07 December 2012

Chapter 47 - Hyde And Seek

I find it amusing watching Anastasia rushing around getting ready for work while I just lie back and relax in bed. 

Wouldn’t worry me if she pulled a sickie and stayed home; wouldn’t worry me if she got the sack, but I know her job is important to her, so I've put Taylor on standby to drive her to work as she’s still insisting on going, even though she must be really tired this morning. If anyone can cut through the busy traffic in record time, it’ll be him.

Late last night I sent a priority email to Andrea, ordering her to cancel my breakfast meeting this morning, and to push back all my other meetings until later in the day. 

I know she'll be very surprised as this is very unusual behavior for me, but for God’s sake, I’m the fucking CEO, so why the fuck shouldn’t I have a lie in with my girlfriend for once if I want to?  Especially as I'm still worried that she could be in a state of shock, after the very disturbed and disturbing evening and night we just had.

I’ve confessed everything there is about me for her to know, and I just want to spend some time with Ana, to make sure she doesn't have some kind of delayed adverse reaction that would stop her from agreeing to marry me, once she’s had time to properly process all the shit that surfaced. 

She has to say yes, and I’m determined to come up with another much more fitting proposal for my sweet Ana.  All I’ve got to figure out is what the fuck will constitute romantic hearts and flowers in her eyes, because I haven’t got a fucking clue. This is all new to me - I’ve never done anything of this kind in my life before.

These are areas Elena never schooled me in. She undoubtedly tutored me very thoroughly about how to fuck a woman in every possible way known to man, and then some. But romance doesn’t exist as far she’s concerned. I’m guessing Linc never went in for the hearts and flowers kind of thing. He certainly wouldn’t have gone down on one knee to propose to her. Is that what Ana would like me to do? I really don't know.   

That Anastasia is still with me, even after I’ve confessed my very worst depraved shit to her, is nothing short of a miracle. I’ve never told anyone before as much as I've told her, apart from Flynn, and he’s different because he’s a professional. He’s not fazed by hearing all that kind of heavy shit; it’s his job to listen and try to make sense of it all.

But as difficult as last night was, I feel an immense sense of relief this morning, as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel purged and cleansed because Ana knows all there is to know about me, so now I don't have to live in fear of her finding out. Confession truly is good for the soul it seems.

And I can finally relax about Leila, because I know she is safe, and that Flynn will be ensuring she gets the expert help she needs. But most importantly, she will no longer be posing any kind of threat to Ana’s safety – her physical safety anyhow, although it seems she still has the power to pose a threat in terms of upsetting Ana. She fails to comprehend why I felt compelled to care for her in the way that I did.

Last night Ana was overwrought, which I think caused her to break down and sob the way she was when I found her on the floor in the bathroom. But I think maybe that was a good thing – it has to be better than keeping it all bottled up – so I just held her and let her cry herself out, until she’d got it out of her system. I hope she has anyway.

But I’m not going to apologize for my actions in bathing Leila, because Ana has to understand that I felt nothing other than compassion for a very disturbed young woman. There was certainly nothing sexual about my feelings at all. I just felt empathy for that dirty and confused individual, because I remember only too well how that feels. Making Leila feel clean and warm was the very least I could do for her, because I remember how soothing and comforting it was when my mother did it for me, when she adopted me.  

But I have to remember that Ana had a lot to deal with last night, so I guess her sense of balanced reason probably got lost somewhere along the way.

Then, on top of everything else, I experienced one of my nightmares last night, one of the worst I’ve had for a long time. No doubt it was triggered by the immense fear I experienced at the thought of Ana leaving me, causing all sorts of unwanted shit to resurface from where I normally keep it stashed away.

 It was such an immense relief to have Ana there with me as I came round from it. I normally feel so desperately alone in my terror, just as I did when I was that small boy whose own birth mother ignored him and did nothing to help, while he was being tortured and abused by her twisted sicko pimp.  

To be able to hold Ana and make love to her made the night terrors dissipate so much more quickly than usual, she truly is the best possible therapy for me. I know she struggled to find her release, but when I told her to touch me, I think it helped her to let go. She understood what a huge leap of faith it was for me to allow this, to let her touch me on my back this time. 

I’m discovering that each time I let her touch me, it erases a tiny fraction of my pain. So if I keep letting her touch me, however fucking hard it is, I’m hoping that eventually the pain will go away for good. That’s why I have to have her in my life forever. She can make me whole in a way that no one else possibly can.

So when Ana asked me to tell her what my nightmare was about, I told her everything. I have nothing to gain from keeping things like this hidden anymore; I know it’s best to come clean, even though hearing about my shocking childhood really upset her. At least it gave me the opportunity to reassure her that she is nothing at all like my birth mother, despite the fact that they look similar.

I was surprised when she asked if she could see Flynn, but I think that could be a good thing. I know Anastasia has her own self esteem issues and demons that she's not really opened up to me about properly.  There were snatches of conversation mingled in my nightmare last night, words that seemed to be coming from Ana that I’ve picked up on from somewhere. 

I think she was telling me that she was leaving because she wasn’t good enough for me, that she never understood what I saw in her.  If that is how Ana feels, then Flynn is the best person to try and get her to see how ridiculous that is. How can she not see that I'm the one who is not good enough for her, and that I’m going to have to work really hard at trying to be the man she truly deserves.

My only concern is that Flynn will urge us to be cautious and not rush into getting married. But I see no reason to wait once I get Ana to agree to marry me – and I won’t be giving up until she does agree, make no mistake about that. We can work it all out as we go along, just so long as we are together. 

Like I told her last night, maybe one day, somewhere in the distant future, we can even think about having kids, if that’s what she wants. We will have all the time in the world to figure things like that out, once I get her to agree to marry me and let me look after her. That’s what I can do for her. 

That’s what Flynn was trying to get me to see, when I couldn’t believe that I was worthy of her love, and I get it now. She doesn't understand yet that she is beyond good enough for me, but I will do everything in my power to make her realize it.


“Christian, it’s that time of year again,” Mia informs me.

Seeing as Anastasia went to work, once I’d worked out in the gym, and then rung Flynn’s office to make an appointment for us tomorrow evening, I headed on into the office after all, much to Andrea’s surprise. 

Perhaps she thinks I was trying to catch my staff out in some way by turning up unannounced, after saying I wasn’t coming in this morning, but she knows better than to question me - that’s why she’s remained my PA as long as she has. 

 So, having cleared my morning of meetings, I now have time to take my little sister’s call, although I already know what it’s about.

“What time of year might that be?” I play dumb.

“Why do you always do this?” she sighs. “You know darn well it’s your birthday on Saturday, same as it is every year on June 18th.”

“So? I don’t know why everyone has to make such a big deal about birthdays. It’s just a day like any other as far as I’m concerned, and all it means is that I’ll be one day older.”

Why the fuck anyone imagines I’d want to celebrate or even be reminded of the day the crack whore brought me into the world is beyond me.

“Christian! Every year it’s the same with you, and quite frankly I’m getting bored with it now. You know Mom and Dad like to make a big thing out of family birthdays, so why are you always so difficult about it? And what about Ana – I’m sure she wants to celebrate your birthday with you, doesn’t she?”

“Look, Mia, I’ve been kind of busy, lately, you know? So, I haven’t actually got round to…. you know…”

“You’re not saying you haven’t told her, are you? Oh for God’s sake, Christian, don’t you think Ana’s going to want to know? She’ll find out eventually, and then she’ll be hurt that you never told her. How are things between you two love birds anyhow?”

“Yeah, they’re good, thanks.” I smile at how Mia will react when I tell her Ana and I are getting married. My smile fades as I remind myself that I haven’t as yet got Ana’s agreement. 

Which in turn reminds me that I haven’t heard from Ana for a while now, not since our first flurry of emails this morning, when I got pissed at her for not using her cell. She really is hopeless sometimes, far too careless about security issues at work. 

But I hope she’s not been brooding about all the shit that hit the fan yesterday, and is now having second thoughts. I’m all too aware that she could still run. I decide I’d better email her when Mia’s done with her birthday inquisition.

“Well, I don’t care what you say, Mom and Dad want to have everyone over for a meal on Saturday to celebrate, so I’m going to turn it into a proper birthday party for you, whether you like it or not. I’m bored, so this will give me something fun to do. And of course I will be inviting Ana.”

I know better than to even attempt to argue with Mia once she’s set her mind to something, but it sets in motion a train of thought. I’ve been wracking my brain to come up with a suitable occasion for when I can propose properly to Ana, and my baby sister might just have provided the solution for me.

“Looks like it’s a fait accompli, so I guess I’ll just have to go along with it, won’t I?”

“Really?” I hear the surprise in Mia’s tone at my surprisingly easy acquiescence. “Well, I’ll need Ana’s number, so I can make sure she knows about your birthday and personally invite her to your party. So don’t think you’re going to get out of this, mister.”

“Don’t you trust me to tell her? Now I’m really wounded,” I feign hurt, not fooling Mia for one second.

“I know you too well, big bro. I remember how you’ve claimed to have forgotten about parties in the past, how you always sneak off early even if you do actually turn up. You are such a party pooper. If you’re not careful, Ana will soon realize that really you are dull as ditchwater, despite being as rich as Croesus. You need to learn how to start having some fun.”

“You sound just like Elliott, but then he’s the undoubted expert at having fun. Have you heard from him recently?”

“No, I think he’s far too loved up to think about anything other than Kate. He seems really smitten this time, and I think it’s sweet, don’t you? I mean, all credit to her if she’s actually managed to tame the Elliot man-whore.”

“Mia! That’s no way for you to talk about your brother,” I scold, as I don't like hearing my little sister talking that way, but I have to admit she’s right. I don’t like Kate, but she may just be what Elliot needs to change his ways.

“Oh come on, it’s no secret he’s pretty much worked his way through the entire good looking female population of Seattle. I know Mom is really pleased that he finally seems to be settling down, and Dad likes Kate too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Our conservative father likes the fact that Kate comes from a good solid background, but at least he seems to have gotten over his initial doubts about Ana, thank God. I know it would really upset Mom if Dad and I were to have another disagreement, which we undoubtedly would if he were to react negatively in any way to the prospect of having Ana as his daughter-in-law.

At least I’ve proved to him that I was right in my decision to drop out of Harvard. I know it still rankles with him that I never completed my course, but he can’t argue with the fact that I’ve been pretty successful since then. 

I didn’t need to sit through a graduation ceremony wearing a stupid cap and gown to get a piece of paper, to prove that I’ve got what it takes to succeed. But I know that’s what Dad wanted me to do. 

Being a lawyer, he always likes things done in the proper way, whereas I’m much more of a loose cannon and a gambler, so it’s inevitable that we're not always going to see eye to eye. 

If I see what I consider a good opportunity, I don’t hesitate, I trust my instincts and I go for it. But Dad always has to think about things, weigh up all the pros and cons, take the cautious route, do things by the book. 

That’s the difference between us, I guess. The amount of grief you’ve caused your parents, Grey, they must bitterly regret the day they decided to adopt you, mustn’t they?

“And of course, they both totally love your Ana, because she is just the sweetest thing, totally adorable. I really want to be best friends with her; you wouldn’t mind that, would you Christian? Then I can show her around, take her to all the best places for shopping, all that kind of thing, seeing as she’s only just moved up to Seattle.”

“No, Mia, I don’t mind. Take Ana under your wing by all means, but be warned; I think you’ll find that unlike you, she’s not that keen on shopping.”

“Oh don’t be so ridiculous. She’s a girl, therefore she likes to shop. End of. Now, can you give me her cell number so I can get busy with these party preparations?”

“Okay, but you might want to leave calling her until this afternoon, because I know she was going to be really busy this morning.” That’ll be down to me making her late for work with all my shenanigans, as she told me in her email. 
Shenanigans. I do like that word. Emails from Ana are never dull. “I’ll text you her work number when I’ve got a free moment,” I suggest. 

I also want to make sure Ana really is okay, before I unleash the force of nature that is my sister upon her.

“Great. I’ll call Ana once I’ve spoken with Mom, run a few things by her. This is going to be so cool,” Mia agrees excitedly, before hanging up.


Anastasia has emailed me to collect her at six thirty, so we’ve pulled up outside SIP’s offices just a few minutes before then to wait for her as arranged. Taylor knows I don't do late, especially when it comes to Ana, so he's as punctual as ever. I’ll just be relieved when I can see her and talk to her to make sure she’s okay, although she seemed fine when I spoke to her earlier.

I was so fucking worried when I hadn’t heard from her all morning that I emailed her just to check. Although I was about to go into a critical meeting about the shipyard deal Ros and I have been working on when she rang me back, I delayed the start of the meeting to take her call, having earlier instructed Andrea to make sure she put through any call from Anastasia Steele immediately. 

When Andrea butted in to remind me I had people expecting me, I told her they could wait. No harm in keeping them on their toes; I don't want them assuming I’m desperate, or that it’s a done deal. Let them think I'm getting cold feet. 

Then I got really shitty with Andrea when she reminded me that I had already delayed this meeting before – of course I was fucking aware of that. But taking Anastasia’s call was far more important to me, and I felt so much better, calmer, after we’d spoken, and more able to concentrate.

And I know that Mia has made contact with Ana because she emailed me this afternoon, asking about my birthday – forgetting to use her cell yet again. Will she ever understand how easy it is for anyone with half a brain to hack into her work email account? Why does she think I gave her a secure cell? 

Anyway, I told her I don't like celebrating my birthday, but seeing as Ana has already changed the way I think about so many things, who knows, perhaps this year will be different.

Just as I'm thinking about this, I see Ana appear in the office doorway, but I’m immediately perturbed because she literally bursts out of the building, and then just stands there for a moment taking some deep breaths, as if she needs to regain her composure for some reason. I glance over at Taylor, and see by his frown that he has also noticed her odd behavior.

Then we watch as Anastasia just crumples, almost in slow motion, as her legs give way and she collapses to the ground. We both instantly leap out of the car in alarm and run over to where she’s lying on the sidewalk.

“Ana, Ana! What’s wrong?”

I sink down onto my knees by her side, and then scoop her up in my arms, as I frenziedly try to work out what the matter with her is. My first terrified thought is that somehow Leila has escaped, and that she’s shot Ana using a gun with a silencer. I see Taylor scanning the area, his hand already on his holster, so I'm guessing he’s thinking along the same lines. But thank God I don't find any obvious injury on her – no blood, no bullet wound, nothing.

So maybe she’s fainted because she’s unwell in some way. I can see she’s not completely out of it as she leans against me, so I try shaking her gently, to see if I can get some sense out of her.

“Ana. What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

She’s as white as a sheet as she shakes her head.

“Jack,” she finally manages to utter.

Fuck no! That piece of fucking shit hasn’t…? I glance over at Taylor’s furious face, and he’s already headed off into the building before I can say anything. Somehow I don't rate Hyde’s chances against him.

“Fuck! What did that sleazeball do to you?” I demand, as I fold Ana up in my arms. My mind has gone into overdrive. I feel white hot fury raging through my veins. I will kill him. The thought of that fucker touching her, doing things to her… I will fucking kill him, but only after I’ve beaten him fucking senseless.

Then Ana starts giggling. It must be hysteria, shock.

“It’s what I did to him,” she whispers, as she continues to giggle.

“Ana! Did he touch you?” I shake her again, trying to get her to talk some sense. I need to know exactly what he did, how far he went.  Maybe he just said something, maybe it wasn’t a physical attack.

“Only once,” she says, in a tiny voice.

Only once? So he did fucking touch her. The rage inside me explodes and sweeps through me virtually uncontrollably. How could I have let this happen?  I always fucking knew Hyde wanted into her panties and yet I continued to let her work for him. 

I put her at risk, because I was too soft in letting her talk me round about her job.  I have been weak, and now that piece of shit has touched what is mine. I don't need to ask any more details. That he has touched her in any way is all I need to know.

“Where is that fucker?”

The loud shouting from somewhere inside the building indicates that Taylor has wasted no time in finding the low life. I know that he is very protective of Ana, and from his livid expression as he went in, I don't think he’ll be worrying too much about the political correctness of beating the crap out of Hyde – and I can't wait to join him.

I gently set Anastasia on her feet, hoping she won't faint again. She still looks very pale.

“Can you stand?”

She nods, but as she sees my face and looks into my eyes, she freezes.

“Don't go in, don't Christian,” she begs. She has read the basic primal instinct that has been unleashed within me.  She has seen that right now, I am perfectly capable of killing another human being.

“Get in the car,” I order her. 

I need her safely out of the way, so I can make sure Hyde gets what is coming to him. He’s about to find out what happens when another man dares to make a move on what is mine.

“Christian, no.” Ana grabs my arm, and tries to hold me back. But I am compelled to deal with that piece of shit in there. Vengeance will be mine.

“Get in the goddamned car, Ana.” I shake her hand off.

“No! Please! Stay. Don't leave me on my own,” she pleads desperately.

Now I feel torn. I'm seething with rage, but I know I must look after Ana. But I can't let that fucker get away with what he’s done. The shouting inside the building gets louder, and then stops suddenly. I have to go and see what’s happening. I have no doubt that Taylor is more than capable of dealing with Hyde, but I have to be there to deal with him myself. 

I get my cell to find out what’s going on. But then I’m blown sideways by something Ana says.

 “Christian, he has my e-mails,” she confesses.


“My emails to you. He wanted to know where your emails to me were. He was trying to blackmail me.”

“Fuck!” I explode.

So it’s even worse than I thought. I’ve suspected all along there was more to Hyde than met the eye, even though I’ve been unable to prove anything about him. So I’ve been unable to get him dismissed without causing more problems. 

Turns out my gut instinct was correct, as usual. So now this matter has to be dealt with and contained. If only Ana had used her fucking cell like I told her.

I get my head back into business mode. First I call Barney, and order him to clean up this mess. 

Next, I call Jerry Roach, Head of SIP. He’s argued all along that I can't get Hyde sacked without justification. Now he has all the justification he could possibly need. And I want that fucker gone, now, this instant, or so help me God, I will not be responsible for my actions. 

Roach certainly gets the message loud and clear when I threaten to liquidate the company first thing in the morning, if I don't get my way.  I am not renowned for making idle threats, as he well knows.

Then I have to somehow deal with the fact that I am fuckingly, incandescently furious with Ana, because it was her stupidity in failing to follow my simple instruction to use her cell that got us all into this predicament. 

So when she tells me to not to do anything stupid, I can barely hold onto my self-control.

STUPID! I told you to use your fucking cell. Don't talk to me about stupid. Get in the motherfucking car, Anastasia – NOW!”

Anastasia just looks stunned.

“Okay, but please, be careful,” she whispers.

I don't trust myself to speak, so I just point to the car, and this time I expect her to just fucking do as she has been told for once, or I will fucking well put her there myself.

“Please be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. It would kill me,” she murmurs. 

When she turns those big blue eyes on me, I can see the concern etched in them, because she knows I'm on the very edge of reason right now.

So Ana sweetly worries about me, just as I worry about her. I have to calm down. I should know by now that it isn’t enough for me to expect her to just blindly obey my instructions. 

She didn’t fully understand the implications of not using her cell because I didn’t spell it out to her - only because I was trying to shield her from the shadier side of my world, but I'm beginning to realize that this is maybe not the best way to handle things with Ana. 

“I’ll be careful,” I reassure her, as she climbs into the front of the Audi. Then I head into the building.


I find them in the kitchen area of the office, where Taylor’s got Hyde pinned to the floor with his foot as he stands over him, with the creep lying there groaning and clutching his groin.

I clench my fists to try and keep my rage under control, when all I really want to do is launch myself at Hyde.

“You fucking touch Miss Steele again, I’ll fucking kill you,” Taylor quietly informs him in a voice laced with pure menace.

I throw Taylor an approving look, as I glance at the fucker writhing on the floor.

“Not my doing, sir. It’s all down to Miss Steele, apparently.”

“Fucking prick teasing bitch kicked me in the balls,” Hyde groans.

“I thought I already told you to shut your filthy, fucking mouth,” Taylor grunts, as he expertly deals him a kick in the ribs.

“Grey, that little cock blocking girlfriend of yours was coming on real strong to me. Practically begging me for it, she was. Having trouble keeping her satisfied, are you? Not man enough for her? She’s only after you for your money, you know that. Maybe you are gay after all, just like everyone said, so you can't get it up, is that the problem? What she needs is a proper man to satisfy her instead, and I could sure fuck her sweet little ass, no trouble. I would have done too, if you hadn’t somehow fucked up the New York trip for us. Then I’d have shown that tight assed little prick tease what it was like to have a real man ride her hard all fucking night long.”

I start kicking him uncontrollably as I see red, and then grab him by the lapels of his jacket to pull him up so I can punch his disgusting, filthy mouth to shut him up. The stench of alcohol hits me, mixed in with some sort of cheap nasty aftershave. The thought of this piece of shit getting close enough to Ana to touch her makes me want to vomit, and I raise my arm ready to land a punch.

But Taylor steps in to restrain me.

“I know the bastard deserves the beating of his life for what he did to Miss Steele, but the fucker’s had enough. We need him to be able to walk away, and right now, nothing shows on his face. Be a lot harder to explain things if his face is beaten up. He's not worth the trouble. You have to know when to step back,” he murmurs in my ear. Then he adds, “That’s my recommendation, sir,” as he remembers his place.

Of course Taylor is an expert in all kinds of physical combat, and he would undoubtedly have been called upon to utilize that expertise to skillfully interrogate suspects when he was in the Special Forces. And even through the misty haze of my rage, I know he’s right. There are other ways I can get even with this piece of filth.

“Stand up, Hyde. You’re fired on the grounds of gross misconduct. You have five minutes to collect your things, then you'll be escorted from the building by security. Once you've left, you are not to return under any circumstances. And I will personally be ensuring that you never work anywhere in the publishing industry again.”

I see Hyde’s face blanch in shock.

“You can't do that, you don't have the authority,” he burbles.

“Call Roach. He’ll confirm everything I just told you,” I tell him coldly.

“I fucking knew something was going on. You fucking Harvard creep, using your Ivy League frat-boy connections to get what you want, just because of that fucking little bitch,” he screams at me.

I feel Taylor gripping my arm again, but this time it’s not necessary. An icy cold calm has descended on me.

“And don't even think about going public with any of the information you tried to blackmail Miss Steele with, or I'll instruct my legal team to sue you for Public Disclosure of Private Acts. Now get the security guys in here, Taylor. They can deal with this scum.”


Somehow, even as I drive away, I know that won’t be the last we’ll hear of Jack Hyde, so when Barney comes on the in-car speaker phone to confirm he’s carried out my orders, I'm not really surprised to learn he’s also uncovered something else on Hyde’s computer. 

But I don't want to discuss it in front of Ana, as I have no idea of just what type of shit it is, and she’s already had more than enough to deal with. She’s sitting up front with me, Taylor is in the back.  Driving is good; driving gives me something else to focus on for now.

“Are you talking to me?” Ana asks quietly.

I am still so fucking mad with her, mad about everything Hyde said. How close she came to him being able to… If he had actually attacked her, raped her, I would not have been able to walk away from him, whatever Taylor advised me to do. So I'm not sure I trust myself to talk to her right now.

“No,” I mutter.

So, it’s a quiet drive back to Escala, as Ana wisely holds her tongue until we’re getting into the elevator.

“Christian, why are you so mad at me?”

She has to ask? After everything that’s happened, after what could so easily have happened to her? I feel so scared and vulnerable because of the depth of my feelings for her. I want to lock her away to protect her from all the Jack Hydes in the world, and it frustrates me because I know that is not possible. So how the fuck am I supposed to cope with these feelings?

I look at my sweet Anastasia, and I have to kiss her, make her mine again, expunge the horrid visions of her with Hyde that have been playing in my mind, imagining what would have happened if he had succeeded in having his way with her.

It’s a deep, desperate kiss, and as I taste her, feel her, smell her, and hold her tightly against me to possess her once more, I’m finally reassured that she is mine, and mine alone.

“If anything had happened to you… If he’d harmed you….” I can’t vocalize my worst fears. “Your secure cell from now on. Understand?”

She nods, as we stare into each other’s eyes. She gets it. Finally.

I release her as the elevator comes to a stop.

“He said you kicked him in the balls.” I’m impressed. Little Ana bringing a big guy like Hyde to his knees.

“Yes,” she says rather proudly.

“Good.” Because if she hadn’t done that, he could have… I can't let myself think about what could have happened.

“Ray is ex-army. He taught me well.”

“I’m very glad he did. I’ll need to remember that.” 

I knew there was a reason I liked Ray. He’s the kind of protective father a girl should have, in my opinion. My respect for the guy has just increased tenfold. But I’ll have to be on my guard – I don't relish the idea of being kicked in the balls if he thinks I've got out of line with Ana in some way.

But for now, we’re both back safe and sound at Escala, much to my immense relief.

“I need to call Barney. I won’t be long,” I tell her as I head off to my study. I urgently need to find out what else he discovered on Hyde’s computer, what other damage limitation I need to set in motion.

Is there ever going to be a shit free day in my life?

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. Amazing as usual! Loved it! I always wondered what happened with Hyde when Christian goes into SIP. Now I know and it was brilliant. Your an amazing writer. Thank you for my weekly Christian dose.


  2. Amazing as always. Thank you. For the holiday it would be awesome to be surprised with two chapters. Lol but one is great. Fantastic writing.

  3. I really enjoy this chapter.

    Both Christian and Ana are very insecure about each other. I can't help thinking that they tend to focus on their own insecurity and not pay enough attention about the other's fear.

    It is interesting that Ana did not accept the marriage proposal right away, because for most girls this is the ultimate promise of a man to be hers only. Maybe subconsciously she tried to protect herself from hurt. That also explained her insistence on working and being independent.

    On some level Ana endured something most people won't be able to do. Christian, with all his good looking and wealth, is a very difficult person. He associated himself with very *sick* person, like Elena and Leila. At the age of 28, he is a permanent teenager.

    In some sense, he did to Ana what Elena did to him. It is interesting he always wanted Ana to consent to his contract, even though he used his experience to his advantage and exploit her innocence. Maybe he also subconsciously felt taken advantage by Elena, but he just could not admit it.

    1. Very complicated and deep thoughts here. They are a very complex couple aren't they?

    2. I need the next chapter asap :'( x

  4. Just want to say thanks for all the brilliant christian pov chapters, loves reading it all & thanks again in advance for the rest of them, looking forward to it. :)

  5. Thank you!!! As always, your writing makes a bad day turn good! :)

  6. its like ELJames herself wrote this! Nice work!


  7. Awesome as always! I read it so quickly, now I need to go back and take my time. Just what I needed to start my day. THANK YOU!

  8. BEST birthday present thus far! Thank you! THank you! Thank you!!

  9. I loved this chapter! I like to think of it as the three Bs: Birthdays, Blackberrys and a butthole named Jack Hyde. (Ha, ha, ha, ha) But seriously, It's a terrific chapter and as always a wonderful read. Excellent. Now off to catch some zzzs.

    Nan :D

    1. The three Bs - now why didn't I come up with that as the title?

  10. OMG!!!!!! i love it!!! can't wait for the next chapter!!! :)

  11. Aww, fantastic chapter, waiting in anticipation of the next one now :)
    Bron (New Zealand) :)

  12. Fantastic, nothing more nothing less, Sir. Thank you

  13. exquisite and meticulous as always. you never disappoint :)
    thank you for sharing your fabulous writing with us. you're a very talented writer. hope you get to work on your story being very occupied with writing our weekly fix of the fifty shades :)


    1. It's hard to find the time sometimes, I have to admit.But some stories just have to be written :)

  14. omg another amazing chapter you have well cheered me up .My son has gone to work in France this week for 6 months so very upset when he went this is what i needed to put a smile back on my face once again thank you. Love christian pov thanks xxxx

    1. Nothing like some escapism to banish the blues, is there? I first started writing in earnest when my youngest daughter left home to go to university - to banish the empty nest syndrome.

    2. Thank you Looking forward to our date on friday 14th December about 6.00am lol laters baby xxx

  15. I'm assuming that you thought Taylor was proud of Anastasia and so did I. He seems impressed that she took Hyde down and another time when he discovered Ana can shoot a gun. I think Taylor is very fond of Ana and feels extraordinarily protective of her. Being a military man, don't you think he will teach his little girl to defend herself too just like Ray taught Ana?

    hank you once again for including Taylor's POV into this chapter and continuing to allow us to know him better and to see the real Taylor. I truly believe that Gail and Taylor care deeply for Christian, almost as if he is their son and they treat Ana like a loving daughter.

    They are two of my favorite characters in the books and I'm loving the way you're including them so much in Christian's life. Don't you think they had to have played a huge role in this growing relationship? I also think Taylor and Gail started working for Christina when he was quite young and they have watched him grow up into a fine,good man, especially since he met Anastasia. I suspect they're seeing Christian happy and smiling for the first time...ever! How happy this must make them! I'd love to hear them discuss this in their private quarters.

    I'd like to compliment you once again for the way you included Taylor and Gail in your chapters regarding Christian's Pergatory. Their concern and care for him was heartwrenching to read. I also laughed when they because so animated and happy when Ana came back. I suspect Taylor and Gail have a soft spot in their hearts for Ana and will love to see them get married. They, of all people, know first hand how much Ana has changed Christian and made his life so much happier.

    As always, another excellent and very creative chapter. Your writing is improving each week. Thank you for this special gift. I, for one, appreciate it more than words can express.

    Your biggest fan from Texas! Linda

    1. http://fifty-shades-of-grey.me/fifty-shades-of-taylor/

    2. I think the fact that Taylor and Gail live with Christian pretty much full time means that they can't help but get involved. They can see how he truly is, and understand that for all his faults, he is a good man.

  16. Love Friday mornings kids off to school and then a cup of coffee for me to sit and read this.

    Brilliant chapter cant wait to read next weeks

    Keep up the good work :)


  17. OoooooMmmmmmmGgggggggg! Nuff said!

  18. brilliant as usual friday has become one of my favourite days of the week and now that ive been able to download this to my kindle fire i wont miss it when i go away in a couple of weeks thankyou for these wonderful chapters they make my week and ive passed them on to all my fiends who ae all addictef as am i.

    1. Spreading the word, Georgina - that's great. Thanks :)

  19. TGIF because we got a new chapter!!!! Love that you give Taylor a voice and his is the voice of reason .... Excellent writing Thank you .... Seriously looking forward to the birthday surprise party!!!

  20. Great chapter as usual! I was late to work since I couldn't stop reading!

  21. Once again another great chapter. Thank you so much for taking the time to write the story from Christian's pov, i really enjoy it

  22. Fridays are my new favorite day of the week! love love love

  23. woke up (probably intentionally) at 3am to read this...and a few comments than went back to bed and forgot to set the alarm clock. Boy was our house a mess this morning, but SO happy to get my fix! I love you and what you are doing....you have made my life complete and that's saying a LOT! I will buy ANYTHING you write and pay double for it!

  24. I was so thrilled as usual to hear my phone indicate that I had an email. I murmured to my husband, Woo hoo, another chapter posted!! I always wondered what went on in the building with Taylor, Hyde and Christian. Your account of it was just what I suspected happened. But, you also showed a classy side of Christian when Hyde was talking shit about Ana and passing derogatory remarks about her. Christian didn't even dignify them with an answer, although he was seething inside. He just professionally held his tongue about that and terminated Hyde's employment. I love how Taylor is equally as protective of Ana. Excellent, my dear, excellent as always. You make my Fridays bright. xoCarolxo

    1. Thanks, Carol. I was tempted to have Christian beat Hyde to a pulp, but there would have been too many repercussions, as Taylor pointed out. That's all part of his job - to protect Christian in every way.


  26. Thanks sooooooo much.... My fridays are wonderful with the chapter you post each week. I can not wait for next friday. You are an amazing writer!!!!!

    Much love - Susan

  27. Great chapter ... as usual! I loved Christian inner dialogue, coming to terms with his short comings trying to understand Ana's reaction (they are never what he expects).

    I can't wait for his conversation with Barney... will you include it?

    Thanks for being so consistent with your updates... I so look forward to Friday's because of it.


  28. Awesome as usual!!! I just wanted to say we were talking about you and this story yesterday in my facebook group for most of us we know you post on Fridays and it gives us something to look forward too. We all love this blog and the way you have written it. Thank you and can't wait for next week!!!

  29. I frealing love fridays now. And I love this chapter.

  30. I LOVE FRIDAY'S!!!! OK, Well this was a great chapter. I am surprised that you kept CG's temper in tact because I just knew he was going to beat Hyde to a bloody pulp, even if ELJ didn't mention that in her books. If that was my husband we'd be having conjugal visits at the local prison. :) Taylor is so good for Christian, by helping him keep a level head. The anger that you portrayed in this submission, I can envision Christian tossing a bus across Seattle. Way to go with the writing, you pulled me right in as usual. Can't wait for next week! :D

  31. Just awesome! I love your writing :D

  32. OMG!! that was amazingggggggggg!!! i loved it!! hate i have to wait a week for the next chapter, but well worth it. great job. daniella from texas

  33. AAWEESOMMEEEE!!! love it love it love it...it was so god thanks for this great chapter

    greetings from Mexico!!!

    Móny :)

  34. OMG just what I needed after class, Fifty Shades why to lift my spirits for the rest of the day, can't wait for more!!!!


  35. Love, love, love this chapter! Almost forgot about this part, cant wait to read about ana and CG's visit to flyn, wonder what went through his mind??? and of course when she gives him his early bday gift! Cant wait :) thanks again for another great chapter! Till next week laters

  36. Ok that was awesome! Again i sit and wait til next friday??? For the love of god! Its christmas how about sooner?? Pretty please? With cherry on top?

  37. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3. Need I say more??

  38. This was a great chapter. I wondered what Jack had said when Taylor went to find him, of course he would try to blame it on Ana...Christian was right about him as usual. I look forward to the next chapter, when they go to see Flyn, it will be a missing piece to that whole conversation. Thanks for the update, looking forward to next week.

  39. Loved it!!.....Another amazing chapter Mr Grey, you never disappoint. I love the way you are bringing Christian to life.
    Fridays really are the best day of the week :)
    My only wish is that you carry on till the end of book 3.
    Laters Mr Grey
    Nell xx

  40. What another fantastic chapter loved it well written as ever you never cease to satisfy mt wanting love the Taylor grey relationship as much as ana and Christian can't wait for next week love you your proof reading sub heather xxxxxxxxx

  41. Another greyT chapter. Hyde is such a dirtbag, isn't he? And Christian's possessiveness knows no bounds. However, I'm glad that Taylor was there (once again) to protect Christian from himself. Thank you so much - I have yet another reason to love Fridays!!

  42. Terrific!! Everyone that has read the fifty shades, really really needs to read Christians side, your doing a brilliant job. Keep up the good work!! I love it <3

  43. I look forward to every Friday so I can see what fabulishous story you come up with next. I thought this was just great! Keep up the good work!!!

  44. thanks soooo much for another GREAT chapter ! I always wanted to know what happened to Hyde and now you have given me the best picture of what he deserved...cant wait for your book and shared this blog w/all my friends.

  45. I found you blog about 2 weeks ago, and have loved every word! One criticism, you need to post more that once a week. By Wednesday, I'm consumed with wanting more. I so wanted to ready about the next 24 hours in the story.....

    1. I write the new chapters as fast as I can - but it takes time I'm afraid. A lot of preparation such as re reading of chapters, researching things on the internet, that kind of thing, goes into each chapter, as well as actually writing the words.

      So please be patient!

  46. I just recently found this blog and was lucky enough to read the first 46 chapters all together. Now I will look forward to Fridays more than ever..Love this! Thank you Sooo Much

  47. I have been waiting eagerly for this chapter to see how Christian and taylor deal with Hyde and you didnt dissapoint me it was fantastic .......Thankyou

  48. That chapter was freakin awesome. I was on the edge of my seat!!!! Christian at his finest!!!

  49. Thank you very much for another great chapter, it was good to know what Hyde told Christian
    about Ana.


  50. What an amazing chapter. I thoroughly loved it. This was one of the best chapters in the trilogy and you really made it much better. I am so looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you so much for this blog. I love it.

  51. This is awesome!
    Do you have anything of your own? I love your writing and I can only imagine the world you could create in a book.
    Being able to understand christian like you do is really amazing.

    1. Hi Ann - I'm writing my own book at the moment, as well as writing for the blog :)

    2. ahh! Something to look forward to

  52. Wow! Just like I imagined it would be! I am really enjoying the Darker chapters. I think it is my favorite. Keep up the great work and I hope you are doing well.
    As always I leave your blog site wanting more!
    Thank you for making my Friday..
    Lisa x

  53. FREAKING AWESOME!!! I have been waiting and waiting for this chapter, I and probably everyone else, was so curious to see what transpired when Christian and Taylor went into the building. You did a wonderful job on this (and all the other) chapter. I look forward to every chapter, every week.
    Thank you,

  54. Great chapter! It was nice seeing inside Taylor's mind too.

  55. Well well what can i say but it gets better n better every time, i love reading these chapters christian as you are my ideal man but i love my husband keep up the good work xx

    1. Look after your husband, Carol. You're lucky to have a good man to love.

  56. Love it! I really enjoy reading Christians POV. Thank you for another awesome chapter.

  57. Another great chapter. Another reason to love Fridays. Thank you! Can't wait till next week.

  58. Totally in love with reading Christian's POV. This part just totally floored me.

    "I’m discovering that each time I let her touch me, it erases a tiny fraction of my pain. So if I keep letting her touch me, however fucking hard it is, I’m hoping that eventually the pain will go away for good. That’s why I have to have her in my life forever. She can make me whole in a way that no one else possibly can."

    1. Thanks - I think Christian is finding opening up to Ana frightening but liberating. He never dreamed it would be possible before he let her into his life. Such a sweet part of their love story :)

  59. new to your blog. Love it !!! every Sat I want to stay home to read your blog. Hubby getting mad that i wont go with him out on the boat!!

    1. Hi Tammy - Better keep hubby happy, and lucky you getting to go out on a boat :)

  60. Your treatment of the book is just wonderful. I look forward to each of your new chapters. You have a wonderful writing style and an insight in to E.L. James' characters that is uncanny. Keep writing and posting your superb efforts.

  61. Looking forward to the next...... And, you WILL let us know when you finish your other book, right?? Your writing is superb and the "behind the scenes" (What we didn't get with Ana's, but now get with Christian's POV)is very well worth the wait. I have shared with my other FSOG fans!

    1. Thanks, Jenn. I will be sure to let you know when I publish my own work, which is still in progress at the moment. But I can promise it will have lots of nice raunchy, steamy scenes in it too....

  62. I have to say that from all the fanfiction continuations of Meet Fifty (Christian's POV) yours is the best. You capture the characters so well, I just wish I knew what the joke was between Elliot and Christian about calling a helicopter "chopper". I don't think ElJ will publish a POV book, because she said maybe...

    1. Well, you know what part of a mans anatomy 'chopper' refers to.....

  63. I just started reading this blog on monday.... and I am all caught up. I even read some of it in class instead of taking notes oops. I cannot wait till the next one!

    1. Don't get behind in your studies - that would never do!

    2. No worries, as a college student I can manage. Can't wait till the next one!

  64. I really loved the little rant you wrote for Hyde. Nothing could have pissed Christian off more. I'm glad Taylor was there.

  65. wow you are an amazing wrighter I am a very big fan. Im going on holiday monday and cant wait to get the next chapter. Thank god for MSN email lol, and cant wait to read your book you working on. Ethne

  66. This comment has been removed by the author.

  67. I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now and I will tell you a secret: I like your POV so much better than the original book, do not tell the author lol. You are a brilliant writer and seem to be such a nice person as well. I do not usually write reviews because english it is not my first language so I do not have the best writing skills in the world when it comes to english I rather just read. But it is only fair to you, since you never let us down posting even on your vacations, that I tell you how much I appreciate your work. You know I once translated a fanfiction and I have no idea how you manage to have dead lines but I am glad you do. Although I think you have a little pression going on here in this blog, they seem to be a bit attached to fridays lol. Well thank you, let us know when you publish your book because I will definetly buy it. I can wait for the birthday scene!!!

  68. Thanks, Ty. Your English is very good - what is your first language? The Spanish version of my blog is live now, and a Portuguese version if about to launch too :)

  69. Can't wait to read the next chapter...
    when your going to continue Doctor Grace Trevelyan-Grey blog?
    I love this book and I love this blog.
    I am addicted to 50 Shades of Grey.

  70. Nicely done!!! I always wondered what happened when he went inside sip after leaving Ana in the car! I loved how you explained everything your such a wonderful writer!! I would so read any of your books

  71. Very well done! Loved this chapter! Love the whole Hyde scene. You capture these moments so well and exactly what's left out and etc. amazing! Love love love it! Can't wait to read the helicopter scene! Thank you again!<3

  72. Hi, This was awesome! Thank you so much. When can we expect the next one? Can hardly wait.

  73. Descubri este blog hace dos semanas y me lei los primero 45 capitulos en cuatro dias, soy adicta a cincuenta sombras, esto es maravilloso, su vision de christian es increible. Espero ansiosa los sabados para abrir el nuevo capitulo.... muchas gracias... espero por los proximos, esta lectura se ha convertido en mi escape mental de la rutinaria vida de hogar.

  74. It is soooooo good. I will always think about what happen in their after taylor get in and christian fallowed him before they tossed hyde outside the SIP's.

  75. Another amazing chapter,loved it so much x

  76. This comment has been removed by the author.

  77. Amazing once again to no surprise!!!!!! You are excellent.......I just knew that Hyde said some ugly things about Ana to CG & JT for him to have come under more force from them amazing men!!!! He is one sicko.......you can NEVER be commended enough for being one of the best writers I have the pleasure of reading..so once again, I cannot TY enough.........sending you more Gratitude....♥♥XX♥♥ Diana

  78. You are one hell of a writer. I love ur work

  79. A good way to start the day, reading CPOV. I've still got today and tomorrow to immerse myself in the story. I was surprised to find that I read *ten* chapters yesterday. I just couldn't stop reading.


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