27 June 2012

Chapter 19 - The Boathouse


Once we’re in the boathouse, I flick the lights on and head up the stairs to the attic, still carrying Anastasia over my shoulder like some prehistoric caveman. 

We’re about as remote as we can be from the house now. Good. We need to be. I am so fucking turned on, so fucking angry, and so fucking frustrated with Ana that it’s best we’re at some distance from my family so that I can deal with her.



At least I know that once I've given her the spanking and fucking she’s earned, I’ll feel calmer. As I've been carrying her, I’ve been deciding how many strokes I’ll give her. Last time I gave her eighteen strokes for her punishment spanking, and she deserves at least that amount again. But she’s going to get off lightly because I know we can't be away from the house for too long, and we have to go back and face everyone. So I guess I’ll have to settle for only giving her six this time, with a really good hard punishment fuck to follow. Then I’ll be able to think more clearly.


I set Anastasia down on the floor. Just as I’m about to take her over to the couch ready to start her spanking, I look down into her face. She’s wide eyed as she stares back up at me - like a deer being stalked by a wolf.


“Please don’t hit me,” she whispers. 


I'm stopped dead in my tracks by her whispered plea. 


“I don't want you to spank me, not here, not now. Please don’t.” 


I'm shocked, speechless. No woman has ever said no to me before. No sub has refused to be spanked – ever. And what she does next completely derails me. She tentatively reaches up and runs her fingers down my cheek, along the edge of my sideburn, then down to the stubble on my chin. She takes my breath away because her touch is soft, tender and loving. It reaches right into my very being, and I’m lost as I close my eyes to lean into her sweet touch. 


Then she reaches up with her other hand and knots her fingers in my hair, and I can't help myself, I’m moaning softly. It’s literally as if her touch is casting a spell over me, and I'm powerless to resist it. I'm spellbound. 


She steps up flush against me, and then gently pulls on my hair to bring my mouth down to hers. As she kisses me, she works her tongue in between my lips and into my mouth. I groan and pull her into my arms, letting the passion she’s unleashing take hold, as I kiss her back with a ferocity fuelled by my frustration and my anger. Then I come to my senses, and manage to pull back from her bewitchment. 


“What are you doing to me?” I whisper, feeling confused and out of control. 


This wasn’t how it was meant to go at all. 


“Kissing you,” she murmurs, her eyes reflecting my desire and need. 


“You said no.” You denied me what is mine. 


“What?” 


“At the dinner table, with your legs.” You closed your legs. You pushed my hand away. That said 'no'. That’s denying me. 

“But we were at your parents’ dining table.” I wanted to see you struggling to keep control. It would have been good practice for you. No one would ever have suspected us. They think we’re a pair of innocents. I suppose you are, and I'm corrupting you. 


“No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so – hot.” 


I don't understand this either, because it’s never happened before. No woman has ever refused me. Only Anastasia. And she is driving me insane with these feelings that I don't understand. All I know is that I am so aroused that I have to take her. I move my hand down to her ass, then pull her against me, against my aching erection. 


"You're mad and turned on because I said no?" she asks in astonishment. 


Seems that's how it works for me, baby. Go figure. 

“I’m mad you never mentioned Georgia to me. I’m mad because you went drinking with that guy who tried to seduce you when you were drunk and who left you when you were ill with an almost complete stranger. What kind of friend does that? And I'm mad and aroused because you closed your legs on me.” 


I slowly inch up the hem of her dress, breathing heavily because I know she is completely pantie-less underneath. No obstacles to stop me. 


“I want you, and I want you now. And if you're not going to let me spank you – which you deserve – I’m going to fuck you on the couch this minute, quickly, for my pleasure, not yours.” 

Okay, so I can’t spank her against her will, but I am going wrench back some sort of control here. She’s going to take a punishment fuck and I'm going to make sure she’s left frustrated. Then maybe she’ll understand how she makes me feel. 


I hold her tightly around her waist to keep her still. I’ve hitched her dress up above her ass now, so I move my hand down between her legs to cup her, and then slowly sink my finger into her. Christ, she's so wet and tight. She makes little moaning and whimpering noises as I continue to fuck her with my finger. 


“This is mine. All mine. Do you understand?” 


“Yes, yours,” she groans, as she leans against me. This is exactly how I want her - turned on, aroused and desperate for me. Well, she can sure as hell have me, but she sure as hell can't come. No orgasm for this frustrating creature. She’s going to be left feeling horny and frustrated, to teach her a lesson.

 
Abruptly I take my hand away, leaving her wanting. I unzip my fly, then push her down on the couch and lie on top of her. 


“Hands on your head.” She’s not allowed to touch me either. 


I kneel up and force her legs open wider, as I reach into my jacket pocket to get a condom. I shrug the jacket off, then rip the packet open and quickly sheath up. I look down at her - she looks magnificent lying there, her dress up above her ass, still wearing the sexy purple stilettoes, her legs wide apart, completely open and exposed to me. Fucking beautiful sight.  Mine. For my eyes only. 


“We don't have long. This will be quick, and it’s for me, not you. Do you understand? Don't come, or I will spank you,” I manage to tell her through clenched teeth. 


Then with no preamble, I drive deep inside her, harsh, brutal, all the way, as hard as I can. Ah, yessss! She’s so fucking tight, so fucking hot, so fucking wet. She groans loudly, and bucks her hips up to me. I pin her down, holding her hands above her head, trapping her, giving her no choice but to take what I'm dishing out. A hard, raw, punishment fuck. I pound into her, fast and furious, losing myself in the simple rhythm of my need, my pleasure. 


It doesn't take long. I soon reach my release and ram into her, then still as I fall over the edge to explode. Once I’ve wrung out every last second of orgasmic pleasure, I collapse on top of her, letting her take my full weight, knowing that she's been left aching and hungry for more. That’s what happens with a punishment fuck. Then I quickly withdraw, before she can even think about grinding herself against me for any kind of relief. 

“Don't touch yourself. I want you frustrated. That’s what you do to me by not talking to me, by denying me what’s mine,” I instruct her. Some of my tension has gone, relieved by sexual congress, but I'm still angry with her. 
She just nods at me, seemingly stunned by the speed of my attack on her as she remains on the couch, her breathing erratic as she squeezes her thighs together in her frustration. Good. That was the intention. 

I gaze down at her as I stand up to remove the condom and do up my fly. She looks so bewildered and lost. Why does she do these things to me, act the way she does, to make me so angry? 


“We’d better get back to the house,” I tell her. Ugh, fucking condom to dispose of. Can't wait to stop using them. 


She sits up and starts to straighten her dress. I decide to make a concession, because she took her punishment fuck like a good girl. 


“Here. You may put these on.” I hand her panties back. Knowing I had her panties in my pocket all evening has been making me horny too, knowing how they smelt of her, of her arousal. But now I'm allowing her the privilege of wearing them, because that certainly was one mighty fine fuck. 
She quietly takes her panties without comment. But I think I see the hint of a secret smile, because she knows I didn’t make her ask me for them.
Just as she’s putting her panties on, we’re interrupted. Shit. 


CHRISTIAN! 


It’s Mia of course, come to retrieve us. Well, it could have been worse. She could have turned up five minutes earlier, and caught us while I was occupied with burying myself deep inside Miss Steele. 


“Just in time. Christ, she can be really irritating,” I mutter. 


Anastasia hastily tries to restore her dignity and appearance. 


“Up here, Mia,” I call down. “Well, Miss Steele, I feel better for that – but I still want to spank you,” I murmur. 


“I don’t believe I deserve it, Mr. Grey, especially after tolerating your unprovoked attack.” 


“Unprovoked? You kissed me.” And very nice it was too, if unexpected and confusing. 


“It was attack as the best form of defense.” 


“Defense against what?” 


“You and your twitchy palm.” 


As always, our witty banter makes me smile. 


“But it was tolerable?” I ask her softly, checking to make sure I haven't misread this. I’m pretty sure she enjoyed the rough, hard fuck almost as much as I did, except that she didn't get to come. But we can work on that later. By then she’ll be desperate for some release. 


I make some excuse to Mia about showing Anastasia my rowing trophies to explain why we’re in the boathouse, and then we head on back to the house, Mia complaining to us about Kate and Elliot, how they can't keep their hands off each other. 



The whole family has gathered in the hall as Kate and Elliot make their farewells. I notice Ana whispering furiously in Kate’s ear, no doubt lambasting her for dropping her in it with me. Maybe this will help her to see Kate for what she is – interfering, nosy and bossy. 


We take our leave as well, as Ana has her interviews tomorrow, and we need to head back. 


Mia nearly knocks Ana off her feet again with another big hug. 


“We never thought he’d find anyone,” she gushes. 


Yes, Mia, I think we’ve all got the picture now. You never thought I’d find a girl because you were all so convinced I was gay. Really? Do I honestly look gay? I don’t think I do. 


“Take care of yourself, Ana dear,” Mom says, and I think that yet again there could be a tear in her eye. I know my dear Mom would have made a gay partner of mine very welcome, but I can tell that she's really happy about Anastasia, which is great, because if we are going to try this girlfriend/sub arrangement, it won’t work if she doesn’t get on with my family.

I knew they would like her – how could they not? Even so, I can see that Ana is somewhat overwhelmed by my exuberant family, and I remember that she is an only child, who lived alone with her stepfather for several years. Just as well the grandparents aren't here today as well, because they'd be all over her too. 

“Let’s not frighten her away or spoil her with too much affection,” I protest.

“Christian, stop teasing,” Mom scolds, as I kiss her goodbye. I’m really pleased to see that I've made her happy by bringing Ana over tonight. Maybe this will help make up for some of the bad shit I've put her through over the years. There’s been a lot of that, too much, and she doesn't deserve it, she really doesn’t. 


I have a collection of sixteen Madonna and Child paintings in my apartment that I've collected in her honor, because she has been a saint of a mother to me. My savior. 




Even Dad seems to approve of Anastasia, despite his earlier apparent misgivings that Elliot warned me about. 


“Mr. Grey – goodbye and thank you,” she says shyly to him as she holds out her hand. 


“Please, call me Carrick. I do hope we see you again, very soon, Ana,” he tells her and then he hugs her too, which is most unlike Dad. She seems to have won everyone over with her shy charm, and I'm proud of her. Yeah, really proud of her actually. 

~~~

On the twenty minute ride back to Escala, I ask Ana what’s up because I can sense she’s brooding about something, and I discover why Ana looked sad earlier in the evening. 

“I think that you felt trapped into bringing me to meet your parents. If Elliot hadn’t asked Kate, you’d never have asked me.” 


So that’s what this is all about. Why would she possibly think that? 


“Anastasia, I’m delighted that you’ve met my parents. Why are you so filled with self-doubt? It never ceases to amaze me. You’re such a strong, self-contained young woman, but you have such negative thoughts about yourself. If I hadn’t wanted you to meet them, you wouldn’t be here. Is that how you were feeling the whole time you were there?” 


Having spoken to so many shrinks over the years, I can't help but think a lot of these negative thoughts of Ana's stem back to her unsettled childhood. I think about the results of the background check I had Welch run on Stephen Morton, the guy her mom was married to for a short while when Ana was a teenager. 


Nothing concrete has been unearthed about him, but there were rumors and whispers that he was abusive towards her mom, not so much physically, but emotionally and verbally belittling her. And if he was like that towards her mom, it seems likely he would have acted in a similar way towards his stepdaughter, when she was at a very vulnerable age in her formative teenage years. Maybe she too has scars and baggage she’s carrying round that she manages to hide pretty well most of the time. At least Ana had solid, dependable Ray to turn to. And at least her mom had the sense to ditch this Morton guy after only a few months. He sounds like a piece of shit.

 
I want to understand her better. I want her to open up to me. I reach over and take her hand in mine. I see her glance over nervously at Taylor, clearly feeling uncomfortable about opening up in front of him. 


“Don’t worry about Taylor. Talk to me.” I have the feeling that if I don’t take this rare opportunity, she’s going to clam up on me again. 


She shrugs and sighs. 


“Yes. I thought that. And another thing, I only mentioned Georgia because Kate was talking about Barbados. I haven’t made up my mind." 


I sense that at this moment, I could probably put pressure on her not to go. I could do exactly what Kate accuses me of. I could manipulate her to stay because that’s what I want. But all she’s planning to do is go and see her mother, and my conscience pricks me. Of course she should be able to go see her mom if she wants to. 


“Do you want to go and see your mother?” 


“Yes.” 

I hate, fucking hate the thought of her leaving and being thousands of miles away on the other side of the continent. And I realize it isn’t just because I won’t be able to fuck her. It’s much more than that. I won’t be able to see her, or touch her, or smell her. I won’t know where she is or what she’s doing – or who with. 


Maybe I could go with her. I’m sure I could find some business opportunities to develop in that part of the country. That way I’d be combining business and pleasure, so it would still be putting my time to good use. 


“Can I come with you?” I ask. 


She looks shocked – horrified even. Not so keen then. 


“Erm… I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 


“Why not?” Don’t you like being with me? 


“I was hoping for a break from all this… intensity to try and think things through.” Break. She wants a break. I don’t like that word. 


I stare at her. What’s she talking about? 


“I’m too intense?” Moi? 


Ana bursts out laughing. “That’s putting it mildly!” 


I love hearing her laugh. If she goes away, I’ll miss that. I’ll miss her wit and the amusing banter we have between us. No one else talks back to me the way she does. It’s just ‘yes sir, no sir, three fucking bags full, sir’. I thought that was how I liked it. But it turns out I was wrong. 


She laughs at me too. No one else dares to do that. 


“Are you laughing at me, Miss Steele?” 


“I wouldn’t dare, Mr. Grey.” 


“I think you dare, and I think you do laugh at me, frequently.” 


“You are quite funny.” 


“Funny?” I don't think anyone has ever called me funny before. Sick and twisted maybe. 


“Oh yes.” 


“Funny peculiar or funny ha ha?” 


“Oh… a lot of one and some of the other.” 


“Which way round?” 


“I’ll leave you to figure that out.” 


“I’m not sure I can figure anything out around you, Anastasia. What do you need to think about in Georgia?” 


“Us,” she whispers. No, no, no, please don’t say it’s over. 


“You said you’d try,” I whisper. I have this funny achy feeling in my chest. It hurts. 


“I know.” 


“Are you having second thoughts?” 


“Possibly.” I knew you were being impulsive when you agreed to try being my sub. Now you’ve had a chance to reflect, you’re not so sure. 


“Why?” 


She stares out of the car window pensively for what seems like an age.


“Why, Anastasia?” I press her for an answer. If she doesn’t tell me, how can I try to fix things? 


She shrugs and closes her eyes. 


I take her hand and squeeze it. 


“Talk to me, Anastasia. I don’t want to lose you. This last week…” has been the best week of my entire existence. 


Finally she seems to come to a decision. She turns and looks straight into my eyes. 


“I still want more,” she whispers. Her eyes are brimming with unshed tears.


She wants more of me. Fifty shades of fuckedupness me. She’s scared because I've told her any previous sub that wanted more has always been shown the door, immediately and without hesitation. 

She thinks I’m going to do the same to her. She seriously believes I would throw away everything I’ve found with her this last week. She doesn't understand that she’s different. Maybe that’s because you haven’t told her


I’m really not sure what more I have that I can offer her. But at least she isn’t rejecting you; she wants to be with you. Grab this chance Grey, grab it with both hands. 

“I know,” I tell her. “I’ll try.” 


She blinks in disbelief. She obviously thought that once she’d confessed she wanted more, it would be goodbye from me. For anyone else it would be. But not her. 


“For you, Anastasia, I will try,” I promise, meaning it with every bone in my body. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life before. Trouble is, I really don’t know how to do ‘more’, but I guess we’re just going to have to figure it out as we go along. 


Next thing I know, she’s unbuckled her seat belt and scrambled into my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me exultantly. I kiss her back, relieved that I seem to have given her the answer that she wanted from me. 


“Stay with me, tonight. If you go away, I won’t see you all week. Please.” I need to have an extra-large fix of her to last me while she’s gone, but I know it still won’t be enough. 


“Yes,” she agrees. “And I’ll try too. I’ll sign your contract.” 


I gaze down at her curled up in my lap. I’m fine with this contact, in fact I love having her on my lap like this. She's nice and close, and her hair is right under my nose so I can smell her sweet scent. 


And although I want her to sign the contract, I know this is another of her impulsive moments, brought on by relief that I didn't reject her plea for ‘more’. But I’m not going to take advantage; for once I'm not going to be a manipulative bastard . And actually, what is the point of the contract? I can hardly take her to court for being in breach if she walks away, can I? Either she’ll stay with me or she won’t. A piece of paper won’t make any difference. But it is a symbol of our agreement, so I'd still like her to sign it. 


"Sign after Georgia. Think about it. Think about it hard, baby.” 


Because you’ll have to be brave to take me on with all of my shit. But I really need you to make the right decision. Of your own free will. Which is fucking hard for me to accept. 

“I will,” she whispers as she nuzzles against my neck, and because she’s not directly on my chest it’s fine. More than fine, pretty fucking good actually, and I tighten my grip to pull her even closer. I don't want to let her go, but all too soon we’re home. 


Taylor opens the car door for us, and Ana shyly thanks him and then blushes profusely as she recalls that he’s been privy to our entire conversation. 


I catch him giving her a reassuring smile, as if to say ‘Don't worry; your secrets are safe with me.’ She’s not used to this, but the fact of the matter is, because of the entourage that comes as part of the package, you do lose some of your privacy when you become a billionaire, or a billionaire’s girlfriend. 

So she’s just going to have to get used to it. 


Because I’ve decided. 

That’s what Anastasia is from now on. 

My Girlfriend. 

Hopefully a submissive too, but she is most definitely My Girlfriend from now on. 



I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 




181 comments:

  1. Your chapters are fantastic. I can't wait for the next. Thanks so much.

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    1. Hi PinkPanther. Glad you enjoyed this chapter, it's always good to get positive feedback :)

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    2. I am finding your chapters as inticing as FSG....I can't get enough of Christian's POV. You are an amazing writer. Please keep up the good work

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  2. askdjad omg you're really a terrific writer! thank you for this chapter and thank you for making this ff! xx

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    1. Hi there. Thanks for reading and your kind words. That's what keeps me going! xxx

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    2. I love love love your chapters, I feel like a small child on Christmas when I see you post a new chapter!!!! :)

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    3. I can't agree more!

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  3. Love love love this!!!! Such a sweet ending. Amazing take on Christian's pov and you really really write well. Thanks again for this one. Now im excited for the soaring part. Cant wait for more. :) :) Thanks. xxx

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    1. Hi bubblingpop - great name btw. Well I felt this chapter needed to show some progress in Christian's acceptance of his feelings for Ana, that she's not just another sub to do his will. Thanks for reading. xxx

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    2. WELL DONE!! So excited for more chapters so I can keep reading & enjoying!! Think your Christian POV is spot on! :D

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  4. Amazing writing... better than the books in my opinion

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    1. Hi bibliopoppet. Thank you for your kind words. Good to know that you're enjoying my writing, helps to keep me going :)

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  5. I love your writing! The chapters are fantastic. I always look forward to new chapters and for the stories in the future from Kate's P.O.V. Yeah, your take on the story is far more interesting than the books!

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    1. Hi there. Thanks so much for your positive comments. I think maybe Christian's pov is so interesting because when we look into his mind we discover just what a dirty, dirty boy he is. hehe.

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  6. SO I found your blog I was having some trouble at first because I was waiting for the update link to be emailed so I could check in and over the past days I noticed wow nothing came so I checked to see I missed 1 and you just posted 19 :))

    If I had to pick my favorite 3 Chapters you've written so far CHAPTER 19 IS IN MY TOP 3 FOR SURE!!

    I loved this scene right here... from taking from what the original dialogue and explanation you made that scene between them just so much sweeter ==>> "I'm shocked, speechless. No woman has ever said no to me before. No sub has refused to be spanked – ever. And what she does next completely derails me. She tentatively reaches up and runs her fingers down my cheek, along the edge of my sideburn, then down to the stubble on my chin. She takes my breath away because her touch is soft, tender and so loving. It reaches right into my very being, and I’m lost as I close my eyes to lean into her sweet touch." <<=== I feel like these is EXACTLY where the flip really switched where he started kinda playing on her terms of compromise and ALSO ACCEPTING some type of love or affection, not just being a complete closed off type. Also HE DOESN'T KNOW SOFT AND TENDER... I mean Elena got her grimy paws on him and beat the shit out of him from age like 15... ehh...

    "“But we were at your parents’ dining table.” I wanted to see you struggling to keep control. It would have been good practice for you. No one would ever have suspected us. They think we’re a pair of innocents. Well I suppose you are, and I'm corrupting you..." I like this too it was like BATTLE OF THE WILLS WITH THEM AT THE TABLE and I was so curious as to why on earth he thought it was appropriate...

    "checking to make sure I haven't misread this," was also the best line after asking if the punishment fuck was tolerable because he's starting to realize that YES HER BODY wants him but... her mind is always different sometimes. PLUS, he never used to care what a sub thought about his punishments it was for his pleasure she just HAD to take it... in general I like how you finally he starts realizing he can't fuck her into submission I mean he has tried that and she cried and now wants to go away to think about them...

    "I hate, fucking hate the thought of her leaving and being thousands of miles away on the other side of the continent. And I realise it isn’t just because I won’t be able to fuck her. It’s much more than that. I won’t be able to see her, or touch her, or smell her. I won’t know where she is or what she’s doing – or who with...," ==>> he's so out of his depth he doesn't even see the thoughts he's having ... so thanks for detailing his thought process on why he doesn't want her to go as well as giving her later in the chapter to REALLY think about signing his contract... because he's getting to realize i think how it's a piece of paper... she HASN'T SIGNED IT yet on her own free will has returned to his playroom and wants more of him... more than the contract... even though she hasn't had more before him and he doesn't know HOW or if he could do more so thanks for that :))

    so i'm gonna stop here but this is my favorite chapter BY FAR i swear... I could go on and on and pick out more favorite parts haha

    thanks for continuing with this even though FF.net removed your story, you'd think they'd want more people to keep writing... why not just change the rules you know instead of losing people who are such amazing writers as yourself... and I agree with the others, your take is SO MUCH MORE interesting than the books because Christian is SUCH a complicated character to write from his POV so congrats for taking him on reallllllly :)))

    update sooner rather than laters ?? haha

    lulu

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    1. Hi Lulu. I'm so glad you really liked this chapter, because you know what - I wasn't sure if it was good enough!I guess we all have our moments of self doubt.
      It is so interesting writing about how Christian is slowly, very slowly letting feelings such as love come into his life.

      On a personal note, can you email me at the usual address on here, because I think you may not have received the alert due to a problem with your email address - I think it may have bounced back. xxx

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    2. oh no it was perfect like you DREW me back into the story from an even greater POV like he's just as unsure as she is and you captured that perfect :))

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  7. reading your chapters i realize im becoming more and more like Christian and Anna, impatient and same time i want more. i cant wait for the next chapter and even though i was thinking of putting off reading this till the end so i could just read it all at once, i know i wont be able to. lol.

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    1. Hi n85. I know exactly what you mean, sometimes it's great to only find something when it's finished. I only recently read the Twilight Saga books, and I could read all four books one after the other. Then I watched the dvd's....But of course there is still one more of those to go. Anyway, thanks for being interested :)

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    2. I'm w/ n85!! I keep telling myself I'm going to wait but as soon as I see the update email I'm on it!! :)) Very enjoyable! Thank you

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  8. great chapter. i cant wait to see how you write christian when ana leaves. that should be interesting. i cant wait to see you write about georgia and just how christian ended up at the same hotel as ana and her mom, i think it was more of his stalker tendacies than coincidence. keep up the good work :)

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    1. Hi KC. Yes, so many great bits still to go aren't there? And in upcoming chapters I think we may well discover the true extent of his controlling stalker tendencies. Of course, when you're as rich as Christian, you can pretty much order whatever you want.
      Thanks for your interest. xxx

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  9. Love love love it.......... I so look forward to your chapters and check your site everyday. Can't wait for chapter 20

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    1. Hi there. Thank you so much for your interest. Glad to hear you check in regularly. xxx

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  10. So worth the wait! Your writing continues to be wonderful, and I am anxious to see the rest of the story unfold. I am hoping you will be doing this for all three books..........PLEASE!
    Kirsten

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    1. Hi Kirsten. Nice to hear that you enjoyed this chapter. I'm going to keep going for now, as long as people want me to. xxx

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    2. Watching Christian evolve has been fascinating. I teared up a few times reading this chapter. I'm bracing myself for the final chapter of book 1. On a side note I did get my email notification this time, and was so thrilled to see I had mail from the Christian Grey. ;)

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  11. I love your story, please keep the chapters coming. I also can't wait to see your take on how Christian felt when Ana left him. I really hope you take on all three books (and more) from Christian's POV.

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    1. Hi Jennifer. I think I'll need a huge box of tissues when I'm writing about how Christian feels when Ana leaves him. Thanks for reading my blog. ;)

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  12. fantastic update. I loved this new chapter and I can't wait to read more

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    1. Hi there. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. More to come, just as soon as I've written it!

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  13. Another amazing chapter. Equally amazing was the email I recieved telling of the update. I have to say getting an email from Christian Grey is the best thing I've ever seen in my inbox! Absolutely BRILLIANT!! Please update soon. Yes yes im insatiable always want more Christian Grey!! Laters!

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    1. Hi Dena. Glad the email got through and put a smile on your face!xxx

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  14. What a fan-tastic chapter!!! The punishment fuck scene was SO DAMN HOT!!! And I loved, loved, loved how you explained why he has the series of The Madonna pictures. It was beyond beautiful. The "more" talk that Christian & Ana had on the way home & Ana climbing onto his lap was so tender & sweet. Another amazing chapter & I can't wait for the next one!! You're so awesome :)

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    1. Hi Nicolle. I think any of us would gladly take Ana's punishment from Christian, wouldn't we???? Glad you liked the chapter anyway. :)

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  15. Amazing!! I loveeeed this chapter!

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    1. Hi lisalilac. Glad you enjoyed this chapter, it's always a relief to me when people react positively :)

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  16. Haha, Word to everything Dena said: Getting an email from Christian Grey was brilliant :) You made my day with this update. I love the insight into Christians emotions and thoughts and especially the sweet ending. Can`t wait for more. You are awesome :)
    Laters, Ellen.

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    1. Hi Ellen. Glad the email got through OK and made you smile. More to come as soon as I've finished writing it. xxx

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  17. Great chapter. I was so excited to see the update this morning!!

    Courtney

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    1. Hi Courtney. Nice to hear you enjoyed the chapter. More to come soon. xxx

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  18. Thank you for my fix of Christian! Your work is AMAZING!!! Loved the chapter and looking forward to the next! (Curious12)

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    1. Hi Curious12. Glad you got your fix today. More to come soon, I promise. xxx

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  19. This might be your best work yet! Loved this chapter! Grabbed me right in the heart! Can't wait for 'more!'

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    1. Hi Garmel. Thanks so much for your kind words.I think we will be having some more heart wrenching moments before too long won't we?xxx

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  20. I was so happy to see that Chapter 19 was up. I quickly opened it and read it. Then I figured out what the problem is. It takes considerably less time for me to read a chapter than it does for you to write one. So, just like Ana and the punishment fuck, I am left unfulfilled and wanting more. LOL!! And I don't mean that I didn't love the chapter. Just the opposite. Loved it so much that I am wet in anticipation, thinking about chapter 20. It's especially difficult because I know what is coming next (having read the trilogy 4 times in a row), and I know that your take on Christian's POV is going to be so good. L8Rs.

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    1. Hi Lilly. You've hit the nail on the head. It seriously takes me quite some time to write each chapter, and then check and double check it. And still typos and things get through! And then there is real life to cope with. But all good things come to those that wait, so rest assured Chapter 20 is well on its way to completion, and all I can say is 'silver balls' xxx

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  21. I loved this chapter, gotta be one of my favorites by far!!! You're take on Christian is so insightful and just how i imagined him to be, its brilliant to be able to read his side of the books!!! Can't wait for the next update!!!

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    1. Hi Sazzy. So good to hear that you really liked this chapter, It can be nerve wracking waiting for everyone's reactions. More soon. xxx

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  22. Loved it! I like how he's admitting to himself how much he wants and needs her! His girlfriend! yipee! Can't wait for more. You are doing such a great job with this!

    Krystyne

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    1. Hi Krystyne. If he was any doubt how much he needs her, he's soon going to find out when she's away in Georgia isn't he? Absence makes the heart grow fonder...or more obsessive maybe....

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  23. Once again out the ball park. Love the way you are shedding light on how Christian is starting to realize things within himself and at the same time shows the conflict of what he knows and trying to understand the unknown. So good vs evil. I think we have all been here before and it's just so on the money with him here. Where as in the original books you just want to smack Ana for being so naive about things here you can see his struggle and understanding of her youthfulness.

    Great Job!!!!

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    1. Hi Georgiana. You are so right about Christian. I see my my job as picking out all the subtle things that naive Ana didn't understand, and try to explain what was going through his head. Mostly I think it's just filth tbh, because that is after all how most men's brains are wired (So I'm reliably informed) but as he comes to realise she is more than just his sex toy, he has to to re think his whole ethos. He'll always be a dirty boy though, won't he? xxx

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  24. Another great chapter! I love how he realizes that he needs her...so great!

    Krystyne

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    1. Thanks so much :) Christian is beginning to see the light, isn't he?

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  25. This is great!! I love this chapter, and the previous ones too. I like reading Christian's thought processes as he sees that Ana isn't just going to be a typical sub for him. He really is inexperienced if you look at it that way. Great job! Update soon. Laters!

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    1. Hi Shellbell89. You are exactly right about Christian being inexperienced in relationships. Steep learning curve for him eh? Thanks for reading and reviewing. xxx

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  26. This was brilliant my dear! I loved how at the end Christian decided that from this point on Ana is his girlfriend, hopefully his sub too, but his girlfriend non-the-less. This being said Christian has come so far already in this quasi-relationship thing he has going on w/ Ana. I mean he already knows that he doesn't want to try to manipulate in to doing what he wants. He wants her to stay because she wants. When he asked if he could go with her to Georgia and she told him no I was proud of him for not blowing a gasket or anything. I'm also proud of Christian because he realizes so soon that some of the stuff he likes about Ana is that she challenges him. Plus even though she is scared and he suspects she has her own personal issues, or demons if you will, she still will laugh. When he hears her laugh it is almost like it is music to his soul.

    Thanks again for another great chapter. I loved it so, so much! I also did notice my little tid bit of information mixed in. I think that it was really good that you added it too. Because it showed that they would have the time to discuss things. Thanks again :D

    XOXO,
    Ang

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    1. Hello dear friend :) Yes I think he struggled very hard to keep his cool about Ana going to Georgia, But I saw it that because he worships his own mother, he knows it would be wrong to say that she shouldn't go and visit her mother. I am really looking forward to bringing on the slushy romantic Christian when the time comes. He'll always be a dirty boy though!
      And yes, thanks so much for your inFo, I always think little things like just make the whole story hang together better. No doubt there will be more things I'll have to ask if you don't mind?
      xxx

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    2. Feel free to ask away :) I'm always here to help!

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  27. AH! I am addicted to your writing! I cant wait for more!!!

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    1. Hi Ryann. Glad you're here on the blog. More to come soon. xxx

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  28. Great chapter! Can't wait for Georgia let alone the end when she leaves him and what happens with Elena when he tells her about it.

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    1. Hi there. I can't wait to write the Elena dinner chapter! Thanks for reading and commenting. xxx

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  29. Awesome chapter one of my favorites. I loved that he realized that he wants her as his girlfriend. Can't wait for the next chapter. Don't keep us waiting long we need more!!!!

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    1. Hi smitten. Thanks for reading. Not too long to wait for chapter 20, I promise. xxx

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  30. Love, love, love it! As always another amazing chapter, and a lil side note I really like the pictures you add. It always makes my day to see your blog updated! Thanks for the great work that you do.

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    1. Thank you so much. It's good to know you like the pictures. I didn't know if people liked them or not, but then I decided that I do, so they are going in!

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  31. 1. Eu espero desesperadamente uma atualização...
    2. A atualização acontece...
    3. Eu leio o capítulo como se minha vida dependesse disso...
    4. Eu releio o capítulo pra ter certeza de que eu não perdi nada...
    5. Eu entro em depressão porque não tem outro capítulo...
    6. Eu volto ao item 1.

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    1. Ah Bruna, no too long to wait for the next chapter, and all I can say about it is bolas de prata!

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    2. Sempre tão dramática Bruna...
      Eu acho o ponto de vista do Christian bem mais interessante, toda aquela história de "deusa interior" é um pé no saco...

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    3. É, mas não vamos esquecer que o importante é a história! Eu não li Cinquenta Matizes de Cinza para escutar a Anastasia se perguntando se gosta ou não de apanhar... agora, o Christian é um personagem bem mais interessante e complexo, e é por isso que nós o amamos...

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    4. Eu acho a Anastasia parecida com a Brida, personagem do Paulo Coelho, ambas se deixam introduzir em um mundo desconhecido, no começo sem a mínima confiança do que estão fazendo, mas acabem se deixando seduzir pelo prazer desse mundo. A história (vista desse ângulo) é bem parecida...

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    5. RSRSRS...
      É claro que o pendão sexual de Brida não tem nada a ver com a sua associação né?

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  32. Thank you so much! This is much better than the book. You are truly talented.

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    1. Hi Linda. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm just having a blast writing it, so if anyone else gets pleasure as well then I'm happy. xxx

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  33. I am totally addicted and you are definitely my pusher. This was another great chapter. You have really gotten into Christian's head and I love that he's starting to see how much he cares for Ana. Can't get enough. Thanks for sharing this. **Dana**

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    1. Hi Dana. Oh dear, a pusher am I now? Hope to update soon, so you'll get another fix. xxx

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  34. Omg I never thought of that I can't wait to hear when she leaves him, this was great ty

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  35. I can not believe how hooked I am on these books. I love hearing from Christians POV! You have done such a great job and I find myself feening for more ;) Can't wait for the more!

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    1. Hi there. I think we're all addicted aren't we? Glad you're enjoying the blog anyway. xxx

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  36. Love it!!! Im so exited to read what he think´s, I can't wait for next chapter, and I really hope you write ALL the trilogy, you really have great knowledege about chrisitian POV... just amazing what you do!! kee on going... we keep on following you... to the end!!! Lots of love!!!

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    1. Hi Karely. Thanks for your support, I'll keep going for now anyway :)

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  37. Do you have a psychology background as you seem to get into Christian's mind and in just the right way. I find myself lost when i read your work as I do any great book. Thanks for the update. I can get used to this ritual. You post, we read. We all beg for more. :)

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    1. Hi there. Not exactly a psychology background, just a whole lot of life experience to draw on! Thanks for reading and commenting xxx

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  38. Another great chapter and the SILVER BALLS are coming up next!

    I love the Christian line, "I have this funny achy feeling in my chest. It hurts", because he doesn't fully recognize this completely alien feeling of love when he is already deeply in love with Ana.

    I'm looking forward to reading Christian's thoughts when Ana is away in Georgia =)

    Don't ever stop writing. Please.

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    1. Hi there. Yes, Christian is quite puzzled by his heart ache! Because when you're in love, at times your heart really does hurt, just like in all the songs and stories. Totally new to Christian though. So sweet really, he is like a teenager in love - a rich, powerful, controlling but emotionally immature teenager - a dangerous combination.

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  39. I love CH 20! Will we see more Dr Flynn sessions?

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  40. Wow....I feel like I am reading the actual 50 Shades books! You are an amazing writer! Please keep the chapters coming :) Thank you for writing these!!!!!!

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    1. Well thanks you for reading them! Not much point spending hours tapping away at the computer if no one wants to read your story is there? xxx

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  41. I love this chapter so much. Actually I love all of them! One thing though... it's been bothering me how you use the word "horny". I've never heard it used situationally... only personally. It's awkward for me to read that something is horny, not someone. Just thought I'd mention it. Keep up the awesome writing! I'm looking forward to some silver balls ;)

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    1. Hi there. Interesting about the word 'horny', and I'll bear that in mind for future use. You seriously don't use expressions like 'horny teenagers', 'horny as hell', or even 'I'm so horny' like in the Ashanti song? She's American, so I assumed it's a well known expression there too.xxx
      Not too long to wait for silver balls chapter. xxx

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    2. You are right, it is used widely over here.

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    3. Well yeah we use those phrases, but it's more like "I'm horny as hell" rather than "that was horny as hell". You see what I mean? "That makes me horny" is acceptable. "She looks so horny" is acceptable. A person or group of people can be horny, not a situation. "The book I read was so horny" doesn't make sense. "The book I read made me so horny" makes sense. Perhaps the book was so arousing??? When describing the book, that sounds better to me.

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    4. It's not a problem in this chapter. Previous ones I see it.

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    5. I think this is another American/British thing. We mostly use the word to describe a person's state of mind, um state of being, I guess.

      Krystyne

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  42. Great chapter! Cannot wait for the next one -- you have Christian's POV down so well. Truly enjoyable. Thanks for writing.

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    1. Hi there. Thanks for reading, it's always good to get positive feedback, so thank you. xxx

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  43. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. You're absolutely brilliant! :)

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    1. Hi spikesgurl. Thanks for reading it, glad you enjoyed it ;)

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  44. You're chapters are fantastic, i look forward to them so much...i cant wait for the next one...thank you soo much. Bridget.

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    1. Hi Bridget. Thank you for making your way to my blog. Next chapter very soon xxx

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  45. I love reading your fanfic. You write so well. You were able to keep to their characters - personalities, quirks and all - and I just love it. Please keep writing. I'm so excited to read more - yes, that word. More. :)

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    1. Hi Camie. It's nice to know you like my writing and are enjoying it. xxx

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  46. I've really enjoyed your story, read the whole thing tonight.
    Looking forward to his meeting with 'Mrs Robinson', does she manipulate him?

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    1. Ah the evil Mrs Robinson! I am so looking forward to writing that chapter! Thanks for reading and commenting xxx

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  47. I love your story, you are an amazing writer.
    Can't wait for more!

    ~AnNaLeEmObRiEn

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    1. Hello, nice to see you made it here from FF. More to come soon. xxx

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  48. Oh. My dear writer friend you have really stepped things up...the quality with which you write Christian is quite remarkable. You have captured the perfect balance of revealing insight against the hard edge that we know and find so fascinating! Your blog and "Red, Red, Red" are really elevating FF to an entirely new place. I am so looking forward to reading more of your work...and your adorable humility toward your legions of fans reminds me a bit of E.L.James. It must feel wild to find that you have hit such a chord with talent that I am guessing has to come second to all in your "real life"! As always, my thanks! - Beth (BG Heron)

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    1. Hi Beth. To be honest, I truly cannot believe the level of interest in my little blog! It has somewhat taken on a life of its own at the moment.
      But you are very kind with your comments, I'm very flattered. I also agree that Red,Red,Red's blog is brilliant, she's a very talented writer.
      Now to get on with some writing! xxx

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  49. Greeting from Boston,
    Thanks for your update! As you know all your fans are really appreciated the time you put in this.

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    1. Hi to Boston. Nice to be appreciated, that's for sure :)

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  50. You should be proud! Every time I log in to read your fantastic story, your page view numbers just get bigger and bigger. Wonderful work! By the way, where do I find Red, Red, Red's blog? I'm curious to read that too. Thanks and happy writing!

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    1. Hi Kitty. Thanks :) I can't believe the numbers either! here is the link to red,red,red's blog.http://sunandsurfblog.wordpress.com

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  51. Another great chapter, PLEASE keep them coming.

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  52. I've enjoyed reading this chapter so much. I'm not really sure when he started having feelings for Ana but I think this chapter is a good indication of that since he couldn't bear to be away from her. Considering he only spent weekends with the fifteen that this is saying a lot about his feelings though I think he does not realize it.

    I'm looking forward to your next update! :)

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    1. Hi there. Thanks for reading my blog. Not too long to wait for the next chapter :)

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  53. keep em comin!!!

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  54. I love all these chapters. Keep going. Can't wait to read the next. I love how Christian is finally realizing how he feels about Ana.

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    1. Hi Mish. I do love a bit of romance as well as all the smut!

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  55. Absolutely flippin' fantastic. I'm so hooked. It's like a little bit of Christmas everytime you post a new chapter.

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    1. Thanks Zanadu. New chapter this weekend to keep you hooked.

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  56. Love your story. It is exactly the way I feel Christian thinks/feels. I believe out of all the fan fiction from his perspective, yours is the best. Can't wait for your take on what he is going through when Ana is in Georgia. I check all the time for updates. Thank you for your story :)

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    1. Hi JCP. Glad you think I've got Christian about right. New chapter this weekend. xxx

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  57. O fim de semana não vai chegar rápido o suficiente...
    Eu acho que meu coração não vai aguentar tanta espera!

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    1. Hi Bruna, It's not that long to wait, really! Your heart might give out after you read about the silver balls though :)

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  58. Another brilliant chapter Looking forward to the next one. Sometimes I forget this is a fan fiction as it's so well written and in keeping with the characters I could actually imagine the E L James had written this herself. Loved the mention of the Madonna pictures because I did wonder about them. Also love this 'And what she does next completely derails me. She tentatively reaches up and runs her fingers down my cheek, along the edge of my sideburn, then down to the stubble on my chin. She takes my breath away because her touch is soft, tender and so loving.' Such great writing and insight into Christian and his feelings for Ana. Can't wait for the next update :)

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    1. Hi Laura Louise :) Glad you're enjoying my take on Fifty. As far as the Madonna pictures are concerned, Ana notes that he treats his mother almost with reverence at times, but is puzzled by his Madonna pictures. So I just put those together for my interpretation. I think it's plausable, so I'm glad you liked that part :)

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  59. SO wonderful!! im so happy i found this bc i was following you on the previous web site!! i loved the books and i love your version of christian....Keep writting! =)

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    1. Glad you managed to find your way to my blog. xxx

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  60. Better than the books. I read this all in one go and I think you have got this character down quite well. It would be great to have a man (assuming you are a woman) give his opinion as to Christian's POV and if it would ring true to him.

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    1. Hi Mari. Yes I am a woman :) I do run a lot of things past my other half for his opinion, to get a man's point of view, to try to make things as realistic as possible. It has led to some rather unusual conversations I must say! xxx

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  61. It's dragonzfire718 from ff.net. I finally got to catch up and am sooooooo loving how you're doing Christian's POV. Can't wait to read more :-)

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    1. Hi there, very glad you found your way over to my blog :)

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  62. I can't wait for more...more....more!!!!!Please, give us more!!!:-)
    Joyce

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    1. I'm working on it. Chapter 20 is about to upload :)

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  63. So much looking forward what comes next. Anticipating a certain "emphatically new" pair of silver balls, a pleasure spanking, a morning of desk-love with disconcerted "who's in charge here" Christian, and, well, more. Much more.

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    1. Hi n-boston. Yep, all that and more to come. xxx

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  64. Thank you for your chapters!!t ...I felt let down and lost after I read all three of the books. I hope you continue with all three of the books......I want to see how christen changes and grows from his prospective. And you are doing fantastic!!! Thanks again I have told a ton of my friends about your blog!! Its amazing!!

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    1. Hi there. Not sure exactly how far I'm going to take this, but I have no plans to stop at the moment :)

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  65. Bellisimo!!!

    ~~Nancy~~

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    1. Hi Nancy. Well I'm glad you think this is beautiful!

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  66. Um this is fantastic! I spent all day reading UPDATE MORE!

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  67. omg so gd , got to keep on reading xx

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  68. wow, just found this from fb and i have sat here for 4 hours and just completed the 20 chapters! job well done. cant wait for "more"

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  69. I have one question. Why am I crying??? Ughhhh *moans* I'm a mess! Just so touching! Thank you for this blog, thank you, thank you, thank you!

    So delicious! More, please . . .

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  70. Hi my names heather loved this chapter and the explanation of the painting of madonna and child i love your work its very well written but i still want more mmmmmm

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    1. Hi Heather. I think Christian literally worships the ground his mom walks on, hence the Madonna paintings. More to come.Thanks for your interest.

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  71. I loved that chapter especially that last bit when he says he's decided that Anastasia was his Girlfriend & hopefully a submissive as well, but she is most definitely his Girlfriend from then on.

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  72. Hi,

    I am now a devoted fan! Full of Alpha male and the sexy but yet need of a touch and love. Oh my that is so hot!

    Over heated and thrusty,

    Ann

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    Replies
    1. Hi Ann.A handsome, rich, domineering, skilled, alpha male. Mmm, yes please!

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  73. Love love love this chapther how you murged what they both see as inappropriate behavior to be so different.

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  74. im dreading this as i only have one more chapter left please when are the next lot due not to long i hope.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Georgina - don't panic - there are 40 chapters so far, and I'm working on chapter 41 :) Glad to hear how you've been enjoying reading my blog as you've progressed through the chapters :)

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    2. hi thankyou for your reply i have now read them all with very little sleep but i dont mind they are all brilliantly written and look forward to the next one with baited breathe you truley are gifted and hope you go on to write something of your own i will certainly be buying it if you do thankyou for a few wonderful days its certainly has helped with all the problems ive had latley thankyou

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    3. thankyou for your reply i have now read all the chapters not had much sleep but who cares,i really hope you go on to write a book of your own,if you do how will we know its you? thankyou for a few wonderful days and look forward to the next.

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    4. Oh don't worry Georgina- once I am ready to self publish my own work, I will be sure to let everyone know about it. It's good to know that reading my writing has cheered you up - that's what it's all about, isn't it?

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  75. i really hope you do the whole book...i want to know how christian felt on some many different parts...like when ana left him, when he seen her for the first time after those five days, i want to know what he thought while he was with leila, when he got down on his knees in front of ana when she was going to leave again, how he felt when his mom and him were in the bathroom on his birthday....so many....YOU ARE AWESOME!!

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  76. I loved this chapter. Lost count how many time I read it.
    Kim

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  77. I am really enjoying this fan fiction on someone else's fan fiction! ^_^ At first I wasn't sure about it because I like to stick to authentic additions to storys (meaning by the author) but as addicting as I found the original trilogy, she really is not that great of a writer, but she sure as hell had a good plot and intriguing characters! But your writing is so much more fluid and readable, as well as varied. The sex scenes aren't as monatonous as hers cause you make them flow and put more info into them! Thank you for writing! It really is a pleasure to read!

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  78. Welcome on board, and I'm glad you're enjoying reading my blog.

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  79. If you understand spanish read this...ME ENCANTA!!! If you don't... I LOVE IT!!!

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  80. I'm addicted to your blog and definitely love this chapter so much..Its very sweet..No doubl when see a lot of comments on this..

    From Vietnam with love :-*

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  81. I love love LOVE your writing! I'm can't wait to read the rest of Christian's pov. I so hope you continue with the whole trilogy! I'm going to buy your books right now! You're amazing!
    Hannah

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  82. So interesting how Christian, the Dom, becomes so vulnerable in this chapter. He is falling in love and doesn't realize it. You capture his uncontrolled feelings so well.......such a nice background in which to understand the Christian who appears in the books. Those of us who love the stories of Christian and Ana are so lucky that you have written Christian's POV. You've written Christian exactly as I imagined he was.....softened his character....made him more emotional. Brava!

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    1. Christian is such a complex character, isn't he? Glad you're enjoying my blog anyhow :)

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  83. I am new to the Fifty Shades of Grey party. I shied away from reading them the first time because of my own past experiences which included a lot of abuse. After some really fantastic therapy and the love & support of my family and friends, I decided I would try to read it again. And I am so very happy I did. I love this trilogy. And I'm happy you have given us Christian's POV. I had to comment on this chapter because I'm sitting here with a huge grin on my face ... Christian's falling in love. Anastasia is his "girlfriend", something he's never had before. Thank you so much for your perspective and for all your efforts to continue the story for us. I guess I have to get myself ready for what's coming, but I have no doubt it will be wonderfully written, and I'll cry again. Thank you!!

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  84. I actually clapped and there's this silly smile on my face. He's decided she's his girlfriend. Yay!

    Now if only he'd realize what those strange feelings are that he's feeling. But I think someone has to spell it out to him.

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  85. I love this chapter

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Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.