Chapter 15 - The Walk of Shame

A/N - I've used a precis for the two long emails that Christian and Ana send each other at the beginning of this chapter, as I didn't want to regurgitate large parts of the book. I hope this doesn't spoil your enjoyment. 

My reputation precedes me, and no one at the futures market meeting I'm attending questions my tardy arrival, or dares to make any comment about my unusually casual attire – I'm normally immaculately dressed in my CEO uniform of a sharp bespoke suit, white shirt and silk tie, rather than my current jeans and T shirt.

No doubt when they see me concentrating on the screen of my MacBook, they assume I'm studying all the latest facts and figures. 

I'm not.

I'm reading the long email that Ana sent me a few minutes ago. As usual, she is far more open and honest in print than in person.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Assault and Battery: The after-effects

Date: May 27 2011 08:05

To: Christian Grey

'You wanted to know why I felt confused after you - which euphemism should we apply - spanked, punished, beat, assaulted me.'
'I felt demeaned, debased and abused.'

'You're right, I was aroused, and that was unexpected.'

'All things sexual are new to me – I only wish I was more experienced.'

'I was happy that you were happy.'

'It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.'

'I feel uncomfortable, guilty even. It doesn't sit well with me and I'm confused.'

Ana

---

Well at least this gives me something to work with, some idea of what's going through her mind. This is far too important to leave until later, so I reply straight away. Fuck the meeting. I still have one ear on proceedings, and it's nothing that I'm particularly interested in anyway.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Free Your Mind

Date: May 27 2011 08:24

To: Anastasia Steele

'I'll go with spanking - as that's what it was.'

'Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this?'

'Do you think you could just try and embrace these feelings, deal with them for me?'

'I am grateful for your inexperience. I value it. Simply put it means that you are mine in every way.'

'Yes, you were aroused, which in turn was very arousing.'

'Happy does not even begin it cover how I felt. Ecstatic joy comes close.'

'Punishment spanking hurts far more than sensual spanking. My hand was very sore. But I like that.' 

'We are consenting adults and what we do behind closed doors is between ourselves. You need to free your mind and listen to your body.'

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

Ana needs to relax and lose her inhibitions to enjoy the sexual pleasure that I can give her, then I know we will be fucking amazing together. Being a submissive, trusting me and handing over this responsibility would release her from all this worry and strain, so I really wish she could just see that and embrace it.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Consenting Adults!

Date: May 27 2011 08:26

To: Christian Grey

Aren't you in a meeting?

I'm very glad your hand was sore.

And if I listened to my body, I'd be in Alaska by now.

Ana

PS: I will think about embracing these feelings.

---

Well this sounds a little more promising. And I'm glad my hand was sore too. But Alaska?

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: You Didn't Call the Cops

Date: May 27 2011 08:35

To: Anastasia Steele

Miss Steele

I am in a meeting discussing the futures market, if you're really interested.

For the record – you stood beside me knowing what I was going to do.

You didn't at any time ask me to stop – you didn't use either safe-word.

You are an adult – you have choices.

Quite frankly, I'm looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain.

You're obviously not listening to the right part of your body.

Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you.

I can track your cell phone – remember?

Go to work.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

Yes, Miss Steele, I would track you if I had to. As a matter of fact I already have – several times. You just don't know about it.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Stalker

Date: May 27 2011 08:36

To: Christian Grey

Have you sought therapy for your stalker tendencies?

Ana

---

Oh baby, if you only knew all the therapy I've been through.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Stalker? Me?

Date: May 27 2011 08:38

To: Anastasia Steele

I pay the eminent Dr. Flynn a small fortune with regard to my stalker and other tendencies.

Go to work.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

I've got another session with Flynn on Tuesday. There is still so much to discuss and talk through with him about Anastasia, because I'm still pretty confused about how to handle everything.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Expensive Charlatans

Date: May 27 2011 08:40

To: Christian Grey

May I humbly suggest you seek a second opinion?

I am not sure that Dr. Flynn is very effective.

Miss Steele

---

I snort with laughter at Ana's 'expensive charlatan' description of Flynn, which earns me a few strange looks from some of the other men in the room, but I don't give a fuck.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Second Opinions

Date: May 27 2011 08:43

To: Anastasia Steele

Not that it's any of your business, humble or otherwise, but Dr. Flynn is the second opinion.

You will have to speed, in your new car, putting yourself at unnecessary risk – I think that's against the rules.

GO TO WORK.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

Second opinion? More like the sixth or seventh at least, if I'm being totally honest. But if I admit that, she'll get some idea of just how many shades of fucked up I really am, and that might well and truly scare her off for good.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: SHOUTY CAPITALS

Date: May 27 2011 08:47

To: Christian Grey

As the object of your stalker tendencies – I think it is my business, actually.

I haven't signed yet. So rules, schmules. And I don't start until 09:30.

Miss Steele

---

Again I find myself sniggering at her reply. Schmules? Where did she dig that up from for crying out loud? This witty banter between us is getting pretty addictive. Of course, she's right, she hasn't actually signed up with me yet. 

But in truth, what difference would that really make? There are plenty of get out clauses in the contract. However, up to now, they have been more for my benefit than the subs. Everything seems so back to front with Anastasia. What the fuck is she doing to me?

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Descriptive Linguistics

Date: May 27 2011 08:49

To: Anastasia Steele

Schmules? Not sure where that appears in Webster's Dictionary.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

I wait and see what she comes up with now.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Descriptive Linguistics

Date: May 27 2011 08:52

To: Christian Grey

It's between control freak and stalker.

And Descriptive Linguistics is a hard limit for me.

Will you stop bothering me now?

I'd like to go to work in my new car.

Ana

---

She doesn't disappoint, she's made me smile again and it's just as well it's time for her to go to work. All this smiling and sniggering as I'm reading them is doing my hard man reputation no good at all. But I'm sad all the same that it's come to an end.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Challenging but amusing Young Women

Date: May 27 2011 08:49

To: Anastasia Steele

My palm is twitching.

Drive safely, Miss Steele.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

I'm so much happier now she's driving her new car, especially for the long drive up to Seattle when they move tomorrow.

I close my MacBook to turn my full attention to the meeting, and within a few minutes have cut to the chase to wind things up. Christ, how some people drone on with so much shit at times, and I have two other boring meetings to attend this morning, as well as a deathly dull fundraiser dinner back in Seattle this evening. 

It's little wonder I find Anastasia such a breath of fresh air in this stifling business world I live in.

As I leave the meeting, I call Taylor over to have a word with him. I want every possible channel of communication available to me with Anastasia, especially as I won't be seeing her until Sunday now. 

It seems like forever. I know that her cell is just a cheap basic one with no email capability, so I decide she needs an upgrade.

"I want the latest top of the range cell set up and couriered over to Miss Steele at her workplace ASAP this morning– the address details are on record," I instruct him.

"Yes, sir. With mSpy installed?" he asks impassively. He knows me only too well of course. It goes without saying that her new car has a tracking device, a standard precautionary security measure for all our vehicles.

"Yes."

"Very good, sir. Anything else?"

"Make sure you collect Miss Steele's old car today and then dispose of it."

"Yes, of course. If I can just ask…?"

"What is it, Taylor?"

"Well sir, believe it or not, that old Beetle of Miss Steele's is actually something of a collector's item now. Would it be okay with you if I took it to a contact I know to sell it? They'd be really keen to get their hands on one in such good condition, so I should be able to get a decent price for her."

"Seriously? That piece of old shit? Do whatever you want with it. In any case, I'll be ensuring Miss Steele is suitably recompensed."

"Thank you, sir. And may I just say, if Miss Steele has been driving a car like that for a while – built like a tank, no power steering, manual stick shift, heavy clutch – she should find driving her new Audi a breeze."

"Yes, I suppose she should. I'll be leaving for Seattle around lunch time after my final meeting here. You can update me when you arrive back later."

"Yes, sir."

~~~

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: CELL ON LOAN

Date: May 27 2011 11:15

To: Anastasia Steele

I need to be able to contact you at all times, and since this is your most honest form of communication, I figured you needed a decent cell.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

Hopefully I'm pre-empting her objections by stating that the new cell is on loan, and she won't be difficult about it.

---

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Consumerism Gone Mad

Date: May 27 2011 13:22

To: Christian Grey

I think you need to call Dr. Flynn right now.

Your stalker tendencies are running wild.

I am at work. I will e-mail you when I get home.

Thank you for yet another gadget.

I wasn't wrong when I said you were the ultimate consumer.

Why do you do this?

Ana

---

I'm guessing she's on her lunch break now. At least I'm reassured that the new cell has reached her safely and that she knows how to use it. 

Ultimate consumer? Hell yeah baby, why the fuck not?

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Sagacity from one so young

Date: May 27 2011 13:24

To: Anastasia Steele

Fair point well made, as ever, Miss Steele.

Dr Flynn is away.

And I do this because I can.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

E-mail has proved to be a very effective means of communication between us. But this time I'm disappointed - I don't get a reply, so I assume she's had to get back to work. Hopefully we can continue this evening.

~~~

First thing this morning, I ordered Andrea to get me the number of the best female ob/gyn doctor in Seattle. 

Originally, I thought I'd get my own doctor to see Anastasia to sort her out with some contraception. But on reflection, I decide that since I want her to have only the very best, she should see the top ob/gyn specialist that Seattle that has to offer. 

I also decide I want her to be examined by a female doctor. I'm guessing Ana would probably prefer this anyway, and I really don't want any other man touching her intimately to examine her, whoever the fuck he is. I love that I'm the only man to have touched her there, and that's how I want to keep it.

So, once Welch has run the usual checks on this Dr. Greene that Andrea comes up with, I make the call to her myself. I've been reliably informed that she doesn't make house calls, so she will need to be persuaded. In my experience, it usually comes down to money. She will have a price that she will disrupt her weekend for, and I'm willing to pay it, whatever it is.

"I'm sorry, but you're wasting your time Mr. Grey. I don't make house calls," she brusquely informs me when I explain what I want from her, as expected.

"I was really hoping that you could make an exception, Dr. Greene. I understand that you are the best ob/gyn specialist in Seattle, and I'd be willing to pay whatever fee you charge for a weekend house call." Flattery sometimes does the trick, but I don't think it will with her. She's not the type.

"As I said. I don't make house calls," she insists.

I try another tack. Welch's background check has thrown up that she is the patron of a children's charity.

"Maybe if I offered to make a generous donation to the Childhood Alliance Charity, on top of your fee? Might that twist your arm? Say $20,000?"

I hear her gasp at the large sum of money I'm willing to donate. I'm fine with it, as I know it's a reputable charity that I'm happy to support. And of course, I know she won't turn it down and deprive her charity of such a large sum of money.

So it's all arranged for Ana to have a private consultation with Dr. Greene at Escala on Sunday.

You see, I always get what I want in the end. 

Just before I leave Portland, I quickly email Ana.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Sunday

Date: May 27 2011 13:40

To: Anastasia Steele

Shall I see you at 1 p.m. Sunday?

The doctor will be at Escala to see you at 1:30.

I'm leaving for Seattle now.

I hope your move goes well, and I look forward to Sunday.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

I don't get a reply again, but I assume Ana is working, and I'm now heading back to Seattle in any case.

~~~

It's good to be back at Escala. Mrs. Jones is still around, even though it's Friday evening, and officially her duties for the week are over. 

I guess she's waiting to see Taylor, who's been down in Portland with me all week. He's stayed behind to sort out Ana's old car, so will be back later. They are very discreet about their relationship, so I have no objections. If it means I get to keep them on my staff, all the better as they are both excellent and I would hate to have to replace either one of them.

"Good evening Mr. Grey. Can I get you something to eat, a light snack maybe before you go out later?" Mrs. Jones inquires.  I'm distracted, and not really listening to her as I'm checking my phone – again.

"Err… no, I'll be having dinner at the fund raiser." Shit. Still nothing from Ana.

"Very good, sir. I've left your tux out for you."

"Thank you."

"For this weekend, you requested something light for yourself and your guest for lunch on Sunday. So I've left everything ready for you to have a Chicken Caesar salad, if that's okay. And the usual guest room is ready too."

"Thank you, Gail."

"I'm not going to my sister's this weekend, so I'll be in the staff quarters. If you need anything else, just let me know, I really don't mind."

With that she makes her exit. No doubt Taylor has told her about my guest, this girl that I've been running around after and no doubt she is curious, but I know she will not be intrusive or indiscreet.

There's still no email from Ana, but I try not to worry, telling myself she may be late home if her work colleagues have taken her out for a farewell drink as it's her last day with them at Claytons. But that doesn't cheer me up, as I think of that guy Paul I saw at the store, who clearly had the hots for her. 

I try ringing both her old cell and her new one, but she doesn't answer either. I'd hoped she'd send me an email from her new cell, but there's nothing. I'm getting seriously pissed now.

I don't like being this far away from Ana; I hate that I can't find an excuse to just go and check up on her, as I would if she were already here in Seattle. I do know that Elliot is going over to their apartment later this evening, no doubt to spend the night screwing Miss Kavanagh before helping the girls move tomorrow. 

But I really don't want to use him to check on Ana if I can avoid it, as it'll only give him an excuse to be even nosier than usual, so it's best not to encourage him.

I'm not in the best of moods when I go to my fund raiser, and of course it's as boring as fuck. I keep checking my cell, as I still haven't heard from Ana, and she is still not answering her cell.

I leave her a shitty voice message.

'I think you need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man. If you say you are going to contact me when you finish work, then you should have the decency to do so. Otherwise, I worry, and it's not an emotion I'm familiar with, and I don't tolerate it very well. Call me.'

Still nothing. I really start to worry now. Is she just ignoring me, or has something happened to her? I know there's no activity on her new cell thanks to the mSpy, and that it's located in the area close to her apartment. So why the fuck isn't she contacting me?

I make an excuse to leave the fundraiser as early as I can, and when I get back to Escala, I send her another email.

---

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Where are you?

Date: May 27 2011 22:14

To: Anastasia Steele

'I am at work. I will e-mail you when I get home.'

Are you still at work or have you packed your phone, and MacBook?

Call me, or I may be forced to call Elliot.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Inc.

---

Finally I get a call on my cell, and I feel relief wash over me. Jeez, I'd gotten myself in quite a state.

"Hi," I say, just thankful to hear from her.

"Hi," she murmurs back. I like hearing her voice.

"I was worried about you." I want to shout at her for being so selfish, and making me feel so crappy all evening, but I'm just happy to be talking to her again.

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't reply, but I'm fine."

"Did you have a pleasant evening?" I force myself to ask politely when she doesn't volunteer any information, but really all I want to know is what the fuck she's been up to that made her forget all about me. I wonder if Kate has been trying to distract her, seeing as I know she disapproves of me, but I'm pretty certain that she and Elliot will have been far too busy with their own private agenda for that.

"Yes. We finished packing and then Kate and I shared a Chinese take-out with Jose." I can tell she's nervous about telling me this. With good reason.

What the fuck! Not that lowlife again. I very nearly lose it, but after the distraught state she was in yesterday, I really don't want to have a row with her tonight, not when she is so far away from me. I remind myself that she will be moving away from photographer boy, and much nearer to me tomorrow, thank Christ. And it wasn't as if she was all alone with him, Kate was there too.

"How about you?" she asks me after a minute or so.

"I went to a fundraising dinner. It was deathly dull. I left as soon as I could," I sigh. Everything seems dull without Ana around.

"I wish you were here," she whispers.

"Do you?" How can she say that when clearly she didn't spend the evening thinking about me the way I was thinking about her?

"Yes," she whispers again.

"I'll see you Sunday?"

"Yes, Sunday."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sir." Fuck, that sounds horny.

"Good luck with your move tomorrow, Anastasia."

I wait for her to hang up first. She doesn't, and I don't want to either.

"You hang up," she whispers, and I can hear that she's smiling, and I can't help grinning either.

"No, you hang up." Just do as you're told woman.

"I don't want to."

"Neither do I."

"Were you very angry with me?" Of course I fucking was.

"Yes."

"Are you still?"

"No." Well kind of, but it's getting better as I listen to your voice.

"So you're not going to punish me?"

"No. I'm an in-the-moment kind of guy." But I promise I won't be forgetting this.

"I've noticed."

"You can hang up now, Miss Steele."

"Do you really want me to, Sir?" No, not really. But you need your sleep.

"Go to bed, Anastasia."

"Yes, Sir."

We both stay on the line.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to do what you're told," I ask her in exasperation. But I have a stupid grin on my face too.

"Maybe. We'll see after Sunday."

This time she hangs up.

~~~

I work into the early hours, but even then I don't sleep well when I finally go to bed. I get up and wander over to my piano, and play Debussy's 'Clair de Lune'. It is such an exquisitely beautiful piece of music that it usually calms me down, and it does help tonight as I reflect on everything that has happened recently with Anastasia.

I think about how much I liked sleeping with her last night, and how tonight my bed seems too big and cold and empty without her. It just felt so right, so natural with her, which must be why I slept so well. And to wake up with her right there next to me, with her divine smell and her lovely soft skin was wonderful. She looked so sweet too when she'd just woken up, all big sleepy blue eyes and mussed up hair.

But I also remember how I felt before that when I saw her distraught, sobbing her heart out because of the way I'd treated her. That was not a good feeling at all. And when she said 'So you don't like the way I am' I felt like shaking her. Of course I like her the way she is; can't she see how captivated I am by her? She seems to have such low self esteem, when she is such a truly beautiful, intelligent and witty woman.

All these issues don't mean that I feel any differently about all the things I want to do with her and to her. It just means I have to somehow convince her to feel comfortable about it all. Hopefully she is now beginning to understand that her being so aroused by the fucking amazing spanking I gave her made it a positive experience for both of us, not just me.

In readiness for our first scene, I have completely restocked my playroom with a brand new set of sex toys of every possible type. But I tell myself that I must take things very slowly, and ensure that I keep my more extreme desires in check until I'm confident Ana is ready to handle them. I decide that I must put a great deal of thought into planning our first scene together, to give her great pleasure and reassure her that her fear of what my lifestyle entails is unfounded.

~~~

On Saturday, I organize some champagne to be sent to over to the new apartment when the girls have settled in, along with a helicopter balloon that I hope will amuse Anastasia. I keep the card I send with it pretty formal as it's addressed to both of them, and Kate and I are not exactly on the friendliest of terms.

I collect Mia from Sea-Tac first thing in the morning. Christ knows what her excess baggage charge must have been, the amount of shit she's brought back from Paris with her.

But it's great to see my baby sister. Of course she's all grown up these days, she's a beautiful woman now, but she'll always be the baby of the family as far as I'm concerned. Mia's more or less the same age as Anastasia, which makes me glad she doesn't seem to have a boyfriend at the moment, as I really don't like the idea of her having any kind of an intimate relationship. Hypocritical I know, but that's the way it goes I guess, when you're an overprotective big brother like me. 

Good job Ana doesn't have a big brother, although Kate isn't doing a bad job instead.

When Mia spots me in the arrivals hall, she comes bounding over. She's always been very open, affectionate and demonstrative, and you can't help but love her. She can also be over the top, as she is now.

"CHRISTIAN!" she screams, as she launches herself at me, nearly sending me flying.

"Bienvenue, ma chère soeur." I kiss both her cheeks in the French way.

"Oh pleeese, English only from now on, my darling brother," she sighs. "You have no idea how great it is to be back."

She links her arm through mine as we head back to the car. 
Taylor is doing a great job with loading all her baggage into the Audi SUV - it's a good job we brought the big one.

She doesn't start on me until we're in the car.

"So you and Elliot have both got girlfriends now. Not that it's unusual for him of course, but you... well I'd quite given up hope," she states dramatically. "So when do I get to meet Anastasia? Have you got a picture of her? Is she going to move in with you?"

"Whoa, steady on Mia. Like I told you before, it's early days."

"Of course all my girlfriends are going to be totally devastated you know, especially Lily. They all think you're sex on legs, but I've always told them that you... well, that you're just not interested in dating girls. So Anastasia must be very special indeed to have managed to... you know... convince you otherwise."

As I glance up, I think I can see Taylor's shoulders shaking as he's driving, because he's trying not to laugh about my 'conversion' from being gay into a straight guy. No doubt he's well aware of my family's assumption up till now that I'm gay, but he's far too discreet to have ever given them any clue as to my true leanings.

"So, Elliot will be over later for the compulsory family dinner that Mom's got lined up for us tonight. Then he can tell you all about his new girlfriend." 

I try to change the subject to her other brother's love life, and for now it works, as she asks me all about Kate. Mission accomplished.

~~~

At dinner that night, Elliot assures me that the move went well for Kate and Anastasia, and that their new apartment seems decent.

"Ana said to say 'Hi' to you," he smirks."So I'm guessing you're gonna be heading over there real soon to check out her bedroom, eh little bro?"

I ignore his teasing question, but he's set Mia off again.

"So Kate and Anastasia are like BFFs, and now they're going out with the Grey brothers? That is so cool, you can double date," Mia squeals.

I just glare at her to shut up, as Elliot laughs.

"I'm up for it if you are, Christian," he offers.

Mia doesn't give up; that evening she colludes with Mom to organize a meal for Sunday evening, that both Kate and Anastasia are invited to, so she gets to meet them. And she gets Mom to talk to me about it and insist that Ana must come, knowing that I'll be much less likely to refuse if Mom insists. 

Mia is a true Grey with her manipulative ways. Well, I suppose that at least being seen out and about with Anastasia should finally put pay to the 'Christian is gay' rumors that always follow me around.

So now Anastasia and I have the pleasure of a family meal at Bellevue to look forward to, but not until after we've had our first session together in my playroom tomorrow.

I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission.