

“Make sure you do. Have you confirmed all today’s arrangements with Mac? ”

“Yes, sir, and we’ll do a final sweep of the boat late morning, before your scheduled arrival with Miss Steele. I’ll keep you under advisement of any issues which would necessitate a change of plans, should they arise.”

“Fuck, surely there’s no way she’ll have got herself stowed on the boat, for Christ’s sake.”

“Until the perp is tracked down, we have to work on the assumption that all locations could be penetrated.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

I'm not risking taking Ana on my boat unless I'm sure it’s clean, so I’ll wait to get the all clear from Taylor first.

“Miss Steele has an appointment scheduled for this morning with Dr. Greene. Can you make contact to advise her to come here to The Fairmont Olympic, rather than Escala? It shouldn't make any difference to her.”  

“Of course, sir.”

He can have the pleasure of handling Dr. Greene's pissy attitude. If she wasn't without question the best female Ob/Gyn in Seattle, I wouldn't deal with the woman. No doubt she’ll stick an extra charge on her bill for a late consult amendment. Whatever. At least her favorite charity does well out of all this, with my hefty bribery donation.

“And another thing, Taylor. I want you to arrange for Miss Steele’s belongings to be moved into my bedroom. I think it will be safer if she shares with me from now on. Her clothes are to be placed in the left hand side of the closet, and her personal items are to be placed on the left hand night stand.”

“Very good, sir.”

I don't see the point of Ana staying with me and then being so far away sleeping upstairs in a separate room. As I told Taylor, she will be more secure with me, should the unthinkable happen and Leila gets in again. 

But in any case, I want her with me, in my bed. I want to go to sleep next to her and to wake up next to her. I want to be able to wrap my arms around her and drink in her scent. I want to know she is safe at all times.

“I’ll decide later if we’re coming back to Escala tonight, depending on how things pan out today. Same applies with Gail. She’s only to return if we are certain there is no risk whatsoever.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll keep you posted.”

I terminate the call, then check in on Ana again. She is sleeping on her front, her face squished on the pillow. So sweet. I gently kiss her cheek. I’m letting her sleep for as long as possible, but I’ll have to wake her soon, so she’ll have time to eat some breakfast before Dr. Greene arrives.

But for now, I retrieve my MacBook from my messenger bag. I have some research to do. I need to decide which would be the most suitable replacement car for Ana, excluding an Audi.  I've decided I don't want her to have the same car as I gave to all fifteen of my previous submissives. 

I’m worried that every time she saw the A3, she’d be reminded of the vandalized one we saw last night, as we hastily left the garage at Escala. I wish she hadn't seen it, as it was a pretty shocking sight, but it couldn't be helped. In any case, Ana is very different to all the others, so she should have a different car, a fresh start. Maybe the Audi was a status symbol – the symbol of a submissive. Ana is my girlfriend – there’s a huge difference.

I research Volvo, BMW and Saab, because these manufacturers produce the safest cars. I decide I like the look of the Saab 9-3, and as there is a dealership nearby, we can call in there on our way out later on. It’ll be good to get this sorted sooner rather than later, and will maybe help take Ana’s mind off Leila’s spiteful handiwork.

After I've quickly run through my other emails and sent off a few responses to the more urgent ones, I put my MacBook away. The rest can wait. Being able to efficiently prioritize is something I learnt very early on in my business career, to ensure optimum use of my time.

I decide I can't wait any longer to order our breakfast – Dr. Greene will be here in just over half an hour.  I've still got lipstick on my torso and I need to shower, but I want to shower with Ana, so that will have to wait until later.

I return to the bedroom. Ana is still sleeping on her front, but facing the other way now, so the other side of her face is getting squished. I press the button for the drapes to open, and light comes flooding into the room. She finally begins to stir, confused and sleepy, as she opens her beautiful big blue eyes and blinks.

“Hi,” I murmur quietly, as I kiss her good morning. She looks adorable, all mussed up and sleepy. Totally irresistible.

“Hi. How long have you been watching me?” She yawns and stretches prettily.

“I could watch you sleep for hours, Anastasia. But I've only been here about five minutes. This time. Dr. Greene will be here shortly.”

“Oh.”

I can see she’s less than thrilled about this, but we can't avoid the issue any longer. We need to get some reliable contraception sorted out. I fucking hate condoms, same as any man. If there was an injection or pill that I could take, I would, but there isn't.  The best forms of contraception are for women – fact. At least I've tried to make things as easy as possible for her, with the doctor making a house call to carry out this consultation.

“Did you sleep well? Certainly seemed like it to me, with all that snoring,” I tease.

“I do not snore!” She pouts at me.

“No, you don't.” You just talk instead. Shame you weren't more talkative last night. I think maybe you mumbled my name, but that’s all. You were too tired, exhausted in fact.

“Did you shower?”

“No. Waiting for you.” I like showering together. It’s one of my favorite things to do with her. Not the favorite thing, obviously.

“Oh… okay.”

“What time is it?”

“Ten fifteen. I didn't have the heart to wake you earlier.”

“You told me you didn't have a heart at all.”

Perfectly true and perfectly correct. I don’t have a proper heart, not a pure one like hers anyway. Mine is full of blackness and darkness. But let’s not dwell on that.

“Breakfast is here – pancakes and bacon for you. Come, get up, I'm getting lonely out here.”

I give her a nice sharp smack on her ass to encourage her to get up before I leave. I don't want her going back to sleep. But of course I enjoy smacking her anyway.

Eventually she joins me for breakfast, looking sweet in a big fluffy bath robe. I've already finished my food, and am now reading the papers while I drink my coffee.

“Eat up. You’re going to need your strength today.” Busy day planned.

“And why is that?  Are you going to lock me in the bedroom?”  Tempting, very tempting.

“Appealing as that idea is, I thought we’d go out today. Get some fresh air.” 

I've been planning this ever since Ana agreed to give me a second chance. Another experience we can share, that I can introduce her too. I hope she’s going to like sailing - I really think she will, remembering how much she enjoyed going up in the glider. Hell, that was fun.

“Is it safe?” She teases me.

“Where we’re going it is. And it’s not a joking matter.”

 After last night, does she really think I’d risk going anywhere unless I was sure? She must realize that I take her safety very seriously indeed. It’s my number one priority.

She eats her breakfast in a rather moody silence. She is most definitely not a morning person. Then there is a knock at the door.

“That’ll be the good doctor.”  

I get up to let her in, as Ana frowns at me. But she’s perfectly polite to Dr. Greene, and the two women disappear off into the bedroom, closing the door firmly behind them.

~~~

“Everything okay?” I ask, as the doctor leaves.

Anastasia just nods. She’s very pale, and looks as if she’s just had some bad news, or a shock of some sort.

“Anastasia, what is it? What did Dr. Greene say?”

She just shakes her head and avoids my eye.

“You’re good to go in seven days,” she mutters.

“Seven days?”

“Yes.”

“Ana, what's wrong?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. Please, Christian, just leave it.”

So that means there is something to worry about. Why isn't she telling me?  She can't even look at me, and I don't like this at all. What on earth has the doctor found? I have to know.

I grab her chin to force her to look at me.  I can see panic in her eyes. What the fuck has alarmed her like this?

“Tell me,” I insist, trying to command her.

“There’s nothing to tell. I’d like to get dressed.” She pulls her chin back and walks away from me.

I want to force her to tell me, but frustratingly I know I can't. But I need to know. She can't keep a secret like this from me, not if it’s something the doctor has discovered concerning her health. 

I briefly consider ringing the doctor and asking her, but I know she’ll refuse to tell me, quoting patient confidentiality. And I know Dr. Greene well enough to be certain she wouldn't budge on that, whatever bribe I might offer to donate to charity. Frustratingly, I guess I just have to wait for Ana to tell me.

“Let’s shower,” I suggest. Maybe it’ll help her to relax and unwind. Then maybe she’ll tell me what the problem is.

“Of course,” she mutters, her mind clearly still distracted. Shit, it must be bad. So why can't she talk to me?

“Come.”  

I lead her to the bathroom and set the shower going, before I quickly strip off, and then turn to undo her robe.

What’s going through my head is that I know the doctor would have given Ana a medical examination before going ahead to give her the contraceptive shot. So what might she have discovered that has Ana so worried? She’s only a young woman, but could she have found a lump somewhere, that she’s worried could be cancerous? Something wrong with her blood pressure, or her heart maybe? Or has something unusual turned up when she checked her urine sample? Kidney problems, or diabetes perhaps? 

Whatever it is, I want her to get checked out immediately, and I’ll arrange for her to see the very best doctor in whatever specialty it is. But I can't do anything until she tells me what’s wrong.

“I don't know what’s upset you, or if you’re just bad tempered through lack of sleep, but I want you to tell me. My imagination is running away with me, and I don't like it.”

She rolls her eyes at me, and I glare back at her. This is not the time for her to act like a discourteous teenager. She seems to come to a decision, as she takes a deep breath.

“Dr. Greene scolded me about missing the pill. She said I could be pregnant.”

“What?”

Fuck! No way! Surely not? I did not see this coming. I didn't think we’d taken any risks, but of course she should have completed the packet of pills. Why did I not realize this sooner? I've always been so meticulously careful. But pregnant – she can't be, surely? How could I have let this happen?

“But I'm not. She did a test. It was a shock, that’s all. I can't believe I was that stupid.” Incredibly stupid, actually.

Holy mother of God, thank Christ for that. She’s not pregnant.  Huge sigh of relief.

“You’re sure you’re not?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Yes, I can see that news like that would be very upsetting.” 

I've always believed there is no excuse for an unplanned pregnancy. That only happens to other people, careless people. 

I'm not careless. 

But the trouble is, it’s not up to me to remember to keep taking the contraceptive pill. Perhaps I should have reminded her after we broke up, but it was the last thing on my mind, and anyway, Ana had broken off all communication with me.

Ana frowns at me.

“I was more worried about your reaction.”

What does she mean? Surely she’s just as horrified as I am at the thought of getting pregnant?

“My reaction? Well, naturally I’m relieved… it would be the height of carelessness and bad manners to knock you up.”

“Then maybe we should abstain,” she snaps irritably.

Shit. Where is all this coming from? You’d think she’d be happy and relieved to have found out she wasn't pregnant. She is acting so crabby – I guess she’s still tired.  I have to remember that she needs much more sleep than I do.

“You are in a bad temper this morning.”

“It was just a shock, that’s all,” she repeats petulantly, still very out of sorts.

So how do I handle this? It’s all such unknown territory for me, and I guess for her too. She’s never been in a relationship either.  This is a classic case of the blind leading the blind. I take hold of the lapels of her robe to pull her up against me, as I gently kiss her hair.

“Ana, I'm not used to this. My natural inclination is to beat it out of you, but I seriously doubt you want that,” I confess.

“No, I don't. This helps.”

She hugs me tighter, and she’s right.  Being close together like this does feel good, so we stand for ages just hugging each other. Me naked, her in her robe. I'm relieved she’s finally told me what was wrong, and I'm glad she hasn't pushed me away. She just wants me to hold her. This I can do. She just needs me to comfort her. This I like.

“Come, let’s shower,” I eventually suggest. We can't stay like this all day, and I think we’ll both feel better after a nice, hot, cleansing shower. I also want to try something with her. 

“Here.  I want you to wash off the remains of the lipstick,” I say, as I hand her the body wash. “Don't stray too far from the line, please.”

It needs to be done, and I have to face my fears.

“Okay.”

She looks at me, as she realizes the significance of what I'm entrusting her to do. I know she will be careful but even so, I can’t help tensing up in anticipation of her touch. She puts some body wash on her hands and lathers up ready to start. She very gently washes away the lipstick on my shoulders, then carefully carries on down the side of my chest, rubbing very gently. 

I take a deep breath and swallow hard to keep myself from freaking out. It’s okay, this is Ana's touch. It’s okay, this is Ana's touch. I keep repeating these words in my head, as a kind of mantra.

I relax, as she stops for a minute to lather up more body wash.

“Ready?” she murmurs, as she prepares to start again. I can hear the tension in her voice. She’s worried about me, how I'm handling this. Ana understands. My sweet, sensitive girl comprehends how hard this is for me.

“Yes,” I reply, determined to see this through. 

I have to prove to myself, and to her, that I can do this. I know how important it is to her to be able to touch me. I have to remember this is just another small step along the way. Flynn would be proud of me.

But I can't help myself; I freeze again when she touches the edge of my forbidden zone. As I look at Ana, I realize her eyes are full of tears - tears of compassion for me. She can feel my terror, and she wants to try and wash it away for me, to take my pain away. 

If only it were that easy. She is so loving and caring, and I wish I could stop myself from flinching at her touch, but I can't. I can see how much it affects her, but no matter how hard I try, the fear is just too deeply ingrained within me.

The tears are flooding down her cheeks now.

“No. Please, don't cry. Please don't cry for me.” 

I can't bear to see her crying, especially when she’s crying for me. There is no need. It’s okay. I'm used to being this fucked up.

But her compassion makes her crying develop into full blown sobs, as she buries her head in my neck. I think Ana is empathizing with the child I was all those years ago. The small boy who was so badly abused that now he’s fifty shades of fucked up, and can't be fixed. The boy whose own birth mother didn't care enough to even attempt to protect him. Anastasia cares, but I fear she cares too much.

I wrap her in my arms, and lean down to tenderly kiss her.

“Don't cry, Ana, please. It was long ago. I am aching for you to touch me, but I just can't bear it. It’s too much. Please, please don’t cry.” If I could do it for anyone, it would be for you, I promise. Only you.

“I want to touch you, too. More than you’ll ever know. To see you like this… so hurt and afraid, Christian… it wounds me deeply.  I love you so much.”

"I know. I know," I whisper, as I run my thumb across her soft bottom lip. She is such a pure and honest creature. She wants to help me, but I'm beyond help. I know she’s just trying to make me feel better.

“You’re very easy to love. Don't you see that?”

My own birth mother, the crack whore, couldn't bring herself to love me, her own flesh and blood. So I must be completely unlovable. Even though my adoptive parents have tried their best, it’s proved impossible.

“No, baby, I don’t.”

“You are. And I do and so does your family. So do Elena and Leila – they have a strange way of showing it – but they do. You are worthy.”

“Stop. I can't hear this. I'm nothing, Anastasia. I'm a husk of a man. I don’t have a heart.” 

I put my finger over her mouth to stop the flow of words from her.  She is under some kind of delusion. It’s just not possible for anyone to truly love me.  Is it?

“Yes, you do. And I want it, all of it. You're a good man, Christian, a really good man. Don’t ever doubt that. Look at what you've done… what you've achieved. Look what you've done for me… what you've turned your back on, for me. I know. I know how you feel about me.”

I look at her in total disbelief. Is this really how she sees me? Someone who is capable of goodness? Lord knows I try, but it’s never enough to make up for the blackness in my soul.

“You love me.”

Her words cut through me. 

You. Love. Me. 

And somewhere deep down inside me, very deep down, I feel a spark of warmth as her words resonate in my very soul. The tiny pure piece left, that hasn't been trampled on and destroyed. Like a seed waiting to germinate, her words are the drops of water saving my life in the desert.  

This is my epiphany, my moment of revelation.  If I have the courage to admit that what she is saying is true, then everything makes sense and falls into place.

Love is what I have been in total denial about. The concept of love is what Flynn has been trying to get me to accept. 

Love is why I completely fell to pieces when she left me. I can't deny it any longer.  

I love Anastasia with all of my damaged heart, and with all of my desperately lonely soul.  But maybe she can fix me. Maybe it is just possible? Her pure love may be the salve that can cure me and breathe new life into my damaged heart and soul, to make me a better person. If I’m selfish enough to let her. 

And of course, I am a very selfish man.

“Yes, I do.” I whisper back.

I finally find the courage to admit it. I love Anastasia. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with this wonderful woman. Crazy, head over heels in love with her. 

It scares me to death, but I can no longer deny it. Nothing can hurt me any more deeply than when she left me last weekend, so what have I got to lose by facing up to my feelings? I have to be honest and not be such a coward. 

Why did I deny these feelings for so long? Because you still don’t deserve her.

Anastasia’s face breaks into a huge, ecstatic smile as she takes in my words. 

Yes, I do.  

She looks euphorically happy. She reaches up to kiss me, and I can feel her pouring herself into her kiss to show her love. 

She loves me. 

And I love her. 

It all makes perfect sense now.

TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY - SAVAGE GARDEN http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkQQU_U48WU

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission.