17 August 2012

Chapter 30 - The Kiss

“Wow, you got an A in math, that’s amazing. I’m real proud of you, honey.”

Taylor’s voice is unusually soft, but with a strong tinge of pride in it, so I guess he’s talking to his daughter, Sophie, on his cell. Sounds like she’s doing okay at the school I pay the fees for anyhow. Good girl, hopefully a decent education will give her a better start in life than a lot of kids get.

 I’m standing unnoticed in the doorway of Taylor’s office at Grey House, having made my way there to discuss the schedule for the following day, but I hold back from disturbing this rare private conversation of his.

“Yeah, I know it’s not long to your birthday... oh, is he? That’s nice for you ... I’m sure you’ll have a great time in Disney World with Steve and your mom.” I can almost hear Taylor gritting his teeth from here. I’m guessing Steve is the stepfather.

“Perhaps I can come and see you after you get back ... we’ll have to sort something out with your mom, won't we? Can you put her on the line for a minute, sweetie? Oh, I see, she’s too busy again. Never mind, I’ll call her back later ... yeah, I love you too, Sophie. Okay, I understand, you’ve got to go, better not make you late for your party. Bye, honey.”

Throwing his cell phone down on his desk, Taylor heaves a huge sigh and then scrubs his hand over his face. He glances up when he realizes I'm standing there.

“If you need to take some time off for your daughter’s birthday, that will be fine, Taylor. I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway. I realize that due to the change in circumstances, and the increased level of threat, having just you working one on one with me is no longer sufficient to meet our security needs. You need a second in command, who can step up when required, as well as any other extra staff you and Welch deem necessary.” 

I wasn’t happy about Gail being put at risk with the Leila incident when she was in the apartment by herself, and I know Taylor certainly wasn’t either, so that needs addressing, especially as frustratingly there’s been no new intel on Leila’s whereabouts.  And if things go to plan with Anastasia, I’ll be wanting a permanent Close Protection Officer for her anyway.

“Thank you sir, but it doesn’t look as if I’ll get to see my daughter on her birthday anyway. She’s got other plans. Or rather her mother and step-dad have.” He pulls a sour face.

“I see. That’s a shame, but still, you ought to take some time off and spend it with her. Please speak to Welch about increasing our security presence.

“Of course, if you think it necessary. And I er… appreciate the thought, Mr. Grey. Was there something you wanted?”

“Yes. There are some changes to tomorrow’s schedule. I’ll be picking Miss Steele up from the SIP office at 17:45, and we need to be in Portland for 19:30. We'll be returning back here to Seattle again later the same evening.” 

I try to keep my voice sounding calm, bored even, but I don't think I fool Taylor for a second. I see the interest spark in his face.

“Miss Steele? I see, sir. Are you planning to fly down to Portland?”

“Yes, it’ll be quicker to fly us there in Charlie Tango, but I’d like to maybe have a drink or two with dinner, so I don’t want to fly us back. I was thinking that you and Stephan could follow up by car. Then he can fly the helicopter back, and you can drive Miss Steele and me. As long as that isn’t too much driving for you, there and back in one evening?”

“No, that’d be fine, Mr. Grey. It’s a nice easy run, so it’s no problem at all. So, does this mean… are you and Miss Steele… just for security purposes…” Taylor is trying his best to be subtle and tactful, but he can’t hide the hopeful tone of his question. And I guess he does need to be apprised of the latest developments, if I'm expecting him to carry out his duties efficiently.

“We’re going to see her friend’s photography exhibition, then I’m taking her to dinner, before we return. We’ll see what happens from there. I’ll give you all the address details so you can finalize the travel arrangements.”

I have the gallery address, because it was in the text that I intercepted on Ana’s cell. I practically snarl the word ‘friend’, because I keep getting these pictures of Ana with him in my head. Pictures of what could happen if I fail to persuade her that we should try again, if she says no. Disgusting images of him with Ana, because I know he wants to fuck her senseless. She is mine. Only mine. I have to persuade her to give me another chance.

“Oh, and Taylor, I want to stop by the Apple store on the way home tonight.” 

I could just send Taylor out to get what I want, but the truth is I fucking love looking at all the Apple shit, and it’ll help keep my mind occupied and divert my thoughts, for a short while anyway. 

I've got an idea to try and convince Anastasia that I’m serious about wanting us to try again. I’m not comfortable or well versed in hearts and flowers, but music I think I can do. So I’m thinking I could give her an iPad with a special personalized playlist of music, along with some apps I think she’d appreciate, and maybe some photos, although I realize I don't have many of either her or us together that I can use, which I really regret. I can hardly use the surveillance pictures of her, can I?

“Very good, sir, we’ll make a detour.” Taylor very nearly cracks a smile, I think. He’s relieved that maybe his stupid, moping boss might be about to get his life back on track. 

Don't bank on it, Jason. Nothing’s settled yet.

Flynn’s rung me every day to coach me, keeping me grounded, urging me not to lose hope as time passed, and I didn't hear from Ana. Fuck knows what his extortionate bill will be this month – he loves winding me up about that, knowing full well I couldn’t give a shit how much it will be. 

I spoke to him just now to talk this meeting through, after I finally heard from Ana by email, concerned that she didn’t sound more positive or encouraging towards me.

“You told me that Anastasia said she loved you just a few short days ago Christian, and when it’s real love, which despite your misgivings I believe this could be, then she won’t just walk away, if you reach out to her.  I believe there is still hope for you, just as long as you don't let your self- abhorrence sabotage things before you even make a start. Just take things slowly, one step at a time. You need to be open and honest, to communicate and talk through everything with her that we've discussed, the changes and compromises that you are prepared to make in order to resume your relationship. ”


I decide to get an iPad for myself too, as well as one for Taylor to give to his daughter.  

'Put some photos on it for your daughter for her birthday,' I mumble, as I throw it over to him in the front of the car, when I get in after my trip to the Apple store. 

With the long hours he works for me, she's probably forgotten what her dad looks like, but he knew what the job involved when he took it on. Until now, he's usually arranged to see his daughter at the weekend, while I've been otherwise engaged with my latest submissive.  Hence why we're going to need to completely re-evaluate all the security arrangements, if I'm going to be changing my lifestyle in the way that I'm hoping. If I'm lucky enough to get the chance, that is. 

He glances down at the box, frowns in surprise as he registers what it is, then looks at me in the rear view mirror. 
'Thank you, sir, I'm sure she'll love it," he mumbles back, before returning his gaze to concentrate on the traffic so he can pull out. 


I keep myself occupied all evening, setting up the iPad to give to Ana,  putting a lot of thought into what I want my choices to convey to her, before I finally go to bed in the early hours.

I get to sleep, but then I start dreaming. Not my usual nightmares, but a vivid, erotic montage of Ana and me, starting with the first time I ever took her, remembering how fantastic it felt to be the one to take her virginity. 

Next, I dream about how it felt to wake up next to her, how surprisingly calming and relaxing I found that. My dream goes on to recall the time I bound her hands with my silver tie, when my mother nearly walked in on us in bed together. 

Then I dream about the first time I enjoyed using my hand on her spankable little ass. After that, I dream about working her over with the riding crop that first time in my playroom, and how much she actually liked that experience. I recall the fast and furious fucking I gave her in the shower on her return from Georgia. Then finally I dream about the really unique Thomas Tallis experience we shared together in my playroom.

It is quite some dream, and I'm actually enjoying it, even though it’s giving me an achingly hard erection. Until I wake up in a cold sweat, after I go on to dream about Anastasia walking away, looking over her shoulder at me and smiling as she takes another man’s hand, instead of mine.

“Bye, Christian. It was nice knowing you. Shame you couldn’t be bothered to sort out your sick shit for me, but then I suppose I'm not what you really want or need, so why would you? Have a nice life with a new submissive female. She’ll give you what I couldn’t, I'm sure.”

Then the guy pulls her into his arms and sweeps her off her feet to swing her round as they laugh, relaxed and happy together. And before I can get the words out, they’ve walked off together, hand in hand.

“No, wait, Anastasia. You’re wrong, you are what I want,” I try calling after her, but it’s too late. She doesn’t turn round, and I don't think she’s even heard me. 

And the guy she’s gone off with? José fucking Rodriguez.


I think Taylor is just as anxious as I am not to be late picking Anastasia up after work, so we’re there waiting in the Audi SUV outside the SIP offices just after 17:30. The day has already dragged, but these last few minutes waiting for her to show seem interminable. 

I just hope she hasn’t had a last minute change of mind. She wouldn’t would she? No, but only because she wants to go to photographer boy’s exhibition so badly.

Finally, dead on 17:45, I see her. Anastasia is making her way out of the building towards us, and my heart leaps into my mouth. But I'm shocked by her appearance. Shocked and horrified. 

She’s wearing the purple dress that I really like, but now it seems to be hanging off her, rather than hugging her curves. Clearly, she’s lost weight. A lot of weight. My worst fears have been confirmed. She hasn’t been eating at all, just as I suspected might be the case.

“When did you last eat?” I demand, as she climbs into the back of the car next to me.

She stares at me. “Hello, Christian. Yes, it’s nice to see you, too,” she replies sarcastically. No change in her disrespectful attitude then. Not the best of starts, but I can't help being furious with her for neglecting herself this way.

“I don't want your smart mouth now. Answer me.” I can feel anger building within me. She must have practically starved herself.

“Um… I had a yogurt at lunchtime. Oh - and a banana,” she reluctantly fills me in.

But these are just snacks, for Christ’s sake.

“When did you last have a proper meal?” I haven’t had much appetite either, but I’ve forced myself to eat. Mrs. Jones has seen to that, to be fair. Ana doesn't have anyone like Gail to coax her to eat does she?

My mood is not improved by seeing some guy waving at her, as we pull away into the traffic.

“Who’s that?” I need to know.

“My boss.”

As I suspected. The Jack Hyde fucker. Following her out, sniffing around her. My gut instincts are rarely wrong. I don't trust him at all.

“Well? Your last meal?”

“Christian, that really is none of your concern,” she murmurs.

“Whatever you do concerns me. Tell me.”

She groans as she rolls her eyes at me, and then realizes what she’s done. As we look at each other, I can tell she’s trying not to smile, as she fights off a fit of giggles. And suddenly I want to smile too. This is Ana. This is what she does. She infuriates me, she defies me, but she makes me smile. But I still have to know.


“Pasta alla vongole, last Friday,” she admits in a tiny little voice.

No! For fuck’s sake, she’s not had a decent meal since then? She has been literally starving herself for five days. I feel a mixture of emotions sweep through me. I'm angry, I'm upset, and I’m remorseful. I've brought her to this. It’s all my fault. 

But it just proves how much she needs taking care of and looking after. This news strengthens my resolve to be the one to look after her. I try not to let my anger show, because I realize that's not going to achieve anything.

“I see. You look like you’ve lost at least five pounds, possibly more since then. Please eat, Anastasia.” 

I’d estimate she probably didn't weigh much more than around 110lbs in the first place, so she really can’t afford to lose that amount of weight. She’ll make herself ill and weak. I have to get her eating properly again. She just stares down at her hands in her lap, and I know by her rebellious stance that this is not going to be easy to achieve.

“How are you?” 

I turn to look at her sweet face to try and read her. I’ve been assuming that she was taking the break up much better than me, as she was the one who walked out, seeming so calm and resolute, but maybe that isn’t the case after all. She looks pale, tired and drawn, and her beautiful blue eyes look far too big in her face.

She hesitates before she replies.

“If I told you I was fine, I’d be lying,” she finally whispers. 

The look she gives me reflects exactly the same torment that I’ve been going through. She does care. She has been hurting, just the same as me.

“Me too. I miss you.” 

I reach over and clasp her hand in mine, desperate to touch her and communicate the depth of my feelings to her. I love the feel of her small hand in mine, and by her reaction to my touch, I know the bond is still there between us, and that she feels it just as much as I do, even though she protests and tries to pull her hand away. I refuse to let go.

“Ana, please. We need to talk.” I’m practically begging her here. She has to give me a chance.

“Christian, I… please… I’ve cried so much,” she whispers, obviously close to tears now, and it breaks my heart to hear the pain in her voice. It would if you actually had a heart, Grey. It was destroyed years ago, remember?

“Oh baby, no.” I tug on her hand to bring her closer to me, to try and comfort her. 

And somehow, she ends up on my lap, and I'm holding her tightly against me. Just having her so near again sends warmth rushing through my veins, melting the frozen coldness that has engulfed me since she left. She smells divinely wonderful, and I know I will never get enough of her special unique scent. Just for that moment, I feel a sense of euphoria and peace, thanks to her close proximity. I feel as if I’ve received a reprieve from a death sentence.

“I’ve missed you so much Anastasia,” I whisper in her ear. 

She can have no idea how much I've missed her. At first she stiffens and resists my embrace, but then I feel her give in, as she relaxes and rests her head against me. I kiss the top of her head over and over, because I just can't get enough of her, especially as I thought I’d never get a chance to be this close to her ever again.

But all too soon we arrive at our destination, and I have to reluctantly ease her off my lap, as I explain that we are making our way up to the helipad on this building.

Mostly, I forget that Taylor is in the car, but of course he couldn't help overhearing the exchange between us. Maybe that explains why he has an almost soppy expression on his face as he opens the door for Ana, and something passes between them that I don't quite catch. 

I look at Taylor for an explanation, but he wipes the expression from his face to look at me blandly, and it suddenly occurs to me, that the gruff, strong, silent Jason Taylor, who has never before interacted in any way whatsoever with any of my previous fifteen subs unless he absolutely had to, has a soft spot for Ana. It seems he can sense her natural honesty, that there is something very unique and special about her, and he is undoubtedly a very good judge of character with years of experience of having to quickly size people up. Bottom line is - he likes and approves of her. Why should that matter to you, Grey? He's just your security detail, for crying out loud.

But then Anastasia seems to have that effect on most people. Everyone, including my family, even my cynical dad, is taken with her it seems. My Mom especially, she really likes Ana, and that means a lot to me. She’d know if Ana wasn’t right for me. She senses that this girl is special too. Moms have a special sense about these things, don’t they? 

I feel guilty because I've not been taking any of my family's calls, but I haven't been able to face talking about the break up to any of them, especially as the calls are mainly about arrangements for the fund raiser my parents are hosting at their place this Saturday. 

Mia in particular has been hounding me, and has left at least half a dozen messages, mostly checking that I am definitely bringing Anastasia along, and that I haven't forgotten that it's a masked ball.  I know she's going to be pissed when she does catch up with me for ignoring her. Maybe, if by some miracle Ana comes to the event with me, Mia will be so pleased to see her again, that she'll forget about all the unanswered calls, and forgive her neglectful big brother. 

Even Dr. Flynn wants to meet Ana, after all he’s heard about her. I’m reminded all over again that Anastasia really is a pretty amazing and unique young woman. I hope and pray he gets the opportunity to meet her in the very near future. 

We get into the elevator to go up to the helipad. And in that confined space, the magnetism, the pull, the hum of electricity crackles between us, stronger than ever. I want her. She wants me. Right here, right now. It’s the same as always, nothing has changed. She looks up at me as she gasps in shock, as she feels the intensity of the draw between us.

“Oh my!”

“I feel it too,” I tell her, as I graze her knuckles with my thumb. 

It’s a good job it’s only a short ride in the elevator, or I'm certain it would be another 'fuck the paperwork' moment. 


It ranges from light banter to bad tempered sniping between us on the journey to Portland. I know she loves flying in my helicopter, and I love flying her in it too, especially the part where I get to strap her in nice and tight, so she’s helpless and can't move. That will never change. I will always like her tied up and restrained, but I have a strong suspicion that little Miss Steele rather likes bondage, and that gives me hope that we can work something out that will keep us both satisfied. 

But for now, the elephant in the room gets ignored for a while as we enjoy the flight together, just taking in all the various buildings and sights that I point out to her, including the Space Needle.

"I've never been," Ana admits.

"I'll take you - we can eat there." I'd enjoy that, especially as the food's pretty decent.

"Christian, we broke up," Ana reminds me pointedly. 

"I know. I can still take you there and feed you."  If I get my way, we won't be broken up for much longer. And I'm used to getting my way, all of the time. But don't you understand Miss Steele? Whatever happens, as your very own dedicated personal control freak/stalker, I'm always going to be around to take care of you, and look after you.  You still have to eat, so why not make it somewhere nice, with me?

Once we get to Portland, we make the short car journey to where the boy’s photos are being exhibited.

As we pull up outside the gallery, we’re still arguing about getting her to eat. I’m sure Flynn would advise me to back off and stop putting pressure on her, but I can't help it. I want her to promise to eat. I just need to see some food pass through her lips, to be sure she’s getting adequate nutrition, so that I can stop worrying about her starving herself. It’s not that much to ask, is it? 

Seems it is to her though, Grey. Seems a pretty big deal. Something she has control over maybe? You should understand that, about having control issues.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Anastasia. I want you back, and I want you healthy.” This is the first time I’ve shown my hand, told her my intentions, and I look to see her reaction.

“But nothing’s changed,” she insists.

My heart sinks, she isn’t jumping for joy at my declaration. However, this isn’t the time or place for us to have a full and frank discussion.

“Let’s talk on the way back. We’re here.” We’re outside what appears to be a converted warehouse of some sort, the pretentious type of place that's trying a bit too hard to be trendy and quirky.

Ana reluctantly concedes that the street is not the place to conduct our affairs, and agrees that we'll have to postpone our discussion. 

I don't intend to linger at the exhibition for a second longer than we have to. Coming here was just a convenient excuse to get Ana to meet up with me. More importantly, I really need to see her eat some food, before we can start talking and getting down to the business of sorting things out between us. 

We have a nice long car journey back to Seattle to share, where she will have no option but to engage with me, unless she’s prepared to throw herself out of the car. That would be difficult, as Taylor always has the car doors locked as an anti-hijack precaution, only releasing them when he’s satisfied there is no threat to the security of his charges.

The fact that so many people at the exhibition  seem to know who Ana is, makes me suspicious that she has been a lot more involved with helping the boy out with his photography than I had realized, although she seems rather surprised when people know her name, or recognize her.

I offer to get her a drink – she opts for white wine. Not such a good idea on an empty stomach, but I refrain from commenting, not wanting to start another argument. No doubt the wine on offer will be disgusting, but I dutifully head for the bar.

Of course, the second I head off, the boy makes a beeline for Ana, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to admit he has scrubbed up quite well tonight. He’s wearing a suit, not the best quality maybe, but he still looks a hell of a lot better than when I last saw him. I have to stand by helplessly and watch him take her in his arms and hug her. I want to kill him

I see him looking Ana over, seemingly concerned, and I guess he’s noticed her weight loss too. He’s clearly very familiar with how her body usually looks. My property, not yours, boy. They chat for a minute, but then she looks back over at me. 

As our eyes lock, the bond between us makes its presence felt. We stare intently at each other, and just for those few seconds, there is no one else in the room, no one else exists. She can't ignore whatever this spell between us is, it’s far too strong. Love. That’s what Flynn says this is. Is it even possible? Is this what love feels like? You wouldn’t know, Grey, because just like Elena told you, it has no place in your world, does it?

 Then Ana talks to the boy again, who kisses her cheek before going off to mingle again. Yes, no doubt about it, I really want to kill him. Or at the very least take him down hard, for his impudence in getting so close to Anastasia, and touching and kissing her that way. Even if she doesn't seem to mind.  

Much to my surprise, I am impressed by the boy’s work. He is actually quite talented, I have to reluctantly concede. The photos are really rather good. If it was anyone else, I might even consider buying a couple of them.

A newspaper photographer recognizes me, and comes up to ask if he can have a picture. As it’s a public occasion, and he’s politely asked my permission, I agree. But I want Ana in it. I want proof of being with her. Last night, I had very few pictures of either her or us together to upload to the iPad, a situation I intend to rectify, given half the chance. So I pull her next to me to be in the picture. I want to prove to the world that this is my girlfriend. Mine.

The exhibition is actually quite interesting. The boy’s interpretation and composition shows a lot of artistic skill, that much is apparent. He has concentrated on taking pictures of landscapes, which seem to be his speciality.
But when we turn a corner, we get a huge shock. 

Ana is clearly as surprised as I am to see seven, huge, black and white portraits of her hanging on the wall. That’s why everyone has been looking at her. They recognize her from these pictures. And they are stunning. Quite simply breath-taking.

Close ups of her pouting, smiling, laughing, scowling, serious, amused, and distracted.  The boy knows her very well. These show that he has studied her closely over a long period of time. 

He’s caught her gorgeous smile perfectly, and I think that is probably my favorite, although it’s hard to single out any one of them. In the one of her pouting, he’s managed to capture the sexiness of her full lips. The one of her scowling makes me want to laugh, because that expression is so very Ana. Her beautiful eyes look amazing in the serious one, even though it’s a black and white picture. No, all credit to his photographic skills, I have to admit the boy really has done good here. I still hate him, but I now have a grudging respect for his talent, I suppose.

“Seems I’m not the only one,” I murmur. The boy is clearly totally and utterly besotted with Ana. I’ve dismissed him as a sleazeball who just wants to get her laid, but I realize now that his feelings for her run much deeper than that, for him to have produced pictures of this quality. He is serious about her and a real contender for her affections; I must take my dream last night as a serious warning.

The photos of Ana are creating a lot of interest, so I don’t hesitate. I head straight over to the reception desk before anyone else steps in.

“I want to buy those photos of Miss Steele,” I state, as I flash my black Amex card at the girl there. She has an aggressive, very short haircut. I don't like very short hair on women. My women have long hair, always. And she’s wearing unflattering 'fuck my mouth' red lipstick. No thanks, despite the look you’re giving me. Not in a million years.

“Oh right, which one do you want?” she asks, somewhat taken aback, as the exhibition has only been open a few minutes.

“All seven of them.”

“Don't you want to know how much they are first?” she queries, looking at me oddly. Clearly she has no idea who I am. I couldn’t give a fuck how much they are. Cost is immaterial. I have to have them. All of them.

“It doesn't matter. And I want them in some other sizes too. Mr. Rodriguez must have the digital originals to work from I assume, so that shouldn’t be a problem. And I want his agreement that no other copies will be shown or sold anywhere else. These are to be the only ones in existence.” 

I don't want some company scooping them up for an advertising campaign.

“I… err… don’t know… I suppose that will be possible… but that will be extra of course,” she insists, sensing a chance to make some extra money here. Whatever. I couldn’t give a shit about that.

I just hate the thought of anyone else ogling what is mine. At least they’re only close ups of her face, not her body. But still, they are incredibly revealing in their own way - of her persona. The boy has done an amazing job of capturing her very essence.

“And I want them taken down.”

“No, I’m sorry we can't do that. It would leave a huge gap, and this exhibition is all about showcasing José’s talent. You can have them as soon as the exhibition is over.”

I want to argue the point, but realize that if I make too big a scene, they could refuse to sell them to me. So I have to content myself with agreeing that they will be shipped to me as soon as the exhibition is over.

 I head on over back to Ana. I’ve only been gone a few minutes, but already some other tall, blond, young dick is drooling over her.

“You’re a lucky guy,” he smirks at me. Stupid asshole. Back off.

“That I am,” I glower back at him, as I take Ana’s elbow and lead her away from him.

I stare again at the photos of her. I can’t seem to take my eyes off them. She seems surprised when I admit that I’ve bought all of the photos. Doesn't she understand? I don't want them hanging on anyone else’s wall for them to ogle her as they please. They should be for my eyes only.

“You’d rather it was you?” She teases me.

“Frankly, yes.”


I'm taken aback by this, but as her assessment is so accurate, I can't help being amused.

But the boy’s photographs make me realize that they show a side of Ana that is happy, carefree, and relaxed. I don't get to see her like that very often, and that makes me feel sad and guilty.

“I want you that relaxed and open with me,” I whisper.

But this leads to more confrontation between us. 

Apparently I intimidate her, I confuse her, and I contradict myself.  As she explains her thoughts, reluctantly I can see where she’s coming from. 

I told her I want her to be my submissive. But I like the things about her that aren’t submissive. I want to punish her when she disobeys me and is disrespectful, but I tell her I like her smart mouth.

We need to talk all this through, that much is obvious. And we can't do that here at the exhibition. We don't have much time for our meal, because it’s a long ride back to Seattle. 

She’s seen the boy. We’ve seen the photos. Duty done, so we’re good to go as far as I'm concerned, but of course Ana objects. I remind her that she seems to have forgotten the boy’s appalling behavior towards her previously.

“He’s never hit me,” she spits out.

“That’s a low blow, Anastasia,” I tell her angrily. But it’s true, Grey. She’s got you there. He's not the depraved fucker who has a favorite leather belt he beats her with, is he?

“I'm taking you for something to eat. You’re fading away in front of me. Find the boy, say good-bye.”

“Please, can we stay longer?”

“No. Go. Now. Say good-bye.”

We are both pretty angry and heated by now. We need to get out of here to talk, why the fuck can't she see that?

She storms off towards the boy, who is quite the celebrity tonight, as a group of young women are crowding round him. There you go boy, you’re spoilt for choice now. So just pick one of them and leave Ana the fuck alone.

But when he sees Ana heading towards him to make her farewells, he only has eyes for her, as he puts his arm around her. They talk animatedly for a while, then the fucker sweeps her up in a big bear hug and spins her round – just like in my dream last night. I find myself clenching my fists to try and keep my temper in check. I’m just about succeeding – until I see Ana wrapping her arms around the boy’s neck, and him responding by hugging her even tighter.

Now, I'm not an idiot; I know she’s doing it purely to wind me up and make me jealous, to get me back for insisting we have to leave early, and I know she is just acting like a silly, immature, little girl here but I can't help it, she is succeeding  beyond  her wildest dreams. 

I'm so jealous I think I really could kill the boy if I let myself go. I know I can't, I know I mustn't, but it would be so easy. I haven't felt like this, so out of control of my emotions, since I was about fifteen, when the girls at school used to wind me up with their prick teasing ways.

I take a deep breath and walk over towards them. I can feel pure hatred coursing through my veins.

Luckily, he’s just putting Ana down as I reach them.

“Don't be a stranger, Ana. Oh Mr. Grey, good evening.”

“Mr. Rodriguez, very impressive. I’m sorry we can't stay longer, but we need to head back to Seattle. Anastasia?” 

I take her hand. This is not a request. This is a command. I'm just about holding it together, but if she doesn't come with me, right now, then I won’t be responsible for my actions. 

She still manages to defiantly kiss the boy on the cheek, before I literally drag her out of the building.

Outside I quickly look around for somewhere private. There’s a side alley. That will have to do.

I pull her into the alleyway, and then push her up hard against the wall. I grab her face between my hands, to force her to look into my eyes. And then I'm kissing her. 

It’s not the sweet gentle kiss I imagined we might resume our relationship with. It’s a raw, desperate, hungry kiss, filled with longing and passion. I'm claiming her. I'm reminding her that she is mine and mine alone, that she belongs to me. No matter what she does, no matter what happens, nothing is going to change that.

And it’s as if a touch paper has been lit between us. She kisses me back just as fervently as I kiss her. Our tongues entwine, our teeth clash, and then I feel her fingers in my hair, twisting and pulling hard to bring me down to her. I fucking love her doing this, it’s so primal and arousing. 

She is claiming me, she badly wants me too, and it causes me to groan loudly in pure desperate need for her. I feverishly run my hands over her dress to feel the curve of her hips, the line of her legs. I want to rip her panties off and take her rough and hard up against the wall, with her legs clamped tightly round my waist. I feel her urgent need matching mine. I'm trying to bind her to me. I want to totally possess her, to make an unbreakable bond between us, so she won’t ever be able to walk away from me again.

But a vague last remnant of reason gets through to my overheated brain. We can't have sex here. This is a really bad idea on so many levels. I manage to break away, panting wildly. I have to rein myself in.

“You. Are. Mine,” I grunt the words out as I push away from her, to regain some sort of control over myself. But I feel like I've just run a marathon, as I bend over and put my hands on my knees to catch my breath. “For the love of God, Ana.”

“I’m sorry,” she pants back.

“You should be. I know what you were doing. Do you want the photographer, Anastasia? He obviously has feelings for you?”

She shakes her head, and has the grace to flush.

“No. He’s just a friend.”

“I have spent my entire adult life trying to avoid any extreme emotion. Yet you… you bring out feelings in me that are completely alien. It’s very… unsettling. I like control, and around you that just… evaporates. Come, we need to talk, and you need to eat.”

We both manage to calm down, as we make our way to the little restaurant that was the best I could track down in the area, although I can't say that I’m overly impressed as we walk in. 

But as we don't have time to mess around, this will have to do. Tonight, I get to find out whether Anastasia is going to let the light back in my life, or leave me in perpetual darkness.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. Replies
    1. I must say I was very sorry when it came to the end. I think we all want you to live happily ever after regardless of how you have to get there.

  2. how nice I am so happy I'm looking forward to tonight to read more ... but will continue right?

  3. Thankyou so much for the chapter! I feel calmer now,, not so on edge waiting for the chapter :) Nat

  4. Another great chapter, you never disappoint!!!! I love seeing Matt Damon's picture as Taylor, he would be a great Taylor. I love how we are getting to really see into Christian. I can't wait to see where you take this book!

    I love your playlist, alot of the songs I thought of to put on a playlist, you listed them!! Have you ever listened to the song The Scientist by Coldplay, the one listed in the book? It is perfect for Christian's playlist.

    1. I'll certainly add that one Claire, I was just trying to come up with some extra ones apart from those already used by the great ELJ herself :)

  5. love this chapter. you are SO amazingly talented. as to the songs - well E.L. mentioned a few of the songs he did put on the iPad. i love Try by Nelly Furtado. it really speaks to his desire to try to be more for her and to try to change.

  6. Ah now that was just excellent!!! Fair play to you. You're a fantastic writer. Looking forward to the next chapter and would love to see an original story from you too.

  7. Thank you a million times over! To start out with a glimpse of Taylor's life, that he is someone outside the job...letting of have a some insight to his thinking...brilliant! And holy kissing...

    Your writing is AMAZING Nd I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute reading and re-reading it!!! THANK YOU!

  8. Need to add "Hear me Now" "Something More" and "Only Hope" from Secondhand Serenade. They are perfect for Christian and Ana. Also, "Kiss me Slowly" by Parachute.

  9. Putting in that piece on Taylor and Sophie was truly touching. It really humanizes Taylor. Well done, as always!
    I can't wait till you get the Masked Ball...
    May I suggest Mariah Carey's "My All." it is so appropriate for this part of the story really.

    Update soon, please please!
    Bing M

  10. another fantastic chapter, I have been so looking forward to this
    You really seem to get into Christian's head - well done
    Can't wait to read more

  11. Yay!!!What a way to end a week!!!Thanks a million!!!Till the next one;

  12. MY GOD how I love this. I love your writing and your British-isms (pls don't stop that). I could go on. Wow. YOU.ARE.CHRISTIAN.GREY. That is all!

  13. I discovered this blog late last night and stayed up until 1am reading the whole thing. LOVE is all I have to say!!! You are extremely talented and are very much bringing to life the rest of the book. I am so excited for the masked ball, as well as the rest of Book 2 & 3. Seriously, very impressed. :)

    1. Hope you weren't too tired today. At least you've caught up now.

  14. LOVE IT. Your an extremely talented writer and i really hope you get the recognition you deserve!

    I tell all of my friends that also love FSOG and they rave about you too.

    Keep up the good work it is very much appreciated :-)

  15. THANK YOU for such a wonderfully interpreted chapter. I still get all hot and bothered when I read about the scene in the alley. WOW!!!!!! THANK YOU again.

    Songs????? Well, obviously, "Can't Help Falling In Love" would be only one of several by Elvis that I would include on his playlist. With his electic taste in music, I doubt he would have subbed his nose at The King. But definitely that song if I had only add one. "Love Me Tender" would no doubt speak to Christian too .... its lyrics coming straight out of his mouth......"You have made my life complete and I love you so. Love me Tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine."

    Love this chapter and happily looking forward to the next.


    1. And one otber note.......when he is in the alley, all possessive and desparate, the fact that his brian COULD even consider the possibility of sex in a public place --ANY public place since we know that (1) he is a famous and well-sought after person in Seattle and (2) that up until now every single relationship he has EVER had has been kept secret and well under wraps. This is quite telling and speaks volumes of his emotional and mental state-of-mind at this point. It would be funny if he wasn't so distraught.


    2. Hi Bethann - Yes, The King really has to be on the list somewhere doesn't he?

      And Ana just makes him lose control in so many ways, doesn't she?

    3. I am so glad to know that others feel the same about the fact that Elvis can sing so many things that would go through Christian"s mind and heart...The Wonder of You would be so very appropriate, along with the First Time I Ever Saw Your Face...he so loves Ana...and she feels the same for him...they are made for each other...

  16. I truly hope you are planning to do the entire series from Christian's POV. You express it PERFECTLY in my mind. Great job, as always!

  17. As always an excellent chapter. Wow I'm sitting here feeling every emotion along with Fifty. Your writing is spot on, really captured the mood of the exhibition perfectly. Love the picture of Matt Damon as Taylor but who's that as Jose? Is that Penn Bradley?

    Another song that might be appropriate. I was watching the movie 'Tangled' and this song by Mandy Moore plays at the end-'Something that I Want'. I thought it sounded so Fifty!

    Thanks again for another great chapter and can't wait for the next.

    Nan :D

    1. Hi Nan, Yes that is Penn Bradley. I used that picture because I thought it suited, but whether he would be right as the actor in the film I wouldn't like to say!

      Another great track to add to the list :)

  18. Brilliant as always - thank you Sare xx

  19. Who can ever get enough? We always want MORE Christian and Anna et al.
    Thanks for your work, I love reading your story!


  20. I just wanted to say that I "punched the air in relief, as I scream ‘YES’ at the screen" when I read Chapter 30 is out!

    Love. Love. Love your writing.


  21. Wow you never disappoint, it was great at the beginning with showing Taylor as a father, and how much he cares about his daughter. The playlist was everything I thought he would put on her i pad (specially love Los Without you, from a fellow Aussie)Seeing how jealous Christian gets around Jose, every chapter AlWAYS pulls at my heart and deep in my stomach, please keep up the good work...Chez xx

    1. Hi Chez. I love that Delta track, so it had to be in there!

  22. brilliant! cant wait for next chapter, christain grey.

    natalie :-D

  23. brilliant, you never disappoint , cant wait 4 tghe next chapter xxx

  24. im astonished how you have had time to write yet another indepth chair gripping, anixiety provoking chapter and a play list !! i must say i agree with some of the other choices also to go on the play list and glad that one of my own personal songs by Daniel Bedingfield is on the list making it a it more special to me. cant wait for the masked ball and the exchange with Elena.
    eat, sleep and keep up the good work

    1. Hi Edwina. I still cry at that Daniel Bedingfield track, it's very emotional isn't it?

  25. i so love this!:) may i just add "its your love" by faith hill and tim mcgraw.

  26. You NEVER disappoint! I can't say enough good things about this chapter. You are truly, beyond talented!

  27. OMG !!! i Loved it ! Please hurry with the next chapter !! Thank You sooo much !!

  28. I can barely type I am still shaking from delight in first seeing the notice 30 was up and then from just reading your incredible words! This is an outstanding chapter as are all before it. I too am looking forward to getting to lipstick road map and the ball my favorite parts. Thank you so so very much for doing this for us! Your fan from Annapolis,MD USA Liz

    1. Hope you've fully recovered now! Lots more good story bits to come, that's for sure.

  29. Listen, I'm not trying to put another writer down, but I saw another attempt at fan fiction from Christian's point of view, and it was jarring, as the dialogue alone was SO not Christian at all (calling his brother Elliot "bro", saying to Ana how he "really, really, really wants her"..umm, no..) and Ana's thoughts that she kept to herself she wound up speaking out loud - just wasn't right at all. Bless her heart and her efforts, but your skill at keeping his personality, his manner of speaking, the spirit and vibe and nuance of the original books is quite amazing. You really have a gift, and I can't even read past the few chapters I already read of the other lady's attempt, it's NOT Christian at all. I just ran back to your blog and got my fix, lol, plus a couple fave chapters from the original books, and I could breathe again, lol...and that's the thing, you're so IN LINE with the books, you fill in the blank spaces perfectly from his end, it's a gift! And I hope you don't stop, and keep on going through the next two books. Awesome work, love love love!

    1. I have to agree. THIS is BY FAR my favorite telling of Christian's POV, but I do enjoy ONE other 50 fanfic writer. Some of the other fanfic out there - eesh, doesn't even compare. I was so desperate for *more* I attempted to read some others, and jarring, as you put it - is right.

      Our gal on this blog truly has Christian's voice, personality and mannerisms all on lock.

    2. Hi there - well, each to their own, I've really only read parts of the blogs that I recommend on my blog information page. I think I'd get too distracted otherwise, so I can't comment on any other folks work. All I can say is that it takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there!
      Having said that I'm very flattered that you are all so loyal to my little blog. That's what keeps me going when I'm a bit tired and being nagged by my other half for being on my laptop too long.

  30. Another amazing chapter. The music unchained melody the righteous brothers. Love alfie boe singing the first time ever I saw your face. Amazing grace smug by one of a thousand who sing it well.the kind of fella I am John mellencamp. Jealous guy Elton John. I still love listening to rain karimloo sing music of the night when I read this or 50 shades so many songs and classical music pieces Vivaldi Strauss Bach vagaries

    1. Lots of good suggestions there Kath. I'll include them too.

  31. Awesome love it. Can't wait for more. You can really write Christian very well, I keep forgetting that you are not E.L James :)

    Playlist Suggestions
    -The Scientist by Coldplay
    -Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
    -The Only Exception by Paramore

  32. Absolutely without a doubt one of the best chapters you have written. Although if I must be brutally honest, every chapter in this is one of the best chapters you have written. I mean here we are at ch. 30 and you continue to amaze and inspire me. This chapter was so perfect that I found myself grinning while simultaneously holding my breath throughout the majority of the chapter. The only time that I wasn't really smiling was at the beginning when Taylor was on the phone with Sophie. It just broke my heart for him. Having step-kids and watching how their mother would always try to be the "good-time" gal while my husband worked his butt off to support them and take care of them. It just made me think Taylor being the hard working dedicated man he is would probably feel the same way my husband used to feel. Also speaking of Taylor I loved how he was just as excited to see Ana.

    The way that you were able to convey Christian's feelings yet again in such a clear and concise way made me feel as if I was sitting there either in the car with them, at the gallery, but mostly standing there in the alley way with them. That my friend was so hot I felt as I too had run a marathon. Thanks for yet another stunning chapter. I can not stop singing your praises enough! EL James will be here in Portland for a signing in September. If it is okay with you I would like to mention your blog when I meet her. I couldn't remember if I had mentioned it to you or not. Thanks again Sweetie!


    1. Hi Ang. Yes, It is so sad for the parent who gets left out, never easy when a marriage breaks up and children are involved, is it?

      Lucky you if you get to meet the great lady herself. I just hope ELJ - or more likely her publishers - wouldn't have any problems about my blog with regard to copyright. I don't make a single penny out of it, and it's really just good publicity for her books, as we would all rush out and buy anything she were to write, wouldn't we?

      So I'll leave it up to you :)

  33. Wow.... My stomach did a flip when I saw chapter 30 was done.. Just love reading it from his point of view. It's so nice to be able to see both sides!!! You are an amazing writer . So looking forward to the next chapter. Sitting on pins and needles again!!! Just can't get enough of Grey!! Thank you so much:) Kathy

  34. That was pure excellence!!! Amazing! I'm clapping as crying. So amazing better then in the book! You are phenomenol! Thank you so very much for your work and bringing his story to life. I am sorry to say I prefer yours to FSoG. Of course without it wouldn't have this story and E L is amazing. But this, I can't even find words. You capture Christian and their story possibly better then the woman herself. Thank you again. Loved this chapter and so looking forward to more!!!<3

    1. Thanks Sam. Yes, I have a great ground work to build on, thanks to ELJ, don't I?

  35. Absolutely wonderful, great work. Thanks.


  36. God i love reading your stories, and i actually prefer to the original now because it's nice not to hear Ana's whining voicw all the time!! E.L James actaully put some songs that are on Ana's ipad on her fifty shades of grey website:

    The Police - Every breath you take
    Nelly Furtardo - Try
    Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should've Come Over [THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE]

    ...........just to name a few

    1. Yes, I was trying to come up with some additional tracks to supplement the ones that ELJ used, but I will add those to the list :)

  37. Now THIS is what I've been waiting for! The kiss. Aw it was so good reading about it over and over in FSD, and it's just as good reading it from Christian POV. Awesome chapter, loved it - as usual. With every line I read I loved it more and more, but was upset to know that this is one line less to enjoy with the chapter coming to an end. Can't wait for the next chapter - the conversation at the restaurant and the cuddling in the car! THANK YOU.


    1. Oh and BTW, Penn Badgley for Jose? He's too white for this, he supposed to be Mexican, isn't he?


    2. Oh and a BTW again, I thing "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol is a perfect song for the playlist. So does "The Story" by Brandi Carlile and "Little House" by Amanda Seyfried.


    3. Hi Tal. You may well be right about Penn Badgley. I just used the image as it seemed to match.
      And I'll add those tracks to the list.

  38. Absolutely amazing!! I'm in Paris right now -on top of the Eiffel Tower and decided to read your chapter right there cause I was so excited and couldn't wait any longer. YOU made my day! Thank you!! Andrea

    1. Well Andrea, I'm assuming you had a great signal from the top of the Eiffel Tower! That must be one of the most exotic locations I've heard about my blog being read. Beats someone who was late for surgery because they wanted to finish reading the chapter anyway - not sure if they were the patient or staff.

      Hope you still managed to enjoy the fabulous view anyway.

  39. I just love reading your work. You are so talented. Thank you so much for writing this.

  40. excellent chapter. well worth the wait. can't wait for more soon

  41. Hard for me to say I'm Sorry by Chicago!

    You're doing a great job! Keep going strong!

    1. "Hard to say I'm sorry" not "You're the inspiration" u.u
      Everybody needs a little time away," I heard her say, "from each other.""Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other."Hold me now.It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.I just want you to stay.After all that we've been through,I will make it up to you. I promise to.And after all that's been said and done,You're just the part of me I can't let go.Couldn't stand to be kept away just for the day from your body.Wouldn't wanna be swept away, far away from the one that I love.Hold me now.It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.I just want you to know.Hold me now.I really want to tell you I'm sorry.I could never let you go.After all that we've been through,I will make it up to you. I promise to.And after all that's been said and done,You're just the part of me I can't let go.After all that we've been through,I will make it up to you. I promise to.You're gonna be the lucky one.

  42. Hoobastank - The Reason
    Parachute - Kiss Me Slowly

  43. Hoobastank - The Reason
    Parachute - Kiss Me Slowly
    The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
    Hedley - Kiss You Inside Out

  44. Really pleased u have decided to continue onto book 2. I agree with all the lovely comments here, your take on Chrisian's pov is perfect as far as I'm concerned and the way you fill in the gaps in the book is superb. Love your writing. Look forward to the next chapter. Julie x

  45. Love it! You are a very talented writer.

  46. The Scientist by Coldplay is the perfect song. I think about Christian playing the piano when I hear it.

    1. Yes, several good folk have suggested that one, so it's on the list now.

  47. Amazed: by Lonestar

    Every time our eyes meet
    This feeling inside me
    Is almost more than I can take
    Baby when you touch me
    I can feel how much you love me
    And it just blows me away
    I've never been this close to anyone,
    Or anything
    I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams

    I don't know how you do what you do
    I'm so in love with you
    It just keeps getting better
    I want to spend the rest of my life,
    with you by my side
    Forever and ever
    Every little thing that you do,
    Baby I'm amazed by you.

    The smell of your skin,
    The taste of your kiss,
    The way you whisper in the dark.
    Your hair all around me,
    Baby you surround me
    Touch every place in my heart
    And it feels like the first time
    Every time.
    I want to spend the whole night
    In your eyes

    1. Sir what a wonderful list, you do not dissapoint only complete. Delicious

  48. Nelly Furtardo - Try
    Coldplay - The Scientist

    Another great chapter! Thank you!!!! You totally rock & made my weekend! :)

  49. Possible song for the playlist - "This Time" by John Legend

  50. fab fab fab, even though i know what happens im still on the edge og my seat praying Cristian wins her back and she agrees to his new proposal when he makes it and ive read the books several times now lol, my suggestion for song list would be Shania Twain Forever and for always or from this moment x Mel :)x

  51. Mr Big...to be with you! it's great song as christian has realised his true feelings for ana :-) I love reading your stories. Keep up the good work xx

  52. Amazing Chapter!!!!! Although I'm left hanging waitin for more more more. You are an amazing writer keep up the good work im anxious for the next chapter

  53. Lost without u - ROBIN THICKE.... explains grey's feeling so well!!!


    1. I didn't know that one, so I'll add it to the list. This is what's so good, finding out about all this great music!

  54. fantastic more plz x

  55. Brilliant loved it amazing such passion I would choose amazed by lone star don't stop believing in yourself your writing is brilliant I look forward to reading a book by you that I have to order from amazon love ya baby heather

  56. I believe in you and me--- The Four Tops

  57. Oh i love it ......its got to be amazed by lonestar i had this playing as i walked down the aisle love all the words in the song ......cant wait for your next chapter xx marilyn xx

  58. I want more chapters, I'm so hooked! Lol

  59. By far the best version of Christian's POV! I find myself just as excited as I was when I would wait for the "Master of the Universe" chapters to come out. I haven't found any other author that has been successful in recreating that same anticipation ... until now. Kudos on a job well done. You write, I read, I promise! :-)

  60. Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson.

  61. Its crazy because although i know what is going to happen i keep on thinking she will leave him again. Once again amazing writing, you really fill in the parts the original books missed out, I dont read any other blogs of FF since finding this one and i cannot wait for the masked ball, its my favorite part out of the whole 50 shades trilogy. Keep up the fantastic work.
    Ps I was wondering if there will be anyway to download this when your finished as i would love to be able to reread this over and over again :)

  62. Wow, another great chapter. I loved it. I can hardly wait until the next one. Thank you so much for your blog. I love it.

  63. luv reading these chapters, gives me my little christian fix :) and think the perfect song is shy girl by otown, luv listening to the words

    1. Yes, another good track to add to the now rather long list. Lots of great tracks out there :)

  64. Can't get enough of these chapters. It's great reading it from Christian's point of view. Keep up the great work

  65. Add U2's "All I Want Is You" from Rattle and Hum album. Best song ever!

  66. I love the chapter, maybe it ended somewhat abruptly but its still awesome. I hope you do more, you have so much scope for his POV in this book, because a lot of time Anna is off doing this and that and Christian has time to do all sorts of stuff.

    Also I have made my own playlist on my ipod for this but I'll share a few I like and think fit the story well.

    Florence and the machine - heartlines.
    Florence and the machine - spectrum - say my name.

    Also I love the song Howl by Florence and the machine, as its about how she feels about loving someone, the lyrics are pretty good. I also super like a song by Alex Clare called Damn your eyes, the lyrics are perfect for it, says about how he's in control and can do what he likes but then he looks into her eyes and its all falling apart because looking into them eyes makes him want to surrender. :) Anyways I love how your doing these chapters, I hope you keep doing them as they are a fresh approach to them as we only ever to see/read what Anna is up to but like I said there is so much scope here for his side of the story more so than book one! I love it!

    1. It's always hard to know quite where to start and quite where to end a chapter, so it's not always as smooth as it could be I guess.

      Lots of good tracks there to be added to the play list.

  67. cold desert by kings of leon.... love the song love your writing love christian xx

  68. oh and love you for keeping the storey alive... maria x

  69. hi thankyou so much for this chapter its fantastic you can feel everything, I'm loving reading from christians point of view you have filled the gap from finishing the trilogy I can't wait for the drive home part keep up the fantastic writing

  70. Love this Chapter like always :-) and thanks for the playlist!! Emily

  71. I think that part of the reason for the popularity of FSOG is Christian's back story and the complexity of his personality. Ana is not all that interesting in her self. You do such a wonderful job of fleshing Chritian out and you have really caught his voice and kept it authentic.
    Terrific writing of a very high and consistent standard.

    Playlist? How about Falling by Alicia Keys.

    1. Thanks Chloe. Ana's just a young girl isn't she? Whereas our Mr Grey has oodles of life experience to draw on ;)

      Love Alicia Keys.

  72. Wonderful chapter once agin! Thank you for your dedication. I was looking forward to your take on Cristians reaction to the photos. You did not disappoint. There is so much good stuff coming up! Can't wait!

  73. Oh my Christian is just delicious. Boy was that kiss hot, and he was so sweet getting an Ipad for Taylor's daughter. Another great chapter. Simply wonderful! Thanks!

  74. Oh my gracious!!! I wish I could stay away for awhile so it was like when I first stumbled across you your blog and had twenty some chapters to read!!! But I cannot and I WANT MORE AND MORE AND MORE CHAPTERS!!! Lol!!! This chapter had me holding my breath with each sentence- the anticipation and not want the sentence to be the last!!! Cannot wait for more!! PLEASE PLEASE keep writing!!!!

  75. So excited for this chapter...I'm saving it for nite-nite time! Thanks for keeping up the writing, and I'm excited for your original novel as well!

  76. I read each chapter as if I'd never read the original FSOG!!!
    You have me hoping that Ana will take Christian back!!! You
    are amazing and I look forward to reading your original work!

    As for the play list-- Kiss You Inside Out- by Hedley

  77. Dark side- Kelly clarkson

  78. Sublime chapter. It loomed clear and evocative images in my mind. My favourite parts are Christian's jealousy - when he's disparaging 'The Boy' and wanting Taylor to lock her in the car so he can talk to her.

    Ana's not eating is about control - I never picked up on that before.

    This line made me grin: "I don't have many of either her or us together that I can use, which I really regret. I can hardly use the surveillance pictures of her can I?"

    No Christian, no you can't.

    1. No, he can't use them, but I bet he keeps secretly looking at his stock pile of stalker pics eh?

  79. Thank you for another great chapter! Here are a few of my song suggestions! :-)

    Beautiful Like You - Lee DeWyze
    Thank You (For Loving Me) - Bon Jovi
    Misunderstood - Bon Jovi

  80. another excellent chpt. i loved the part with taylor and his daughter. it was so cute taylor being so hopeful christian and ana would work it out, he's like their personal cheerleader (that is a funny image lol). to sweet about christian buying sophie an ipad. jose is lucky christian has a bit of respect for him because he is so totally possessive/obsessive about anna he really would have lost it, he came quite close. hes not joking that he considers anna his, he doest want othe men to breathe on her hard lol. that kiss was all types of hot, it has to scare him to lose that much control, hes not use to it. the next chpt should be fun, keep up the good work :)

    1. Hard to imagine Taylor has a life outside serving Mr Grey isn't it?

  81. Genius again! Such a labor of love from you. Thank you for continuing! I am sure it is a huge commitment, but these chapters are amazing to read!

  82. I also think two perfect songs would be;

  83. I loved the chapter. Every time I have read fifty and Ana leaves the song Far Away from Nickelback comes to mind. I love your blog. Please keep the chapters coming :)

  84. You hit it out of the ballpark again!! OMG!! Great to read what Christian was going through and thinking!!

    Cant wait for next chapter

  85. Another chapter well done!! EXCELLENT!!! Can't wait for more...one song that comes to my mind is It Will Rain by Bruno Mars..the lyrics are beautiful and fits Ana and Christian. The song was originally written for Twilight...but it could very well be Ana and Christian's song. Every time I listen to it now all I can think of is Christian pouring out his heart to Ana. Just can't tell you enough how much I am enjoying your work...please tell your other half to be patient and how much I appreciate your other half allowing you the time to write these amazing blogs...THANK YOU !!! xo

    1. Thanks Lisa. I just wait until he's out to have a good writing session. No, really he's pretty supportive - most of the time. And he has a good old male wired brain to pick too. He just wants to know when he can retire because I'm earning what ELJ is - haha!

    2. You are amazing and thank YOU for what you are doing!! It is nice to have supportive people in our lives....allows us to do more and make dreams become reality!!

  86. Love you. Love your writing. I don't know what to say because every has said it already you are amazing.
    I do have a song suggestion. Usher's Climax. Everytime I hear it I think of the end of book 1 and think this needs to be the song playing as she's driving away in the movie. It fits perfectly...... And please hurry with the next chapter. Please!

  87. I Promise by Carman
    for closer to their wedding

  88. Tougher than the rest by Bruce Springsteen

    Mhairi burd x

  89. I realised last night when reading this chapter that you have mentioned the incident with Leila but that doesn't happen until later in the book darker.

    1. I'm referring her to the Leila incident that Christian flies back from Georgia to deal with, where she gets into the apartment and Mrs Jones has to deal with her. You are quite right, there are more incidents to come with Leila in the second book. ;)

    2. Sorry I got confused. Keep up the great writing. It's a breath of fresh air reading your work and wait patiently for more chapters. Your song choices for ana's iPad are totally spot on.

    Sting Lyrics " I'll Be Watching You "
    CELINE DION - "No Living Without Loving You"

  91. CELINE DION - "Make You Happy"
    CELINE DION -"Seduces Me"
    CELINE DION -"If That's What It Takes"
    CELINE DION -"I'm Loving Every Moment With You"
    CELINE DION -"Love By Another Name"
    CELINE DION -"I Feel Too Much"
    CELINE DION -"If We Could Start Over"
    CELINE DION -"If You Asked Me To"
    CELINE DION -"If You Could See Me Now"
    CELINE DION -"I Love You, Goodbye"
    CELINE DION -"Nothing Broken But My Heart"
    CELINE DION -"Falling Into You"

  92. Dolly Parton I Wanna Go Back There
    BARBRA STREISAND "I'll Never Say Goodbye"
    Dolly Parton I'll Never Say Goodbye
    Dolly Parton Please Don't Stop Loving Me
    EVANESCENCE - Where Will You Go"
    EVANESCENCE -"Away From Me"
    EVANESCENCE -"Bring Me To Life"
    EVANESCENCE -"Taking Over Me"
    EVANESCENCE -"Snow White Queen"
    EVANESCENCE -"The Only One"
    EVANESCENCE -"All That I'm Living For"
    EVANESCENCE -"Good Enough"
    EVANESCENCE -"What You Want"
    EVANESCENCE -"My Heart Is Broken"
    EVANESCENCE -"The Other Side"
    EVANESCENCE -"Erase This"
    EVANESCENCE -"Lost In Paradise"
    EVANESCENCE -"Oceans"
    EVANESCENCE -"Never Go Back"
    EVANESCENCE -"Say You Will"
    EVANESCENCE -"Forgive Me"
    EVANESCENCE -"Together Again"

  93. Wow just love it, can't wait for the next chapter

  94. You say it best when you say nothing at al = Ronan Keating

  95. Wow! Your writing is superb. You have captured Christian's POV perfectly, a great pickup from EL James' book Freed, but definitely better. I also love that you have not downplayed the kinky fuckery in it which is obviously missing in many other authors' adaptations/continuations of FSOG trilogy. I stayed up all night to finish and can't wait for more. Hurry please! Thank you.

    1. Got to have the kinky fuckery or it's not Mr Grey is it? Takes a bit of nerve to write though, I have to admit ;)

  96. You never cease to amaze me with your CG interpretation. The more I am in CG's head the more I love him. Also the more I realize how much he loved Ana before he actually admit it to himself. It's a shame this self abhorrence that he has because he reads like such a kind hearted man, but at least Ana sees that. What he does for Taylor and continues to do and how he thinks about Gail, he is the ultimate man, all rolled up into a sex god. I think I'm in love. Shhhhhh, don't tell my husband. Lol

    Now that there are so many chapters I am not as impatient if I just go back and read from the beginning. It makes it seem like your updates come that much faster. Thanks again, looking forward to the next chapter.

    1. Hi Brooke. I agree, he is actually a very kind hearted man, if he would only let himself go :)

  97. Hi, those two comments above was me trying to post my original comments for
    some reason I had problem posting but not any more.

    I just want to tell you that you are very talented, your writing is beautiful
    do not stop writing. I had giving your your web-side to all my friend and family
    they all love you as well. Looking for reading more of Christian POV thru your
    wonderful mind.

    1. Thanks CP. Sometimes the comments on here act up for some reason, it's very annoying, but you're not the only one.

      And can I just say, that as I'm sitting here trying to write, when the words don't seem to want to flow, and I'm tired and beginning to wonder why on earth I started this, it's comments like yours that spur me to carry on again!
      So thank you :)The next chapter will come good - they always do in the end, it's just getting there sometimes can be frustrating.

  98. Oh more more please I just love your blog x

  99. i am so inlove with christens version! you are a very talented writer:) il be patiently waitin for next chapter:D x

  100. Hi,
    Don't listen to anybody comments.........460,000 people must love your version of this story.......You are amazing writer.....Keep going PLEASE.......
    Thank you for keeping this story alive......It's wonderful...Looking forward to your next chapter....You nearly have 1/2 million people watching your blog.....If that doesn't say you are doing a great job, I don't know what else we can say........

    1. Hi Jen. Thanks for your support. Crazy isn't it - approaching half a million page views for my blog. Nice for me to know people appreciate my writing when I'm sitting tapping away at my desk in my little study :)I've actually managed to wear out my office chair because I've been sitting in it for so many hours!

  101. just finished readimg ur blog . can not wait for ur next chapter

  102. You're a great writer. I was so excited when I got back from vacation I had TWO new chapters to read!!!! Please don't stop writing, this story is great. :D

    1. Ah Katherine, two chapters at once was a special treat for you then!

  103. Thank you so much for continuing with the books :)

  104. Still continuing to be a fan and I'm sending people here!!! You are the talk at my work and the instant I'm notified of a new chapter a group text goes out. Keep up the great work!!!


    1. Haha SheeBee. Time for a Christian Grey break then ;)

  105. When will be the next chapter on.....can't wait...please give an idea...thanks

    1. As soon as it's written it will be up. When that will be - when my brain has complied. That's all I can tell you. Averaging about a chapter a week at the moment.

  106. My favorite part of book two was the reunion and Jose's pictures were the most important part. Christian finally saw the other side of Ana or real Ana. Jose showcased his love for Ana to everyone. Christian knew he had to be serious about fighting for Ana affection. You did a fabulous job with this chapter.
    Thanks for putting for much time to write for us. We own your husband as well. He must love you very much to share you with us.
    I cant wait for the next chapter: Christian declare his love for Ana and the cooking part.

    1. Thanks Kim. It was our wedding anniversary today, so I guess hubby and I have survived together another year!

      I'm looking forward to writing about Christian trotting round the supermarket buying groceries with Ana :)

  107. Your talent shines through showing Christians point of view. I have not only been captivated by the "Shades of Grey" trilogy, but also you wonderful work with these chapters. You have indeed captured Christians essesence. I eagerly look forward to your next chapter seeing Christian evolve from the person he was to the person he becomes! Many thanks to you...Karen;)

  108. Again you've made my week....I've read a few of C.G pov's and this is by far the one that stays so true to the book it makes it a joy to read... the list is amazing as well and its the best thing he gave Ana, If one day you get a book published to clarify I know it wouldn't be C.G lol I'd buy in a heartbeat you have a true gift , thanks for sharing with us :Dx

    1. Thanks. I'm looking forward to getting on with my own work once I've finished with Mr Grey.xxx

  109. Underneath by Adam Lambert from new album Trespassing.... re read chapter still fab : ) x Mel

  110. Wow, the lyrics to that are really intense aren't they? Good choice, Mel.

  111. I was ecstatic when I saw this chapter on here, I get the same withdrawal symptoms with your blog as I did when I finished the books. One line I wish you'd put in that makes me laugh so much is when he points out the Space Needle during helicopter flight. He says he'll take her for a meal, she retorts "Christian, we broke up". Then he snaps back "I know - I can still take you there and feed you".

    An absolute refusal to accept the circumstances and possible finality! He's so emotionally immature but I want to hug him after that line!!

    1. Thank you for putting it in. His response and thoughts is exactly how I thought it would be! Can't wait fornext chapter!

  112. You are doing such a brilliant job of this story, you have me well and truly hooked!! keep up the good work, only faster lol

  113. Another great chapter. Thanks so much for continuing such wonderful insight. I've recently heard a song that reminds me so much of what Christian might say to Ana--Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson. I just think lyrics personify what Christian is thinking and feeling.

  114. You never disapoint. Good chapter like always. I loved that you decided tocontinue on writing the second book aswell. Good choice. And please continue. I am waiting as patientlly as i can for the next amazingly chapters of yours. You do a fantastic job of writing Christian point of view. Also surprisingly that Taylor has a life! Outside of his work, but love those little moment of insight. I gotta say if you write this good for these that are not even yours you will do a fantastic job writing your book. So keep it. Fantastic job. Love it.

  115. WOW!!!!! Just found your blog 3 days ago and just finished it all!! Love hearing it from Christian's POV. Love him and his 50 shades of f*d upedness. Can not wait to read more!! Loved when I scrolled down to the pic of "The Kiss" I have a 4foot print of that hanging in my bathroom.Love it!! I am too an aspiring writer and am just finishing my first book. Was inspired by EL James and hope to be published. My inspiration for my fantasy man is David James Gandy,he is my Christian Grey> He is a fellow briy and is absolutely SEX on Legs!!

    1. Hi Kimberley. The Kiss by Klimt is one of my favorite pictures of all time, so I've just been waiting for the right moment to use it on my blog!There's a lot more to the picture when you read up about it, hidden depths and meanings, so it reminds of Christian too.
      David is certainly a gorgeous guy I must say.
      Good luck with your writing.

  116. I have that picture of the kiss hanging up its beautiful

  117. I didn't get to read the last two chapters as soon as it came out. But now that I have it makes me so happy to finally read the first chapter of the second book. There's so many good chapters to look forward too! So exciting! Thank you. As always, im looking forward to the next chapter. For the song list, i think the song Ain't No Sunshine fits very ell. But i dont remember the singer because its a very old song.

  118. Loved this! Thank you! Please keep writing, your work is brilliant and I was so excited when I saw you had added chapter 30 as I have been waiting patiently, having read the others all in one evening!

  119. this just breath taking!!! just started a couple of days ago, I even missed work today to finish!!! please keep writing!!!! you are giving a POV so accurate that is amazing!!! I am in love all over again with Christian!!

    1. Naughty, naughty missing work! Just don't tell anyone, okay?
      Hope the blog is worth it ;)

    2. when is the next chapter coming...i can not wait!!!!!!!! :)))

  120. Oh wow. Went away for the weekend and was so gutted that there was no wi fi so I couldn't check your blog for an update. Was so happy when I got back and could read the latest chapter and I wasn't disappointed. Yet another great chapter, can't wait for the next one :) xx

  121. For anyone on spotify I have created a playlist just search for my 50 shades of modern. Some great songs that remind me of the books.. By the way great writing again keep up the good work. X

  122. thanks i just found out this blog and i love it. more chapters please, im going to read all the chapters with joy lol.

  123. are we going to be left hanging??? :(

  124. Well Jane
    You got 501,000 watching your blog......
    Well done
    Can't wait for your next chapter......

  125. Just listened to this song and they lyrics describe Christian so amazingly well....check it out....lyrics below...song is by Adam Lambert What do you want from me...
    Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
    Whataya want from me
    Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me
    Whataya want from me

    There might have been a time
    When I would give myself away
    Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn
    But now, here we are so whataya want from me
    Whataya want from me

    Just don't give up I'm workin it out
    Please don't give in, I won't let you down
    It messed me up, need a second to breathe
    Just keep coming around
    Hey, whataya want from me
    Whataya want from me
    Whataya want from me

    Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
    that baby you're beautiful
    And there's nothing wrong with you
    (nothing wrong with you)
    It's me, I'm a freak (yeah)
    but thanks for lovin' me
    Cause you're doing it perfectly
    (it perfectly)

    There might have been a time
    When I would let you slip away
    [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/whataya-want-from-me-lyrics-adam-lambert.html ]
    I wouldn't even try
    But I think you could save my life

    Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
    Please don't give in, I won't let you down
    It messed me up, need a second to breathe
    Just keep comin around
    Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
    Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

    Just don't give up on me
    (uuuuuuh) I won't let you down
    No, I won't let you down

    (So hey) just don't give up
    I'm workin it out
    Please don't give in,
    I won't let you down
    It messed me up (It messed me up)
    Need a second to breathe
    Just keep coming around
    Hey, whataya want from me

    Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
    Please don't give in, i won't let you down
    It messed me up, need a second to breathe
    Just keep coming around
    Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
    whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
    whataya want from me

    Read more: ADAM LAMBERT - WHATAYA WANT FROM ME LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/whataya-want-from-me-lyrics-adam-lambert.html#ixzz247rm03nI
    Copied from MetroLyrics.com


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