Chapter 22 - Absence Makes The Dom Grow Fonder

The security detail have finally got their act together, so I now have pictures of Ana as she made her way to each of her interviews, and then of her going back to her apartment. 

And Welch has picked up some feedback on her interviews – SIP were impressed with her, so it seems likely they’re going to make her an offer, which pleases me as that’s the company I would prefer to acquire.

While I'm still at the office in the early evening, Anastasia emails to tell me her interviews went well, which of course I’m already aware of, but I’m pleased that she seems happy about them.  Then we have some of our usual witty email banter, which improves my mood a little. For some reason, she seems to think Mrs. Jones is an ex sub of mine – she doesn't understand that I never fuck my staff. The only exception to this rule would be if Ana came to work for me, but she’s adamant that she never would.  ‘Not for all the tea in China’, are her exact words. And then disappointingly she’s gone again, promising to contact me once she’s in Georgia.

I get surveillance pictures of Ana being dropped off at Sea-Tac by Kate. She’s travelling light as she’s only carrying one rucksack, and it really makes me want to take her shopping to buy her the kind of things my girlfriend should have. At least I’ve got her upgraded to first class.

However, I’m pissed when she emails me to say she’s had a back massage in the First Class lounge at the airport– I just hope it was a woman masseur. That was one of the reasons for getting her upgraded, and having an empty seat next to her, so that no other fucker would get his filthy hands on her. I have to know who the masseur was, but she takes ages emailing me back. And I don’t like the answer I get, even though I know she’s winding me up when she informs me how great some Jean-Paul dick was at massaging her.

Next time she goes anywhere, it’ll be in my private jet, no argument. I scold her for using her cell in the plane, and as the plane takes off at around ten thirty in the evening, that’s the last contact I have with her. I feel even more bereft now, knowing she’s actually left, gone, flown away to the other side of the continent. I have this horrid empty feeling in my chest. It's just indigestion, Grey.

So now I return to my apartment, thinking I won’t hear from Ana again until she's landed in Savannah. Needless to say, I don’t sleep well, and the nightmares return. Nightmares about being abandoned, about being totally on my own in the world, about pain and torture. I get up and head for my piano, hoping that playing something quiet and soulful will help my mood.

Finally, around five in the morning I’m pleased to get a text from Ana saying she’s arrived safely in Savannah, and then I see that she emailed me during her earlier stopover in Atlanta. I eagerly read the long, rambling email to discover she's finally opening up to me, as she expresses her fears and worries. She also confesses that the Jean Paul masseur dick was gay, which I suppose makes it not quite so bad, especially as she says she misses me. But she also says that she feels like a whore when I spend money on her, and that she’s scared of being hurt both emotionally and physically, so she needs some space to figure out what ‘more’ means to her. I spend ages reading and re-reading it, and don’t reply immediately as I need to give it some serious thought, but at least now I have something to work with.

Next I get some pictures through from the security team in Georgia, so they seem on the ball. They show Ana being met at the airport by a man and a woman, who I guess are her mother and step dad. Ana looks kind of emotional as they hug her, and I hope it’s just tiredness and that nothing has happened to upset her. Then they head off in a Tahoe SUV, which at least seems a reasonable car. 

I assume she’ll be getting some sleep, but then the next hour I get some pictures of her at some place called Tybee Island beach. She’s wearing a tiny blue two piece swim suit which she looks fucking hot in. I’d rather she was locked up indoors. Other men are getting to see her practically naked, while I’m stuck here hundreds of miles away. 

At least she’s at the beach with her mother, so that’s some sort of a chaperone, isn’t it? But that’s not stopping other men feasting their eyes on what is mine, what should be for my eyes only.  My mood takes a turn for the worse, and I kick the shit out of Claude during our early morning session. I think he is somewhat bemused by my ferocity.

When I get back, I sit down and reply to Ana’s email. I go out on a limb and really open up to her. I tell her wealthy boyfriends like to spend money on their girlfriends, and this doesn’t make her a whore. It just gives me pleasure, and she should look on it as a redistribution of wealth. I threaten to make her an appointment with Dr. Flynn because of her low self-esteem issues.

 I explain that she shouldn’t be scared of the type of relationship I want, because it’s the sub who has all the power. She can say no, just as she did in the boathouse, and then I can’t touch her. I tell her how much I want her to share my lifestyle, how she has me under her spell, how worried I am that she has flown three thousand miles to get away from me. 

I offer to extend the length of our contract to six months, a year, whatever she wants. I tell her we have to be honest with each other. I tell her she only has to be my submissive in the playroom, and that she has been exemplary in there so far. 

I tell her that I don’t want to change her otherwise, because I find her challenging and refreshing. 

I tell her to let me know what she wants from me, what more means to her, and that I’ll try to keep an open mind. 

I tell her I’m trying to respect her need for space, that she should enjoy herself in Georgia. But not too much.

I’ve never written an email like this before, and my finger hesitates over the send button. Fuck it. I hit the send button.

Next  I head off to keep my appointment with Dr. Flynn.

~~~

“How was the conference, John?” I ask, as I settle myself on the green leather couch as usual. 

“Dull as ditch water actually. Nowhere near as fascinating as you, Christian,” he smirks at me from his winged chair, as he puts down the case notes he’s been reading.

“Or as profitable, with the outrageous fee you charge to listen to my shit, especially as you seem to find it so entertaining,” I throw back at him.

Of course I couldn’t care less what he charges; it’s just part of our warm up repartee. I like that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. But I also know that it’s a cover; underneath he is very perceptive and astute, and doesn’t miss a trick.

“So, last time you told me about this girl you’ve met – Anastasia, isn’t it. How have things been progressing with this relationship?” 

I like the way he pronounces Anastasia with his British accent. I just really like her name. I just really like her. Stop it, Grey. Grow up.

“Still pretty confusing to be honest. I took your advice about compromising, and I’ve said I’ll try to give her more, that I want her to be my girlfriend as well my sub, which I’ve never offered a woman before.”

“I see. Well that sounds promising,” he smiles. “What about her adapting to your BDSM needs?”

“We’ve played a scene in my playroom, and that went really well, although naturally I took it pretty easy on her.”

“Yes, that would be a wise decision under the circumstances, given her lack of sexual experience.”

“But she still says I’m too intense, so now she’s flown hundreds of miles across to the other side of the country to visit her mother, because she says she needs some space to think about us.”

“That doesn’t seem unreasonable, and is probably sensible of her. It means she’s taking things seriously anyway.”

“You think? But where does that leave me? I hate her being away. I feel like shit because I already miss her like crazy and I can’t stop thinking about her. Why does she need to go away to think? Surely she’s just running away from me? When we’re together, there’s this amazing bond between us, at least I feel it and I’m pretty sure she does too, so how can she leave me? And it’s not just the sex, although it is the best I’ve ever experienced, bar none. I even asked if I could go with her, but she turned me down. I’m fucking pissed that I feel like this, I’m not used to having an infatuation and it’s doing my head in. I’m a Dominant for Christ’s sake. I’m meant to be the one in control.”

“Hang on a minute there, Christian. Just because she's decided to have some time out to visit her mother does not mean she’s leaving you.”

“Well, that’s what it feels like to me.”

“Because unlike all your previous submissive partners, she has dared to go ahead and do something against your wishes?”

“Yes.”

“And you haven’t felt like this about anyone before?”

“No, never, and I don’t understand it. I'm obsessed – what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“So, you really miss her, you want to be with her all the time, you can’t stop thinking about her, and you feel something special exists between you? And you haven’t worked out what all this means yet?”

“Worked what out?”

“Oh come on Christian, it’s as plain as the nose on your face!”

“For fuck’s sake John, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Christian, you’re in love! You've fallen head over heels in love with Anastasia,” John declares, with a broad grin on his face.

“Shit! Don’t be so fucking ridiculous! That's not possible, I don’t believe in all that ‘love’ crap. Well, maybe for other people, but not for someone like me. My heart was destroyed many years ago and I’m just not capable of ‘falling in love’, as you term it. I think I’ve simply developed an unhealthy obsession, and that’s what I need your help with, to overcome and control it.”

John just looks smugly at me.

“Cupid has shot his arrow straight into your alleged heart of stone, and scored a direct hit. No good fighting it I’m afraid, Christian,” he states.

“You are talking straight out of your ass, and that’s not what I pay you for,” I glare at him. Love is only for good people with pure hearts, who deserve it. Like Mom and Dad.

“Look, you undoubtedly had a very turbulent and unconventional adolescence, where basically you side stepped most of the normal teenage experiences, such as falling in love, so it's little wonder that this has taken you by surprise. You’ve never claimed to have been in love with Elena, despite your long term relationship with her, have you?”

“No, love was never mentioned or discussed between us. It wasn’t that sort of relationship. But I do know that it was exactly what I needed at the time, because it was controlled and clear cut. I understood the rules, and that brought me back into line when I was in danger of totally losing control.  And so that's why I've always had a similar type of relationship with my submissives ever since. I know it works for me when everyone keeps to the rules.”

“Ah, yes your rules. How does Anastasia feel about all of them?”

“She finds them hard to accept. She’s scared of being punished, of being hurt, so I’m trying to show her that if she trusts me to know her limits, pain will actually become pleasure. But I think in time, she will see that the rules are actually there for her benefit.”

“You really believe that? You don’t think that maybe they're more for your benefit than hers, because you have control issues? And the fact that you’re falling in love is scaring you, because it’s alien to you and therefore makes you feel out of control?”

“Stop with all this ‘love’ shit. If Anastasia knew what I was really like, why I have this compulsion to beat the shit out of little brown haired girls like her, she’d run a million miles. So there’s no point in thinking about things like love. We just have to find a way to make this relationship work, to cater for my sadistic needs in a way that she can deal with. I know what happens if I don’t have a channel, an outlet, how wild and out of control I’ll become, if I try and suppress this need I have to punish her if she breaks the rules.”

“Christian, how many times have I told you not to use the term sadist? You could adapt and change if you really wanted to. Sexual sadism is a lifestyle choice, not a disease. It is possible for you to look to the future and develop new ways of channeling your feelings, if you have a partner that you love, but who does not wish to submit to the more extreme tendencies of your lifestyle. At least Ana has been willing to go into your playroom to experiment with you, which is a good basis to work from, wouldn't you say?  Clearly she must have strong feelings for you too,” John insists. 

“I am who I am, John. I have to be honest and up front about what I would eventually want from our relationship, even if I am willing to take things slowly. That need is always going to be there in me, whether you agree with the sadist label or not.”

“Okay Christian. I think we’re going to have to leave it there for now. But I would ask you to give some serious thought to the possibility of adapting your needs in order to be with someone you love, and who loves you back in return.  It’s a truly wonderful thing, to find someone to share your life with. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about. I’m a true Brit, who was very happily settled in London, with a very successful career, my future all mapped out.  Then I met Rhian. We fell deeply in love, and she just couldn’t settle and be happy anywhere but here in the States. So, that was it. In order to be with her, I had to up sticks and start all over again here in Seattle. It wasn’t easy at first, but I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.”

“I hear what you’re saying John. But you’re one of the good guys. You’re not full of twisted shit. I just know what works for me,” I insist.

“No, Christian. You know what has worked for you in the past. You need to open up your mind to see what could work for you in the future, if you chose to leave all that behind, which I believe you could for a woman like this Anastasia. Just promise me you will at least give this some thought. This is your homework for the week,” he smiles, as I get up to leave.

“Okay, I’ll give it some thought,” I promise, but not holding out much hope of any great change in my outlook. 

~~~

At least now the report from the surveillance team shows that Ana is safely back at her mother’s place, probably for a rest. I wonder what her reaction to my long email is. Finally I get a reply from her at around four in the afternoon. And I’m happy, because she says that she loved my long, loquacious, email. She tells me she’s going out to dinner at her step father’s golf club, and that she will respond properly to my email later. And she says she misses me. So I should fucking well hope.

We send a few of our usual witty emails back and forth, then it gets really interesting when she starts talking about spanking, asking who spanks me when I roll my eyes. It makes me think about the two delightful times I've spanked her, and I get an immediate hard on.

When she says she has to get ready to go out, I find myself imagining her beautiful sexy body, and I offer to zip up her dress. She replies that she would rather I unzipped it, and I find myself with a seriously rock hard erection that is going to need some sort of attention, which is difficult as I'm in the office. 

It gets worse when she tells me she wants me to unzip her dress slowly, and I'm literally panting over my keyboard as I visualize doing exactly that. That she can have this effect on me from  nearly three thousand miles away is pretty fucking impressive.

‘Wish I was there.’ I’m literally groaning as I type this to her. Why the fuck did I ever let her go away?

‘SO DO I,’ she replies, with the subject ‘Moaning.’

Just as I’m seriously considering another first by locking my office door to indulge in a full on cybersex session with her, she frustratingly leaves me hanging when she emails back, saying ‘Gotta go. Laters, baby.’

I’m only a little calmer after taking things in hand in my executive rest room to relieve the tension that this encounter with Ana has left me with.

~~~

I’m just getting ready to go and meet Elena, when I get an email back from Anastasia, as she’s just returned from her evening out at the golf club. And we’re off again, sparring with words, and I think I win this time when I use the word concupiscent. I love the fact that she is such a stimulating and intelligent young woman.

I was displeased to see from the surveillance pictures that she wore the grey halter neck dress out to the golf club. I like that dress because her naked back is exposed in it, but I'm not there to appreciate it. At least it looks as if the golf club was full of mostly older men like her step father, but I still wish I’d been there to make sure everyone kept their distance and no one touched her. Her silky back is only for me to touch and stroke. However, I'm pleased that she’s now back safely at her mother’s house. This time I'm the one who breaks off contact with Ana, so I can go and meet Elena. I’m driving myself, having given Taylor the evening off. I know I’ve been a moody bastard with him recently, but I guess he should be used to it by now.

~~~ 

 Elena arrives just after me at my club. Neither of us does late, which is another thing I like about her. I watch her confidently making her way over to our table.

She’s wearing a fitted black dress that shows off her trim figure to perfection, with black stockings and high black stilettos to match. I can't recall ever seeing her wearing anything colorful - black is her signature look. She’s taller than Anastasia, and generally a bigger build all-round, as befits a Dominatrix like her. 

Her large breasts look good for a woman in her early forties, but then they should as I know that she had a boob job last year. As the proprietor of the Esclava Beauty Salon chain, naturally she is groomed to perfection, not a hair is out of place. Her skin is a light coffee shade, which in Seattle can only mean she uses a sun bed or fake tan. I believe she favors spray tan, as it’s less damaging to the skin in the long run. She’s immaculately made up, sporting glossy pink lipstick, and her icy blue eyes are emphasized by false eyelashes.

As I stand up to greet her, she reaches out and places her hand on my arm, and I see her long, bright red, acrylic nails that remind me of talons. She used to use those to great effect on my back. As she kisses both my cheeks to greet me, I catch her unmistakable heavy signature perfume – Chanel No.5.

“Christian, darling, it's so good to see you,” she smiles, showing off her brilliant white teeth. I pull out her chair for her to sit, and she casually places her designer purse on the table. I remember that she has an impressive collection of designer purses. She’s also dripping in expensive diamond jewelry – earrings, necklace, and several huge rocks on her fingers. I have no doubt that they’re all genuine – Elena would never dream of wearing anything other than real diamonds.

When I was an impressionable fifteen year old, everything about Elena screamed SEX to me. When she kissed me and slapped my face, I was shocked, but totally enthralled at the same time. When I saw her in her black leather dominatrix outfit, I was hers to command, as she knew I would be. And she taught me everything I needed to know about fucking. She was harsh, cruel even, but I understood it, welcomed it. I knew I deserved every lash of her whip, every harsh bite of her cane. As she pushed me to my limits and beyond, I accepted it, because the pain felt right, it felt good.

She’d command me that whatever she told me to do, I was not allowed to come until she gave me permission, knowing full well that it would be impossible for a young man like me to have that kind of self-control. But I soon learnt. I learnt to control that and all the other wild feelings that were threatening to send me off on a path of self-destruction, just like my crack whore mother.  She saved me from myself. I know Anastasia doesn’t understand this, but that’s how it was.

Anastasia. I feel a pang of longing as I think about her. She is about as different to Elena as it’s possible to be, in every conceivable way. She’s natural, sweet, soft and kind. None of these words could ever be used to describe Elena. 

 “What would you like to eat?” I inquire, as I hand Elena the menu.

“Oh, you order for me please darling. You know what I like,” she states, not even bothering to take the menu. I look up and the waiter immediately comes over to take our order. That’s what I expect when I'm out for a meal - well trained staff. The waiter not annoyingly hovering at my elbow, but discretely watching to see when it’s appropriate to approach the table.

“We’ll both have the new season asparagus with poached duck egg, parmesan, balsamic and hollandaise sauce to start, followed by the sea trout with cauliflower puree, pea and broad bean dressing. And we’ll have a bottle of the Chassagne Montrachet, the 2007 if you have it. No dessert.” Elena never eats dessert, but we both enjoy a good French wine.

“Very good, sir.”

“So, why don't you let me look over those figures for the Esclava chain while we wait for the food,” I suggest. It won’t take me long; after many years of experience sizing up businesses, I can tell at a glance what I need to know. It’s what I do.

“Thank you Christian. I’d appreciate that,” she says, as she hands them over. I look over the Profit & Loss and Balance sheets. All seems pretty healthy and in good order.

“Just watch you don’t have too much money tied up in old stock,” I suggest. “And the cash outflow for the new branch at the Bravern Center seems to have matched the provision made, so that’s all good. It’ll be reassuring to see some return for that investment starting to come in – you’ve managed to expand your customer base there I see.”

“Yes. Reputation is everything in our business; word of mouth recommendations among our exclusive clientele are worth far more than any advertising campaign. Your mother and sister have been most helpful in spreading the word among their circle of friends.”

"Well, as your silent partner, I have no concerns.”

Our first course arrives, along with the wine. I taste it – it’s fine. Once the waiter has left, Elena starts to question me.

“So, have you gotten yourself a new submissive yet? It must be what, two months since you terminated Susannah’s contract? Such a shame she didn’t work out for you, she had such promise too. But a man with your extreme needs and requirements shouldn’t go too long without a suitable form of relief. I’ve told you before; it’s not good for you.”

I hesitate, not sure how to explain to her about Anastasia. At least I don't have to explain to Elena about my need to punish, my need to cane a sub if she fails to follow my rules. She alone understands only too well.

“Actually, I’ve got a new submissive under training – sort of.”

“What do you mean, 'sort of'?”

“I’ve met this girl who wasn’t into the scene, and I’m introducing her to it, gradually training her up to be my new submissive.”

“Good God, Christian! You’re taking a chance aren’t you? You usually recruit a very experienced sub to be able to handle your special type of needs.” 

“I know, but I want her, and only her. Anastasia. No one else will do. I know it would be far easier to just recruit a new sub in the usual manner, but I’m just not interested. At first she seemed a natural submissive, so I thought why the fuck not? Everyone has to start somewhere don’t they? And I thought molding her to my own way of doing things could be stimulating and fun, something different, a new challenge.”

“I see. So how has this Anastasia of yours taken to subbing? Is she a natural? Has she accepted you as her Dominant? Can she give you what you need?” I see the skeptical look on Elena’s face, and I think she's put out that I haven't consulted her about any of this before now. 

“To be honest, I was wrong about her being a natural submissive. She‘s nothing of the sort, although she’s said she’ll try. And yet I can’t help myself; I still really want her.”

“What’s she like?”

“Anastasia? She’s a natural beauty. She’s sweet and lovely, yet challenging and witty, and sexy as hell. A real contradiction, ” I try to explain, seeing Elena’s disapproving  look.

“How old is she? What does she do?”

“Twenty one, coming up twenty two. She’s just graduated from WSU.” 

We pause as our plates are cleared away, and the main course is served. Once the waiter makes himself scarce again, we continue our conversation.

“Christian, are you sure that… well I hate to say it, but you are a very wealthy man. This …what shall we call it, this infatuation of yours with this young girl. Her apparent sweetness and innocence could be an act to entrap you, you do realize? Did she claim to be a virgin? That can often be part of the act you know.”

“For fuck’s sake Elena! I’m not stupid! She was a virgin as it happens, and no, it wasn’t an act I can assure you. She’s not interested in my money, and doesn't even like me buying her gifts. She is just a naturally lovely girl.” 

I don't mention Flynn's assertion that I've fallen in love with Anastasia. I know what Elena's opinion about that would be. I'm still not sure what I make of it myself. She's not a fan of Flynn in any case; she thinks he can’t understand the true nature of a BDSM Dominant, as he's never been involved in the scene for himself. 

“Hmm. If you say so Christian.” I can see she’s not convinced.

“So how is the submissive training going? Have you caned her yet? How did she take it?”

“I’m taking things slowly at the moment. We started off with some basic vanilla."

I remember only too well how Elena didn’t take things slowly with me; she caned and whipped me right from the very beginning. But that was different. I really needed it.

“Vanilla? For a man like you? Christian, you’re her Dom for God’s sake, you can't go on like this. She has to comply with your needs, you know that you have to establish the ground rules right from the outset. You have to be honest with her, and if that scares her off, then she’s not for you, and it’s best that you know this sooner rather than later, however flattering it may be to have her chasing after you. All this is just a novelty for you.”

“I hear what you’re saying Elena, I really do, and normally that’s exactly how I would be. But it’s just different with Anastasia, and actually the vanilla was really great, I have to say. It paid off, because she was exemplary in our first scene in my playroom. And I'm the one pursuing her, trying to persuade her we can make this work. She’s away at the moment, gone to visit her mother in Georgia, so that she can think about things, about us.”

“Is that because you’ve told her about your needs? Has that scared her off to go running into her mommy’s arms?”

“I don’t really know, to be honest. It worries me that she felt the need to get away. I miss her like crazy, and I just want to go and be with her. But I think that might scare her off if I follow her to Georgia, so I'm doing my best to give her some space.”

“Nonsense Christian! If you feel that strongly, and she’s everything you say she is, then go and surprise her with a visit. But you have to be totally honest and up front with her about all your needs. You know what happens if you try to shut them off, and that wouldn’t be fair to either of you if you went off the rails again. You have to make her understand; don't hold anything back, be totally honest and show her, demonstrate to her exactly how extreme your needs are. Trust me, that’s what you need to do, if you’re going to stand any chance of making things work with her, if that’s what you really want. If she’s the girl you think she is, she will accept this and do it for you.”

“I know. I know what I am, and that she needs to understand about me,” I sigh.  

“Fly out to see her. Spend some time with her. Show her the real you. If you think it would help, I could talk to her, maybe even help you to train her when you get back. I could show her how to be a really good submissive for you. If you’re really sure this is what you want, I’ll give you my full support.”

I look at Elena’s hard face. So different from Ana’s.

“Thanks for the offer, I’ll bear it in mind, but I think I have things in hand. And maybe I will surprise her with a visit. You think she’d really like that? She did say she missed me and she wished I was there.”

“See? What did I tell you? Just do it, Christian,” she urges me.

So when I get back from my dinner date, I recall Taylor from his evening off.

Because I’ve made up my mind. 

I’ve decided. 

I’m going to Georgia to see Anastasia, just as soon as I can get everything arranged.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission.