22 August 2012

Chapter 31 - A Different Proposition

We’re sat together at Le Picotin, a small restaurant that had reasonable reviews when I checked the area surrounding the gallery for somewhere half decent for us to eat. Apparently, they have a new chef that everyone is raving about, so we’ll see how good he actually is. The restaurant is small and cramped, not my usual kind of place, but it’ll have to do. 

At least we get a table in a small alcove to give us some privacy. The meal doesn’t exactly get off to a great start. For the sake of expediency I order for both us, which apparently Anastasia objects to. I tell her she’s being childish, just as she was in leading the boy on with her actions, giving him the wrong idea, just to make me jealous. Very immature of her. She blushes as she realizes that I have a point, and that she’s acted rather thoughtlessly towards her supposed friend.

So I offer to let her choose the wine, knowing full well she’ll have no idea what to pick out. She backs down rather sullenly, and so I order. I’ve made my point.

We end up with a whole bottle of the Barossa Valley Shiraz, as the waiter irritatingly informs me that they don’t do it by the glass. Then just open a bottle, for fuck's sake.

Ana informs me I’m very grumpy. Is she really surprised, all things considered? But I apologize, and then get to the point of why we’re here.

“Ana, the last time we spoke you left me. I’m a little nervous. I’ve told you I want you back, and you’ve said… nothing.”

 I stare at her to try and gauge her reaction. I'm dying here. I need something back from her, some kind of a hint or sign to let me know if I’m wasting my time. Do I stand a chance at all in winning her back?

She squirms in her seat and looks uncomfortable. Not promising.

“I’ve missed you… really missed you, Christian. The past few days have been… difficult. But nothing’s changed. I can’t be what you want me to be.”

“You are what I want you to be.” Unquestionably. That’s why the last five days have been such purgatory. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind.

“No, Christian, I’m not.” She doesn’t understand yet. I have to make her understand.

“You’re upset because of what happened last time. I behaved stupidly, and you… So did you. Why didn’t you safe word, Anastasia?” 
She just blinks at me. I still don’t get why she didn’t safe word, if she was that distressed by what I was doing. I would have stopped instantly. What was her reason? Trying to be brave for me? Trying to prove a point? Was she scared of admitting defeat? Scared of me? This has been eating away at me, and I need to understand.

“Answer me.”

“I don’t know. I was overwhelmed. I was trying to be what you wanted me to be, trying to deal with the pain, and it went out of my mind. You know… I forgot,” she shrugs.

Of all the possible reasons I thought Ana might come up with for why she didn’t safe word, this had never occurred to me. She forgot. She just fucking forgot? How can anyone possibly forget to safe word in such a situation? I’d gone over and over what the words were with her. If she had only fucking well remembered to use her word, then maybe we could have avoided this whole nightmare.

“How can I trust you, ever?” I’m appalled by her stupidity and her frankly careless attitude about something so critical.

If she could forget to use it under these circumstances, when the fuck would she ever remember to use it?  I stare hard at her, trying to get her to understand how irresponsible she’s been. She resolutely stares back at me, seemingly not willing to accept any of the blame. 

But she freely consented to go into my playroom; it was her suggestion that I show her how hard it would be - her idea, not mine, although I admit I willingly went along with it, once I’d made up my mind. 

But I certainly didn't coerce her, or twist her arm in any way. I only went ahead with the scene, because I thought she’d safe word if it got too much for her. That was the deal. 

But she broke the rules. She forgot, for crying out loud. This is what comes of her not being a properly trained submissive. That’s what Elena would tell you, isn’t it? Keep to your own kind in future. Your own perverted, twisted kind.

The waiter interrupts us as he brings the wine, and the impasse is broken.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers sadly.

Sorry? What does she mean? She’s sorry it won’t work between us? Sorry that it’s over?

“Sorry for what?”

“Not using the safe word.”

I heave a sigh of relief. She’s not saying we’re through. Not yet, anyway.

“We might have avoided all this suffering.” I can’t believe the agony and despair the lack of her remembering to utter one simple little word has caused us here.

“You look fine,” she retorts. Are you kidding? Fine?  This is just a mask, baby.

“Appearances can be deceptive. I’m anything but fine. I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days, Ana. I’m in perpetual night here.” Just because I haven’t starved myself like you, does not indicate that I’m fine. “You said you’d never leave, yet the going gets tough and you’re out the door.”

“When did I say I’d never leave?”

“In your sleep. It was the most comforting thing I’d heard in so long, Anastasia. It made me relax.”  

People don’t lie in their sleep, so I thought she really meant it. I was just waiting for her to repeat it when she was fully awake, then that would have confirmed it was the real deal. But she left me before she ever did.

But now I need to know the answer to one simple, but very important question. Everything Flynn has advised me to work towards really hinges on the answer to my next question. But it’s not easy for me to get the unfamiliar words out, because I’ve never used them in this context before. I feel very vulnerable and unsure of myself.

“You said you loved me. Is that now in the past tense?” I’ve probably snuffed out the tiny flame that she might have had burning for me, before it ever really had a chance to properly get going.

“No, Christian, it’s not,” she says shyly, as she glances up at me with those big blue eyes of hers, that seem to see right into my soul. Those eyes reassure me that she is being totally honest and sincere, and I feel myself relax.

“Good.” I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. If she had said no… well, I don’t think I could have held it together.

There is hope then. Maybe Flynn was right, that when it’s real love, you can’t just walk away. 

Real love. Is that truly what this is? I don’t even dare to let myself believe that I can experience it. A man like me has no business thinking in those terms. Does he?

The food arrives. The service has been prompt, and it looks pretty good.

“Eat,” I urge her. I really can’t relax until I’ve seen her eat something. Worry about the state of her health is nagging away at me. Why is she so neglectful of herself in this way? Her issues need to be addressed sometime in the very near future. Flynn is eager to meet her, so maybe he can do some probing if he gets the chance.

I can see that she’s panicking as she looks at the large plate of food set down in front of her.  I was hoping she’d have built up a healthy appetite, but I guess she’s gotten out of the habit of eating properly. This is the problem when you get into bad eating habits. That's why the rules about eating properly are necessary. It’s so fucking frustrating watching her, and I can’t help myself, I have to say something.

“So help me God, Anastasia, if you don’t eat, I will take you across my knee here in this restaurant, and it will have nothing to do with my sexual gratification. Eat!”  I’ll fucking well force feed you if I have to. Seriously, I will.

“Okay, I’ll eat. Stow your twitching palm, please,” she begs, looking round self-consciously.

I continue watching as she slowly cuts into the steak and finally starts to eat. I relax a little. Food has actually passed her lips. As she tastes the surprisingly good steak, she relaxes a bit more and continues to eat. Thank God for that, but I can’t help watching to make sure she continues whilst I eat too. I never waste good food, I always clear my plate unless there is something wrong with it.

There’s a woman singing in the background, although neither of us is sure who it is. We both agree she’s good though. I smile to myself, thinking of the special play list I’ve compiled on the iPad I’m planning to give Ana. I really hope she’s going to like it; there are a lot of good tracks on it. That’s another thing we have in common - music. She’s liked all the music I’ve introduced her to so far, and I could take her to all sorts of concerts. It would be great to share that with her, we’d both really enjoy it.

Then I notice she’s stopped eating.

“I can’t manage any more. Have I eaten enough for Sir?” she asks tentatively. I manage to overlook her insolent tone.

I want to insist she finishes all her food, but as I look at the time, I realize we need to leave soon anyway. It was a big plateful of food and she has eaten about half of it. That will have to do for now. It’s not a bad start.

“I am really full,” she insists as she sips her wine, which was also surprisingly good. 

It’s nine already, so I ask for the check and call Taylor to tell him where we are, now that he’s made it here to Portland. Ana tells me I’m brusque with Taylor. What does she expect – I tell him what he needs to know, so I don’t need to read him a fucking fairy story, do I? I just get to the point quickly, I inform her.

“You haven’t got to the point this evening. Nothing’s changed, Christian,” she states.

“I have a proposition for you.”

“This started with a proposition.”

“A different proposition.”

Taylor texts to say he’s waiting outside, so I pay the bill and we head out.

“I don’t want to lose you, Anastasia,” I tell her as we walk out, and I take her small hand in mine to kiss it. She hasn’t heard my new proposition yet. If this is going to work, I have to get her to really open up, to be frank and honest with me, but I know she feels inhibited by having other people around. So after I help her get in the car, I go up front and speak with Taylor.

“Have you got your iPod with you?” I ask him.

“Er… yes, sir,” he responds, rather puzzled and not sure why I'm asking. I know he often listens to it while he’s waiting in the car for me.

“I want Miss Steele to feel able to converse with me freely and openly on the way back, but she can be quite shy. So, I know it’s not advisable for you to listen to music with your ear buds in while you’re driving, but can you just make out like you are?” 

I know he would never agree to compromise any of his senses while he is driving and responsible for ensuring the safety of his charges, and neither would I expect him to.

I look at him. The penny drops. He gets my meaning.

“No problem, I understand, Mr. Grey. And I can put some music on the car system to… er… create a suitable… ambiance, if that would assist at all, sir?” 

“Yes, fine, I’ll leave the choice up to you."

I've discovered over the years that Taylor has a surprisingly good taste in nice, soothing classical music, not something you’d guess when you first set eyes on him. Puccini is a particular favorite of his. He’s a man of many hidden talents.  From selecting classical music, to knowing the quickest and quietest way to kill someone, Taylor’s your man.

And sure enough, once we get going and I start opening up to her, I see Ana looking over at Taylor nervously. So I reassure her that he can’t hear us, and Taylor plays along like a pro, as he acts deaf and ignores me. I guess acting a role would have been all part of working undercover when he was in the Special Forces.  I have no concerns about whether he listens to us or not.  He’s heard many things during the time he’s worked for me. If he’s ever been shocked, he’s never reacted or shown it in any way.

I know I can trust him implicitly, or he wouldn’t be working for me. I’d hate to lose him, because he would be impossible to replace, so naturally he is very well remunerated with many extra benefits. I’m not looking forward to finding the extra close protection staff we need, of the caliber I demand, but I know it’s necessary. Taylor can’t be expected to be in two places at once, working 24/7/365.

“Okay, your proposition?” Ana asks, now she’s reassured we won’t be overheard.

So this is it. The most important merger and acquisition I’ve ever negotiated is about to go down. Let’s hope I've got the pitch right to swing the deal.

“Let me ask you something first. Do you want a regular vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?” 

I think I’ve worked out where we’ll need to draw the line of what she finds acceptable, but I need her to confirm this, to ensure that I've got it absolutely right. There has to be no chance whatsoever of any misunderstandings. I can’t go through these last few days again - ever.

“Kinky fuckery?” she squeals, apparently shocked by my terminology. What's her problem? I think it’s a pretty accurate description of what I think she likes and can handle.

“Kinky fuckery.” I confirm calmly.

“I can’t believe you said that.” She glances nervously at Taylor, who hasn’t reacted in the slightest. Good man. He's not easily shockable, although I can’t see his face, of course.

“Well, I did. Answer me.”

I see her flush as she takes in what I mean. Vanilla, with lots of extra tasty treats. Extreme vanilla maybe. Vanilla with added benefits. Call it what you will. After a couple of minutes mulling this over, she answers.

“I like your kinky fuckery,” she confesses in a whisper. Yes! I knew it.

“That’s what I thought. So what don’t you like?” I think I know the answer to this too, but I want her to spell it out exactly for me, so we are crystal clear.

“The threat of cruel and unusual punishment.”

“What does that mean?” We have to be totally clear on this.

“Well, you have all those canes and whips and stuff in your playroom, and they frighten the living daylights out of me. I don’t want you to use them on me.” Pretty much what Flynn surmised when he saw your playroom, Grey. He was amazed she didn’t turn tail and run straight out when she first saw them.

“Okay, so no whips or canes – or belts, for that matter.” I could never bring myself to use that belt again in any case. Never. Not now I’ve worked out its significance. 

“Are you attempting to redefine the hard limits?” she queries, puzzled.

“Not as such, I'm just trying to understand you, get a clearer picture of what you do and don’t like.”

“Fundamentally, Christian, it’s your joy in inflicting pain on me that’s difficult for me to handle. And the idea that you’ll do it because I have crossed some arbitrary line.” She thinks you're a sadist.Well, you are, so you can't really argue with her assessment.

“But it’s not arbitrary; the rules are written down.” Couldn't really be any clearer, could it?

“I don’t want a set of rules.” Rebellious, defiant girl.

“None at all?” Maybe just a few of the most important ones?

“No rules.” She shakes her head vehemently. Nope. She’s having none of it. You’ll have to just swallow this, Grey. She’s sure as hell not going to shift on it.

“But you don’t mind if I spank you?” I think this is where our paths start to converge, where we start to have something in common, if I’ve got this right. She’s let me spank her twice now, so she must be pretty okay with it.

“Spank me with what?”

“This.” I hold up my hand. Best God given implement there is for bestowing a great spanking.

“No, not really. Especially with those silver balls…” That was a stroke of pure genius, Grey, introducing her to the delights of the Ben Wa balls. She fucking loves them now. Nice bit of erotic kink for her.

“Yes, that was fun.” I agree with a smirk. Spankophilia. Yes, I’m a Spankophile. I love giving Ana a good OTK Erotic Spanking.This we can work with.

“More than fun,” she whispers. And I think you might just become a Spankophile too, under my expert tutelage, Miss Steele. See, we have so much in common, once you just relax and let me take control.

“So you can deal with some pain.” Pain is an aphrodisiac, once you learn to channel it. You just need to get your head around this.

“Yes, I suppose so.” And you’re learning.

 I was sure Ana had enjoyed that experience, and she’s just confirmed that I wasn’t wrong. I'm sure she’ll also enjoy lots of other things I could do with her, if she opens up her mind and trusts me, but that’s the whole point.  I have to build up her trust slowly, after what happened before, if I'm lucky enough to be given a second chance with her. 

But I also truly believe that basic vanilla would not be enough for her in the long run, because she has a wicked adventurous streak, and an amazingly high sex drive. That’s why we’re such a good match, and maybe why I pushed her too hard. 

My stupid, stupid mistake. 

She’d taken everything up till then so well, that I thought she’d experienced enough to understand how pain inevitably leads to a higher plain of pleasure, if you just let yourself go with it, but I was wrong. That level of pain just scared and frightened her, and I'm never taking that risk again. Especially if I can’t trust her to safe word.

“Anastasia, I want to start again. Do the vanilla thing and then maybe, once you trust me more and I trust you to be honest and to communicate with me, we could move on and do some of the things that I like to do.”

She stares at me. I can’t tell in the darkness if she’s horrified, or hopefully reacting in a more positive way.  She surely can’t deny that we’ve had some really fantastic fucks together. And we could have so many more great shared experiences. 

“But what about punishments?”

“No punishments. None.” I tell her adamantly. If that’s what it takes to get her back, then that’s what we’ll go with. I can’t say it’ll be easy for me, but I’ll just have to adapt.

“And the rules?”

“No rules.” Won’t stop me trying to guide her along those lines though, will it? Just to keep her safe and well. But nothing formally written down.

“None at all? But you have needs.” Now she sounds like Elena, and I really don’t want to think about her right now. I know she would not approve of what I'm doing here. But I’ll prove them both wrong. I can handle it.

“I need you more, Anastasia. These last few days have been purgatory. All my instincts tell me to let you go, tell me I don’t deserve you. Those photos the boy took… I can see how he sees you. You look so untroubled and beautiful, not that you’re not beautiful now, but here you sit. I see your pain. It’s hard knowing that I'm the one who has made you feel this way. But I'm a selfish man. I’ve wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I am in awe of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul.”
This is it. I’m pouring out my feelings to her in a very rare way for me. It’s not easy, but I have to make her understand what she means to me.

“Christian, why do you think you have a dark soul? I would never say that. Sad maybe, but you're a good man. I can see that… you’re generous, you’re kind, and you’ve never lied to me. And I haven’t tried very hard. Last Saturday was such a shock to my system. It was my wake-up call. I realized that you’d been easy on me, and that I couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be. Then, after I left, it dawned on me that the physical pain you inflicted was not as bad as the pain of losing you. I do want to please you, but it’s hard."

“You please me all the time,” I whisper. “How often do I have to tell you that?” No one else has ever pleased me the way you do, baby.

“I never know what you’re thinking. Sometimes you’re so closed off… like an island state. You intimidate me. That’s why I keep quiet. I don’t know which way your mood is going to go. It swings from north to south and back again in a nanosecond. It’s confusing and you won’t let me touch you, and I want to so much to show you how much I love you.” That’s exactly what Flynn said her reason was. Shit, that guy knows what he’s talking about.

Suddenly she’s unbuckled her seat belt so she can climb onto my lap, and she’s taken my head in her hands to look me straight in the eyes.

“I love you, Christian Grey. And you’re prepared to do all this for me. I’m the one who is undeserving, and I'm just sorry that I can’t do all those things for you. Maybe with time… I don’t know… but yes, I accept your proposition. Where do I sign?”

“Oh Ana.”

She’s said that she does still love me, so I’m going to go right ahead and take that love, even though I don’t deserve it, because I just can’t help myself. I can hardly dare to believe that she's actually agreed to my proposition. 

She’s said yes. We can start over.  I can see the light streaming back into my life again. There is a point to my existence now. Maybe all sorts of things might be possible. I’m not going to fuck up this time. No way.

And Taylor must be some kind of a fucking genius, because at that moment, as I'm holding Ana tightly in my arms, the most romantic piece of classical piano music starts playing on the sound system. Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini, by Rachmaninoff.  He can’t have done that on purpose, can he? No, he’d never be that stupidly romantic, would he?

As Ana snuggles up to me and rests her head in the crook of my neck, I gently stroke her back. This is where you belong, baby. Right here in my arms. I never want to let you go now you’re back here.

“Touching is a hard limit for me, Anastasia,” I remind her.

“I know. I wish I understood why,” she murmurs sweetly.

I hate to talk about the reasons why I am like I am, but I realize that she needs to have some understanding of what fucked me up so badly, why I've turned out the way I have.

“I had a horrific childhood. One of the crack whore’s pimps…” I usually push all this as far to the back of my mind as I can, so it’s hard bringing it out into the open. It’s like reliving my nightmare while I'm awake, and it makes me shudder involuntarily. “I can remember that.”

I remember the pimp dragging me out from my hiding place under the bed. I remember him kicking me with those big hard boots he always wore and then hitting me over and over again with his leather belt, as I cringed in the corner of the room, unable to escape from him. I remember how he took great pleasure in using me as his human ashtray to slowly stub his cigarette out – sometimes he’d use my back, sometimes my chest. Either way, the pain was always excruciating. I remember that.

Ana instinctively tightens her arms around my neck to sweetly try and comfort me. It feels really good. She feels really good. She feels fucking amazing, actually. Soft and warm and lovely.

“Was she abusive? Your mother?” she asks me emotionally. I knew this would upset her, but there’s no avoiding the fact that it is upsetting. I wish I could spare her, but I guess she has a right to know. No secrets. Open and honest. That was Flynn’s advice, and it feels right. Not easy, but right.

“Not that I remember. She was neglectful. She didn’t protect me from her pimp. I think it was me who looked after her. When she finally killed herself, it took four days for someone to raise the alarm and find us… I can remember that.”

Anastasia gasps in horror.

I wish I didn’t remember this part, but I do. I was only a four year old little boy, and I didn’t understand how my mommy could stay asleep on the floor for so long. I remember brushing her hair to see if she would wake up, because I knew she liked me doing that, but she didn’t move. I remember how cold she felt, and how I put my blankie over her to try and make her warm again. I remember waiting and waiting, as I played with my two little toy cars, but she still didn’t wake up. I remember being starving hungry, really literally starving. All I could find were some peas in the freezer, so I ate them, and something else that I didn’t even know what it was, but I ate it anyway, and then dragged a chair to climb up to the sink to drink some water from the tap to wash it down, because it made me feel sick. And still Mommy stayed asleep. Then the door crashed open. It was him. He shouted and swore, as he kicked me out of the way, and I remember my head crashing on the floor, which really hurt. I remember him leaving again, and the sound of him locking the door behind him. Then there was silence. I don’t know how much time passed after that, but the next thing I remember is a policewoman dragging me away from my mommy as I screamed and kicked when she  touched me.  I tried to tell her that I wanted to stay with Mommy until she woke up, but I had no words, so I couldn't tell her, and I was just dragged away.

 “That’s pretty fucked-up,” Ana whispers, as she softly strokes my cheek to show her compassion.

“Fifty shades,” I agree.

As I keep Ana tightly wrapped up in my arms, I breathe in her delicious scent, while she gently and tenderly kisses my neck. I know this is her way of trying to kiss me better, and I never want her to stop. She will be kissing me better for ever more, if I get my way. And she does make me better, always.


Anastasia falls asleep in my arms, curled up on my lap like a sweet little kitten. I should make her sit back with her seat belt on, but having her close like this feels too good to move her away.  

I love watching her sleep. The gentle, calming rhythm of her breathing is soothing and she looks so beautiful and peaceful. I like the way her dark lashes curl on her cheek. I like her sweet little nose. I like feeling the soft little tendrils of baby hair she has along her hairline. I like her pretty little ears, with the delicate silver earrings she’s wearing, although I want her to have diamonds to wear instead. 

I want her to have the very best of everything. I want to give her so many lovely things to show her off to her full potential, although I don’t think she could ever look more beautiful than she does right now. She’s such a natural beauty, and I could gaze at her all night. I want her to help me redistribute my considerable wealth in so many ways, because without her it’s all meaningless and pointless. 

She’s become my most valuable and irreplaceable asset. We can share so many things together, now she’s given me another chance. 

I feel like the luckiest man on the planet.


She doesn’t wake until we get back to Seattle, when she stirs and sleepily stretches as she apologizes. No need for that, baby. You can fall asleep in my arms anytime.  It’s where you belong.

“We’re nearly at your place.” I’ve instructed Taylor to head there first.

“We’re not going to yours?”


“Why not?” She turns her gaze on me.

“Because you have work tomorrow.” Once we get into the bedroom together – well, any room really – she’s not going to get much sleep. Best to wait until Friday night. Then we can really let ourselves go.

Ana pouts very prettily at me. She is so sweet and sexy. Irresistible. Except I know I have to resist. I can’t help teasing her though.

“Why, did you have something in mind?” Because I know I most certainly do.

“Well, maybe,” she teases back.

“Anastasia, I am not going to touch you again, not until you beg me to.”


“So you’ll start communicating with me. Next time we make love, you’re going to have to tell me exactly what you want in fine detail.” 

I’m going to make love to her. I'm not going to selfishly fuck her hard as was my previous modus operandi.  Anastasia is most certainly not just a convenient receptacle for my sexual needs. She deserves so much more.

As we arrive at her apartment, I shift her off my lap so I can climb out. As I open the door for her, I tell her,

“I have something for you.” I get the box out of the trunk. “Open it when you get inside.” Then you can’t hand any of it back. Please just accept these things graciously. Please. 

It contains her MacBook Pro, and her cell. These are my lifelines to her. I have to know I can contact her whenever I need to. The box also contains the new iPad, which I’m hoping she’s going to appreciate.

“You’re not coming in?” Don’t tempt me.

“No, Anastasia.”

“So when will I see you?”


“My boss wants me to go for a drink with him tomorrow.” What?

“Does he now?” Of course he fucking does.

“To celebrate my first week.” I knew he’d be trouble, just fucking knew it.

“Where?” Wherever it is, I’ll be right there too, baby, have no fear about that.

“I don’t know.”

“I could pick you up from there.” Her covert close protection team will be on the case anyway. I’m taking no chances with that fucker. She should be safe in the office I suppose, although I'm not happy about it, but once he’s lured her away, that’s when he’d pounce on her.

“Okay… I’ll email or text you.” Make sure you do, but I’ll find you anyway.


I walk her to the lobby door, and wait while she fumbles for her keys in her purse. Why do women always carry so much shit in there that they can never find anything? Beats me.  

As she unlocks the door, I lean forward and take her chin to tilt her head back. My mouth hovers over hers, and I close my eyes as I run a trail of kisses from the corner of her eye to the corner of her mouth. She moans, and I know she feels the desire unfurling inside her just as I do. But it’s late. I mustn’t give in to temptation.

“Until tomorrow.” Can’t come soon enough, baby.

“Goodnight Christian,” she whispers, her voice deep and husky. So sexy.

“In you go. Laters, baby.”

Then I force myself to leave and head back to the car. I understand what the expression ‘walking on air’ means now. Because that’s what I'm doing. The heavy weight of despair I’ve been carrying around with me has lifted, and I feel like a new man.  I am going to be a new man now, the kind of man that Anastasia needs to take care of her. 

As Taylor drives us back the short distance to Escala, I let out a sigh of relief, and then close my eyes for a few minutes, as I lean back to relax against the leather seat. 

A new beginning.  

I’ve been granted a reprieve from eternal darkness. 

I can start to live again.

As we arrive at our destination, Taylor and I make our way up in the elevator together.

“Any amendments that I need to be aware of for tomorrow’s schedule, sir?” he inquires  His face is as impassive as ever, but since he no doubt heard pretty much all of the conversation between Ana and me on the journey back tonight, he’s obviously aware that things are back on between us.

“I’ll update you once I get more details, but I’ll be meeting Miss Steele sometime after she finishes work tomorrow at 17:45. Our plans for the evening are still somewhat fluid at this time; I’ll keep you under advisement. The rest of the schedule for tomorrow remains unchanged.”

“Very good, sir.”

“And Taylor…”


“Get Welch to double check the intel on this Jack Hyde fucker at SIP. Tell him to dig a bit deeper. I can’t help thinking we’ve missed something on him. It's just a gut feeling.”

I know Ana doesn’t actually have to share an office with him, so that’s good.  And I've already ordered the surveillance team to place covert cameras in the offices where Ana is based, so they can keep a close eye on things. 

 Maybe I’m just jealous of the fucker for being Ana’s boss, because he gets to see her all day at work. He can gaze freely at her delectable ass and get turned on imagining what he’d like to do to her. He gets to order her around, he even gets her to go for drinks with him after work. 

But even so, something about Jack Hyde just doesn’t add up to me, and my gut instinct is rarely wrong. And now I’ll be meeting him in person tomorrow to size him up, when I collect Ana from wherever they end up going for their after work drink. Can’t fucking wait.

“Of course, Mr. Grey. I’ll get straight onto it.”

“Oh, and er... nice selection of music tonight. Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Mr. Grey.”  

And I think he almost looks pleased with himself, as we go our separate ways into the apartment. 

Here are some of Taylor’s possible classical choices: 

 Puccini - O Mio Babbino Caro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJujPn11_o0

Rachmaninoff - Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini:


Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NxbnCCXw9M

Bach - Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSZg6sQ5J2k

Bach - Air On A G String: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2j-frfK-yg

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. Excellent chapter, i was so excited when i saw it!

    Cant wait till the next one!

    Your biggest fan ;-)

  2. Awesome, excellent, amazing, I love reading your work. Thank you for continuing to write this! Christian's POV is so exciting to read! Keep up the amazing job! I am going to try to patiently wait for the next chapter!

  3. didnt read yet. but I was has saucy a shitty day, seeing a new chapter jus made my day better THANK YOU

  4. Thank you for another amazing chapter! It was everything I hoped it would be! Amazing!:-)

  5. Love it!!! Please keep writing Christian, can't get enough of these
    chapters, excellent writing!
    Thanks, Charlotte

  6. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. :)))))))))))).I'm going to have such a good night thanks to u :))).you r great.thank u very much :))

  8. OMG. This was so AWESOME. It made me cry and laugh at the same time. Your writing is so on point with regard to Christian's view of the story. I love it and look forward to the next chapter everytime I finish reading any of your chapters. I love your writing and like I said, I'm soooooooooooo looking forward to the next installment. Thank you so much.

  9. You have out done yourself yet again! So perfect so spot on to the thoughts and summations we all envisioned he had in the book. Your book is beyond reproach! absolute perfection!! You make all of your fans sit back and smile almost like a post coital re-pass, such satisfaction from a computer screen :)We owe it all to you 'Sir'. You are to be commended and praised to the highest for the work you have put into this en devour! Your grateful fan, Liz

    1. Wonderfully stated, Liz, and I agree completely! Really a great skill to be so very much like EL James' Christian, true to his character, his way we've come to know. Fantastic chapter, can't wait for the next one!

  10. God you good! I did not matter to wait because you delivery it.


  11. Finally!!! I've been checking every day all day since friday for the next chapter!! LOVE it!! You never dissapoint :) can't wait for the next!

  12. well worth the wait yet again, i love love love reading Christians pov, i forget it is fiction and not actually real and get so drawn into the whole story.
    brilliant writing weldone x Mel :)

  13. Ahhh, I feel I can relax now. The tense part is over! haha Now it's time for some kinky fuckery. Can't wait for the vanilla ice cream. ;)

  14. I just have to say thanks...it was another wonderful chapter. I really look forward to new ones, and when they appear it's great. :-)
    B.in NYC

  15. Great job!! I was so excited to see the new chapter.....I check and crave it daily :). Thank you. You've given me my fix today.

  16. Well worth waiting for as ever love your perspective on the story you never fail tut a smile on my face thank you sir xxxxx

  17. This is amazing! I am addicted..x

  18. Brilliant! as usual, thank you xxx

  19. I have been hoping that EL James would write a book from Chritians POV but after reading this I'm not sure how it would be any different or any better for that matter! Your an amazing writer and I can't wait for the next chapter!! Oh.... I hope it comes soon! I'll be stalking this blog!! Lol ;)

  20. i always wondered about taylor driving with earplugs in. you brought it to light. i just love this story from christian's pov. once again, a job well done. love it!!

  21. Thank you so much. Your attention to detail is amazing, Taylor and the earbuds for example and I love that you let something of Taylor's personality come out. Fantastic job as always.

  22. Thanks again for yet another AMAZING chapter! Till the next one;)

  23. I don't have much to say, but I felt like I had to comment to thank you for writing this.. because, as always, it's superb.


  24. Simply stated: AWESOME once again!

  25. So excited when I saw there was a new chapter. It's brilliant, thank you. I'm looking forward to his POV at being subjected to a supermarket, and the hardship of chopping peppers!!!

  26. So loved the Taylor and earbuds part. He heard it all!!! It just shows how eccentric CG is! Great chapter once again! Thank you

  27. Thank you so much - you've really captured the characters in this. I was wondering about Taylor doing something as dangerous as wearing ear buds to drive, but your explanation is spot on! Can't wait for the next chapter.

  28. Amazing!!! You really are very talented! I can't wait til the next chapter I am addicted to your work!!

  29. Terrific chapter! Which is to be expected because all your chapters are! I could really feel Christian's desperation; it came shining through more so than his need to be overprotective or is that jealousy? Again thank you. Reading what you've written is certainly an awesome treat. Also love the picture of Colin. Love those eyes!

    Nan :D

  30. Love it! Love it! Love it! Cant wait til the next chapter! It's like Christmas when a new one appears.

  31. Thanks for bringing so much enjoyment to so many of us! Each new chapter truly makes my day. Yours is the best fanfiction I've read. Thank you!!


  32. woooooooooooooooooooooow!!!
    love it,love it, love it!!!!

  33. I mean we all know that they get back together. But it is just as exciting reading it now. Well done, again!

  34. Loved loved loved!!!! I loved the conversation with Taylor, and that he was listening the entire time. The flash back to childhood was great too! Love this!! Please don't stop writing!! I need my Christian fix ;)

  35. I wish it wasn't so long between chapters, but you're doing such a great job with Christian's POV. I love it, love it, love it!

    1. Good grief, it was less than a week to wait for this chapter, I thought I was going quite well here! Give me a break and let my poor brain cool down a bit between chapters eh? But it's still nice to know you're impatient to read my writing:)

  36. What a great Birthday present for me today! Your writing is wonderful! Thanks.

    1. Belated birthday wishes. I hope it was a good one, Dina.

  37. Beautifully written as always. I love your musical suggestions and in particular Taylor's choice of the ultimate in romantic music, how very appropriate. I am so looking forward to the next chapter.

  38. WOW!! Grand Slam Baby!! The first thing I do everyday is check to see if the next chapter is up yet!! Thank you again for another amazing chapter!! You know Christian so very well!! Words are not enough to say how much I LOVE your writing!! Patiently waiting on the next chapter....laters, baby!! xo

  39. love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you can't wait till the next one :D

  40. Best birthday present I had today!!! I couldn't wait to get home from work to read the new chapter!!! I anticipate the next chapter.

  41. What an amazing chapter fantastic writing can't wait for the next one
    Its gunna get even better as now in book two.
    Thanks again and keep up the good work superb

  42. I think this is my favorite chapter so far - even better than the break up ones. Amazing writing again sir, waiting (im) patiently for the next chapter - Kath

  43. One of my favorites! Awesome writing, thank you so much!!

  44. You are phenomenal and doing an amazing job! Christian's POV is fabulous - I love his interaction with Taylor - and I love Taylor! You've managed to humanzie them both. He's another person who cares for Christian and his well-being. A Friend. Thanks for keeping this up. I was going through Christian withdrawal until I found you!!! ;-)

    1. I just love the idea of Taylor and Christian being typical alpha male types in saying virtually nothing personal to each other, and yet there being a deep mutual respect and bond between them.

  45. You are a phenomenal writer and I just love all these chapters. Your take on Christian's POV is amazing and you've even given us a glimpse into Taylor. What a great friend he is! Thank you for giving us a Christian fix from time to time - withdrawal is hard! You are amazing!! ;-)


  46. Looooooove it! And really enjoyed seeing Colin Egglesfield at the top rather than Ian, but that's just me :) Can't wait for the pissing contest with Jack!

    1. Hi Heather. Well, variety is the spice of life as they say, so I thought it was about time to shake things up a bit with the leading pic, and Colin is gorgeous, no question. But for me, Ian's face is still the one I usually see when I'm writing.

  47. You're just feeding my addiction! And I LOVE it. Thank you.


  48. Finally, a writer that made some sense of Taylor driving with his earbuds on. It didn't feel right that a safety freak like Christian would deliberately give Taylor instruction to do something that dangerous. Brilliant! But then yiu always are...
    Can't want for the Masked Ball!
    Bing M

    1. Hi Bing. I think it may even be against the law in some places to drive while listening to a music with ear buds, but I wasn't sure enough of this fact to put it in the story. But no way would Taylor agree to drive without being able to hear, and no way would Christian suggest it, imho. Glad you agree too ;)

    2. It's against everything Mr. Grey believes in. I wondered about that in FSOG actually.
      Good job!
      Bing M

  49. Another great chapter!! I'm glad you made it where Taylor wasn't really listening to the ipod while driving. It makes sense that Christian would have him pretend...safety first with Mr. Grey. Looking forward to next chapter.

  50. Thank you so much for another chapter of fifty. I so can't wait for the Masked Ball!!! Your doin' so well with our Mr. Grey. Keep up the great job your doing I love it more than the books.


  51. Amazing as usual can't wait for more 50 shades, and all the amazing events coming up


  52. So excited to see the chapter! It was great! Loved it and can't wait to read more. Keep it up love reading your writings!

  53. Love Love Love----- another fantasic chapter!!

  54. ps.. Still wanting more from mama Grace.. :)

    1. Soon for Grace - maybe when we get to matching points in the two stories, so next will be the masked ball I think :)

    2. I'm squealing with delight waiting for the masked ball chapter... My poor husband has been subjected to so much of FSOG... He he..

  55. Another great Chapter well done

  56. Yet again you have out done yourself. I enjoyed that, especially hearing how CG was taking all of this. I have to applaud his control as well as Ana's because I would have been all over him in the back of that car and on the door step. But I guess that would have changed the whole story line. Lol. I can't wait to find out what happened in that apartment with Leila. It's crazy how I have been thinking about that scene. Now that we are past the dark emotional scene, I'm curious what happened once Ana went to the bar with Ethan. Well done!

  57. I love his internal monologue. Especially the asshole-ish tendencies e.g. " I manage to overlook her insolent tone." He can't help but think that she should just relax and let him take control, and that Flynn could help sort her out so he can do that. He really is not good at winning her over, is he?

    I enjoyed his self-satisfaction that she deferred to him on ordering the wine. I'm glad you don't censor Christian and make him all emasculated and girly. But of course he's wildly in love too, and even likes her 'baby hair'.

    I'm glad you cleared up the Taylor/earbuds thing. That and the seat belt never made sense to be given Christian's obsession with safety. Beside, Taylor needs to hear everything in order to do his job properly.

    I liked the reasons you outlined for Christian's being jealous of Hyde. That part really grabbed me.

    Finally, I was happy I got an alert for the first time ever. I never expected a new chapter so quickly, so thanks for all your hard work.

    1. Yay, good news about an alert for once. I don't dare believe I've fully cracked that issue yet though.
      I don't think Christian's basic controlling nature will ever really change,so in his mind he will always want to be in control. He's just learning to subdue it when he has too, in order to win Ana over. He won't be able to help manipulating things to go his way, justifying it by saying it's for her own good.

    2. I love the way he looks at things, like her being rude when she got into the car with him and of course her tones when she says things like shes the one with the problems. And ive always found it funny that they both think her safe wording would have magically saved everything and would have kept the last week from happening, yeah right! She left because of him wanting to punish her not from the actual punishment.

      I do love you version of events here you've kept him dark and thats very believable that while his words ma be one thing his mind is another. thanks

  58. Thank You so much for this chapter i really needed to know what his thoughts were like on this night !! I needed this as i was feeling so down all week and now this has made it all worth wild !! Thank again and i am looking forward to the next chapter... :)

  59. Perfect!!! Completed my night reading!!!

  60. Another amazing chapter! Thank you! :-)

  61. great chpt as always. i lol when you said christian asked taylor to pretend to listen to music, i always wondered about that, hes such a safety freak and that rings so true. i loved them negotiating the terms of their relationship and i love that you keep his inner dialouge true to form, that christian is a jackass alot of the time, a loveable one but still a jackass. his love for anna though makes up for it. he is such a possessive control freak/stalker. i was like wow when you mentioned the hidden cameras, that is so extreme but so him. it makes sense that he does this because he wants to protect her but also because he is seriously jealous hyde gets her to himself at work. i love how you can tell taylor in his own understated way was happy for him, he cares about him. keep up the good work :)

    1. Thanks KC. I think Christian's basic controlling character is never really going to change, even if on the outside he appears to be mellowing.
      I think there is a strong unspoken bond between Taylor and Christian, and they really respect each other.

  62. Perfection! Thank you so much for sharing your writing talent with us!
    Looking forward to the next chapter!

  63. Great internal dialogue going here. Since you have a bit of leeway, you have explored so many avenues of thought that the reader would never imagine coming out of Christian's or head. Your advantage of latitude is well explored. With the whole Lelia issue, I imagine we will also get to 'hear' his thoughts on her, which E.L. James' books do not explore.....but I do not want to get ahead of your story. If you are able to get as far as Saturday for Ana and Christian in this timeline, I am seriously looking forward to the lipstick scene in his bedroom. His internal dialogue and long-suppressed emtions should be quite moving.

    "Jesu, Oh Man's Desiring" is an imteresting choice, too. Here in the U.S., it is typically heard and utilized in Catholic wedding ceremonies. In fact, I had this song as part of my ceremony. I have always thought it as a hymnal rather than a romantic song. Reading up on this song this afternoon, it wasn't Bach's original intention for this to be a hymn. in any event, a very pleasing playlist.

    Looking forward to your next installment.


    BTW, I am still trying to wrap my mind around Christian actually giving thought to having sex in the alley. I keep reading the line 'This is wrong on so many levels.' He is pretty far gone and emotionally out of control. LOVE IT!!!!!

    1. On another note and something that didn't occur to me initially, but its interesting that mega-control freak/billionare/kinky Christian Grey is still so ill-prepared for a relationship whereas, you have Taylor, a battle-hardened, divorced man who seems to get it perfectly well. Talor outsmarting Christian.....there is something that E.L James doesn't convey in her story.

    2. Christian is still basically an adolescent when it comes to relationships isn't he, and has always been a loner, apart from his toxic relationship with Elena. Whereas Taylor has a lot more experience to draw on - he's been married, had a daughter and then got divorced, and is now in a relationship with Gail. He would also have had the companionship of being in the forces, where you look out for each other, and always protect your buddy. I think that's kind of what I'm drawing on here, although of course Taylor always has to remember that Christian is his boss, and he's the employee.

    3. I'd like to add something here. We also have to remember that Taylor is older than Christian, so he has years under his belt that Christian doesn't have. Christian is in his twenties but emotionally is 15, where Taylor is in his thirties in age and emotionally. So even if Chritian was where he is suppose to be emotionally, he still would be trailing behind Taylor with respect to love. I love that Taylor seems to recognize this and is helping Christian out, even though Christian is his boss.

  64. YAY!!I've been checking daily for a new chapter!!!Thank you sooo much!!Loved it, can't wait for the next!!

  65. Wonderful! I love you...I love your work. Please don't stop. Impatiently looking forward to read more.

    From Your Fan in Thailand x x x

    1. Greetings to you in Thailand. All corners of the world are under the spell of Mr Grey is seems.

    2. Seem like it ;-)

      Oh fifty fifty fifty! What have you done to all of us?

      Thank you so so much for your fantastic work. Seem like you have fans around the world yourself. x

  66. That was another brilliantly written chapter. I really love your blog and I'll be here patiently waiting for the next chapter x

  67. Fabulous Chapter!! LOVING EVERY BIT OF IT!!! From Christian Grey Fans DOwn under .. Australia!!! :)

  68. OMG the anticipation waiting for these chapters is unbelievable you are an excelent writer and i cannot wait to read the next one big fan <3

  69. Thanks for another great chapter, especially loved the bit about his childhood and living with the pimp, what a great pov, thanks again
    Chez xxx

  70. Thank you for the update, you never disappoint. ;-)


  71. Thank u ...Thank u for this chapter...keep up the great job.....mate!!!!!! Now will keep waiting for the next one.......cheers

  72. You've just made my night here in a cold and raining Portland, Australia!

  73. Thank you so much for this latest chapter! I really hope that you continue to keep writing! My only problem is the chapters are becoming shorter, and I can't stop reading your excellent work once I've started! I love that Christian is besotted with Ana just as she is with him. Taylor is portrayed perfectly and it is lovely to see that he is genuinely fond of Christian and wants him to be happy with Ana!

    Thank you! Keep writing!

    1. I don't think the chapters are getting shorter - it just maybe seems that way!

  74. Wonderful Job!! I'm looking forward to the point where Dr. Flynn talks about marriage as the way to bind Ana to Christian. "Mrs. Anastasia Grey" as his future.

  75. Ive read all da chapters in one day.... Iam sooooo lovin ur writing at this moment.... Love love love it..... So cant wait for the next chapter xxx

  76. :D amazing again this really makes my week ..... I really think you have captured the characters amazingly look forward to the next chapter..... would you consider making a pdf when you are finished that way I don't keep running the battery low on my phone lol :Dx

    1. Yes, there will possibly be a pdf made available when this is complete, as long as it won't raise any copyright issues. In any case, I can't really control whether people make their own copies or put it in their Kindles, as I believe some folk do already.

  77. I love this story so freaking much!!! Great chapter as always I never want the chapters to end! Can't wait to read more. You really write well and get right into Christian's head - I don't know how you do it. One thing I love is how you pick up on little details that I hadn't even thought of i.e Taylor pretending to listen to his iPod. It never occurred to me that neither Christian or Taylor would compromise security by Taylor actually listening to it. Now that I read that he was pretending I'm like it's obvious he wouldn't be listening to it! I love that about all your chapters how it makes me see things differently. Looking forward to the next chapter already.

    1. Hi Laura Louise - see that's the beauty of fanfiction, filling in the gaps and providing solutions to things that didn't seem to quite add up. Taylor driving while listening to his iPod and compromising security - not a chance in hell!

  78. As usual, I loved it. You have done an amazing job as always. Can't wait for the next chapter. I have always wondered why E.L. didn't include make up sex at this point. It seemed after everything they had been through and their history, it would have been obvious at this point but I guess she just wnted to build anticipation. I am interested to read Christian's recounting of their first night back together at her house.

    1. Well, it was late on Thursday night when they got back, so I guess waiting until Friday evening makes more sense - the anticipation will make it all the more sweet, don't you think?


  79. Thanks so much for another amazing chapter!!! Love have you always take your time to fill in the missing pieces of the book. I think you love doing that because they give you freedome to put your own thought in. And we are your fans love to read them. I've said you many time and I say it again "YOU NEED TO WRITE YOUR OWN BOOK".
    P.S: waiting to read what you gonna write about" domestic Christian". I think he would like that, the normal relationship with the woman he loves.

  80. We're said many times that you need to find time to write YOU OWN BOOK which would be fun for you and for profit. Thanks for your time. It's must take awhile to write and reseach the music. Wow
    Cant you for your thought on "domestic Christian". The first time Christian experience normal live of young adult.

    1. Thanks Kim. Yes, it's nice for me to use the gaps in the story to be able to write my own words - it's not so much fun just regurgitating the book, it gets boring.

  81. I love your writing and love this chapter!! Can't wait for more thank you x

  82. I am SOOO glad that I found your blog! Absolutely LOVE it, and that's an understatement. Can't wait for "more!" Thank you again!!

  83. really enjoy your writing .. keep it up :)

  84. Love. I was sad when I finished! Your doing a fab job!!:)

  85. Great chapter
    Can't wait for the next one
    You are an amazing writer
    Thank you.

  86. Hey Sweetie!
    I just wanted to say thank you so much for the chapter. I honestly have no recollection on whether I sent you a msg or not. Things here are not going well w/ the company I own w/ my family. Well I guess business is fine, it's just half of us have decided that we no longer can handle the stress or the pressure and would like to have our names taken off as owners. Needless to say that didn't go over well w/ my father. I had planned on staying on and doing the bookkeeping although now he just wants me gone it looks like. That is fine, but in the meantime I am rushing trying to make sure that I have everything caught up to date and what not. Basically doing an internal audit just to make sure that when I do leave all my bridges are crossed. This chapter was like a mini vacation for me to escape into and I appreciate it more than I could ever tell you. Thank you so much for the continued excitement that you bring to all of us!

    Thanks again Sweetie!


    1. Sounds like a difficult time for you Ang. It's always good to have some form of escapism to provide a break even for just a few minutes, isn't it?
      Take care x

  87. Didn't want this chapter to finish
    Brilliant as usual

  88. OMG you are amazing.... I so love my Saturday reads while the whole fam is out of the house so I can indulge in more Christian and Anastacia... thank you so much

  89. Can not wait....Please post some more chapters...Love the view from Christian and can not wait for more!!!

  90. Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini, by Rachmaninoff**

    Oh, that is he most beautiful piece! I have loved it since I heard it in a movie in like 1980. What a great chapter. I cried for baby Christian. I love reading what he's feeling. I mean it's what I placed on him when I read the book, but it's nicer reading what you write.


    1. Hi Krystyne. Yes that is one of my favorite pieces of music I must say. It is so beautiful isn't it?
      Glad you're still enjoying the blog :)

  91. I can't wait to read more... What the friday night brings! Just Lovely!

  92. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Love every chapter and find myself waiting with baited breath for the next!!

  93. Thank you for continuing. It must be difficult with having your own life and not getting anything back for your work. It's amazing what you do continuing there story. Thank you so much. Please don't stop. Your amazing.

    1. Thanks Maria. The blog does seem to take over my life at times!Glad you are enjoying it anyway.

  94. Oh so good!!! Can't wait for the next chapter. You do very good writing!

  95. For Christine:
    "Somewhere in Time" is the movie you are thinking of. It was the first movie Christopher Reeve did after the first "Superman". He wanted to prove his acting ability.

    Oh speaking of Mackinac Island, I got some info about that summer house "Casa Verano" you wanted to look at. ;)

  96. more chapter please....................

  97. I love reading Fifty Shades Continued! Each new chapter is like opening an unexpected gift.

  98. Love Christian and Jack scenes, his possessiveness is so awesome.

    Didn't think about Christian was there at bar all along, watched all of them from a far when first reading the book, but yeah it's so control freak of him to analyze all of them before makes his move.

  99. Amazing!!! Next chapter!!!!


  101. I almost cried reading this chapter. I completely forgot that you are a different author than the original, YOU ARE VERY TALENTED!!!! Thanks <3

  102. OMG!!!!! You are "AMAZING" to say the least!!!!! I'm an inpatient person so when I happened upon your blog of FSOG, it literally took my breath away!!!! YOU are one very intriguing Talented writer!!!! I get to go from chapter to chapter without missing a beat & that makes me very happy :+) TYVM.......You have taken my breath away oh so many times in the things you've written!! I was literally in a funk after reading the last chapter of FSOG and was totally lost!!! While scrolling through my computer for at that point, anything, I was totally lucky to run across your Blog!!!! You've made me one happy women and I cannot thank you enough!!!! I will continue to read all the scrumptious things that you've so kindly written and be totally in sheer bliss........ Please accept my heartfelt thank you and gratitude for your consideration to all of us, your followers that have come to totally "love you" & your writing!!!! I'm not sure how far you've gotten as far as chapters written, but I do know as I move forward reading your great work, I will NEVER be anything but pleased :+) THANK YOU SO MUCH HUN!!!! ♥♥♥XXX

  103. so poignant and versatility told! ... luv it! :)

  104. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpbbA10yCLw

    ;) Good song to add :D

  105. Nice chapter :)

  106. is this apart of the EL james trilogy? did she write this? This is really good.

  107. I want to take a moment thank you for this intelligent rendition. I am reading this chapter by chapter along with the 50 shades series and I have to say it is exquisite. You have done the research, and you make it incredibly easy to switch back and forth from. THANK YOU!

  108. I love the conversation you gave Christian and Ana in the restaurant. Christian can be so maddening! When he is angry at Ana for not safe-wording and says to her, "How can I trust you, ever?" and thinking that she acted stupidly, after he beat the 'shit' out of her....this made me so angry at him! But then I thought, How typical Christian! He can be so self-absorbed at times, and his sexual lifestyle has meant that he must serve himself and guard his feelings. So his first reaction is to blame Ana for what happened. I'm so glad he came to his senses. You showed us that Christian is willing to grow and let go of aspects of his past in order to have Ana in his life. Beautifully written! Are you sure you're not EL? You two definitely are in touch with the same Ana and Christian!

    1. Takes a little getting used to seeing things from Christian's pov to explain some of his more unreasonable actions, but he is usually very logical. He gave Ana a safe word to protect both of them, and cannot understand why she didn't use it if she hated what he was doing so much. I could get where he was coming from on that, so then that made the chapter flow. Glad you enjoyed reading it anyhow :)

  109. Another great chapter! Also love all the pictures you've put in.

  110. That Rachmaninoff piece is my favorite music in the world!


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