I find myself telling Ana about my hobby of soaring or gliding. I think to myself that she would really enjoy it, it would be pretty cool to take her up… What the fuck are you thinking Grey? You don't take a sub places like soaring, remember?
As we land on the roof of Escala, before we make our way inside, I feel compelled to reassure her that she still has choices.
"I'd never do anything I didn't want to, Christian," she calmly states. So I just have to hope that she wants to do what I want.
She seems overwhelmed by my apartment.
"It's a very big place you have here," she murmurs, as she sips the glass of Pouilly Fume I give her. One or two glasses of a decent wine will be fine to help her relax, unlike the quantity of cheap nasty alcohol she drank the other night to get into such an intoxicated state.
"Big?" My place just seems normal to me.
"Big," she confirms.
"It's big," I finally agree, deciding to take it as a compliment. I guess all my previous submissives took for granted the lifestyle of the affluent Dominants that recruited them. I've never really thought about it before. None of them ever expressed any kind of an opinion about my apartment that I can recall. They never really expressed any opinions at all, that wasn't their role.
We get signing the nondisclosure agreement out of the way. Ana signs it without even reading it, stating firmly that she wouldn't say anything to anyone in any case. I believe her, and it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable about insisting she sign, but I know it's a sensible precaution.
Then what she says next takes me by surprise.
"Does this mean you're going to make love to me tonight, Christian?"
This question shows how little she understands about me, so I know I mustn't delay any further. I must get to the heart of things, to see where we go from here. But first I correct her.
"I don't make love. I fuck… hard," I tell her brutally, and watch as her mouth drops open in shock. That's the truth of it baby.
She's so naïve and clueless, that when I say I want to show her my playroom, she thinks we're going to play on my Xbox. I love this innocence of hers, but that's what's going to make her run for the hills isn't it?
I feel incredibly nervous as I prepare to open the door. I'm now going to reveal the extent of my dark side to this beautiful creature. My conscience makes me reiterate to her that if she wants to leave at any time, the helicopter is on standby to take her wherever she wants to go. Whatever she decides will be fine.
I'm lying of course. I want her to stay more than I think I've ever wanted anything before, but short of TPE I have no choice. The thought of Anastasia and Total Power Exchange really excites me, so I quickly shut down that train of thought before it gets too out of hand, bearing in mind where we are about to enter.
I open the door and let her in.
I can't help it, as she looks at each piece of equipment, I'm picturing her, very vividly picturing her. First off I'm seeing her naked, wrists shackled to my iron grid, and then up against my cross as I fuck her hard. Really hard and fast. I see her glance up at the carabiners, and I think of her bound up in coarse natural filament rope and then suspended from the ceiling. Shit, that is so incredibly horny.
I see fear flit across her face when she looks over at the rack of canes. She is right to be fearful - caning is the harshest punishment, but the most effective. I enjoy caning very much. She will learn in time that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, one sensation heightening the other. I will show her that pain can be the most intense aphrodisiac.
But recognizing the fear in her eyes, I know that I'll need to reassure her that we will take things slowly and work up to this. She will have a lot to learn but I really desperately hope she is going to let me be her Master to tutor her.
I see her touch the soft suede of the flogger, and I tell her what it is. This is something we could start with. The touch of the flogger is really quite light and sensual, and I think she would enjoy it. I know I would take great pleasure in introducing her to it while she is fettered spread-eagled on the bed in here, perhaps blindfolded to heighten the sensation. I'm already planning our first scene. But because I want it so much, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
Although she hasn't yet run screaming from my playroom, I still have no idea what is going through her mind. Fuck. I need to know. I desperately need to know.
"Say something," I demand.
Finally she starts opening up and asking questions. I'm relieved, it means her answer isn't an instant 'no'. She's still here and she's curious. So far, so good.
Just as I do in business when I'm negotiating a new contract of any sort, I try to answer her questions as openly and honestly as I can:
- I do this to women who want me to. And I'm gonna try every trick in the fucking book to make you want this.
- I want to do it with her very much, even though it'd be easy enough to find other willing women. Frustratingly, it has to be you Miss Steele. I can't leave you alone. Moth to a flame.
- I'm a Dominant. I side step the question of being a sadist.
- I want her to surrender herself to me, in all things, to please me. You'll really want that baby, trust me.
- I want her to follow my rules, and I will punish her if she doesn't. That's the best part. It will ensure that you stop fucking well defying me. I will be in control.
I decide that we need to go through all the detailed paperwork to clarify the specifics involved with being my sub. In any case, we need to get out of my playroom because it's just too fucking difficult for me to concentrate and think clearly with her in here, after all the times I've fantasized about it.
But maybe I've been too frank and brutal – I'm disappointed to see she's reluctant to take my hand as we make to leave the room. Shit. I've blown it. This is all too much for her, she thinks I'm some kind of a pervert who's going to keep her here against her will. Tempting, but no, I would never do that. She has to know she can trust me. But I've never felt so helpless and frustrated about getting what I want.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Anastasia," I promise her. And I mean it.
At least not until I've gotten her written permission.
"My room? You're expecting me to move in?"
Clearly the thought of this horrifies her, even as I explain that it would be just weekends. Shit. Not a good reaction. Most subs would happily move in full time given half the chance.
Neither does she seem happy that we won't be sleeping together in the same bed. I've given her the wrong impression with my behavior up to now. It mustn't happen again. I'm sending out the wrong signals and I need to be clearer. She must know and understand her place, understand how things work between a Dom and his sub.
We go back downstairs. She needs to eat. I worry that she never seems to eat very well. That's another thing I'll be able to iron out when she is my sub, stop all this nonsense with her just picking at food.
She asks more questions, so we go to my study and I show her the rules part of the contract.
Seems she has a problem about accepting money from me for clothes. She thinks it would make her some kind of a prostitute. But I don't see it like that. It's just a practical arrangement to ensure she wears what I choose for her, the kind of clothes I like. I certainly can't bear to see her in the hideous kind of crap she wore when she came to interview me. Nothing but the very best will do for Anastasia.
She doesn't want to exercise four times a week. For fucks sake, I've never had to negotiate this way with any sub before. Serves you right Grey for breaking with protocol. She needs to build up stamina - I don't want her fainting or passing out when I fuck her god knows how many times in god knows how many ways. But at least she is negotiating, not running out of the door.
"And if I don't want to do this?" she asks.
I feel despair wash over me. She's going to say no.
"That's fine," I lie. Truth is, it's gonna kill me. But I calmly confirm this is the only way things can be between us. This is the way I am, the only way I know.
We move on to discuss my hard limits. I think they are perfectly reasonable, and I'm very curious to see if hers will be inline with mine. Thanks to Elena, I've pushed every limit, tried every experience, so I know exactly what I like and what I don't.
"Is there anything you'd like to add? Anything you won't do?" I ask her gently after she's read my hard limits. She looks bewildered and confused.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
She seems so shy and awkward about all this. Has she maybe had a bad experience? Maybe it was her last boyfriend, maybe he was a dick and he's put her off having sex. But there's nothing she could possibly have done with him that would shock me. From the lack of information all the checks have come up with, it must have been a while ago. I fucking hate the thought of her being with anyone else, in fact it makes me fucking mad.
"I've never done anything like this." She looks very uncomfortable as she confesses this.
"Well, when you've had sex, was there anything that you didn't like doing?" I gently probe, trying to be patient and understanding as she blushes furiously. Perhaps it was anal sex that caused a problem. That needs really careful preparation and training, so if her boyfriend was too rough with her, I guess that could have been a pretty bad experience to get over.
"You can tell me, Anastasia. We have to be honest with each other or this isn't going to work."
Christ, what the hell is going on here? Why doesn't she just spit out whatever is bugging her, instead of just nervously looking down at her fingers?
"Tell me," I say forcefully, getting frustrated with her.
But what she says next is the very last thing I ever expected to hear.
"Well… I've not had sex before, so I don't know," she whispers.
Fucking hell! Fucking, fucking hell!
"Never?" I utter in total disbelief. She shakes her head.
Shit! This cannot be true. How is this possible, how could she have gotten to the age of nearly twenty two and never have had sex? She's a goddam virgin?
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Let me make sure I've got this right.
"You're a virgin?" I spit out.
She nods her confirmation.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I not have worked this out? I've just shown a totally innocent virgin really heavy, serious BDSM shit. I've calmly discussed things like hard limits with her, so have I mentally scarred her? Put her off sex for life? What have I done? I am so fucking furious that I struggle to hold it together. I close my eyes and count to ten as I run my fingers through my hair in frustration.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I demand.
You'd think she might have mentioned it, dropped it into the conversation somewhere along the way, instead of letting me expose her to things that an innocent young virgin has no right to see. I mean, I knew she was inexperienced, but a virgin? No one's a virgin after the age of sixteen – or even fifteen in my case – are they?
"I don't understand why you didn't tell me."
I rant further at her to the point where she asks why I'm angry with her, and I realize that I have to calm down; this isn't her fault, it's mine. I should have worked out before why none of the checks on her ever picked up the hint of a boyfriend at any point. I just assumed we'd missed something. Now it turns out we never found a previous lover for the simple reason that there has never been one.
I'm so corrupt and twisted that it never occurred to me that a beautiful young woman like Anastasia could possibly have remained untouched for so long. Christ, all the boys must have been lining up to lay a beauty like her, and yet she's never given any of them the chance, never been tempted to experiment.
A virgin. A real live virgin. She must feel as if she's walked into some hell hole. No wonder she thought my playroom would have an Xbox or PlayStation in it.
And yet… she's still here, calmly talking to me, taking everything so coolly. Wow, she is one brave young woman.
"Do you want to go?" I ask her gently.
"No, unless you want me to go," she murmurs as she looks up at me with those beautiful eyes. I am in awe of her. Despite everything, she still wants to be here, with me. I start to think about what this means. Of course I want her to stay, I really want her to stay. I like having her here.
So what happens now? I check my watch, and see it's gotten late.
Do I send her away? Do I let her go, knowing that inevitably, before much longer, some other fucker's going to get their grubby paws on her to claim her sweet precious virginity?
Some fucker like Jose the photographer boy? I feel a huge surge of fury and jealousy sweep through my body at the thought of any other man having her.
Anastasia came here tonight thinking I was going to make love to her. She planned, she wanted to give her virginity to me, she's chosen me to be her first lover, me to be the first man to have her.
Beautiful, sweet Anastasia. She's never had any other man touch her in that way. This means that if I take her tonight, she will be completely mine, only mine. And I love, fucking love that thought.
She needs to experience sex before she can possibly understand and agree to any kind of an arrangement with me. It makes sense that the first step in her initiation as my sub would be to cover all types of basic sex with her. Vanilla sex may not be my thing, but it's simple enough and I'd sure as hell be willing to try it with Anastasia. I think I can manage a few simple basic fucks. It would be my pleasure to initiate her, and it occurs to me that if I make it totally, mindblowingly amazing for her, she'll be much more likely to willingly sign up as my sub. Good plan, Grey. Fuck her into submission.
As I contemplate all this, I see Ana unconsciously biting her soft, full bottom lip in the sexy way that drives me wild, and that's it, my decision is made.
"Come. We're going to rectify the situation right now. I'm going to make love to you, now."
Maybe there are just enough hearts and flowers in these words for Anastasia, because she agrees. As I tell her to forget about the rules for now, the words are as much for my benefit as hers.
I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission.