27 July 2012

Chapter 26 - No Holding Back


“I want you ready and waiting in my playroom in fifteen minutes. You can get ready in your room. Incidentally, the walk-in closet is now full of clothes for you. I don’t want any arguments about them.”

With that, I head off to my study.

I’ve given a lot of thought to planning our second scene in my playroom. Elena advised me not to hold back, to be honest and demonstrate to Ana the full extent of my needs by punishing her harshly right from the beginning, just as she did with me, but my gut instinct tells me I should continue with my gradual introduction, that seducing her with the gentler, more pleasurable aspects of BDSM to start with, is the correct path to follow. Seducing – deceiving more like. Elena’s right - she needs to know Grey, she needs to know what a depraved bastard you really are. You like to beat the shit out of little brown haired girls like her – remember?

I’ve always wanted to fuck to 'Spem in Alium', also known as the 'Forty Part Motet' by Thomas Tallis. So my thinking is to give Ana an intensely pleasurable experience, where I'm totally controlling her, not letting her see me, or hear me, as I play the music directly to her. And I want her totally helpless - shackled and spread-eagled on the bed, because that’s how I've pictured her ever since she fell into my office. And now I think she’s ready to handle it.

It means she’ll have to trust me totally. I’m going to use different toys and equipment on her, to play her like a sexual instrument, as part of the music. The pleasure I’ll give her will be beyond anything she has ever experienced. Then, once she understands that she can totally trust me this way, I can build on it, so she’ll trust me when I deem it necessary to punish her, trust me that she will find it a positive experience. I’m sure this is the way forward with Anastasia.

And it’s going to be pretty awesome for me too. Because I’ve already relieved some of my sexual tension by fucking her twice in the shower earlier, I’ll be able to exert more control, fuck her slowly in time with the music.

I gave her fifteen minutes to get ready and be waiting for me. I’ve changed into my ripped blue jeans in just a couple of minutes, so I have to wait too, but I still keep her waiting an extra five minutes, just to ramp up the tension even higher.

Then I casually stroll into my playroom - and I like what I see very much indeed. Anastasia has positioned herself perfectly, kneeling as instructed, legs apart the correct distance, palms placed on her thighs. She remembers not to look up as I enter, although she nervously licks her lips.

She looks beautiful kneeling there in just her tiny lacy white panties, as I slowly walk round to inspect submissive Anastasia. Freed from any restraint, her round, full breasts are nice and pert. She has really great tits. No question. And all mine. Not too big, not too small. I like looking at them in profile, so I can see her nipples standing proud ready for me to play with. I slowly walk back to the drawers and remove the items I will be using this evening, leaving them on the top, out of her view. 


She has no idea what they are of course. Then I return to stand in front of her. For a brief moment, I consider commanding her to kiss my bare feet, just as Elena used to command me to kiss her stiletto heels, but I quickly dismiss that thought from my mind, as I don't want that image in my head spoiling the moment for me.

“You look lovely,” I murmur. I think she needs reassurance, as she never seems to understand how beautiful she is. I must work on improving her self-esteem. To reinforce the message, I grab her chin and force her to look up at me. “You are one beautiful woman, Anastasia. And you’re all mine. Stand up.”

She nervously complies. She is right to be nervous of me, her Dom. I like the power I feel here in my playroom. This is my world, and she is under my control.  

“Look at me. We don't have a signed contract, Anastasia. But we’ve discussed limits. And I want to reiterate we have safewords, okay?” She’s usually such a brave girl, but there’s always a danger she could panic with what I've got planned for her. “What are the safewords, Anastasia?”

“Yellow,” she mumbles.

“And?”

“Red.”

“Remember those.”

And she can't help herself, can she? She raises her eyebrows, about to make some cheeky retort, but I cut her dead with my Dom look.

“Don't start with your smart mouth in here, Miss Steele. Or I will fuck it with you on your knees. Do you understand?”

It’s not what I have planned, but I would happily carry out my threat. It’s something else I've wanted to do ever since I first met her. Her kneeling in front of me, hands tightly bound behind her back, so I can take her and fuck her mouth. This is different from her giving me head, because I'm totally in control; she's just kneeling there, helpless and waiting for me to take my pleasure however I wish. It’s something I've always loved.  And I will do it to her soon. Show that smart mouth of hers just who is in control, Grey.

But for now I can see that she is chastened as she swallows and blinks nervously.

“Well?”

“Yes, Sir,” she mumbles.

“Good girl.” I like that I'm intimidating her; that’s how it should be. But I also need to reassure her, because she needs to trust me.

“My intention is not that you should safeword because you’re in pain. What I intend to do to you will be intense. Very intense, and you have to guide me. Do you understand?”

I see her looking confused. I have to remember how inexperienced she is. This is only her second time in my playroom.

“This is about touch, Anastasia. You will not be able to see me or hear me, but you’ll be able to feel me.”

She frowns. She really has no idea of the treat I have planned for her. I smile to myself as I set the music up. She is one lucky girl. Even I haven’t fucked anyone in quite this way before.

“I am going to tie you to that bed, Anastasia. But I'm going to blindfold you first and you will not be able to hear me. All you will hear is the music I am going to play for you.” I hold up my iPod to show her. “Come.”

I lead her over to the bed, which has a red satin sheet on it. I love the feel of satin, it’s so sensual. Red is the theme of my playroom, because it’s such an erotic color. Hmm, I might introduce a red panty rule for my playroom. But then again I like black panties, white panties – anything that’s sexy, silky and lacy.

“Stand here.” I lean down and whisper in her ear. “Wait here. Keep your eyes on the bed. Picture yourself lying here bound and totally at my mercy.”

Having set the scene for her, I fetch a hair tie, and the flogger I've selected to use on her this evening. She is still standing looking at the bed as I instructed her when I return. Good. I stand behind her to braid her lovely long hair. All subs must have long hair – the longer the better. 


Once I fasten her braid, I pull her back against me with it, pulling her head to one side. Mmm, now I can nuzzle her neck to savor how soft and lovely she feels. I hum against this sensitive area, as I trace my teeth and my tongue from her ear down to her shoulder, knowing this sound will resonate within her. It works, because she groans.

“Hush now.”

I show her the flogger I have in my hand.


“Touch it,” I whisper.

Ana hesitantly reaches out and feels the long suede fronds. I’ve chosen this implement with great care, because it’s not too scary or too painful. Have you caned her yet, Christian? Elena’s voice pops into my head. I ignore it; this way is best, best for Ana.

“I will use this. It will not hurt, but it will bring your blood to the surface of your skin and make you sensitive. What are the safe words, Anastasia?”

“Um… yellow and red, Sir,” she whispers, in a tiny, scared little voice.

“Good girl. Remember, most of your fear is in your mind,” I reassure her, as I drop the flogger on the bed so I can remove her panties, as they're superfluous now. I gaze lovingly at her perfect, sweet ass. I bend down to kiss it, then can’t resist gently biting it a couple of times because it is so luscious and tempting. But this makes her tense, as she wonders what my intentions are.

“Now lie down. Face up,” I command her, as I give her a good hard smack on that fantastic ass. It makes a great smacking sound, but also makes her jump. Clearly, she is still on edge.

She quickly crawls onto the bed and lies down, looking up at me. Yes, this is where I’ve pictured her, this is exactly where I want her.

“Hands above your head,” I order, and she does so immediately. She’s learning. See, there is submissive potential, Grey.

I fetch the eye mask and the iPod, taking my time, knowing she’s watching me intently, with those huge eyes that look far too big for her face right now. Anticipation is all part of the plan, and I know she’s excited as well as frightened, which is a good combination, as it gets the right mix of hormones buzzing through her veins.

I explain about the iPod system to her, because she's obviously not seen anything like it before. Naturally, it is the very latest state of the art system.

“I can hear what you’re hearing, and I have a remote control unit for it,” I tell her, before inserting the ear buds gently into her ears.

“Lift your head.”

I slide the eye mask on, so now she’s blind. Her breathing becomes shallow and erratic.

Next, I take her left arm and stretch it up so I can cuff her wrist, gently teasing her arm with my fingers once I've done so, before repeating the actions for her right arm.

She looks so fucking hot like this, and I'm already beyond excited.

“Lift your head again,” I command, so I can grab her ankles to pull her down the bed. Her arms are stretched right out now, so she can't move them. Perfect. I cuff first her right ankle, and then her left. I stand and gaze in awe at her lying there, spread-eagled and helpless. She looks even better in reality than in my imagination. Naked and natural. I'm surprised how much I like the fact that she hasn’t had a full Brazilian wax yet. Another first for me, but that’s Anastasia – natural and different from all the others.

I start the music, and then I begin. 

For the first level of her erotic arousal, I’ve selected a massage glove made from Russian Sable fur, the most expensive fur in the world due to its luxurious silkiness.



I gently caress her with it, across her throat, her chest, her breasts, using it to tease her nipples. I trail it down to her belly, circling her navel, then across her body hip to hip, down between her legs, down her thigh, her leg, then back up the other leg, back up her body, retracing the previous path.

Ana’s breathing hard, but seems to be coping well, as the Latin choral music builds in her head as well as in the playroom.

Next, I repeat the same slow sensual process with the flogger, carefully trailing it across her body to tease her.

Then, in time with the music, I suddenly use the flogger to lash her belly, once, then again, harder the second time. Not hard enough to be painful, but hard enough to bring her blood to the surface and heighten her responses.



Ana cries out in shock, and tries to move, but she can’t because I’ve got her so tightly restrained. With the next crescendo of music, I flog her across her breasts, and she cries out again. I carry on flogging all over her body in time with the music, until it stops.

I pause.

Then the music repeats, so I start flogging her again, and she’s writhing and groaning. I hope she won’t be too overwhelmed and be panicked into safewording, because we’re building up to the best part.

The music ceases as it completes the second repeat.

Time to move on to the next stage, as the music starts for the third and final time.

I climb onto the bed and lean over her, replacing the flogger with my body. I use my nose and my lips to arouse her this time. I linger at her breasts as I suck and tease her nipples, making her groan even louder, and I could spend a long time lingering here, but my schedule is set by the music, and I mustn’t miss my carefully planned cue.

I move down her body until I reach my goal, her nub, her special little pearl of pleasure. Her clitoris. She is so aroused by now that as I gently lick her, she throws her head back as she cries out and nearly comes straight away, so I stop instantly. Not yet, baby.

I kneel between her legs, and release her ankles from their restraints, gently massaging her legs to ease any stiffness.

I lift her hips, arching her back so she’s resting on her shoulders. Without any preamble or warning, I slam hard into her in time with the music, right the way in. Fuck, she feels good; she’s so wet and ready for me. She cries out and I feel her impending orgasm quivering, so I still. Not yet, baby.

“Please!” she begs me. I grip her hip hard as a warning. I'm in control. She cannot influence what is going to happen. She must wait.

Slowly I start to move, withdrawing, then very slowly entering her again, my pace guided by the music, only increasing when the tempo of the glorious music does. It takes all my self-control not to follow my natural instinct to fuck Ana as fast and hard as I can, but I resist. Self-control. Years of training paying off.

This time when she begs, the timing is perfect.

“Please,” she begs again. Yes, now baby!

I lower her back down onto the bed and lie on top of her while I support my weight. Now I drive into her hard, really hard and deep, just as the music climaxes. And so does Anastasia. She screams loudly at the intensity of her immediate orgasm that goes on and on, as her muscles clench and spasm in wave after wave of intense pleasure around my cock.

It takes just three more deep thrusts for me to join her, flying high over the edge to release into her, as I reach my intense climax too. So intense, I see stars and blue flashing lights.

What a fucking genius fuck.


I collapse on top of her, and then slowly pull out. The music has stopped, and I undo the cuffs on her wrists, then remove the eye mask and ear buds. She blinks at me, dazed and overwhelmed.

“Hi,” I murmur, smiling, now I can see her beautiful blue eyes gazing at me again. I lean down to kiss her softly.

“Hi, yourself,” she murmurs back, in a post orgasmic daze.

“Well done you. Turn over.”

I see a look of alarm on her face. She thinks I'm still not satisfied and want to fuck her again. Well, nothing’s impossible… hell no Grey, control yourself.

“I’m just going to rub your shoulders.” I reassure her.

She looks shattered. She rolls onto her front, and I sit astride her to massage her shoulders. By her appreciative groan, I guess she likes this, and I tenderly lean down to kiss her head in thanks for the great experience we’ve just shared.

“What was that music?” she mumbles.

“It’s called 'Spem In Alium', or the 'Forty part Motet', by Thomas Tallis.”

“It was… overwhelming.”

“I’ve always wanted to fuck to it.”

“Not another first, Mr. Grey?”

“Indeed, Miss Steele.”

“Well, it’s the first time I’ve fucked to it too,” she murmurs. So I should fucking well think. No one else has been where I’ve been, and no one else is going to.

“Hmm… you and I, we’re giving each other many firsts,” I muse. Is that why I’m so drawn to her?

“What did I say to you in my sleep, Ch – err, Sir?” Not giving up about this is she? Persistent little thing.

“You said lots of things, Anastasia. You talked about cages and strawberries… that you wanted more… and that you missed me.” Amongst other things.

“Is that all?” she says, clearly very relieved. Why? My interest is piqued now. What is she so worried that she might have said? What has she got to hide?

“What did you think you’d said?” Come on, spill.

“That I thought you were ugly, conceited and that you were hopeless in bed,” she tries to joke.

“Well, naturally I am all those things, and now you’ve got me really intrigued. What are you hiding from me,  Miss Steele?” I can be persistent too.

“I’m not hiding anything,” she protests, but I'm not fooled.

“Anastasia, you are a hopeless liar.” And I like that about her. I like that you tell me the truth. How do I know you do? Because I’m a billionaire control freak/stalker, who has you followed, and your emails and calls monitored, of course.

“I thought you were going to make me giggle after sex; this isn’t doing it for me.” She tries to change the subject. Yep, definitely hiding something.

“I can’t tell jokes.” Total waste of time in my opinion, telling jokes.

“Mr Grey! Something you can’t do?” She grins at me.

“No, hopeless joke teller.” And proud of it. Jokes are more Elliot’s kind of juvenile specialty.

“I’m a hopeless joke teller, too,” she giggles back at me.

“That is such a lovely sound,” I whisper as I kiss her softly. “And you are hiding something, Anastasia. I may have to torture it out of you.”

~~~


As I sit and play my piano in the early morning, my mind goes over the Leila situation again. I’ve left Anastasia sleeping like a baby in my bed, looking like a sweet innocent angel, with her hair fanned out over the pillow.

Of course, Leila never slept in my bed, we never slept together at all, we just fucked together. Well, I fucked her, while she willingly and happily let me use her in whatever way I wanted. Because that’s what you are, Grey. A user. She was one of the ones that wanted more, but I never even considered it for a split second with her. She got over it; she found someone else and even married the guy. 


So why the fuck has she turned up now? No matter how I try to figure it out, it just doesn’t make any sense. And why can't Welch find her, or anything about her even? How has she managed that? When Leila first became my sub, I didn't realize how clever and manipulative she could be – she just seemed cheeky and mischievous. Instead, she turned out to be interfering and nosy.

So is she playing some sort of a sick mind game with me now? I can’t take the chance, I can't ignore the possibility that she might actually kill herself, whatever the shrink said about it being unlikely. The thought that I have in some part contributed to her unbalanced state of mind by the way I treated her doesn't sit well with me. I wasn’t good for her, and the truth is I'm no good for Anastasia. I know I
'm being selfish but I just can't give her up.

As I start to play the piece for the second time, I look up and see Anastasia. Shit, I didn't mean to disturb her when she needs far more sleep than I do.


“You should be asleep.”

“So should you,” she instantly retorts. 

How sweet, little Anastasia telling me off. No one tells me off these days. Elena used to when I was her sub, and then punish me harshly for whatever minor indiscretion I’d committed, so in some ways it was a relief when our affair finally ended. It meant that at the ripe old age of twenty one, I could do exactly as I pleased, with no one to answer to. But to this day, I'm never late anywhere, and I'm always meticulously groomed, because that was what Elena demanded of me.

“Are you scolding me, Miss Steele?”

“Yes, Mr. Grey, I am.”

“Well, I can’t sleep.” And I'm pissed, because usually once I've got Ana next to me, I sleep well, but this fucking Leila shit is really getting to me, so I woke early.

But Ana seems to know instinctively how to calm me, as she quietly comes and sits beside me on the piano stool, and gently rests her head on my shoulder as she watches me play. She relaxes and enjoys the Chopin piece I’m playing, then asks me to play the Bach piece again that I played the first night she stayed. I can see that music reaches out and touches her, as she closes her eyes and loses herself in it. I love that she appreciates beautiful music.

“Why do you only play such sad music?” she whispers, turning her eyes on me, searching for an answer.

I just shrug. Suits my soul, baby.

I’m not comfortable when she starts questioning me about when I was younger, why I started learning the piano. My new mother played the piano, so I guessed it would please her. And I’d do anything to please my wonderful new mommy. Then as now.

I swiftly change the subject.

“Why are you awake? Don’t you need to recover from yesterday’s exertions?”

Of course, I’ve forgotten that her body is still on Georgia time, as Ana reminds me that it’s eight in the morning for her, and she needs to take her pill. I’m impressed, but point out that maybe she needs to start gradually adjusting what time she takes it to adjust back to Seattle time. Delay taking her pill today for half an hour, maybe.

“Good plan. So what shall we do for half an hour?” she asks seemingly innocently, but I know by the look in her eyes what she’s implying. And I'm certainly more than up for some early morning fuck time with her. Yep, definitely up alright.

“I can think of a few things,” I grin at her.

“On the other hand, we could talk.” Shit. Enough with the talking already.

“I prefer what I have in mind,” I say, as I scoop her onto my lap. She feels and smells divine, and I want to take her right here, right now.

“You’d always rather have sex than talk,” she laughs.

“True. Especially with you,” I agree, as I bury my nose in her hair, and kiss that special soft spot behind her ear that I find particularly appealing.

I whisper in her ear. “Maybe on the piano.”


I feel her body twitch in response, but she still won’t give up with the talking crap. I need to work harder at distracting her. Sex wins out over talking every time in my book. I gently kiss her all the way down her neck, and then head down her shoulder. She has such great skin, and she smells so sweet all over her body.

“I want to get something straight,” she continues, although her breathing is becoming more erratic the further south I’m heading with my kisses.

“Always so eager for information, Miss Steele. What needs straightening out?”

“Us,” she whispers.

She’s got my attention now. “Hmm. What about us?”

“The contract.”

“Well, I think the contract is moot, don’t you?” I gently stroke her soft cheek. What is the point of a piece of paper right at this moment? This is all new, because I've never had a girlfriend before. With Ana, I’ve gone beyond anything I have before, contract or not. She looks confused.

“But you were so keen.”

“Well, that was before. Anyway, the Rules aren’t moot, they still stand.” Don't think you’re getting off Scott free young lady.

“Before? Before what?”

“Before… More. Besides, we’ve been in the playroom twice now, and you haven’t run screaming for the hills.”

How can I put into a contract where we stand now? I’m still not sure myself; we’re making new rules as we go along. But I still need her to follow the existing rules as well. I still need to know that she’s safe. And I still need to punish her if she breaks the rules. And that’s what she wants me to clarify.

“And if I break one of the rules?”

“Then I’ll punish you.”

“But won’t you need my permission?”

“Yes, I will,” I begrudgingly admit, remembering how she frustratingly refused to let me spank her in the boathouse.

“And if I say no?” No one ever says no to me – except you.

“If you say no, you’ll say no. I’ll have to find a way to persuade you.” Use my sexpertise on you.

Anastasia pulls away from me to stand up. She stares down at me. Why is she being like this when things were just hotting up nicely between us, ready for some great piano sex?

“So the punishment aspect remains,” she clarifies.

“Yes, but only if you break the rules.”

“I’ll need to reread them.”

“I’ll fetch them for you.”

I decide we might as well get this sorted without delay, and head for my study to get the paperwork. We can get things straight so she understands how she must act, what she must do to ensure that she is safe and well and available for me to have at all times.

It’s really quite clear cut and simple, although I have to quickly make some adjustments to the contract, as I recall unwillingly conceding a couple of points when we last discussed them. I’m really not happy about her refusing to follow the prescribed list of foods as I feel this would really benefit her, but I have no option as she said it was a deal breaker.


At least she didn't make a fuss earlier when I told her about the clothes I ordered in from Neimans for her. I can't wait to see her in some decent classy clothes, rather than the cheap crap she normally wears, although I have to admit she looks pretty good in anything, anything at all. But she deserves the best.


When I return, I find her in the kitchen taking her pill. Good. I sit at the bar and hand her the contract to read. She studies it carefully for what seems like an age.

“So the obedience thing still stands?” She frowns at me. This is obviously one of her sticking points.

“Oh yes,” I confirm with a smile. Yeah, baby, that’s the most important part for a control freak like me. And then I get to punish you if you disobey me. I fucking love handing out a well-deserved punishment.

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at me, then realizes what she’s done.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me, Anastasia?” Game on! I’ve told you before what would happen; you can’t say you haven’t been warned.

“Possibly, depends what your reaction is.”

“Same as always.” I get to spank you and fuck you Miss Steele. This is even better than a piano fuck.

 “You want to spank me now?”

“Yes. And I will.”

“Oh, really, Mr. Grey?” Miss Steele wants to play games it seems, as she’s challenging me.

“Are you going to stop me?” This could be fun. I find I like a bit of resistance, I find it arousing.

“You’re going to have to catch me first,” she tells me. She’s fucking well biting that soft pouty lip of hers too, so that’s it.

I get to my feet to start stalking her, as she slowly starts edging away. If she thinks she can get away from me, she is very much mistaken. And she is really going to be paying the price for this, even if I find it as exciting as hell.

“Are you going to come quietly?”

“Do I ever?”

I lunge for her, but she squeals and manages to dodge me.

“We can do this all day, baby, but I will get you and it will just be worse for you when I do,” I warn her.

“No, you won’t.”

“Anyone would think you didn't want me to catch you.” Baby, being caught will be the best bit.

“I don’t. That’s the point. I feel about punishment the way you feel about me touching you.”

With these words, it’s like Ana’s punched me in the guts, hard. Touching is an absolute and irrefutable hard limit for me, and she’s saying I’m putting her through hell like that by punishing her? Shit, that puts me in the same league as the fucker who used me as his ashtray.

“That’s how you feel?”

“No. It doesn’t affect me quite as much as that, but it gives you an idea,” she murmurs, backtracking a little as she looks at me with a wary expression.

“You hate it that much?” I ask, as she comes and stands in front of me. As she looks me straight in the eye, I can see this is how she truly feels. I realize this means I'm treating her in the same way the crack whore’s pimp treated me. And that it’s all purely for my own pleasure, not hers.

“Well… no. I feel ambivalent about it. I don't like it, but I don't hate it,” she tries to clarify.

So why hasn’t she run for the hills? Why is she still even here?

“But last night, in the playroom…?” I’m confused. She seemed to really enjoy everything I did to her then, and I'm sure it wasn’t just an act.

“I did it for you, Christian, because you need it. I don't. You didn't hurt me last night. That was in a different context, and I can rationalize it internally, and I trust you. But when you want to punish me, I worry that you’ll hurt me.”

I turn these words over in my head. She’s right of course. I will hurt her. That’s the whole point of a punishment. And I don't go in for the whole ‘This will hurt me more than it hurts you’ shit when I hand out a punishment. I enjoy it.

“I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything that you couldn’t take.” I’m trying to be honest, but I don't want to scare her off.

“Why?”

“I just need it.” That’s as far as I can go with telling her the whole shocking truth. “I can’t tell you.” You’d be out of that door in an instant.

“Can't or won’t?”

“Won’t.”   
       
“So you know why.”

“Yes.”

“But you won’t tell me.”

“If I do, you will run screaming from this room, and you’ll never want to return. I can't risk that Anastasia.”

“You want me to stay?”

“More than you know. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

I grab her to pull her into my arms, to kiss her, to convey to her how much I desperately want her to stay. How I wish I didn't carry all this shit around in my head that makes me fifty shades of fucked up. How I don't want her to run from me.

“Don’t leave me. You said you wouldn’t leave me, and you begged me not to leave you, in your sleep,” I plead, as I softly kiss her sweet lips.

“I don’t want to go,” she murmurs back. “Show me.”

“Show you?”

“Show me how much it can hurt.”

“What?”

“Punish me. I want to know how bad it can get.”

I’m lost for words. After everything she’s just said, now she’s asking me to hurt her? I am so confused.

“You would try?”

“Yes. I said I would.”

“Ana, you’re so confusing.”

“I'm confused too. I'm trying to work this out. And you and I will know, once and for all, if I can do this. If I can handle this, then maybe you…”

Now I get where she’s going with this. She wants to be able to touch me. She thinks that if she can man up enough to let me punish her, I’ll man up enough to let her touch me. I’m not sure if this is how it would work though.

But what Ana’s just said reflects Elena’s advice too.

‘You have to make her understand; don't hold anything back, be totally honest and show her, demonstrate to her exactly how extreme your needs areIf she’s the girl you think she is, she will accept this and do it for you.”

I make up my mind. I grab Ana’s arm and head out of the room and upstairs to my playroom. This day was always going to come, so why put it off any longer? She’s a brave young woman, and Elena’s right, she deserves to know exactly what she’s letting herself in for with a fucked up man like me. I am what I am.

“I’ll show you how bad it can be, and you can make your own mind up. Are you ready for this?” I ask, as we reach the door of my playroom.

Ana’s gone pale, and just nods her head. But she doesn’t say no.

I open the door, and reach up to retrieve my favorite tan leather belt from the rack next to the door. It’s like an old friend that feels comfortable and reassuring in my hand.


I take her over to the red leather bench in the far corner, and instruct her to bend over it. I'm pleased that she complies without hesitation. See, she is ready for this.

I take a few deep breaths as I get into my Dominant mind-set. I let the special part of my brain that I use when I give a punishment take over. I feel calm and yet excited. This is what I do. This is what I enjoy doing. This gives me incredible pleasure.

“We’re here because you said yes, Anastasia. And you ran from me. I am going to hit you six times, and you will count with me.”

I am always a reasonable and fair Dominant. This is all part of setting the scene. I’m explaining to her why this punishment is justified, and what it will consist of. And I'm only going to hit her six times. Elena never hit me less than twelve times – ever. But I'm going easy on Ana.

As she remains prone over the bench, I slowly lift the hem of her bathrobe, so now she feels exposed and vulnerable. I admire and then caress her beautiful pale butt cheeks to warm them up and prepare her for what I’m about to unleash on them. They will look so fucking amazing by the time I’ve finished; they’re going to be glowing such a pretty shade of pink.

“I’m doing this so that you remember not to run from me, and as exciting as it is, I never want you to run from me,” I tell her quietly. “And you rolled your eyes at me. You know how I feel about that.”

I’m in the zone now. The place I go to in my head when I beat the shit out of little brown haired girls. Retribution for all the times the crack whore wasn't punished for letting her pimp beat the shit out of me.

I carefully rest my hand on Ana’s back to hold her in place. I slowly raise my arm, then quickly bring it down with as much force as I can muster, so the belt bites sharply across that beautiful ass in a perfectly placed blow.


Take that, you fucking crack whore piece of shit.

Anastasia cries out.

“Count, Anastasia!”

“One!” she spits out.

I raise my arm, then bring it down again, even harder this time.

Why did you leave me, you fucking crack whore bitch?

“Two!” Anastasia screams.

This is what I need. This feels right, this feels good. I am in control and punishing those that deserve to be punished.

I raise the belt again to deal her another blow across her ass, which is already pinking up beautifully.

Brown haired crack whore who deserted me. Why didn't you stand up for me, fight for me? Was I really that worthless to you?

“Three!” Ana shouts, as the leather of the belt cuts across her with a satisfyingly sharp snap. I love that sound.

Crack whore mother fucker. Was I that impossible to love?

I don’t hold anything back on the fourth stroke. She has to know, she has to understand that this is the way it has to be.

“Four!” she yells.

Crack whore piece of shit. Why didn’t you protect me from him?

The next stroke snaps gratifyingly across her skin to leave its mark.

“Five!” she sobs.

You’re just getting what you deserve, crack whore little girl.

I make the last bite of the belt strike as hard as the first. It’s only been six strokes, so each one must count.

Punishment for the crack whore. This is how to even things out, this is justice.

“Six,” Ana whispers in a strangled sob, as the final lash sweetly bites her.

And we’re done. I return from the zone.  I look at Anastasia, still lying prostrate over the bench.

She did it for me. She took the punishment like a good girl. She is so amazingly brave. I drop the belt, and pull her into my arms in relief.  

But instead of letting me soothe her, she struggles and fights to get away from me.

“Let go… no…” She forcefully pushes me away as I try to comfort her, and turns to look at me.

“Don’t touch me,” she hisses, as she glares at me with what looks like pure hatred. She has tears streaming down her face, which she angrily dashes away with the backs of her hands.

“This is what you really like? Me, like this?” Ana demands to know, as she wipes her nose on the sleeve of her bathrobe.

I just look at her because I really don't know what to say, how to respond. No sub has ever reacted in this way before.

“Well, you are one fucked-up son of a bitch.”  Her words are spat at me with pure venom.

“Ana,” I plead, shocked by her reaction, and completely out of my depth.

“Don’t you dare ‘Ana’ me! You need to sort your shit out, Grey!” she declares, then turns and walks stiffly out of my playroom, closing the door quietly behind her.

What the fuck have I gone and done? 

If you want to listen to the music Christian used in his playroom, use this link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgKLIMIhh1c

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


222 comments:

  1. Oh my...it's almost the end of Book 1...how are you proceeding to Book 2? Continue or do a separate blog? I'm holding my breath...went to Japan for a week last week and still read your postings... - Bing M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just made my day!!!
      Crystal from New Mexico

      Delete
    2. YES! went on a vacation! and still your fab writing! thank you very much!

      Delete
    3. I meant Im still reading your fabulous writing!
      Again, Thanks A Lot!
      Nanette

      Delete
    4. YEEEEEESSSS!!!! "Continuing into Book 2 - yes!" I don't know what was more exciting, chapter 26 or your answer on continuing to book 2!! LoL
      Love it Love it..anxiously waiting for more =)

      Delete
  2. OMG OMG OMG thats all i can say, loved it cant wait until the next chapter, you do such great work, its good to see Christians does feel bad for what he did,he really does love her... Thanks Chez

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Chez. Poor Christian, poor Ana. The dark before the dawn methinks.

      Delete
  3. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! wow! ... I can't think of anything else to say :) Except THANK-YOU! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, I love your writing...Christian's POV is what I need!! Hope you carry on with the rest of the trilogy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow that was intense! I can't wait for the next chapter! I hope you're not planning on skipping the 5 days in one sentence... please let us know what Christian thought, felt, did these days...

    Tal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tal. No worries, I shall be tormenting my imagination to cover the missing five days so we see how Christian got through them.

      Delete
  6. I've now caught up and am left waiting :( sooo looking forward to the next chapter What will we do when it's all finished . Such great writing hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading it x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Diane. I do enjoy writing it very much indeed, but it can be very tiring getting into the head of a fucked up BDSM dominant!

      Delete
  7. Well done! You are doing a wonderful job. Why oh why didn't that silly girl safe word? Looking forward to more.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why indeed? But then the story would have taken a different turn. Could be another FF in that one day.....

      Delete
  8. Love this!! I really hope you continue doing the next 2 books as I'd love to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. OH MY GOD!!!! That may be the best one yet!!! Beyond brilliant!! I actually nearly cried at the end, think i will definatley be crying by the next one!!! Can't wait till the update!!! I really hope you do book 2 please!! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sazzy. Thanks, and yes, I'm continuing into book 2.

      Delete
  10. been wait,n 4 this chapter 2 kow how christian feft go 1 xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi debbie - sorry to keep you waiting - I'm writing as fast as I can, but have to make sure it's up to standard as well.

      Delete
  11. I loved it, just loved it. I was so tense reading it knowing what was coming and wanting to know how it was going to play out in his head. WOW.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. It's a pretty tense part of the story I agree.

      Delete
  12. Omg I wish there was more I just want to keep reading. Great job as always on Christians point of view! I cannot wait for more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ashley - that's the trouble with reading a work in progress I guess - it's not finished. But at least there is more to look forward to still :)

      Delete
  13. Wow That was amazing! Don’t know how you do it but you do it so perfectly. I was almost in tears at the end so think I’ll definitely end up crying at the next one. I get so excited when you update it's ridiculous.

    As usual you have me waiting (not so patiently) for more. Don’t know what else to say that hasn’t already been said but can’t wait for more, please don't leave us hanging for too long – I don’t think I can last :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My poor fevered imagination needs to cool down sometimes or I'll implode! But I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter. I'll be crying my way through the next chapter as I write, that's for sure.

      Delete
  14. Absolutly amazing, I'm lost 4 words xxx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Seriously OMG!!!!! I didn't want this chapter to end. Love. Love. Love. Love. Can't wait until the next! Great job as always. Fantastic <3

    X-
    Kaitlyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kaitlyn. I'm already on the case, working on the next chapter.

      Delete
  16. amazing....love it....can't wait for the next part!

    ReplyDelete
  17. NO NO NO I knew you would stop at that part and keep us hanging......... So good, so good I want MORE pls. Best work so far. Pls write how Christian was feeling during the 5 days alone, put Flynn in it too. I cannot wait. OMG so good!!!! THANK YOU. Sigrid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Sigrid, I had to end it somewhere! I'm buzzing about writing the next chapter, just need the time to get it down.

      Delete
  18. Omg I can't get enough of these blogs I new my Mr Grey fix now I finished the books!! you r a vey good writer! This chapter was brilliant how long till the next one?? Can't wait to c how Christian was feeling when she left him :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Beccy. I'm working on the next chapter already.

      Delete
  19. What the fuck indeed Mr. Grey! Glad I had my tissues here ready to go. I also knew you were gonna leave us hanging. He was really in the zone during that brutal punishment. I had hoped he would be a bit remorseful during, but realized had he been he would have eased up or stopped totally. Also, as much as I hate that his thoughts keep wondering back to Elena, it is a necessary part to understanding him, and his internal struggles. The next chapters are going to offer so much insight into him. His thoughts and feelings and realizations......paging Dr. Flynn. I am so excited to see where your imagination will take us during those 5 miserable days. Not having the restraints of the book to follow, just some facts to use as a guide, it's going to be brilliant, and your writing will shine even more then it already does. You have done such a wonderful job being Christian's voice that I am wondering if his thoughts are becoming like second nature for you, and easy to write about? Did you break out the wine for this chapter or are you saving it for the next? I might need some to read the next chapter. :) Thanks again for all your hard work, we all are so grateful! Kirsten

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor Ian I forgot to mention you, as always a welcome sight first thing in the morning. Yum!

      Delete
    2. Hi Kirsten, how are you? I've been dying to use that pic of Ian in ripped jeans I must admit!

      I don't think we can forget the strong influence Elena must have had on Christian's development. He was with her for 6 years after all. He wouldn't have known anything about BDSM before her would he?
      I'm almost embarrassed to admit that once I get inside Christian's head, it's getting easier to write his pov - but I'm certainly not a BDSM Dominant with sadist leanings, I hasten to add!
      This chapter just needed one glass of wine. The next will need substantially more I think.
      Take care.

      Delete
  20. I bet you are laughing at us all, keeping us hanging like that. Now I have to go back to shitty nappies and vomit until the next chapter. Thank you for your writing. Sigrid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha Sigrid. Sounds like you really need your fix of escapism at times. I don't mean to leave you hanging, but each chapter has to end somewhere I'm afraid!

      Delete
  21. Awesome as always! I can't wait for the next few chapters! You're ending left me hanging though and I'm thinking you should post the next story soon! I always check your blog everyday! Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm working on it, it just takes time I'm afraid :)

      Delete
  22. WOW! Just wow.

    I beg you not to make us wait too long for 27. This is too good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks - it'll be there as soon as my brain and fingers can comply to get it written :)

      Delete
  23. This chapter was really good have been waiting for it to come on here to get my fix or Mr Grey now I have finished the book!! U r a very good writer and i feel as if I'm still reading the book as E L James wrote it. Cannot wait for chapter 27!! Would love to hear how Christian was feeling when Ana left him! How long do we have to wait for the next hit!??!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow between feeling his anger towards his mother and reading his words towards her I feel so sad for him and just wanted to shake him like your taking it out on the wrong people. Such a lost little boy inside there. Thanks for taking that and bringing us right to the source. Amazing job with bringing that to light.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Georgiana. Yes, that hurt sad little boy inside Christian is such a powerful and yet poignant force, and once you realise that, a lot of what he does just makes sense, I find as I write his pov.

      Delete
  25. That was so so good and I can't wait to read the next chapter! And all the other ones you will write! AMAZING!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Reading his thought about his mother while he spanked her was just scary. Can't wait for the next chapter. You are amazing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jennifer. Poor Christian, such damaged goods eh?

      Delete
  27. Really great work as always,I especially appreciated that you added what Christian was thinking ( about his mother ) while he was punishing Ana, and how you added the "advice" the troll bitch gave him (that manipulating bitch.) Thank you again for giving us all the "more" we wanted. I hope we don't have long to wait for chapter 27, when I check the blog in the morning and see a new chapter is ready it makes my day so Thank you again for another wonderful morning! Laters ;) Marcia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Marcia. The bitch troll is never far away I'm afraid, whether Christian realises it or not :(

      Delete
  28. What can I say??? Amazing!! Awesome!!! Brilliant!!! Looking forward to what's coming next!!! Thank you!!!

    Josie

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh my god!! Amazing as akways. Very tense chapter was almost crying knowing what was to come next. Good place to break he really feels remoraeand doesnt understand when she asked and didnt safe word. Cant wait for more son. Hope u carrry on books 2 & 3

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thank You!

    ~Kaytee

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thank you so much and I'm dying to read your next chapter, so looking forward to Christian's POV for their break up. Please don't stop at the end of book one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shall be continuing into book 2, so no worries for now :)

      Delete
  32. You are a talented writer! That was fabulous. How you showed us what was in his head as he hit her - it really was his mom he was directing it at- not Ana! And Bitch troll-maybe he should be thinking of hitting her too! Can't wait for the next post and to see your creativity with the five days apart. It will be great to see how he works things out in his mind! And then his reaction to Jose's pictures!, soo much good stuff for you to sink your teeth into. You never disappoint!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, yes, Jose's pictures. Another interesting piece of the puzzle :0

      Delete
  33. I don't understand her He has told her several times safe word and walks her step by step what he will do yet she seems shocked when he does it. Looking forward to the next chapter.
    Love your writing and please do all three books!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Theresa. Safeword - what safeword? Ana was a ditz, wasn't she?

      Delete
  34. I don't understand her He has told her several times safe word and walks her step by step what he will do yet she seems shocked when he does it. Looking forward to the next chapter.
    Love your writing and please do all three books!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I don't understand her He has told her several times safe word and walks her step by step what he will do yet she seems shocked when he does it. Looking forward to the next chapter.
    Love your writing and please do all three books!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I just started reading this two days ago, I was so excited for this chapter. Then I woke up this morning and there was the e-mail telling me it was here. You DID NOT disappoint! Thank you so much! Your writing is FANTASTIC and I enjoy every minute of reading it! CANNOT wait for the next chapter!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I can't wait to read the rest!! I have always wondered what Christian felt and did during those 5 days that Ana was gone. Please say you will continue! I love your writing and would love to read all the books from Christian's POV!

    You are truely a gifted writer!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Claire - yes I will be continuing into book 2 :)

      Delete
  38. Amazing chapter and writing as always so thank you so much. :) You really did a great job with this one, I am so into the story that I'm wishing that the next chapter will be posted tomorrow. I can't wait for more!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm churning them out as fast as I can - honest!

      Delete
    2. Thank you so much. I am really grateful that you are giving some of your time for us. :) I am also very glad that you will be continuing on Book2. :)

      Delete
  39. Holy crap!!!! I always wondered what was goin through his head when he did that!! Wow!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Arghh!!!can't wait for the end of book 1... Thnks so much!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Sob.

    Thank you.

    n-boston

    ReplyDelete
  42. Sob.
    Sob.

    Thank you- n-boston

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thomas Tallis was a character in the Showtime series, The Tudors. Henry Cavill would be perfect for CG. He is just beautiful! Please keep writing, we are all hooked!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks :) I enjoyed The Tudors very much too.

      Delete
  44. Sob... sob...
    Openly weeping in Boston.

    n-boston

    ReplyDelete
  45. Brilliant!!!! please write another chapter and all of book 2 and 3!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. OMG!!! Your amazing!!! Please continue, i am so hooked!!! I check everyday for your post:) Can't wait for more.

    ReplyDelete
  47. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    You can't leave it there!!!
    Brilliant brilliant brilliant - I think I love you a teeny bit for writing this ;0)
    Natalie

    ReplyDelete
  48. So sad. Weeping. Devastated.
    Will they *ever* get back together? (wink)
    More! More! (Greedy little ahems, aren't we?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you need a box of tissues! And yes, you are all very greedy and needy, as if you don't know what happens anyway!

      Delete
  49. Once again I am in awe at how you can access his darkness. The 'crack-whore' thoughts as he beat her were very telling. That scene was heartbreaking actually (for both of them).

    He just has no idea how a regular human girl would react, because he's never met one. He's as naive as she is.

    It's also wickedly good how Elena is in the background like Iago, whispering, whispering - still trying to control him.

    Favourite line: "Well, it’s the first time I’ve fucked to it too,” she murmurs. So I should fucking well think. No one else has been where I’ve been, and no one else is going to."

    Very in-character. He can be such as supreme jerk in his inner-life.

    I am terrified while I read your updates. Why? because as I mousepad down the screen, I can see the scroll bar heading south. I watch it out of the corner of my eye, fearful that it's going to reach the bottom and the new chapter will be over.

    Oh, and I love the photos too. I watch TVD, so I get his sexiness. And the flogger sable etc. just make everything very vivid.

    Thanks for the quick update. My adrenaline surges when I see there's a new chapter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there - yes, you are so right about Elena, always there in his head, having controlled him all during his formative adolescent years. We love to hate her don't we?

      I'm pleased that you like my blog anyway :)

      Delete
  50. I can't thank you enough for this! OMG OMG OMG. This is the chapter I've been waiting for but you left us hanging!! I want to see how you think Christian will react when Ana says that she loves him. Please update soon?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm on the case, it just takes time to percolate through. :)

      Delete
  51. Need more quick

    ReplyDelete
  52. OMG! Now that was great. I was in awe in that chapter. I was literally holding on to the edge of my seat. Even though I know what will happen, I still read it like it was the first time. Especially hearing CG's side of it. He really has no idea! I actually felt bad for him at the end, he was so proud of himself but he really had no idea. Thanks for the fix. Please don't keep us waiting too long.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Brooke. next chapter will be worth the wait I hope :)

      Delete
  53. Best chapter to date... Are you going to work on Darker? I think you should, your writing is brill

    ReplyDelete
  54. VERY VERY VERY NICE!!! I AM WAITING FOR EACH CHAPTER WITH GREAT ANTICIPATION. THANK YOU CHRISTIAN. PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Brilliant, thank u. Sare x

    ReplyDelete
  56. Brilliant as usual
    Can't wait to read how Christian is feeling when Ana leaves
    Thanks for updating

    ReplyDelete
  57. As always a terrific chapter. Poor fucked up Grey. Finally going to come to terms with his darkness. Next chapters ought to be interesting. And I know you'll handle it beautifully!

    Nan :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your confidence in my abilities, Nan.

      Delete
  58. Oh Wow! I am still sitting here w/ my jaw part way open in shock while trying not to cry. That was brilliant, the whole entire thing was. I loved how well you described all of the "instruments" that he used during their second scene. Being able to combine both of their POV in my head was almost like a full body rush! Then oh my, at the end when Ana wanted to be shown just how bad the punishments could be. It was so powerful the way that you showed what goes on in Christian's head. In the EL James Trilogy I understood that it all had to do w/ the crack whore, but this was just so much more intense. When he was thinking "Why did you leave me" and "Why didn't you protect me from him" it seriously rocked me to the center of my being. You were able to show how people carry the things that happen in childhood w/ them throughout adulthood. Don't get me wrong so did Mrs. James but this was just...WOW!

    Thank you so much for this amazing chapter. You did so great w/ it!

    XOXO,
    Ang

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ang.
      It's so sad to think of that abused little boy. But that's the key to understanding Christian isn't it?
      Glad you enjoyed this chapter even though it was pretty intense :)

      Delete
  59. plz plz dont leave us hanging as long as the last xx once again a great chapter thank you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yay good i'll be waiting maybe a little impatiently lol :) x

      Delete
  60. Oh no!!!!! U can't do that!!!! Oh maaaannnnnn ....

    Please don't leave it too long :)

    ReplyDelete
  61. OMG I can't believe he was think that...he really is fifty shades fucked up, yet I still love him can't wait for the next chapter.

    ReplyDelete
  62. OMG! I was so looking forward to this part and you did a marvelous job bringing it to life. That was intense. His thoughts about his mother while he was hitting her totally brought tears to my eyes. He is do damaged but so lovable. I hope you will continue to book 2. This is just brilliant. **Dana**

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dana - it really is sad - and more sadness to come before the light breaks through.

      Delete
  63. I need to read the nxt bit this is brilliant

    ReplyDelete
  64. I've been waiting all week!!! We're almost at the end. (sigh) By the way, the Thomas Tallis music reminds me of Henry Cavill and the Tudors. He's who I envision. Although I do love the pic of Ian.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the contenders are pretty hunky aren't they? And I did love The Tudors too.

      Delete
  65. One word...fabulous! I sooooo can not wait for the next part where she actually leaves him and how Christian copes with it. And then the best part starts...the second book! The second book has to be THE best book out of all three books. I'm sooooo excited for it! So excited to read it from the Christian pov

    ReplyDelete
  66. OH MY GOD! This chapter was amazing!! I really love how you write and captured Christian's thoughts so well. I cannot wait for the next chapter, hopefully you'll have it up soon. Are you planning on doing the second book as well? I really hope you do! Amazing job!! =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Stephanie - yes I'm continuing on into the second book :)

      Delete
  67. Ah poor fucked up Christian - I love how you used Elena in this, the devil sitting on his shoulder whispering in his ear, and his attitude when he's hitting Ana with the belt - he truly is one fucked up individual! I love it... can't wait to read the next chapter :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there - you have expressed it perfectly - Elena is totally the devil sitting on his shoulder :)

      Delete
  68. Please please tell me you're doing book two. . . i cant believe this first one is almost done! :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'm continuing into the second book - I think I'd get lynched if I didn't!

      Delete
  69. Thanks so much for continuing to write the story as E L James would. Have read other blogs of Christian's POV and nowhere near as good as this. Love the way you stick to the story line and your attention to detail. Waiting anxiously for the Dr. Flynn session(s) during the five days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the good Dr. Flynn will be earning his exorbitant fee over the next few days!

      Delete
  70. Oh Christian, Once again you have done a fantastic job telling your POV. When you say you aim to please you do just that. I'm in many ways looking forward but not looking forward to the next chapter, I know it's going to be heartfelt by all who read and by you the writer. My wish is that you continue to write your POV on all 3 of the books. Please, Christian, I'm begging! You are by far an awesome writer. Until the next chapter I'll be anxiously waiting, biting my lip to see how you will put your POV in words. Laters x Joanne T FL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Joanne. Rest assured I shall be continuing into book 2, then I'll see how it goes from then on.

      Delete
  71. Oh PLEASE tell me you are not done!! When can we read book #2 ??? :(

    ReplyDelete
  72. Wow....doesn't quite cover it but OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!! Soooooo incredibly raw and hot hot hot!! Would it be rude tos ask you to hurry and write more?!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Tracy, it's not rude to ask nicely. But patience is a virtue...

      Delete
  73. OMGGGGGGGG, your fantastic!

    You give Christian so much Depth and character.. Makes him seem real and i love him!!!!!

    Also im so so glad that this chapter was longer than the previous 1, still sad that its over though - but its probably because your so good at writing.

    I hope one day to be reading one of your 'for fun and profit' books lol
    You so deserve to be paid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Paige. It was one of the longest chapters so far I think. As someone said before, the trouble is it takes me days to write each one, but only a few minutes for you to read. So maybe try and read them more slowly? Just a suggestion!

      Delete
  74. You belted out another great chapter. You never disappoint. Your writing remains true to the book but with yummy, delicious add-ons. I look forward to reading more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Belted out - very good for this chapter ;)

      Delete
  75. You belted out another great chapter. You never disappoint with your writing. You stay true to the book, while adding lots of yummy, deliciousness. You really know how to bring out the best of Christian. X. I look forward to reading more.

    ReplyDelete
  76. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! I cannot wait to read the next chapter. I really hope you keep going through all the books. You really have a great talent for this.

    ReplyDelete
  77. WOW!!!! I can not wait until the next chapter! You are an amazing writter!!! I have enjoyed each and every chapter!!!

    ReplyDelete
  78. Your best yet! A pleasure to read!!!

    ReplyDelete
  79. NOOOOOOO!! That was truly brilliant writing. I am sitting here reading with tears streaming down my face, and I knew what was coming. I can't wait. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly I think we can safely say there are more tears to come :(

      Delete
  80. Thanks again! Another great chapter, you never disappoint. Can't wait for the next chapter & would love to read a book written by you.
    You "Brits" are hot this year! Your writing just fuels my love for England even more.
    Keep the wine flowing & the words coming.
    Can't wait for more!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, we Brits are always hot, Anita!

      I'll try not to let myself get too distracted by the Olympics, a decent glass or two of wine or even a G & T will probably help speed the chapters along - especially the smutty bits :)

      Delete
  81. Yay!! I am so happy to have come home to this! Now back to stupid Gabriel's Inferno.. So not doing it for me..
    Please don't let Christian obsess over his crafty Charlie Tango model project like a six year old!! You write him much more mature than I've seen anyone else do it and for that I am SO grateful!
    Thanks again!
    Ren

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ren. Gabriel's Inferno is meant to be the next best thing isn't it?

      I can promise lots of angst for Christian rather than model making I think.

      Delete
  82. I didn't get an alert for this!? :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sam - I've pm'd you about this - hopefully I know why now :)

      Delete
  83. ahhh i've been waiting for this moment! thank you! it's quite enjoyable! i can't get enough! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only 'quite' enjoyable - I'm rather hurt now :) Just joking.

      Delete
  84. WOW. I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually think I'm enjoying your writing from Grey's POV better than the original novel. So many of the "loose end" get clarified. I'm so glad you are continuing into the next book. It would be devastating if you didn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Zanadu in Maine. I think it's easier to write a meatier version from Christian's pov - but only because we've already read Ana's pov, if that makes any sense!

      Delete
  85. Well that was your best chapter yet, seriously. The way you wrote Christian's POV...his thoughts and reactions were spot on. This chapter has always puzzled me because they went pear shaped so quickly (I mentioned this in my last review to you) I never understood why Christian strayed from his game plan of slowly seducing her, gaining her trust and slowly building up her tolerance to take harsher treatment - but of course, you handled this so perfect. Fucking Elena, always there controlling him STILL! I was also very blown away by how he sort of "zoned out" when the punishment started. He truly didn't see her as Ana anymore, she was the crack whore...the little brown haired girl. That is why he didn't feel anything when she started to fall a part. of course we know Ana is trying SO hard to survive it and prove to herself that she can be what he needs that safe wording is the last thing she is thinking about. Needless to say, I am waiting your next chapter with bated breath. I am so chuffed for the next chapter because it will be almost entirely original material. I will be sure to have the Kleenex and a large glass of wine ready for the next chapter! cheers, Adrena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Adrena. That's the challenge of FF I guess - to make sense of what puzzles you in a book or program. I think Elena's influence on him up to now has been immense, and why she instantly hates Ana because she senses a new more powerful influence on the horizon.

      I've bought extra tissues in preparation for writing the next chapter. I'm going to be a blubbing mess I think.

      Delete
  86. That was a great chapter. I can't wait to see how you have him deal with her leaving. Please keep them coming, you write wonderfully.

    ReplyDelete
  87. That was one of your est chapters yet!ove it! I was in tears! I've been waking for this moment and dreading it. You did a fantastic job and I can't wait to see this play out from his POV. Love, love, love it' and thank you gain for another amazing chapter!<3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks again Sam, your support is always appreciated.

      Delete
  88. Love it....so looking forward for book2 and hopefully book3....love ur blog..keep writing!!!:)

    ReplyDelete
  89. I recently found your blog, and I must say compared to the others I've read, you have really captured Christian's essence. I am eager to read the next chapter. You do him justice. Thank you, and keep up the great work!

    Ciao!

    ReplyDelete
  90. That was one of your best
    chapters yet! I love it! I was in
    tears at the end! I've been waiting for
    this moment and dreading it at the same time.
    You did a fantastic job and I
    can't wait to see this will play out
    from his POV. Love, love, love
    it!!! Thank you again for
    another amazing chapter!!! <3<3<3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very welcome, even if you did end up in tears (:

      Delete
  91. New to the blog. I can say that I am impressed with the take on Christian's point of view. Please continue...I look forward to reading this every day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you found your way to my blog and you are very welcome :)

      Delete
  92. that was excellent, truly. the best chapter by far. the thoughts when he zoned out were disturbing and sad, he truly didnt see ana in that moment. it was his mom he was punishing for leaving him. that was so intense. the next chapt, when she leaves should be great, i have a feeling he will truly come apart at the seams. christians to possesive/obsessive not to know whats going on with her so i cant wait to see how you deal with that to during the 5 days, his stalker flag will truly fly lol. your a great writer :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi KC. I think it's crucial to understand that it isn't really Ana or any of the other subs he's punishing - he is a disturbed individual.
      Next chapter is going to be even more intense as he comes to terms with what his disturbed behavior has cost him.

      Delete
  93. I'm so glad I found this blog!!! I can't wait to read more of your writings!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  94. you did a truly great job !!
    i loved every chapter!!!
    keep up the great work!!

    i want "more"

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  95. E.L. left little nuggets of information in the books that left me wanting 'more'. He does admit that in the play room, he got lost in the moment. I wanted to know what was in that moment. You have explained it brilliantly. Thanks for being more. I'm very much enjoyin your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  96. OMG.. Exactly how I envisioned Christian getting lost in thought in his playroom. Reason why he likes to spank little browned haired girls, the crack whore............. He can't get her out of his mind....Brilliant Chapter.. Love love love... <3 <3 from Florida

    ReplyDelete
  97. Absolutely beautiful! No one could've done this better. I truly hope you continue as this series, as you write it, is wonderful. When your finished, you should certainly write your own novel.

    ReplyDelete
  98. So glad your continuing on to book 2 yours is the only fan fiction i am interested in, it's fab you do a great job

    ReplyDelete
  99. Im so relieved and happy you chose this as your stopping point, I don't think I could patiently wait around for the next part!! Oh, how I love your insight with Christians stunning thoughts when spanking Ana! Oh you're so awesome! Oh my Christian...bring on the heartache </3

    ReplyDelete
  100. Thank u for this great read! Can't hardly wait for the next chapter :-) Emily

    ReplyDelete
  101. Thank you for another great chapter. I can hardly wait for the next one. It's so good to get Christian's perspective on this story. I'm hoping you will continue with all three books. Looking forward to the next installment.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Aw I love your blog! Don't think EL James could of written it much better herself! Is there a way of getting email notifications when new chapters get added? Thankyou xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, just add your details to the 'Follow by email' box on the left of the blog :)

      Delete
  103. Gosh, that was so intense!! I couldn't hold back tears reading his thoughts when he punished her.. Fucked-up, poor Fifty...

    You're just brilliant!! Thank you so much!! Can't wait for the next one. Thank you!!

    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  104. Again Brilliant work!!!!! You nail it every chapter. Eagerly and impatiently awaiting MORE :-)
    Laters, Leissa (aust)

    ReplyDelete
  105. You never disappoint. More please:) Out of all the stories I read, this one is my favorite, in my head it's canon"

    ReplyDelete
  106. Damn that was good! I can only imagine how bad he must have been with the fifteen. Can't wait for your next post!

    ReplyDelete
  107. Oh my shattered nerves! That was pure unadulterated blissful (and somewhat poignant)reading! Christian's mind is by far the most engaging and sooo raw!

    Oh PLEASE continue to delight us with your engaging writing...
    I'm beyond chuffed that I found your blog!!
    Thank you
    Elody

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.