19 June 2012

Chapter 11 - Graduating

As the Chancellor gets to his feet with his opening speech to start the graduation ceremony, I scan the rows of faces for the one that I'm desperate to find. The auditorium is packed, so it takes a while for me to find her. But there she is, sat in the second row, wearing her cap and gown same as everyone else, sinking down in her seat to avoid my eye. 

Miss Anastasia Rose Steele. 

The woman that I spent all of last night thinking about, worrying about, deliberating about. She's here and at least now I know for sure that's she's safe.

She is making me insane. I wish I'd never met her. That's a lie, of course. My life was just a void, an empty mass of nothingness until she tripped her way into my office and into my life. And the reason she was there was the same reason that I'm here today. My involvement with WSU. Environmental science, farming for third world countries to find ways to eradicate hunger and poverty. It's a cause very close to my heart – well it would be if I had one.

But good cause or not, this morning is going to be interminable. Speeches, more speeches, and then hundreds of fucking degrees to hand out. I have to sit through all of this shit before I'll get an opportunity to speak to Ana. And speak to me she will, because this situation between us has got to be resolved one way or another. Either she signs up, or I'm going to have to force myself to somehow forget about her and move on.

The Chancellors' speech is boring as fuck, so of course I find myself looking at Ana. I'm pleased to see she blushes as she notices which tie I'm wearing. She unconsciously touches her wrists, no doubt recalling how I used it to tie her to the headboard in her room before I gave her a good hard fuck. God, that was so good, but I can't sit here for the next however many hours with a hard on, so I take a deep breath to marshal my thoughts and stare at the WSUV emblem above the entrance.

I won't be ignored or messed around any longer. This is not me. This is not the way I do things. I need to refocus. I need a new sub; if not Miss Steele, then I can easily find another little brown haired girl who will be more than willing to sign up to be fucked any which way I dictate.

Who am I kidding? Try as I might, I can't dispel all these evocative images and thoughts that keep replaying through my mind. Gazing into those beautiful blue eyes of Ana's. Being buried deep within her exquisite tight, velvety lushness. Feeling her fingers in my hair as she clutches me to her. Hearing her call my name as she climaxes. How connected I feel with her. How sweet and soft she feels when I wrap myself around her in my bed. How at ease I feel sleeping with her. How the nightmares stay away when I'm with her.

None of these thoughts are those of a Dominant with his sub. These are thoughts of love making, almost 'hearts and flowers'. This is not me. This is not the way I do things. I don't make love. I fuck – hard.

The Chancellor has finished droning on, so now it's Miss Kavanagh's turn to make her Valedictorian speech 'What Next After College?' To my surprise, she's a very good speaker and I'm actually quite impressed by her. I've done business with her father - he's a very successful and charismatic man.

 So it seems she is her father's daughter and the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. I wonder if Elliot really is as smitten with her as he claims, or is she just another in his long line of conquests? At least Kate has a brain, unlike some of his previous girlfriends, and I can imagine that Dad would be impressed by a sharp cookie like Kate. Time will tell, and it's really none of my business.

So now I'm being introduced. The Chancellor goes on about how I'm a self-made man, blah, blah, blah, and then touches on the main reason they want me here – 'a major benefactor to our university'. Money – I'm under no illusion that there is any other reason they tolerate my involvement in the environmental science department.

I roll out my usual speech with confidence. My hook, what grabs the audience's attention, is when I say that I have personally known what it's like to be profoundly hungry. It's something that never leaves you. If, through my success in business, I can in some small way prevent someone else in the world going through that, then I'm happy to enable it.

Speech over, the long and extremely tedious business of handing out four hundred degrees and shaking four hundred hands begins. I make a mental note to tell my PR guys never to agree to me doing this ever again, no matter what. There is only one person that I'm looking forward to see, and it takes a whole fucking hour for her turn to arrive.

Despite everything, I'm still stupidly pleased to see Ana. But I have to know.

"Congratulations, Miss Steele." Shaking her hand, I feel the usual spark between us, as always. "Do you have a problem with your laptop?" Why the fuck didn't you answer me?

She frowns back at me. "No."

"Then you are ignoring my e-mails?"

"I only saw the mergers and acquisitions one."

What? Is she saying she didn't like the tone of my email or something? It was perfectly clear and logical. What was she expecting from me?

But of course there is still a great long queue of students behind her waiting their turn, so I have to let her go.

"Later," I tell her, so she knows that I'm not done with her. She looks puzzled as she moves away and heads back to her seat.

Finally, after yet another hour, we're done. Thank Christ for that.

As soon as we're off the stage, I want to go and find Anastasia, but infuriatingly I'm collared by the Chancellor and two of the teaching staff, busily brown nosing and sucking up to me. It takes all my self-control to remain polite, and I have to remind myself of the PR reasons why I'm here. 

Luckily I manage to catch Kate's eye as she's walking by. I don't want Ana sneaking off before I get a chance to talk to her and before I have to leave for my next meeting.

"Would you be so kind as to find Anastasia and ask her to come here straight away, before she does anything else," I instruct her urgently.

"Why? Won't you be seeing her after anyway?" she queries rudely.

"I need to see her now. Could you please go and fetch her for me, at once," I insist. Just fucking do it.

I stare her down, and she mutters 'okay' as she heads back out into the auditorium. 

A couple of minutes later I'm relieved to see Kate returning with Ana, so I make my excuses, and smile my thanks at Kate.

After such a long drawn out wait, my temper and frustration are barely under control, and I really need to talk to Ana in private. I see what looks like a locker room, so I steer her in there. Thankfully it's empty, so I lock the door and then turn to face her. She's not going anywhere until I get something out of her. I want some answers and I want them now.

"Why haven't you e-mailed me? Or texted me back?"

"I haven't looked at my computer today, or my phone." I find this unbelievable – she doesn't check them for hours and hours on end? How irresponsible of her.

"That was a great speech. Explains your food issues to me."

I know this is just a ploy to distract me. It's not what I want to talk to her about.

"I've been worried about you," I tell her, exasperated.

"Worried, why?"

"Because you went home in that death-trap you call a car."

"What? It's not a death-trap. It's fine. Jose regularly services it for me. The Beetle used to belong to his mother."

What the fuck? Another link to photographer boy? Yet another reason to get rid of that car.

"Yes, and probably her mother and her mother before her. It's not safe."

"I've been driving it for over three years. I'm sorry you were worried."

I decide not to argue about it any longer. Taylor has Ana's car situation well in hand. The usual Audi A3 will be ready tomorrow. Time to cut to the chase.

"Anastasia, I need an answer from you. This waiting around is driving me crazy."

I see a look of panic cross her face.

"Christian, I …look, I've left my stepdad on his own." More delaying tactics. She's trying to avoid the issue.

"Tomorrow. I want an answer by tomorrow." Enough. I can't go on like this.

She looks at me and blinks.

"Okay. Tomorrow, I'll tell you then."

I find myself relaxing a little now, knowing that there is a deadline, an end to my torment in sight. Or the beginning of a worse torment maybe. But surely it has to be better to know the worst rather than live with this uncertainty hanging over me all the time.

"Are you staying for drinks?"

"I don't know what Ray wants to do."

"Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him."

I'm actually very curious about Ray Steele. Ana chose to live with him rather than her mom and her new husband, so she must think a lot of him. I suppose he's the only father she's known, as according to the background check, her natural father died when she was just a day old. And Ray must be quite a guy to take on raising his ex-wife's teenage daughter on his own. Why Ana felt uncomfortable about living with her mom and her third husband seems a bit of a mystery. As I recall from the check, that marriage lasted less than six months, whereas Ray and Ana's mom were married about sixteen years. I think I'll get some in depth background checks run on this third husband Stephen Morton guy as well as Ray. I just have a gut feeling there's more to this than Ana is letting on, that maybe I might gain some insight into some of her low self-esteem issues. My gut feeling is rarely wrong.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

What? Most women would be dying to show off that they'd caught the eye of a billionaire for Christ's sake.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No! But introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes."

At first I'm a bit offended, but then I'm struck by Ana's naïve honesty. She's an adult, she can make her own choices. She only has to tell her dad what he needs to know. That's what I do with my family. I'm amused at the picture of her dad coming after me. I've never been in this situation before. Another first.

"Just so you know, I can run quite fast. Just tell him I'm your friend, Anastasia."

I unlock the door and we make our way out of the locker room, and Ana quickly scuttles off in search of her stepdad. I have to make excuses to the Chancellor and the rest of the faculty who are now staring at me.

"We just needed to clarify some details regarding the interview Miss Steele undertook with me for the student magazine," I tell them impassively, daring them to question me. Then I quickly wind everything up with them so I can head over to the marquee to find Ana and her dad before they get a chance to leave.

The marquee is massive and crowded, so it takes a while to get a drink and then try to find Ana. The supposed champagne is cheap, nasty, sparkling wine of the worst sort, not even served chilled. Disgusting.

Then I spot her with a man, whom I presume to be her step-dad, on the other side of the marquee and I fix my stare on her as I start to make my way over in that direction. But then I don't like what I see one bit. Some tall blonde guy comes along and sweeps Ana up in his arms and then twirls her round as she laughs up at him. She is no longer wearing her hat and gown, and I can see that she is wearing a floaty grey halter neck dress that shows off her naked back. 

The thought of this guy actually touching the bare skin of her back is making me fucking mad, and I have to get a grip on my emotions so I don't lose it big time.

Who the fuck is this? How come I don't know about him? He can just take his big motherfucking paws right off her. She's mine. All mine and I'll prove that to him if he doesn't back off. I don't like the fact that they actually look pretty good together, and I sense a real threat here. The rage and jealousy that surges through me makes a total mockery of my earlier thoughts that if Ana doesn't sign up with me, I can just move on from her without a backward glance.

As I get to them, the guy still has his arm possessively around Ana's waist. I want to rip his arm off, but I control myself to just glare at him. But in my head, he's already shredded into small pieces.

Kate has also joined us, and my earlier admiration of her soon evaporates when she starts up with her meddling and interfering. She and Elliot make quite a pair with their shit stirring abilities.

"Hello Ray," she says, as she kisses both his cheeks. Obviously they've met before.

Ray is standing there in his badly fitting suit, looking decidedly ill at ease and uncomfortable. He's clearly the type of man who hates social occasions such as these. He's of average height, with dark curly hair and deep, soft brown eyes that I have a feeling don't miss very much.
Kate then casually drops her bombshell, and I can see by the look in her eye that she knows full well what she's doing. 

"Have you met Ana's boyfriend Christian Grey?"

Ana looks horrified at being outed to her dad in this way, but I'm not going to give Miss Kavanagh the satisfaction of reacting. So I don't miss a beat.

"Mr Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you," I say as I offer him my hand to shake. Give her dad his due, he just calmly shakes my hand with a good firm grip, although I see him give his step daughter a quizzical look.

"And this is my brother, Ethan Kavanagh," Kate says.

So that explains who this fucker is, and now I can see the family resemblance to his sister. I somehow manage to remain civil and shake his hand, but my next move is to get her away from him and show him that she is mine. Seeing as how I've now been labeled as Ana's boyfriend, that's how I'm going to act. Actually, I'm surprised to discover that I rather like it.

"Ana, baby," I murmur endearingly as I hold my hand out to her, but actually I'm commanding her to get herself away from him and over here next to me immediately. I fix a smile on my face as Ana moves out of his filthy arms and comes over to me, where she should be.

Her mission complete, Kate now smiles smugly as she drags her brother away to meet up with their parents. Yes, she is so like Elliot in so many ways.

Ana still hasn't said anything, but now her step dad wants to find out what's going on. Ray might be a quiet man, but I can tell already that he's nobody's fool.

"So how long have you kids known each other?" he quietly asks.

"Couple of weeks or so now. Is that all it is? We met when Anastasia came to interview me for the student magazine." It does make a refreshing change to be open and honest about how we met. No lies or cover up required.

I put my arm around Ana, running my thumb over the perfect silky skin of her back as I do so, then I possessively grip her shoulder. I'm sending out a message loud and clear. My territory here. She is mine, make no mistake about that, any other fuckers out there.

"Didn't know you worked on the student magazine, Ana." Ray seems pissed to be out of the loop here.

So she doesn't tell him everything she gets up to. Interesting. She mumbles something about Kate being ill as her excuse.

"Fine speech you gave, Mr Grey," Ray turns his gaze at me, clearly sizing me up as his step daughter's newly discovered boyfriend. And suddenly it seems really important that he doesn't find me wanting. I realize that he's not the kind of man that's going to be impressed just because I'm rich, he's not the type to suck up or become obsequious. He clearly doesn't have a clue who I am anyway, and I like that.

"Thank you, sir. I understand that you're a keen fisherman." I remember Ana telling me this on our first date at the coffee shop. Details like this are very often gold dust, so I make a point of filing them away in my memory for future reference.

And now my attention to detail pays off, because I can see that I've hit the mark with Ray. His face lights up as he smiles back at me. We now talk as one fisherman to another. I'm happy to think that in his eyes I can't be all bad as I can hold my own on all the different types of fly fishing.

This is clearly a subject that holds no interest for Ana, so she wanders off to talk to Kate, but I don't let her out of my sight. I don't want the Kavanagh kid to think he can muscle in on her again. I smile to myself as I see her berating Kate for dropping her in it with Ray.

"There was another matter I wanted to ask you about, Mr. Steele." I seize the opportunity to talk to him before Ana returns.

"What might that be then, Mr. Grey?"

"Please, it's Christian. Well, I'm planning to give Anastasia a special graduation gift, but I wanted to run it by you first, get your opinion." It's a done deal whatever he says, but hey, I'm creating the illusion that he's giving his permission.

"I see. Fire away then, son. What is it?"

"I hope you don't think it's over the top, but I'm in the fortunate position of being able to provide her with a brand new car that has all the latest safety features," I start to explain, watching Ray's face for his reaction. He says nothing, he doesn't give much away, but his eyes are looking straight at me.

"Go on."

"Look, don't think I'm being sexist here, but I think women drivers need all the help they can get. Most just aren't natural drivers are they?"

Knowing how clumsy Ana seems to be, I can't imagine her driving is going to be that great.

Ray chuckles.

"You've got that right, Christian. I swear it took ten years off my life when I taught Ana to drive. I'm amazed she got through her test and passed, truth be told."

Now it's my turn to chuckle.

"So it's alright with you if I give Anastasia a new car? Even up the odds a little, give her some help in the 'staying out of trouble' department?"

"I'd say she's a pretty lucky girl if you can do that for her. Can't guarantee the car will stay all shiny and new for long though, not the way Ana parks," Ray jokes, and we both laugh now, as Ana comes back to rejoin us. She seems surprised to see Ray so relaxed, and scowls as she senses some sort of private joke between us two men.

Ray leaves us to make his way out to the restrooms, and then a photographer jumps me and Ana. However, as I'm at an official function, I don't object to the picture being taken. I am aware that his picture will probably sell very well, as it'll be the first one ever of me out with a woman. Another first.

"So you've charmed my father as well?"

"As well?"

Ana flushes, and I feel compelled to touch her cheek, and then raise her chin so that I can look into her eyes. "Oh I wish I knew what you were thinking, Anastasia."

And there it is again, that tension, that electricity, that connection arcing between us. The rest of the world disappears as we gaze at one another.

"Right now, I'm thinking, nice tie," she whispers.

I grin as I think again of how I used it to restrain her before when I fucked her in her bedroom. Hmm, happy, happy memories.

"It's recently become my favorite. You look lovely, Anastasia. This halter neck dress suits you, and I get to stroke your back, feel your beautiful skin."

As I run my fingertips across her naked back, I feel her breath hitch and her breathing becomes erratic. She's just as turned on as I am.

"You know it's going to be good, don't you baby?" I murmur.

She closes her eyes and seems to be fighting some sort of internal battle before she finally speaks.

"But I want more," she whispers.


She wants more. Part of me is thrilled by this word. She isn't rejecting me, she wants more of me. But another part of me is horrified. I can't do more. There is no more that I can give. None that she would want anyway, fucked up man that I am.

"More. You want hearts and flowers." I trace my finger over her full soft lower lip as she nods, her eyes tense as she looks for my reaction.

"Anastasia, it's not something I know," I try to explain and let her down gently. Doesn't she deserve hearts and flowers, Grey?

"Me neither." Poor kid, this is her first experience, no wonder she wants more. She deserves better than you.

"You don't know much."

"You know all the wrong things."

"Wrong? Not to me. Try it." I cajole her, because I just know, I'm certain that things would be really good between us if she would only agree. I would make sure they were. I'm willing her to see things my way, as I unashamedly use my most dazzling, winning smile to try and convince her. I'm using every last drop of my charm to seduce and entrap her. Like a hunter mesmerizing and capturing his prey.

"Okay," she whispers.


It worked? Fuck! What? Did she just agree to be my sub? She's saying yes? Did I get that right?

"Okay. I'll try."

"You're agreeing?" This almost seems too easy somehow now. She's finally agreeing, just like that. I feel relief flooding through me.

"Subject to the soft limits, yes. I'll try." She doesn't sound very confident, but that's okay, I'll take it easy with her. A little inner voice warns me that I've got her under false pretences. I'm not as charming as my winning smile would have her believe. I push that voice to the back of my mind and ignore it.

I'm ecstatic as I close my eyes and pull her into my arms.

"Jesus, Ana, you're so unexpected. You take my breath away." Just this morning I'd felt things were pretty much hopeless, and now… Ana has just agreed to sub for me. I can't ever remember feeling so euphoric.

Ray returns, so I let Ana go. I think we're both in a state of shock. Ray invites me to join them for lunch, but I decline as I have another appointment – I'm seeing Doctor Flynn.

"Thank you, Mr Steele, but I have plans. It's been great to meet you, sir."

For once I actually mean this. Quiet, understated and taciturn Ray maybe, but there's no bullshit about him whatsoever. Cut from the same sort of cloth as Taylor. Possibly he's also ex military? In any case, I like Ray Steele.

"Likewise. Look after my baby girl."

"Oh, I fully intend to, Mr Steele." She will want for nothing. Only the very best for Anastasia from now on.

We shake hands and I take my leave.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. Oh, the special tie! You are making it even more interesting by giving us insights into his horny thoughts :) lLove how you make him realize that there may be more to her than just a possibly new sub! Can't get enough of your writing!
    Thanks, Ellen.

    1. Thanks Ellen. Glad you're enjoying this take on Christian's thoughts.

    2. Beautifully written.

  2. Your point of view is simply divine, you must know that! (smiles)

    So delicious! More, please . . .

  3. Getter better every chapter


  4. Ok, now im hooked on your point of view, wonderful details!

  5. You know exactly how to play into the small details! I love that! You have been added to my favorites list on my computer ;) I think it just keeps getting better. I hope you decide to write your own book(s)!! I look forward to hoping! keep up the good work! Thanks for giving the people hooked something to keep us going until James decides to keep going or not !! =)

  6. "All I want is you". By U2 Rattle and Hum album. Best song ever!

  7. I've always wondered what kind of conversation went on between Christian & Ray, besides the car & fishing. It was so sweet to hear how Ray is so protective of his little girl & that Christian realizes it as well. Don't stop now.....you're on a roll!!!

  8. GOSH, that was breathtaking)))))
    love it! kate

  9. This is so awesome! I love it :)

  10. super love!!! better than the original book!! **paula

  11. what can i say that the others have not i agree with every comment thats been made and then some just addicted thankyou.

  12. A couper le souffle!


  13. I really do love your stories, but i dont think that this girl suits the part of anastasia, she doesnt look innocent enough or as beautiful as christian makes her out to be.

    1. I agree, someone just posted a name on EL James facebook page with a suggestion for Ana...Jane Levy...and looking at her eyes on the IMDb site if you darken her hair she would be perfect. I don't know who she is, but she looks like it to me.

    2. I also think that Carly Rae Jepsen would be a good one.

  14. ethan is perfect though!!! ^^

  15. I am loving the story, You are amazing at conveying the story with all the details. You should be paid for your input. xx

  16. It's growing on me :) Liked the part you filled in about getting Ray's permission for gifting the car, though Ana is never told about it. He is still insufferable, controlling, sexist and completely creepy, just like he was in the original. I guess you are doing that part well somehow. Still the "I am so good, a sex god, a god, a god" inner dialogue is a bit repetitive.

  17. I have read all the books and Desperately wanted more. I couldnt bring myself to read anything else as I knew it would never compare and then I found you THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. how can he go see Flynn when they are in Portland and Flynn is supposedly in Seattle? I have read this several times and it just hit me. That is all.


Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Be sure I read each and every one, even if I don't always reply individually.