30 November 2012

Chapter 46 - Submit A Proposal



“You said Miss Steele was upset when you got her out of the apartment – just how upset was she? Was she upset enough to have...”

I can't bring myself to vocalize my worst fear to Taylor - that being held at gunpoint by my ex submissive has proved a step too far for her to handle, that Anastasia has run away from me, unable to cope with all the undoubted shit that surfaced today. Your past really came back to bite you on the ass today, didn’t it Grey? You know it’s your fault that Leila could have killed Ana, don’t you?

Taylor glances at me, before shifting his line of sight to somewhere over my left shoulder. I'm guessing he’s trying to assess how best to handle his explosive boss. He knows I'm furious that he let Ana walk away earlier, but maybe he doesn’t get that I'm also angry and frustrated at her lack of trust and understanding.

Okay, so maybe I didn’t handle things all that sensitively with her when I ordered her to leave, but surely Ana could see it was for the best that I got her as far away as possible from Leila, who is undoubtedly a very sick girl.  

Clearly it was my responsibility, my duty, to help her under the circumstances, so why the fuck couldn’t Ana just trust me and do as I say? 

Why couldn’t she cooperate and just return to the apartment like I told her, especially if she was upset like Taylor said? Why would she act so irresponsibly to go off drinking like a sulky teenager instead? Why does she always have to fucking well defy me?

“Well, Miss Steele was crying, but I think it was probably shock and relief that made her react that way. She was relieved that Mr. Kavanagh was unhurt, so when he suggested going for a drink, I think maybe she just went along with it.” Taylor tries his best to shed some light on matters, but he looks distinctly uncomfortable at being put on the spot like this.

“So where the fuck are they both now? Did you see where they went?”

 “Not exactly, sir.  I’ve been to all the popular bars in the local area to see if I can track them down, but I haven’t had any luck as yet.”

“You’d better keep looking once you’ve dropped me back at Escala. I’ll wait there in case she returns.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll keep looking until we find Miss Steele. She can't have gone far, but I won’t rest until I know she’s safe. It was my responsibility to ensure her safety, and I know I let both her and you down today. It should not have been possible for Miss Williams to pose any kind of threat in the way she did, so I understand if you feel my resignation, for dereliction of duty, is appropriate…” His voice breaks as he clears his throat, and he is still concentrating hard on something behind me.

“Just find her, Taylor. That’s all that matters. If either of us had had any idea of just how sick Miss Williams was, or the lengths she was prepared to go to, we might both have acted differently - hindsight is a wonderful thing. I don’t require your resignation. We won’t talk of that again, just so long as we get Miss Steele back safe and sound.”

~~~

“She’s here,” I bark down my cell at Taylor, just as he’s calling me from the third bar he’s searched with no luck. I instructed him to report back from each one, which he has been doing for the last half hour or so.

“Thank fuck for that,” he exclaims with some feeling, exhaling loudly. It seems he’s been just as worried about Ana as I have. I switch the phone off before I throw it down on top of my piano.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

I’m struggling to keep my temper in check. I am already wound up, but seeing Ana just casually walking in, with no apology for her behavior, winds me up even further. 

And then seeing her slightly unsteady on her feet, and realizing she is drunk makes me really fucking mad. She's been out enjoying herself drinking, while Taylor and I have been worried sick and searching every bar in town for her? 

Frankly, I'm appalled at her selfish and immature behavior.

“Have you been drinking?”

“A bit,” she answers, as she tilts her chin up defiantly.

I’m shocked that she brazenly doesn’t even bother to try and deny it.

“I told you to come back here. It’s now fifteen after ten. I've been worried about you.”

I don't appreciate my feelings being thoughtlessly upset in this way. I’m not used to anyone disobeying me, and I fucking hate this feeling of being so out of control.

“I went for a drink or three with Ethan while you attended to your ex. I didn’t know how long you were going to be… with her,” Ana hisses at me.

What? She’s angry with me? This is not at all what I expected. I thought she might be upset about being held at gunpoint maybe, but this?

“Why do you say it like that?”

She almost sounds as if she’s… jealous, I think. She can't possibly think there was anything going on between Leila and me, can she? But when Ana just shrugs and looks down at her fingers, which I’ve worked out means she’s feeling insecure in some way, I begin to worry that maybe there’s a whole lot more to this than Ana just disobeying me to go out for a drink.

“Ana, what’s wrong?”

She takes an age before she looks up at me to ask,

“Where’s Leila?”

“In a psychiatric hospital in Fremont. Ana, what is it? What’s wrong?”

I move right in front of her, to try and read her face, her expression, to see what’s going on in her mind. But I can already sense it’s not good. Shit. What is going on in her head?

“I’m no good for you,” she solemnly declares, as she shakes her head.

“What? Why do you think that? How can you possibly think that?” You’re the best thing in the world for me.

“I can't be everything you need.”

“You are everything I need.” And more, so much more.

“Just seeing her with you….”

“Why do you do this to me? This is not about you, Ana. It’s about her. At the moment she’s a very sick girl.” What was I supposed to do – just walk away?

“But I felt it… what you had together.”

“What? No.” That’s all in the past – I just revisited the D/s scene for a short while today, purely to get Leila to accept the help she needs.

I reach my hand out to Ana, but she recoils from me. She’s withdrawing from me. It seems she wants nothing more to do with me.

“You're running?” I whisper. She’s got me really scared now. This is turning into a far worse nightmare than I could possibly have imagined.

She doesn’t reply, and I can feel my world beginning to shatter and fall apart.

“You can’t,” I plead with her. You just can't.

I won’t survive this time. My fragile heart, the one that she revived, the one that has only just thawed because she breathed life into it, will wither and die if she is no longer willing to nurture and care for it.

“Christian…" 

She struggles to find the words she needs to release herself from me. I don’t want her to let go of us just like this, I can't let this happen.

“No. No! You can't go Ana, I love you!” I’ve never told anyone I loved them before, only you. It will only ever be you.

“I love you, too, Christian, it’s just…”

She’s trying to say good bye. She’s breaking up with me. I can feel the cold blade of the knife going straight through my heart, severing our connection.

“No… no!” This is even worse than before. I won’t survive again.

“Christian…”

This can't be happening, this can't be real. It must be a nightmare, one of the very worst of my life.

She thinks I want to go back to my old world, that the contact with Leila has made me regress, but she couldn’t be further from the truth. I know with total and utter certainty that I don’t want a submissive like Leila. 

I only want Anastasia. I want her in every part of my life, in every way. I feel panic sweeping through me. I might have her here with me physically, but I can feel that I'm losing her all the same.  

What can I do to convince her that she is the one, that she controls my whole world now? I can't survive without her, and she is the only one who can tell me what to do to make things right. 

Then it comes to me. I know what I must do, what I have to do. It is the only way now. Anastasia must take control. I need her to tell me what to do. She must command me, and I will obey her command.

I drop to my knees in front of her, and bow my head. I spread my legs the required distance apart, and place my hands in the correct position on my thighs.

I take a deep breath, as I hand total control of my future over to Anastasia. I am now her fully compliant and obedient submissive. I am hers to do with as she sees fit.

~~~

I feel calmness spreading through me, as I let myself drift into the submissive state of mind. I know I am not worthy, but now I can let all my worries drift away. I no longer have to think for myself. I will do whatever Anastasia instructs me is required.  She is my Dominant. There is nothing more for me to do.

“Why are you doing this? Talk to me,” she commands.

“What would you like me to say?” I seek clarification.

But there is no other command from her, so I retreat further into myself. I have handed over all responsibility to Anastasia.

I vaguely register that she kneels in front of me, but I do not need to respond. She talks, but I do not need to respond. I have entered my safe submissive subspace. It is calm here. I do not need to think. I do not need to speak. She carries on talking, but I do not need to respond. I do not want to respond. I just want to remain safely buried in numbness.

Elena always took care of me and told me what to do when I was her submissive. Elena. I don’t feel as relaxed when I think about her, so I immediately put a stop to those thoughts. I don't want any distractions. I don't need anyone else to tell me what to do. 

Only Anastasia.  

She is still talking, but her words are just floating over me like small puffs of clouds. It is enough to know that as long as I am kneeling here, and she is speaking, she has not left me and I will not shatter into a thousand pieces and cease to exist.

“Are you going to kneel here all night? Because I’ll do it too,” Anastasia’s voice snaps at me, bringing me back from my safe cocoon for an instant.

But I'm not ready yet, I am not ready to start thinking for myself. It is too difficult. It is too hard to begin contemplating a future without her.
“Christian, please, please… talk to me.”

But I can't. I cannot risk the pain, it will be unbearable. The pain in my heart will finish me off for ever, if I let myself resurface. I cannot take the chance. I must stay here, where I can remain protected from the agony.

“Please,” Anastasia repeats, and as her beautiful, sincere, blue eyes bore intensely into mine, they seem to reach down into the very depths of my soul, in a way only she has ever been able to do, and I slowly feel us begin to reconnect. She is still here. She has not left me.



“I was so scared,” I whisper, still unsure if I have the strength to face up to this. But some inner fortitude kicks in from somewhere deep within me, and I slowly return and start explaining to Ana why I dealt with Leila in the way that I did, about the overwhelming guilt I felt because I might have had something to do with her mental breakdown. 

I can only hope that gaining an insight into my actions will help her to see how it would have been my fault if anything had happened to her. 

Everything I did was to protect Ana and look after her, because she is the most precious thing in my life. To have her run out on me because of those actions is unbearable, so I have to make her understand why I needed to be alone with Leila. Her assessment of the situation was completely incorrect.

“I just wanted you gone, I wanted you away from the danger, and You. Just. Wouldn’t. Go.” I insist, as I see the questioning look in her eyes. “Anastasia Steele, you are the most stubborn woman I know.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, as I shake my head in disbelief at how exasperating she can be. The strength of my feelings and frustration has pulled me back from my subspace now. I hear Ana heave a big sigh, so I open my eyes again. She’s still here.  Do I dare to hope this means she is staying? 

Some of her words that washed over me before come back now. I’m not going to run. I've told you and told you and told you, I won’t run.

“You weren’t going to run?”

“No!”

Instead of the usual panic washing over me, I finally experience some relief instead.

“I thought… This is me, Ana. All of me… and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you.”

“I love you too, Christian, and to see you like this… I thought I’d broken you.” Tears fall down her cheeks.

“Broken? Me? Oh no, Ana. Just the opposite. You’re my lifeline,” I whisper, as I take her hand to kiss her delicate little knuckles. I want to prove to her how much she means to me, how precious her sweet touch is, and I know there is one sure way that I can do that, even though it will be desperately hard for me. I take a deep breath as I dig deep to find the strength to allow her to touch me – really touch me.

I take her hand, and hold it in place on my chest, directly over my heart. It takes all my resolve not to give in to the strong urge to snatch her hand away again. This is Ana's touch. This is okay. This is good. Her touch will heal you. I repeat these words in my head, over and over, and gradually I feel strong enough to let go, and just leave her hand where it is. 

I hold my breath as she flexes her hand just a tiny fraction, to test me out. She looks at me so anxiously, she's worried because my sweet Ana understands the torment any touch on that part of my body creates. She starts to take her hand away.

“No. Don't.” I put my hand back over hers, to make sure she keeps it there. I crave this contact between us so badly, so I have to overcome my phobia. I have to prove that I can do this for her. Ana understands; she moves closer, so that our knees are touching, as we continue to kneel together on the floor. 

She slowly raises her other hand, showing me she wants to extend her touch. I know how much this means to her, how she longs to be able to touch all areas of my body, instead of just those in the safe zone. I long for this too.

She indicates that I need to release her hand so that she can unbutton my shirt. She wants to really touch me, touch me properly. This is Ana's touch. This is okay. This is good. Her touch will heal you. I let her undo my shirt, as I try to fight off the rising panic I feel bubbling up inside me, because of the memories any kind of touch always invokes for me. She hesitates, unsure if she should carry on.

“Yes,” I whisper, to reassure her, to urge her to continue.

Then I feel her light fingertip touch on my chest, brushing my chest hair. No one has touched me here since… I can't think about that. I have to force those bad memories away. I have to let Ana’s loving touch erase them. 

From now on, I must think only of her touch on my skin. This is Ana's touch. This is okay. This is good. Her touch will heal you. But it is hard, so fucking hard, almost unbearable, and I clench my teeth to stop myself from screaming out. Ana reacts by taking her hand away, but I grab it back again. I'm not giving up yet.

“No, I need to,” I manage to grunt out, as I keep my eyes tightly closed.

Ana tenderly strokes her fingers across my chest, and it is such sweet agony. I love her touch, but the fear is entrenched so deeply within me that it is almost impossible to fight it.  But I do. I let her continue. Then she steps things up another notch. She’s pushing me, testing me.

She gently and sweetly places the softest of soft little kisses on one of my scars. The bitter sweetness of her lips makes me groan loudly, even though I try my hardest to be quiet so I don't upset her, but she leans back, fearful that she has pushed me too far.

“Again,” I whisper, determined to carry on with this as far as I possibly can. I want to enjoy her touch. I want her to be able to kiss me all over my body.

She tenderly kisses another of my scars, then another. It’s overwhelmingly intense, this feeling of her kissing my forbidden zone. Enough. That’s as far as I can go today, this time. 

But it is so much further than I ever thought would be possible. That’s the effect Ana has on me. She breaks all my boundaries to split me wide open, but it’s okay, because I want to let her in.

I pull her into my arms, desperate to hold her because my locked up feelings are spilling over now. I tug her hair to tip her head back, so I can kiss those soft, enchanting lips of hers.

“Oh, Ana.”

I pull her under me as I kiss her, and she knots her fingers in my hair as if she’s trying to bind me to her, then she cups my face with her hands. I’m overcome with emotion and that emotion seems to be spilling down my cheeks.

Christian, please, don't cry. Is that what I'm doing? I meant it when I said I’d never leave you. I did. If I gave you any other impression, I'm so sorry… please, please forgive me. I love you. I will always love you.”

No, she won’t, not if she really knew you. What’s the point of holding back, Grey? She will find out one day. You might as well finish things off right here, right now. Put everyone concerned out of their misery for once and for all, rather than have this Sword of Damocles forever hanging over you. You know you have to, that’s why it keeps going round and round in your head. This secret will always be a festering, pus filled boil waiting to be lanced otherwise.



“What is it?”

See. She knows there is something you’re holding back. It’s only a matter of time before she finds out. Isn’t it better she hears the goddamned awful perverted and sickening truth direct from the source of depravity?

“What is this secret that makes you think I’ll run for the hills? That makes you so determined to believe I’ll go? Tell me, Christian, please…”

This is it then. After all my efforts to conceal my worst secret, in the end it has proved futile. My depravity will always catch up with me, no matter how hard I try to escape it. I can't change who I am. I've been so selfish in expecting her to live with a man like me. I owe her total honesty, because I owe her everything.

“Ana…”

Grey, it’s no good trying to put a brave face on any of this. Just act like a decent human being for once in your life and be man enough to tell her how it really is with you. Tell her exactly how fifty shades of fucked up you truly are, because until now you know that you’ve been dishonestly holding back. You’ve only come clean for about the first twenty shades, if that.

“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore - my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.”

Anastasia just stares at me in disbelief. Well, I can't take back the words now, it’s too late. I have made my confession and now I just have to deal with the fallout as best I can.

“You said you weren’t a sadist,” she whispers, puzzled.

“No, I said I was a Dominant. If I lied to you, it was a lie of omission. I’m sorry.” Stop trying to squirm your way out of this, Grey. You knew all along exactly what you were. “When you asked me that question, I had envisioned a very different relationship between us.”

I can see her getting ready to run for the hills, and who can blame her? 

She’s sitting there with her head in her hands as she tries to take it all in.

“So it’s true. I can’t give you what you need,” she whispers, as she glances up at me. Her eyes are huge in her face, and I can see that she is panicking as she figures out the truth. She thought she knew the worst about me; now she discovers it’s even worse than that. 

But what gets me about confessing all this shit now is that I know beyond any shadow of doubt that Anastasia can give me what I need. I will take her anyway I can, any part of her that she is willing to give, and that will be more than enough. I know that now.

“No, no, no. Ana. No. You can. You do give me what I need. Please believe me.”

“I don't know what to believe, Christian. This is so fucked up.”

“Ana, believe me. After I punished you and you left me, my worldview changed. I wasn’t joking when I said I would avoid ever feeling like that again. When you said you loved me, it was a revelation. No one’s ever said it to me before, and it was as if I’d laid something to rest – or maybe you’d laid it to rest, I don't know. Dr. Flynn and I are still in deep discussions about it.”

He thinks my love for Anastasia has finally begun to assuage the overwhelming rage and anger I’ve always carried round with me. Until that point, the only way to control that rage, to find any kind of release, was for me to punish the subs I contracted, because they all looked like the crack whore. I beat and whipped the shit out of them, just as Elena showed me how to, to make me feel better. 

But until I finally accepted that I had fallen in love with Ana, Flynn and I couldn’t begin working on making sense of this. So it’s still early days in that discussion.

“What does that all mean?”

“It means I don't need it. Not now.”

“How do you know? How can you be so sure?”

“I just know. The thought of hurting you… in any real way… it’s abhorrent to me.”

“I don't understand. What about rulers and spanking and all that kinky fuckery?” Oh, sweet innocent Ana, that’s just the really light shit; that’s just goofing around, compared to what I can really do when I let myself go.

“I’m talking about the heavy shit, Anastasia. You should see what I can do with a cane or a cat.” I’ve become a real Master at leaving intricate red welt patterns crisscrossed all over beautiful pale skin like hers.

“I’d rather not,” she tells me shocked. And that’s the point. I don't want to, because she doesn’t want to. She is far more important than any kick I get out of it.

“I know. If you wanted to do that, then fine… but you don't, and I get it. I can't do all that shit with you if you don't want to. I told you once before, you have all the power. And now, since you came back, I don't feel that compulsion, at all.” Her leaving was the strongest aversion therapy I could ever have experienced.

“When we met, that’s what you wanted, though?”

“Yes, undoubtedly.”

“How can your compulsion just go, Christian? Like I'm some kind of a panacea, and you’re – for want of a better word – cured? I don't get it.”

“I wouldn't say cured. If only it were that simple. You don't believe me?”

“I just find it – unbelievable. Which is different.”

“If you had never left me, then I probably wouldn’t feel this way. You walking out on me was the best thing you ever did… for us. It made me realize how much I want you, just you, and I mean it when I say that I’ll take you any way I can have you.”

Ana just gazes at me as she tries to make sense of it all.

“You're still here. I thought you would be out of the door by now,” I whisper incredulously.  Is it possible there is still hope for us?

“Why? Because I might think you’re a sicko for whipping and fucking women who look like your birth mother? Whatever would give you that impression,” she hisses at me.

Can I blame her reaction? She’s only speaking the truth. Which way is this going to go? I'm really not sure, as I wait for her next move. I have to be patient and give her time. She could still be out of that door any second now.

“Christian, I'm exhausted. Can we discuss this tomorrow? I want to go to bed.”

What? Go to bed like normal? She’s not leaving right now?

“You're not going?”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No! I thought you would leave once you knew. Don't leave me,” I beg.

“Oh, for crying out loud – no! I am not going to go,” she yells.

“Really?” I’ve just told you my worst depraved shit, the full fifty shades, and yet you’re not going?

“What can I do to make you understand I will not run? What can I say?”
Do I dare tell her what I really want? That I want the biggest commitment I can possibly ask of her, that I can offer to her? 

Fuck, what have I got to lose, after everything else that’s happened? And you never know, she might surprise me yet again. I take a deep breath.

“There is one thing you can do.”

“What?”

“Marry me,” I whisper.

Anastasia stares at me in total disbelief. Then she starts to giggle. She bites her lip to try and control herself, but she can't stop. I think she’s hysterical, as she lies flat out on the floor and carries on laughing, in the end howling uncontrollably.

Of all her possible reactions, I did not foresee this one. Is the idea of marrying me that ridiculous? Does hysterical laughter mean yes, or no? I have no idea.

“You find my proposal amusing, Miss Steele?

“Mr. Grey… Christian. Your sense of timing is without doubt…” Words fail her, as she reaches up to gently caress my rough, stubbly cheek. I love her touch.

Have I blown it, by proposing at what she considers an inappropriate moment? I need to know.

“You’re cutting me to the quick here, Ana. Will you marry me?”

She sits up and stares into my eyes.

“Christian, I’ve met your psycho ex with a gun, been thrown out of my apartment, had you go thermonuclear Fifty on me…”

I start to protest that I did not throw her out of her apartment, but she holds up her hand to stop me.

“You’ve just revealed some, quite frankly, shocking information about yourself, and now you’ve asked me to marry you.”

Well, I guess when she puts it like that…

“Yes, I think that’s a fair and accurate summary of the situation,” I agree.  Ana always did have a way with words.

“Whatever happened to delayed gratification?” She shakes her head at me.

“I got over it and I'm now a firm advocate of instant gratification. Carpe diem, Ana,” I whisper. I want you to be my wife. I want to be your husband. Why wait?

“Look, Christian, I've known you for about three minutes, and there’s so much more I need to know. I've had too much to drink, I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I want to go to bed. I need to consider your proposal just as I considered that contract you gave me. And that wasn’t the most romantic proposal.”

Romantic?

“Fair point well made, as ever, Miss Steele. So that’s not a no?” She’s not turning me down flat, anyway.

“No, Mr. Grey, it’s not a no, but it’s not a yes either. You’re only doing this because you're scared, and you don't trust me.”

“No, I’m doing this because I've finally met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I never thought that would happen to me.” This is the honest truth, from the bottom of my heart, the heart that belongs only to you, and always will, because you were the one who finally unlocked it.  

“Can I think about it… please? And think about everything else that’s happened today? What you’ve just told me? You asked for patience and faith. Well, back at you, Grey. I need those now.”

I have to accept that she has had a lot to take in today. And she has been so brave, so strong, even after hearing the very worst of my bad shit. She is one amazing woman. She can have my patience and faith, if that’s what she needs.

“I can live with that. As long as the answer is yes. “Not very romantic, eh? Hearts and flowers?”

She nods slowly at me, with a shy little smile on her beautiful face.

I will do whatever it takes to get Anastasia to say yes. As I kiss her sweet lips and gently tuck a lock of soft hair behind her ear, I’m determined to come up with the most romantic proposal next time round that I can possibly dream up, because that’s what my girl, the love of my life, deserves. 

And as I don't believe in doing things by halves, next time I’ll make fucking sure she is totally overwhelmed by hearts and flowers, if that’s what she wants.

Oh, and I’ll be buying her the biggest fucking diamond engagement ring I can find, to mark her as mine to the whole fucking wide world.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 

178 comments:

  1. Yeiiiiiiiii finaly!!! Love it!!!
    Thanks a lot!!!!

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  2. Yet again it's 12:23 am here and I had to stay up to read this chapter! It was so amazingly good. Love, love, love it!!! I love the very last sentence because its exactly what I would expect of Christian. Thank you so my much and I look forward to the next chapter.

    Megan

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    1. Hi Megan - thanks, and I hope you don't feel too tired today.

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  3. That was so amazing . I don't think I can wait till next week for the next chapter. You are a brilliant writer. I wait up every Friday to read your newest chapter . And it never disappoints me. Thank you for writing theses chapters in Christians pov.

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  4. Finally I've been checking the site like a mad man for the next chapter LOL love Christian's perspective on their relationship

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  5. Great last paragraph! Totally Christian!

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    1. He's always going to be a possessive control freak, isn't he?

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  6. Loved it!!!! I was curious about how you would write this part but you did a beautiful job. I still want More. Thanks

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  7. AAAAMMMMMAAAAAZZZZZIIIINNNNGGGGGG AS ALWAYS U NEVER DISAPPOINT...cant wait till the next one

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  8. OMG!! Another brilliant chapter. You never cease to amaze me. Thank you so much!!

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  9. Wow it was great loved this chapter thank u so much .

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  10. loved it!!! i have been waiting for this chapter too! now for the real proposal! you are an amazing writer, I am enjoying your writing so much. You have great insight into Christian!

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  11. Love it! It's 3am here, my phn went o,ff saw it was you had to read it! Always a great read. Now off to sweet dreams! Ty!

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    1. Hope you don't feel too tired after a disturbed night :)

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  12. OMG! what an awesome chapter.. i'm inlove.. it's amazing!

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  13. i love it!!!! omg! cant wait for the next chapter!!!!
    ***paula

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  14. loved it so cant wait until next week one

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  15. Wow... Loved it!! Now I just have to sit patiently for next Friday.. that's gonna be hard. Thank you so much and keep up the great writing!

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  16. Oh. My. God!!! There are no words to describe what I am feeling right now!! This chapter was most definitely worth staying up until 3:00 am!!! Wow!! Absolutely breathtaking!! Wow.. My favorite chapter yet!!! THANK YOU!!!!

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    1. Another person not getting much sleep! You'll have to take a nap later, Amanda :)

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    2. I never get any sleep Thursday night / Friday morning!! Haha! I'm always waiting for the next chapter :)

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  17. omg!!!! i was holding my breath reading this chapter!!!!! amazingly beautiful!!! you take my breath away... wonderful writing... Keep it coming!!!! thank you!!!

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  18. Amazing chapter, thanks from Italy!

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    1. Greetings to you in Italy, Glad you enjoyed reading this chapter :)

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  19. Great chapter, well worth the wait! We need much more of your great writing xx

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  20. Oh wow, that was amazing. Loved the title of the chapter, it wrapped the entire chapter up in 3 little words, brilliant. Christian was amazing, the way he completely zoned out when submitting. Hopefully a session with the good doctor is on the cards soon. Poor fifty shades. I think we'd all love to be Ana right now to take care of him xxx

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  21. Wow I am gobsmaked! It even made me late for work this morning as I just had to get my fix. Emotional and emotive just loved it Sir thank you. Roll on next Friday, really not sure I can wait!!!

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  22. THANK YOU . Now to wait patiently for another week for my Ana/Chrisitan fix............but so worth it. I just can't say it enough, I love your writing.
    Thank you again for Christian's POV, you're amazing.
    Have a great weekend.

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    1. I couldn't agree with you more Tammy!! my thoughts exactly!! ;)

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  23. Oh Thank God the next chapter is here. Being waiting all week for this! Pheew!! Please can you post 2 chapters a week. I don't function well on just a chapter. I'm officially an addict! PLEASEEE

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    1. I'm afraid that's as long as it takes for me to write a decent chapter, so you'll have to somehow manage your addiction :)

      Delete
    2. I agree, more, more, and more. I would cook, clean, and do your running if you would write more. Friday is such a long ways off.

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  24. Brilliantly done, as usual. Thank you.

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  25. Sir, you did it again!!!!! You always leave me wanting more.

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  26. wonderful!! it won't be much longer till her touch on his chest and back become arousing as it should be.

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  27. Absolutely fantastic!!!!! I loved it!!!! And it's going to be a long week waiting for the next chapter!!
    Superb!!!! You just hit the nail on the head every time.
    Your writing is fantastic.
    Totally loving this :)
    X

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  28. That was wonderful,so full of emotion,i wanted to throw my arms around Christian and give him a big hug,you had me in tears.Thankyou for a great chapter x

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  29. omg thank you for another wonderful chapter Great last paragraph! Totally Christian cant wait for next fridays chapter. I am so addict to your blog i tell everyone about it and print every chapter off . Once again thank you for all your hard work . Hope your family are ok with you doing this blog and you are all keeping well familys are very important xxx

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    1. Thanks, Mandy. I am just about managing to keep everything in balance, including writing my own original story too.

      Delete
  30. oh my god i have been waiting for this chapter and it was sooooooooooo good. you are awesome i look forward to every chapter each week and you never dissapoint. love it keep up the great work :)

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  31. Excuse my language.....but it was F@CKING FANTASTIC!!!! more more more please! I'm totally addicted and obsessed, i was walking to work, with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach this morning looking forward to reading it! What are you doing to me!!! :) lol

    Keep up the amazing work!!! We love you!!! xxx

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    1. Thanks, Sarah. Good to know you thought this chapter was up to the mark :)

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  32. Awesome!
    Yet again an other marvelous chapter. I loved it and am happily looking forward to the next.
    Thank you!

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  33. Wow! Excellent chapter. I can't help but get emotional over that part of the story and your words had me feeling 2X that if not more. Thank you. It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I can go to sleep happy now!

    Nan :D

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    Replies
    1. Hi Nan. Another late night person. Glad you enjoyed the chapter anyhow. I post the chapters at that time because it is first thing in the morning here in the UK, so then I can check if it hasn't updated properly , or the alert hasn't gone out, and sort out any problems before I get on with the rest of the day. I also thought it would mean the chapter would be there waiting for those of you in the US when you got up on Friday mornings. I didn't think folk would wait up for it......

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    2. OH no... we wait for it Sir... You have no idea... We NEED our Christian and Ana fix... AMAZING chapter.... I am currently work on 3 hours of sleep.. but the day is all down hill from here.

      Yours,

      Susan from Baltimore MD

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  34. Wow wow wow I cried the first time I read this and now I'm cring again thank you sooo much
    Lou xx

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  35. That was absolutly amazing, Very emotional Thankyou

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  36. Oh you made it cried!!! I always wanted to know what going on in Christian's head. Christian used his business mind to ask for Ana's hand. So smart! You did it again! No wonder why we love you and hang on to you since Fanfiction.
    Did not get email notice for the last few chapters but that's ok I check facebook everyday anyway.
    Kim
    P.S: It's 5am in Boston and I was up way before it to read your blog before my yoga. That's tell you that I just one of your stalker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kim - Try putting your email address in the link on the left of the blog again, because I've changed the way the alerts go out now that I've finally got it to work automatically, instead of having to do it all manually, which was a huge amount of extra admin for me.
      You can also pm me at christiangrey50shades@gmail.com and I'll check to see if your email is registered but unverified. Maybe also check your spam?
      Can't have my loyal readers missing out, cant I?

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    2. No you cant. You have us for life. Your own book? Finish soon please!

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  37. OMG....thank uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)))) that's what I needed to finish off my day:))) u r great...keep up this fantastic work!!! Greetings from the Aussie land!!!

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  38. awesome as always.x. hope your working on the next chapter.x.

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  39. Bloody brilliant what a fantastic chapter loved it you really have bought Christians perspetictive to life cannot wait for next chapter your proof reading sub heather xxxxxxxxx

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  40. What a guy! Wish he was real. Loved it as usual! Keep up the great work :)

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    1. At least you realize the difference between real life and fiction. I'm not sure that everyone does though :)

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  41. exelent work as always,u r soooooooooooo talented,love it :) x

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  42. How beautiful. You truly captured the inner struggle that Christian was having. I was reading most of this through tears. Your writing is truly amazing and I look forward to reading your new chapter every week.
    Debi

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  43. I was so anxiety ridden last night waiting for this...I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW......and will patiently wait for the next. It just keeps getting better and better. You are one incredibly talented writer. geez.

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  44. Wow! Have been obssesed with your blog. Love it, love it a lot! All the way in South Africa!

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  45. Big Sign & OH WOW- Thank you so much!

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  46. Yet another great chapter love that l get them friday nights here in australia makes a great end to the working week.

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  47. Absolutely brilliant!!! Thank you so much for spending your precious time writing this blog. Each week I look forward to a new chapter of Christian's POV and you never cease to amaze. Wonderfully written...well done!

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  48. I've not posted before but I absolutely love your blog. I've followed it since July and i look forward to it each week. Great chapter and fabulously written blog x

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  49. I've just reread this chapter fully awake now, since I had read it at 2:30 this morning, and it is GREAT!! I love how your writing is all Christian's POV. I can not wait until you cover the next set of chapters. Well done!!

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  50. OMG I love it I'm so looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you so much for your blog I'm obsessed with it =)

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  51. Nothing better than waking up to find a new post!! I love your blog just started reading a week ago - just before you put up the Leila post, but have read through it twice! Thanks for sharing your stories with us.

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  52. Great chapter. This is one of my favorite scenes. The fact that he gives himself to her as a submissive in the most romantic gesture. Thank you again for Christian's POV. Keep up the great work. Look forward to the next installment. Heather

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  53. Can't wait for your book if it is anything like this please let me know the name and when it comes out!
    Looking for next friday!!

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  54. Again, you never fail to impress. While I had imagined Christian becoming the submissive when he dropped down to his knees, I never imaginee it with such a dreamy, peacefulness. I am curious. Was this your first impression or did you consider writing his POV with different emotions??? But I must be honest and admit that when I originally read this part of Book 2, I was so caught off guard and it was completely unexpected tnat Christian would react in this manner at this stage of his relationship with Ana, that I had to re-read several times to fully understand what was going on in his mind. I never pictured the dream-like state-of-mind that you describe here. I also imagined more panic when she was touching him, but that could be from reading another fan-fiction one-shot that gives Christian's POV in this scene.

    Great work!! I hope you had a good trip to our crazy country. I am always amazed by those eager travelers who choose to come here. I can never figure out the attraction.

    Bethann

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    1. H Bethann. Yes I gave a lot of thought as to what was going through his mind when he offered himself as Ana's submissive. I came to the conclusion that he flipped into a submissive state of mind for 2 possible reasons. One - to force Ana to take responsibility for him so that she couldn't just walk away. Two - because he was totally unable to handle a repeat of the devastating feelings and total sense of desolation he experienced when she left before. So, a bit like when I go to the dentist, I take my mind somewhere else while he is drilling my teeth, I thought Christian took himself into submissive sub space, where he could ignore what was happening. Remember he was a sub for some years when he was younger, and found it comforting at the time, so I think that's maybe why he reverted to that 'safety blanket'. Otherwise I couldn't see any other explanation for why he ignored Ana when she was pleading and talking with him.
      And as for letting Ana touch him - he wants her to, really wants her to, so he is gradually getting braver and forcing himself to let her touch him. And I pretty much followed the book - James doesn't have him running off screaming when she touches him, does she? And I think it is really sweet that Ana kisses his scars, and the fact that he lets her serves to strengthen the bond between them. Only Ana can do that to him.
      I haven't read any other versions of Christian's pov, so I can't comment, but I'm not saying what I write is the only possible version by any means. It's great that other people's imaginations come up with other variations :)

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    2. Yes, describing Christian's state of mind when he reverted to Ana's submissive gave clarity and closure for me.I always wondered what he was thinking...or not thinking. Your account of that event was brilliant!

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  55. Another great chapter! It's great waking up to a good read waiting for me! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

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  56. Ahhhh! What a wonderful way to start my Friday! Thank you!!!! You are amazing!!!!!!!!!!

    Andrea

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  57. Very good writing. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to do this. Love it!

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  58. Beautiful as always, absolutely beautiful. You have written Christian's thoughts so accurately, just as I believed it happened. I always have a handful of tissues beside me when I read your chapters. I was so happy when I heard the email alert on my phone signaling another posting! And I must write again...you are the only FSOG blogger that keeps up the story for your loyal readers consistently. APPLAUSE!! Carol xo

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  59. you just keep up your amazing work. In my opinion, there is only YOUR work. no one else's matters.....that's how amazing you are!

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  60. Another amazing chapter! I loved when Christian broke down and the him being a sub. Loved it!! It was very touching ad emotional this chapter! Thank you for bringing it to life from his POV. Beautiful chapter and can't wait for the next!!:-) or when she say yes, the helicopter ride. Everything from his POV and your story is better than the rigibal!!:-) thank you once again!!

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  61. I've realized the further you get into your blog...you get comments of all sorts from different people. It would be very different if you were just writing the book, and had an editor and you didn't get opinions from everyone. that must be really difficult. I appreicate what you are doing more than you can ever know.

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  62. absolutly brilliant what you do is truly amazing myself and all your fans applaud you for keeping this spark going we need to here about christian because life now without him is dull he lights up my life in so many ways ive read the books 13 times and love them but this is so much more,ive just bought a kindle fire and have downloaded these chapters on to it so now instead of sitting up till all hours at my desk i can take them to bed with me once again thankyou.

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  63. Whoo hooooo! You totally hit that out if the park. Awesome job!

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  64. I look forward to these postings! I have read the trilogy once as I don't own it. I am hoping to get it for Christmas! I have to get my Fifty Shades fix from somewhere! Keep writing!

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  65. So happy to read this before i end my day! Thank you so much! Fridays are much more exciting because of your blog! Love the last paragraph it's oh-so-christian!!! :)

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  66. Aww! Another great chapter!! Thanks!!

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  67. Yummy! I LOVED this chapter....you had me holding my breath like I was reading the book for the first time...and I really loved the Christian POV especially when he went into sub mode and why he did....it was the best! You are the best!!!! LOVE IT!!!!! Keep writing........I'm decidedly one of your biggest fans...PROMISE!

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  68. Brilliant!! This is my favorite chapter from all three books, and I was really looking forward to Christian's POV. You did not disappoint. :-)
    Brenda in NYC

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  69. Well DONE!! Love the complete release of ego there..surrender. Beautiful.

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  70. Oh- another wonderfully done chapter- it was great to get the insight into what he was thinking when Ana came back from the bar. Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to more.

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  71. I have no words to describe everything that's in my mind...
    I love it! Of course..
    And I'm really anxious to the next chapter... hope it doesn't take to long... even more 'cause all Jack's implications coming soon...

    Thank you!
    Xo, Mila

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  72. I am so impressed with your insight. I did not know how you would handle this situation This chapter is awesome. I wanted to weep the way you explained how Christian was feeling. It really was so moving You are a great talent and I am so happy I found your writing I look forward to every entry. Thank you

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  73. I felt like I was reading the book! I teared up and was holding my breathe! I just absolutely love this blog!!!

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  74. Love it!!! the highlight of my week! whens the next chapter?

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  75. Ohhhh my God!!! that is just amazing..... love it you just made me cry and really feel the strongs feelings between Ana & Christian woww could feel the desperation and desolation of christian in thinking that ana was leaving him again and his proposal is omg lovely i know ana wanted the hearts and flowers but for me he is just romantic the way he is :)

    love it and thanks for this awesome chapter cant wait for the next one!!!

    Greetings from México

    Móny :)

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  76. Wow, just wow! That was something else. Ok, lets be honest, I was expecting this outpouring of emotion from Christian in his head that he just couldn't express out loud. This anguish and dread that I would hear screaming off of the page. And guess what? What I got was even better, this shutdown that he went through when he just gave himself over to Ana as her submissive was so deep on so many levels. What was funny was that Ana didn't seem to know what was happening or what to do at first. Christian, as a submissive and shutting down to allow Ana to make all of the decisions was touching and poignant. This quiet breakdown (to me it seemed quiet) was more powerful than him shouting to the roof tops. It's funny that I felt that way while reading this chapter, because I should not have expected anything else from Christian. This was an amazing chapter and I am sure one of the hardest to write next to the break-up chapter. I am one of your biggest fans and I can't wait for more from you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ~Brooke

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  77. I just love all of these, thankyou XXXX

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  78. Another great chapter. Like evryone else, i love your writing.

    Just one thing disappointed me and it's only from my own view point.

    I really wanted to know what he thought when Ana was saying that she couldn't understand what he see's in her, why he's with her. This is her fear and one she speaks to Dr Flynn about and i was hoping that once he heard her say that, he would have his own opinon on it. As he was in sub mode, you say he never even took her words in which was a shame for me personally.

    I could never write like you so i hope it didn't offend you but it's the only thing i felt i missed out on.

    Can't wait for the next one.

    xx

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    1. I totally agree about it being a shame Christian didn't pick up on Ana's insecurities. But it was hard, because unless I changed how EL James wrote the original, which I wouldn't do, he makes no comment about it at all, and I just couldn't see how he wouldn't if he had been taking in what she was saying. So I chose to portray that he was zoned out at the time. Now, whether or not her words will come back to him at some point is another matter :)
      Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I am not in the least bit offended by honest and frank comments.

      Delete

    2. As i said i loved it regardless and thank you for you reply.

      I know it wasn't mentioned by him in the original, which i also felt was a shame. I only wondered if it had any effect on him while he was submissive as he may have realised sooner she was just as scared of losing him as he was to her. That maybe he only stayed submissive for so long just to finally allow Ana to tell him all she wanted to say.

      Your POV was beautiful and again i don't think for a second i could do any better.

      xx

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  79. I love it.....cant wait for the next one

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  80. My Fridays have just gotten better. I wish everyday was Friday. Thank Sir you have out done yourself again.

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  81. What an amazing chapter! Your description of Christian's reaction took me by surprise and that rarely happens.

    I love the way you always give us a little of Taylor and Gail's feelings about Anastasia too! To me, they are such an important part of this story that we didn't get to know well enough in the books. You write about them just as I imagined them to be. Thank you for that!

    You're an incredible writer and I look forward to Fridays now so I can read the next chapter. You've given all of us a treasured gift with this story.

    Linda from Texas

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  82. Thank you for this chapter! This is the most pivotal part of the books for me. When I read the book, I pictured him totally desperate to hang on to Ana and he didn't know how to react, so he submitted to her. However, your chapter makes more sense, especially as you have revealed him to us from the beginning. The calm and tranquility he felt in turning over all decisions to Ana - I felt like I was floating with him. Great writing! But, his control freak side is never down and out for long, is it? ;)

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  83. Another amazing chapter! I loved
    when Christian broke down and
    became a sub. Loved it!! It
    was a very touching and emotional
    chapter! Thank you for
    bringing it to life from his POV.
    Beautiful chapter and can't wait
    for the next!! :-) Or when she says
    yes, the helicopter ride. Everything
    from his POV and your story is
    better than the original!! :-) Thank
    you once again!!

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  84. You hit it on the head with this chapter! This is what 50 shades is about! Love. How real true love get's to the core on one and how it brings you to your soulmate and with communication and love you can get through it and make it. The heart and soul of Christen Grey you've captured it here by taking him deep in his feelings and thoughts on his issues. Awesome writing! Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. That's it, Georgiana - it's all about the love :)

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  85. Omg I'm so exited right now my Friday just got better after this chapter. Can't wait for the next one. Keep up the great and amazing job Sir!!

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  86. keep it up, i am always waiting eagerly to receive the email that a new chapter has been posted :)
    thanks for sharing these with us
    Hugs from Malta
    Erika

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  87. Fantastic, once again!! :) Loved it!

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  88. So Awesome!!!! I have been anxiously waiting for this part and i cried the same as i did with the books. I am slo waiting for charlie tango I know thats going to be rough as well I am so excited. You are do in a very excellent job!!!!!

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  89. WOW you never cease to amaze me!!! I absoutely love your writing!!! I've been waiting for this chapter (just like the previous one) and I think you did a FANtastic job. This was very emotional and I have to admit I cried a little. Just at his raw emotions and how difficult it was for him. Thank you for taking me there, I could totally feel like I was in the room watching it all happen. AWESOME!

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  90. Wow can't wait for the next chapter, it's going to be awesome!!!

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  91. I was holding my breath all the time while reading this chapter! you made me cry too. Thank you so much! you did a great work!hugs from Honduras ♥

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    Replies
    1. Hi Aracely in Honduras.I hope you didn't go blue form holding your breath for too long!

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  92. WONDERFUL!!! I have been waiting for this section of the story and here it is and you gave everything to it. Loved every moment of it. I just wish Christian (and men in general, maybe) spoke out loud what they are saying in their heads. I think Ana could use some insight as to what he says inwardly sometimes. To hear him proclaim over and over again how it's all about her, how she's been the one to teach him to love and to accept love, stuff like that... she could use some of that.

    Very powerful chapter and so well written. Now, I can only hope you'll give us an inside to his second proposal in the future. :)

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. At least Christian is starting to open up about his feelings to Ana isn't he? Lots more to come as well.

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  93. Loved it!!!! Cant wait till next friday!!!! Amazing as always :) really hoping you finish the whole series I don't think I would survive without this blog lol

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    1. I'm not planning to stop any time soon, Kala :)

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    2. I hope not, thats the very first thing i do on Friday mornings!!!I have almost been late for work....lol...I also have my friends reading this blog!! I love your writing, i hope u are able to finish the writing. U are a very talented writer!!!

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  94. And I also wish EL James would have went into more detail about ana's first pregnancy and the birth really wanted to see Christian as a dad and his reaction to the birth of his son :) hope u will tho ;)

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  95. Amazing chapter. Loved it. I am so looking forward to the next chapters especially the one with Jack Hyde's "dismissal". Thank you so much. You really aim to please. :)

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  96. You are ready making Christian's thought come to live, I am still want more much, much more.

    CP

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  97. Another great chapter and a great way to start my Friday night :) cant wait to hear CG's perspective on the helicopter crash! Ohhh that is going to be good! Have a great weekend cant wait for the next chapter :)
    Annie

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  98. Amazing loved it thank you so much for writing these for all to enjoy. My twin sister and I get exicted when we see a new chapter is ready! ~~missy sullivan

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  99. I just loved it!!! I have loved all of them!! I can't wait until it gets to where she has to pay the bribe and try and save Mia..that will be great hearing his side of the story!

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  100. Once again you have tapped into the mind of the most interesting fictional character in the universe. I bow to you and thank you for always filling my head with hearts and flowers courtesy of the wonderful, stunning Christian Grey. I look forward to chapter 47. X.

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  101. I Love it,you really know how to intoxicate us.the way u bring christian thoughts and feelings for Ana is amazing.I cant wait for next chapter..YO ARE GREAT ..

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  102. Oh Dios!! He llorado y reido con este capítulo. Está fabuloso. Mil gracias! Soy Patricia la chica que te mandó el email, hace poco. Saludos.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Patricia. Not too long to wait now for the Spanish version of my blog :)

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  103. Loved it! Thank you for another wonderful chapter. :-)
    MaryJane

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  104. you are absolutely amazing !! i have no to describe your writing of christian's pov..
    thank you soooo very much for each & every chapter that you spend time writing for us !!!
    hope you had a great vacation as well !!

    jackie o.

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  105. Omg!! This was exactly what I wanted to know!!! I swear I was so excited and mixed with emotions as I read this chapter!!!! Well done u made me feel what he was feeling!!!

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  106. Fantastic interpretation of Christian's state of mind while in the submissive state. I, too, was curiously awaiting to see how you would play it out and I think you did it extreme justice for Christian's character. I love that he gave up the one identity of his character that was so important to him - power. He willingly handed it over to Ana. He allowed her to call the shots and you did it magnificently. I'm really glad now that I read these two chapters back-to-back. The impact was explosive. Bed time now.

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    1. I think maybe Christian felt it was all he could do, all he could offer to Ana - to prove that she has control over him because of the depth of his feelings.

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  107. You never cease to amaze me. I love love LOVE IT!!!!!

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  108. Great writing yet again, Thank you. Cant wait for next part.

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  109. Excellent job with the chapter! The way you explain Christian going into submissive mode was awesome! I got chills when I read it! These next few weeks will have me on pins and needles....I'm so excited to read what happens next! As mentioned before, these are my favorite chapters! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Stacey, PA

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  110. This is my favorite part of the book and you captured it exquisitely!! I loved it!! Thank you!!

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  111. I found this when PAL from Twilight The Missing Pieces sent the info in a general email to subscribers. I have been spending my time catching up and am not disappointed, wonderful to read in Christians pov. This chapter gave me chills when Christian dropped to his knees before Ana. I could feel his emotions. Love the playlist....LOVE IT. Will be you be adding more to it or is it complete?
    Thank you for the time and effort you put into this every week. I look forward to more chapters.

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    Replies
    1. Welcome, JMF. I'm glad you like the playlist - it hasn't been updated for a while, but if you have any suggestions, I could ask Tiffany to add them. I love discovering new tracks to listen to. :)

      Delete
  112. As Ana would say.."Holy Hell" that was AWESOME! I just cannot express what an amazing chapter this was. It is one of my favorites and you nailed it! You are such an amazing writer and you continue to exceed my expectations for each chapter! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your indepth look into Christian's soul. I love it! I will wait for more....I will never get enough of Christian and Ana...always wanting more!!
    Thank you again and I will continue to stalk your facebook page for updates! LOL!!
    x Lisa x

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  113. Brilliantly written Mr Grey, have been waiting for this chapter, to find out what he was thinking, and how he bought about the proposal.
    I just hope we can carry on reading your blog. I for one, am enjoying it as much as i did the original books, please, please don't stop.
    Loved it!!
    Thank You So Much Nell xx

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  114. awesome!!! Thanks for another great chapter

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  115. Oh, I cried! So good! Poor Christian, so damaged, so scared. I love him.

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  116. Awesome I loved it I had tears in my eyes keep up the great writing. Until next chapter :)

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  117. Loved,Loved,Loved!!! I have fallen in love all over again with both of them! Thank
    You so much for continuing your blog...you make Friday's even better. If you decide
    to charge for your chapters...I will PAY! Thank you,Carley

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  118. I absolutely LOVE reading this!!!!!!! Keep up the good work, and thank you. You make my Friday's amazing. :)

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  119. OMG what an excellant chapter loved Christians version when Ana was missing then his POV when she got home, your writing is the best ever, cant wait for Christians birthday and Elenas reaction, well done Chez xx

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  120. I too was holding my breath. I feel Christians anxiety and uncertainty. I'm loving every minute of this. Thank you.

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  121. WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This just makes me FALL IN LOVE w/ ChristIAN Grey over and over and over again!!!!! YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER!;)

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  122. That was just great! It made my birthday weekend get started on the right foot. Happy birthday to me!

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  123. I cannot tell you how much I am in love with your chapters. I have spent the last two days doing almost nothing but reading them all, having just discovered them a couple days ago. I have been hooked since the moment I started, and you have not disappointed me in the least! You have an amazing talent of writing. I know I am not the first to have this opinion. Thank you, so very much for blessing us with your take on this. I will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter, especially since I have been able to read them all in order up to now without having to wait at all. I have fallen in love with this series all over again because of you. It feels great to have my "friends" back (lol)...but this time I get to crawl into Christians head, which has been amazing. Thank you again!

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  124. I have to say, this has to be my most favorite part of the Fifty Shades series!!! I have to thank you for capturing it just as I pictured it in my head...Christian may be f----d up in the head, but he really makes you fall in love with him!!! Can't wait until next Friday....

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  125. EEEK!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVED IT!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

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  126. I fresking love. This blog. But now i have to wait till friday? If the dates of the post are any indication you only post on fridays. Ughhhhhhh torture!!

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  127. OMG I LOVED IT CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!!!!

    (P.S. Not shouty capital,excited capitals :))

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  128. Wish every day was Friday so we could have a new chapter !! your insight into Christians POV is spot on!

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  129. That was great!!!!! Cannot wait for the next... xxx

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  130. Oh my!! I found your blog last weekend and I haven't been able to stop reading it! I love it and can't wait for more!! ;)

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  131. That was sooo AMAZING!! I can't stop smiling. Thank you very much for this lovely chapter.
    Daniella

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  132. Another brilliant chapter. I really appreciate your unwavering dedication to this project. The part where he went to his submissive place was fascinating to read. I loved that he finally came clean about his deep dark secret - and she didn't run. He was so relieved that he just out and out proposed. He did not let me down with his final line: "Oh, and I’ll be buying her the biggest fucking diamond engagement ring I can find, to mark her as mine to the whole fucking wide world."

    Good stuff!

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  133. Man!! I fucking loved it!! thanks you so much for writing this up,I always have wondered how would be Christian's point of view and Im delightful with it.You´re such a great writer. Lots of thanks :)

    Carla

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  134. OMG!!!!! As usual CG you so knocked it out of the park!!!!! You brought out so many emotions in me with this chapter!!! Other chapters as well, however, this one was so raw, cut throat, real, open & oh so tangible!!!! I cannot thank you enough for all you do as a writer........I'm in awe of you and your writing skills.....I cannot thank you enough for all your erotic/raw writing you so generously share with all of us that are so addicted to Ana & Christian!!!! You are one heck of a life line to FSOG & I thank you immensely!!!!! Sending gratitude & ♥♥ & XX...................Diana

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  135. Estou com uma sensação de felicidade muito grande em ler esses capitulos... o ponto de vista de Mrs Grey. Magnifico!!! Claudia - Brasil

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  136. This is one of my favorite chapter! Im glad u did it so well! It almost made me cry!!
    From philippines!

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  137. Kenyan Nights can't get any better! I have been reading all these chapters and getting more hooked as I go. This is the chapter I was looking forward to. It is a few minutes to 1am, and I am glad I got to read Christian's POV on the Sub mode. I literally held my breath reading that part! Just a few chapters more, then I shall be hounding your blog waiting for a new chapter. Thank you for feeding our addiction!
    Sam, Kenya

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  138. I loved it!!!! Thanks :)

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  139. All I can say is WOW. That moment when Christian went submissive for Ana was so powerful, and then the moment when he put her hand on his heart...WOW! I loved actually seeing him cry, because it's wonderful that now he has someone with whom he feels safe enough to show true emotion. Can't wait to see his "hearts and flowers" proposal! :)

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  140. I had typed out a comment but don't know where it went. So here we go again ... in the book, I literally sobbed and sobbed at this chapter. I could actually feel Christian's terror and grief, and it made my heart hurt. When he put himself into submission for Ana, the tears were just streaming down my face. I want you to know that I also sobbed and sobbed reading YOUR chapter. Between his submission to Ana and then allowing her to touch him, I'm even choking up now. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

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  141. This was another chapter I looked forward to. And it was incredible.

    Now I have a choice to make. Will I go on to read the next chapter or prepare to go to bed... Well, it's only 11 pm. Choices, choices...

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  142. ChritianGrey50Shades, thank you so much. My heart broke for him when he became the submissive. Wow you are a great writer.

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